Breeder Beware

By golly, I'm home.

2009-11-05T08:17:00.000-08:00

And have to get ready for work soon. And am not looking forward to whatever snotty email snotty boss sent me when I complained about her wanting 12 hours of work in an 8 hour day.

The Hersey Spa was just as lovely as I remembered. Everyone there is so nice( and not creepy- nice like Disney World) but really nice. Everyone seems to actually enjoy their jobs. We had a great time and for about seven blessed hours, I did not have ring around the ankle. Getting a pedicure while you look at beautiful scenery in an obscenely comfortable robe after eating chocolate chip muffins and drinking hot cocoa is..... good. Soooooo good. We are going back next year. I would LOVE to go with my husband for a last hurrah before the baby gets here but since my pedicure was 90 dollars and the room was almost 300, etc etc I don't see it happening. Totally worth every penny, but no matter how you look at it- still a lot of pennies.

Mmm food, the cheesecake with fresh strawberries was perfect. Sooooo perfect. Sadly, I only enjoyed the cheesecakey goodness for a short while before I spent 48 hours reliving the tablespoon of red onion on my salad. Up yours red onion.

On the baby shower front, well it has not gone smoothly. I am a chips and dip kind of girl. A low maintenance ( not including the once a year indulgence- once a month is high maintenance, once a year is a treat) person who HATES FUSS. I hate fuss, people. I hate being the center of attention. AND I REALLY HATE PEOPLE WHO SAY THEY HATE ATTENTION WHILE ACTUALLY WANTING AND LOVING IT BECAUSE YOU SCREW IT UP FOR THE REST OF US. JUST ADMIT YOU LIKE FUSS SO THE REST OF US CAN GET SOME FREAKIN PEACE.

Anyhow we were sitting at the dinner table for Mom's birthday and Mom was talking about Sea Monkey whom she insists on calling Little Boy Blue which is annoying. "And how is my Little Mama today? And how is Little Boy Blue Today?" Please imagine the most syrupy, you are a half-wit tone possible. That is the tone my Mom uses with children. AND THEN SHE PET MY STOMACH. And I bit her head off, a little. The only person who can pet me is Mister. Anyhow, ick. But then The Shower comes up. Because my sister mentioned that she "has" to invite someone I don't care for because we have known them a long time and it would be awkward for her not to. Now, I have heard my sister talk five kinds of smack about this girl for a good half hour multiple times. She avoids seeing her whenever possible. So, because SHE does not want to feel awkward we must apparently suffer. And I said it was dumb to invite people who were not going to be a part of our babies life and why did we need to invite my Great Aunt that I see once a year, anyway?

I want the people the baby will see and know and that ARE a part of our lives. See, this is why we freakin eloped. Because I have a low tolerance for this crap and I feel like my sister's pregnant prop. Do you know she suggested a game where everyone tries to figure out how large I am? What the CRAP kind of a game is that? How fat is the fat, pregnant PCOS woman? NO. NO. If I am wearing a size 18 maternity NOW, what size will I be wearing THEN? Then, when I said it did not make sense to invite people who are not a part of our lives- really does my 80+ Great Aunt want to drive over two hours to sit with us? Do we need to invite people I have not seen ON PURPOSE for over two years because they have lost their minds? Why and how they have lost their minds is a whole separate post but I assure you, their parenting philosophy is to put it kindly, lenient.

Anyhow, so my sister says that there are 50 people on the shower guest list. Now, this is incredible because if you asked me how many close friends I have I would say NOT 50. I have only a handful of friends now, because I withdrew from everyone during infertility and dealing with my crazy Mom. So telling me there are 50 people I MUST have, is incredible to me.

And Mister is fuming mad because my sister said " people from South Jersey have no manners". Ummm, or maybe I am just not a hypocrite. Because I am surely to God not inviting some of those people to my house. So why would I want them at a shower?

Here is who I would WANT. If I had to freakin have one. For Chrissake. My darling, darling AYM and her equally darling husband. My husband. My husbands best friends who will most certainly be seeing the child on a monthly if not more basis- and their Mom who is Mister's honorary Mom. And my stepmom. And I suppose my mother in law. Sigh. And my sister in law and her husband. And when she is not calling me and Mister ill mannered, back woods, inbred yokels- my sister. And Andrea and her almost husband. I have some friends that I love dearly in The South who are too, too far away to come but will be there in spirit. Sadly, also my Mom. Argh, Mom. ARGH. So we are only at 15. Then include my brothers in law. The ones that are close enough and you get to 19. I suppose my other sister in law would want to go. So 20 at the outside. There. See. WHO ARE THESE OTHER 30 PEOPLE?? And where were they when we were stripping the wallpaper in our house? And where were they when I was crying in exhaustion after taking care of Mom and cleaning up her pee and poop and changing the dressing on her bedsores? Cause they were not at my house, and they were not calling me to see if I was still sane. Or telling me everything would be fine and that I would get through it. Or listening to me rant about insurance companies and hospitals, and puke and the hundreds of other things you deal with when your parent is dying.

So Mister, in a display of fine backwoods inbred manners said NO SHOWER. Praise Jesus. And my sister said "FINE!" And I was thankful but suspicious. Because I don't believe her. No. Just no. Please no.

I am very, very tempted to tell a big, fat lie to my sister. Tell her my sister in law is handling everything, and then just let the damn illbred country bumpkin redneck chips fall where they may when nothing happens.

Stupid work

2009-11-02T06:30:00.000-08:00

is making me crazy. And my boss is not evil but she has never been a manager at this level before. Which means she is proving herself on us. Fun. All my emails sound like " This is unacceptable!!" Yes, she uses two exclamation points in her emails. Because they are CRUCIAL, you know. And she is 25. Do I need to say anything else besides that she is 25? There is nothing inherently wrong with being 25, but this girl had no people skills as a supervisor, did not develop them as a manager and is in charge of a whole store and has wretched people skills. You do not get good work out of people by telling them they have to stay late, then when they tell you they have to open saying " that sucks for you.". That is going to get your tasks done that night, but what about the future when your employee resents you?

She has no idea how to talk to people and is alienating her staff already. Including her managers. Including me. And if the person training your staff does not like you or respect you, you have problems. I was open to liking her but... nope.

My rule for good management is take care of your staff and they will take care of you. It is hard to find good employees, it is expensive to train them. If you treat them like they are dumb, lazy, clueless, or micromanage them; they will act dumb, lazy, clueless, and need micromanaging.

The biggest part of being a manager is keeping all your employees happy. Happy employees are productive. Who doesn't get this? I think she will get short term results and long term resentment. I think she has some things in her favor, like energy and follow through but that is not enough. It's enough in a manager of a department, but not for a whole store.

I wonder sometimes if she is going to try and fire me. Who cares? Then I can collect unemployment and she will have to go through Christmas without a store trainer who has almost seven years of experience. Go ahead, babydoll. I know I am the best trainer in our area. You need me more than I need you. I can get an employee fully trained in 12 hours. I can get them emergency trained in 6. And they love me, and they work hard for me, and are happy. I could get another job tomorrow. Yes I could.

I don't want to, though. I want my freakin maternity leave. It is free money. Hello, free. If I get a new job I won't get maternity leave. I want the convenience of a job they have to hold for me so I can go right back. I like my co-workers( well most of them), I like my job. Mostly. I like my actual job, the cover your ass paperwork, the corporate crap, and new boss growing pains excepted.

Sooo my game plan ( unless she figures out a way to shit-can me, in which case my game plan is unemployment) is to make it two more weeks. Then it will be crazy busy from Christmas and I won't have as much time to notice her, then it will be the second week of January. Sllllllllow. BUT, she is getting married in February, so she will be distracted. Then she will be gone for her honeymoon. Then it will be March. Maternity Leave! So hopefully we will all be too busy for anything to happen for the next couple of months.

No, just no.

2009-11-01T03:31:00.000-08:00

When Mister saw his parents my mother in law( who in many ways is great)told him " let me know as soon as she goes into labor and I will take a personal day so I can be there in the delivery room."

Mister said "No. It's just us, she doesn't want anyone there besides me. You may wait in the WAITING ROOM with everyone else and see the baby with everyone else." And she said
"But I'm your MOTHER".

Hellll to the no people. My mother in law+ my vagina= NEVER. Mister stood firm and I have to tell you my idea of torture would be any more people than medically necessary being there. No thanks, we didn't even have privacy for the conception- I would like a little for the birth.

I have no idea how those women on tv are ok with cameras and film crews and giving birth. But I would lock myself into a closet for privacy. Please, I DON'T EVEN WANT TO BE THERE. Mister doesn't want to be there, but I told him he has to- to hold my hand BUT NO LOOKING. His area is from the neck up, we will happily see the final product but neither of us wants to see, touch, cut a cord, or examine my nether regions. Neither of us is a fan of goo, bodily fluids, pain, or the distinct possibility that I could poop in front of people. Having my mother in law there will NOT help.

Soooo, my mother in law is a little put out. She will have to live with the disappointment of never seeing my ladybits. EVER.

Snips and snails and puppy dog

2009-10-29T21:05:00.000-07:00

tails, that's what little boys are made of. We got an unmistakable shot of what our tech called the "wing wing". LOL. Sea Monkey( or if we are being formal- Peter) looks great and is to quote" perfect and exactly right". YAY! My placenta did move, and is in the front of my uterus. Likely being pummeled by Sea Monkey which is why I can't feel anything. He was fully stretched out and almost lounging across my belly. We saw his wee man hands and legs and feet. Everything is in the right spot and doing everything it should. Hooray!

Mister and I are beyond excited. Mister scanned in all the pictures so if I can remember how, I will post the newest ones.

Sea Monkey is stil in there!

2009-10-28T07:57:00.000-07:00

I heard the heart beat nice and clear this morning at the doctors office. So now tomorrow can be a treat where we will finally see how Sea Monkey is doing. I cannot believe how many weeks it has been since we have had a peek in there.

So tomorrow we will get up early and have bacon and eggs and then head off to see what all we have going on in there.

I almost forgot, my blood pressure is fine, and I gained five pounds this month. Which is horrifying to me. personally but my ob said since I have only gained 7 pounds over 20 weeks that she is not concerned. So according to my nutritionist, I can gain 8 more pounds, but the ob says I can gain 13. I am hoping it is only 8 more.

Tomorrow is twenty weeks

2009-10-27T10:55:00.000-07:00

Wow. It still doesn't feel real. When does it feel like something that is actually going to happen? I guess if I have not relaxed yet, I won't at all. Tomorrow is my regular appointment so we will at least know if the baby is still alive. Then the day after is the gender screening where I will grab the poor ultrasound tech by the neck and demand to know WHERE THE DAMN PLACENTA IS AND HAS IT FREAKIN MOVED? Sorry Laurie( that's her name) but I am at the edge of patience.

On our way home on my birthday, I asked Mister if he was still afraid that we would go to the appointment and find Sea Monkey had stopped developing. He said yes, but that he thought I would feel different. I don't think I would feel anything. I don't think I would "just know". That is the scary part to me, that something could be wrong and I would not know, and there is probably nothing they can do anyway. Most people around me when I tell them that I am trying not to get excited till viability give me that "babies don't die and if they do it is only OTHER people's babies" look. Or they say " nothing will go wrong". Which is a crock of shit. Denying something could happen does not make it less likely. I can't decide if I am realistic or morbid or if this is just me being unable to commit to something I still believe will get taken away from us.

Is it wrong that I am not floating around in some cloud of blue and pink? I am happy, but so so cautious. I do feel like I do not love the baby yet. I tell the baby I love it, but I think I am afraid to. I loved our first baby right away. And that baby never even developed a heart beat. I wish I could be different and like everyone else. I know if I was on the outside of this I would not even consider that something could go wrong at this point. My sister has thrown caution to the wind and is buying a ton of stuff. I feel like some crazy woman trying to ward off the evil eye while everyone around me smiles and tells me there is no such thing.

Mostly instead of thinking about decorating the nursery I think about how horrible it would be to undecorate the nursery. I still have not bought a pregnancy book, I still have not registered at the hospital or scheduled child birth classes or infant cpr or breast feeding or anything. I keep putting it off. Partially because what is the point of a labor class when it might be a c- section but mostly because I just can't believe we will need it.

But tomorrow at least we will know if Sea Monkey is still in there. And the day after if everything goes well we will know if we are going to be surrounded by pink or blue. My sister is hell bent on willing a girl into existence and has bought a ton of pink stuff from this store called umm Jack and Jill? Janie and Jack? Something like that. She was showing everyone on my birthday and said she could not resist and if it is a boy maybe one of the other two pregnant women in her life will have a girl.

Personally, while all we really want is a baby, Mister and I would choose a boy if we could. But only because we can't agree on a girl name. And have made no progress trying because Mister said it is pointless to pick one till we know we need it. I know my husband and if we have a girl she will have that man wrapped around her finger from day one. He says no, but I am sure he will be a pile of mush forever.

I am about to go to the store and get stuff for meat sauce. I might throw some sausage in there this time instead of just ground beef. And then we are making apple pies out of the 15 pounds of apples we have from Sunday. I will just be holding my breath till tomorrow.

Today I am officially

2009-10-25T08:03:00.001-07:00

advanced maternal age. Or as I hear it in my head, ADVANCED MATERNAL AGE...... I tried so hard to get pregnant and be done before hitting this number that is like a giant signpost reading "COMPLICATIONS AHEAD" Well, it's here. I am 35. Thirty freakin five. I will be 70 when Sea Monkey is my age.

I am having a lovely weekend. Yesterday Mister sacrificed himself and took me furniture shopping. We were planning on the museum but did not realize they had shortened their hours. So we had to skip that. But couches.... I love looking at couches. * Note to self- it is a little less enjoyable when you must heave yourself out of each couch.* After I had drooled over living room sets, we went to the best and most wonderful store in the universe. Sephora. And I picked out a big box of Urban Decay eyeshadow and a lovely face mist. Ooooh it is nice. Then we went to Longhorne, Mister loves steak and I do not cook it so I had a pretty nice chicken while he made sweet, sweet love to an enormous piece of beef. Then we went to Ikea, then we went to WalMart- which sucks but we needed cat food. Then we went home and curled up on the couch and watched Transformers 2 and had milk and cookies while Mister rubbed my feet.

Then we went to bed and this morning Mister made me pancakes and I treated myself to half a cup of coffee. My first coffee since July! I can't feel anything but we assume Sea Monkey is high off the sugar and caffeine. I admit, I had a teeny hope that the syrup and coffee would provoke Sea Monkey into a few karate chops. Nope.

Soon we are leaving to pick apples, then we are going to see Mom. Good Christ I am not looking forward to that part. But still, we will be 20 weeks on Wednesday and there is no hiding it anymore. I am NOT looking forward to it. But I enjoyed my peace while I had it. Then, we are going up to Daddy's who is grilling pork chops and chicken. It is the last time he'll use the grill this season. All in all, it should be a lovely day. Except for the Mom part. Ugh.

But mostly a very lovely day.

Ninja baby

2009-10-20T06:31:00.000-07:00

I am never going to feel the baby move. I know there is something in there, because I am large and it is really hard to shave my legs. But it could just as likely be a fruitcake as a baby. I have felt zippo. It is really frustrating. I have even eaten a bunch of candy and orange juice hoping the sugar rush would spur the baby to kicking the crap out of me. We have nine days to go till the gender scan.

Both of us are going crazy wanting to know what is going on in there. Alive baby? Dead baby? I can't believe that everything is ok. I would like to, but I am just too ( pessimistic?) realistic. I want EVIDENCE. Irrefutable evidence.

I got on the scale today. I was a little scared because I have been hitting the potato chips but all is well. Not anything crazy.

My sister is taking me to the Hershey Spa in early November. I am dying to get the pre-natal massage but it is over a hundred dollars. Which is a lot. When we have baby stuff to buy. Instead I am getting a facial to try and combat the awful pregnancy breakouts. My face is COVERED. It has been like this for weeks with no sign of stopping. I suppose it could be worse, but really it looks awful and is depressing when I look in the mirror.

We went to Burlington Coat Factory yesterday. I liked their baby stuff much better than Babies R Frickin Expensive. So we may go there instead.

I made my bosses unhappy this week. But I don't care. They scheduled my co-worked an 8 hour shift with no break. Which is illegal. I called them and said someone should cover her but no one did. Our store policy is that the store cannot be open without a manager on duty. But you cannot work more than six hours without a break. I was really pissed. So I emailed both of them and reminded them that it is both against the law and against store policy. If that employee wanted to, they could report us. Getting screwed out of your break by an emergency is one thing. Planning to screw someone is another. If it happens again I am going over their heads.

Back from the stores

2009-10-17T12:46:00.000-07:00

and about to face plant in bed. My sister gave me the onesies and bibs she could not stop herself from buying. And she bought a new onesie that says "special delivery". Which was setting off my bad luck alarm but I she is determined to buy things.

I bought two maternity bras. One that is a shelf-y type breast feeding bra that is a 40 D, God Help me. And one is a sports bra so I have enough support, also in a porny size 40-D. Wait till I tell Mister. Sadly I also bought some maternity panties. But really I should call then drawers or bloomers or GIANT UNDERPANTS of hideousness. God they look like the underwear I was going to buy as a joke.

Dear Jesus,
I don't care if my panties fall down, but if my ass is ever large enough to FILL those things- please please give me a pain free labor to make up for the painful shame of having the LARGEST ASS IN THE UNIVERSE.

love,

me

Then we went to Motherhood- -not too scary. I bought a very nice pair of tan pants and a black shirt with with white ruffly underblouse thing. And I only spent umm 105 dollars for everything.

We also went to..... The Cheesecake Factory. I had the chocolate coconut cheesecake and basically I almost swooned. I did tear up a little it was so good.

Shopping today

2009-10-17T05:30:00.000-07:00

I am on the hunt for a bra. And another pair of pants and a top. And if the heavens smile upon me- some underwear.

My sister and I are meeting in Jackson NJ at the outlets and then going to the mall. Crikey. It is pouring here. It has been raining for days. Bleargh. But I am going to eat something indulgent and full of carbs today. Like and Auntie Annes pretzel. Mmmm crappy mall food slathered in butter.

Do you know Sea Monkey is popular and already has two wedding invitations? I feel like it is cruel to bring a baby to an adult party but the adults in question suggested it. So I am mostly thinking that I could buy a super precious outfit.

Well off I go into the slop.

Underneath all the hormones

2009-10-15T09:38:00.000-07:00

I am still me. You know when I was at the obs on the 30th I could hear another patient through the wall. She said " well, we weren't really trying or not trying" and while flipping through my magazine I thought automatically " bitch". You know, I was on some level comforted that I am still myself. A nasty self, but hey- still me. I can see pregnant women without instant firey hate. I can see babies without needing an hour of deep breathing. But I think I will always, always have a chip on my shoulder.

Mister and I are going to R- Word. You know, register. Thank God my good friend( we love her because she is fabulous MOVE TO YARDLEY) is having mercy on us and helping us. I cannot imagine two more clueless people than me and Mister being let loose in a Babies R Gonna Need A Lotta Shit. Argh. So overwhelming.

We are gonna register in November. So around the five month mark. Scary. We are still pretty convinced we want to cloth diaper. I have a history of eczema and cloth diapered babies have less diaper rash. Plus it will cut our costs way down if in fact there is a #2. hahaha number 2. I mean a second baby. I am guessing that I will NOT love the laundry, but I will love saving money. I cannot decide between Bum genius and Fuzzi buns. I like how the velcro ones look but I feel like the snaps will last longer.

Really, I have no damn clue.

sayyyy this is my 400th post.

2009-10-13T02:08:00.000-07:00

Telling Daddy went well. He and my stepmom were very happy and excited. His exact words were "no shit", which is really funny if you know my dad because he never even let us say "shut up" when we were younger. But Daddy is super excited.

They did not show moose poop pictures, but they did bring home this atrocious fox skin and hang it on the wall. It was pretty creepy and looked a little too much like someone had skinned Mister Naughtypants for his fluffy tail. Ick. Thank goodness they did not get us one. Yuck. We watched a video Dad made of their trip highlights. While everyone else ate brie and I pretended I was full. Oh brie, how I miss your creamy goodness. sigh.

Sooo am I the only one who is pregnant and has zero interest in sex? It's not just me, right? We tried yesterday, because I feel bad that I don't want to and I feel guilty that Mister is living like a monk. It was pretty uncomfortable.

Then yesterday at work I felt funny. I called my ob and they said I was ok and it was just Braxton Hicks. They went on for hours. It didn't let up till I got home. All tightness in the front of my belly, but just like Dr. Google says, they did not get stronger and were not really painful and were only in the front. I think maybe the sex brought them on. So it scared me a little, because what the hell do I know about being pregnant? I still never bought a baby book because it freaked me out too much. Mister and I were talking about it last night and we are both still pretty scared something will go wrong.

So that is what all is going on here. I am off to take a shower and get ready for work.

I am ready for Saturday.

2009-10-09T08:36:00.000-07:00

Or at least I am ready not to run errands. I took Princess Fiona to the vet this morning for a second opinion on her poor paws. They think she has some kind of rare dermatitis. So they are trying her on a few weeks of antibiotics and prednisone to see if that helps. Otherwise they are going to do a biopsy on her poor little pink paws.

We were there forever- ok two hours because no one had seen what she has before. I am just thrilled someone has some kind of idea what to do because the last vet we took her to thought it was a bee sting. On our indoor cat. Right.

And I need to do laundry , take a shower, and go grocery shopping. But I really just want to lay on the bed. Bleargh.

I had a leg cramp so bad last night I fell out of bed. Good times. What is that? With pregnancy and leg cramps? I am not pregnant in my legs. I didn't get hurt, I landed on my Snoogle.

I have to train a new hire tonight and I am fresh out of lollipops and rainbows. But tomorrow we go tell my Dad. So that is nice.

The most irritating day ever

2009-10-08T10:50:00.000-07:00

What I wanted to call this was the MOST FUCKING irritating day ever but I figure some people might not like that coming up in their side bar. Here is my list of reasons my MOOD has turned into A MOOD. So I got up in a MOOD because of my stupid stretch marks and stupid acne. For real there is not one clear spot on my forehead.

Then I poured my cereal and Mister drank all the milk. Fine, but how bout a " I drank all the milk" before he left? SO I figured fuck it and put half n half on my cereal. But then I felt guilty and chucked it. Then I got ready and went to the doctor and my gps argued with me and sent me the wrong way and miraculously I was not late but THEY KEPT ME WAITING AN HOUR. Get real. AN HOUR??? Only wanting the damn flu vaccine kept me from stamping out of there.

Then I went to Acme BECAUSE WE NEEDED FREAKIN MILK. I am in line and see all the Eagles promo items and shopping bags. I ask to speak to the manager and tell him I will never shop there again. He tries to tell me that just because they sponsor the Eagles they don't support animal abuse. I am told him that was crap and either you did or did not support something and they would never get any more of my household budget. I do not buy that "we support the Eagles and not dog fighting" argument. Because that is hypocritical.

And then I was so pissed that I drove the wrong way home and had to turn around. And I had not eaten enough and I could feel my stupid hypoglycemia kicking in. And then some dumbass cut me off on the way to the bridge. And then my phone rang and scared the crap out of me. And THEN I hit the gas too fast and the stupid bar thingy hit my car. And then some other dumbass tried to pull out in front of a semi that was blocking THEIR view AND MINE and I almost hit them or they almost hit me or whatever. If you can't see, don't freakin GO. Wait for the truck to move for Christ's sake.

And then there was no where to park. AND THEN my vitamin water leaked everywhere. AND THEN I CALLED BACK MY HUSBAND WHO
a. Asked why I was calling. How the hell do I know? You called ME.
b. Told me I was in a bad mood. REALLY?
c. Told me it is ridiculous to boycott people that support the Eagles. And I gave him The Voice Of Death. Then I asked him if it would be ok to go see Charles Mansen if he was a great dentist even though he killed a bunch of people? If you do not make choices in how you spend your money It IS the same thing as agreeing with things that are wrong. It IS. Companies could care less about my opinion, they respect what you do with your money. By refusing to give my money to people who are doing things I do not agree with- I show my disapproval in the only way that gets heard. I give my money to people who do the right thing. I withhold it from people and companies that do not do the right thing.

I am IN A MOOD.

Off to finally get the flu vaccine.

2009-10-08T07:18:00.000-07:00

Now I just have to worry about finding theH1N1. For Christ's sake WHY don't obs give this out? And I am in a MOOD because last night when Mister was kissing me and Sea Monkey good night he lifted my shirt and said " what is that?! stretch marks?" Then I went upstairs and saw my awful pregnancy acne. It is terrible. Truly. Then I went and slumped/climbed into bed and wished I could at least feel Sea Monkey moving.

Yes a baby is worth acne. Yes a baby is worth stretch marks. Yes. But I am still looking in the mirror and seeing a 35 year old woman with 5 inch white roots THAT EVERYONE HAS TO COMMENT ON and enough pimples to supply a classroom.

When I called to make the gender scan appointment they offered me ammnio again. I told them that 1 in 200 odds of a dead baby is too high. Not when the nuchal fold test put our odds at Downs at one in 2000. It was long enough odds even for an obsessive worrier like me. We are getting the test on October 29. Which is a million years away. I hate that I cannot see how the baby is and I hate that I can't feel anything. And I am going to go take a shower. Stupid acne.

How it went down.

2009-10-01T15:15:00.000-07:00

No picture. Do you know how sad we are to have no picture? I had the longest minute of my life watching my doctor search around for Sea Monkey and not find anything. But the little stinker was hiding high up on my right side. NAUGHTY SEA MONKEY! NO HIDING! But we heard the heartbeat and it was 140 bpm, so that is good. My blood sugar test came back excellent, and I only gained two pounds. I am really happy about that.

I declined the amnio. Our NT scan came back fine, and I don't want the 1 in 200 risk of infection. We have the gender scan in three weeks, and they will look for spina bifida. I don't get that, they already looked at the spine when we had the NT scan.

The big excitement( I mean the BIG PAIN IN MY ASS) was trying to get the flu shot. Notice I said "trying". My ob does not do flu shots, my regular doctor doesn't have the one I want without mercury. They told me to go to Walgreens, who told me that while they had the shot I wanted, they could not give it to me because I am pregnant and need a special person to give it to me. Because why? Am I gonna get the shot and grab them by the balls while demanding pickles and ice cream? WTF? So then I had to call the main Walgreens number and talk to some rep who would not give me a direct line to a place where they WOULD inject me because they don't take incoming calls. So is there a fuckin secret handshake or what? Everyone agrees I should get the flu shot, but no one wants to actually give me the damn thing. So tomorrow I am trying again.

Tomorrow is my appointment

2009-09-29T02:42:00.000-07:00

And it cannot get here fast enough. Both of us are sick of wondering if everything is ok and want to KNOW everything is ok. Mister keeps wanting me to tell him that if something is wrong I would "just know", except that isn't true. I would be sitting here patting a dead baby filled uterus and looking at the fuzzibuns website in complete ignorance of what is going on inside.

So tomorrow is what I want. Screw today, today is filler. I am going to work a long shift and then come home and wait. And wait. And wait alone, since Mister is working tonight. Stupid waiting.

Dear Sea Monkey,

No fooling around in there! Be healthy, be swimming, be growing. Daddy is CONVINCED you are a boy, since last night you gave Mommy gas so terrible that Daddy ran from the room. Mommy would have liked to run too but heck there were chips in the living room. We will see you tomorrow. And then Mommy will buy you a treat.

love,

Mommy

Dear Placenta,

Move you lazy git. Scoot over or else and stop hogging up the prime real estate on top of my cervix. I expect to see some MOVING or I will punish you with Celine Dion and Oasis. That should send you scurrying to the top.

Sincerely,
Uterus Owner

Snoogle after two days

2009-09-28T06:10:00.000-07:00

I feel great! I sleep! I sleep well! I feel better than I have since June. Mister told me he could not remember the last time I didn't have to drag myself out of bed. Yesterday I got up with no problem, felt so good I initiated s-e-x, went to work, went to the grocery store, cleaned the kitchen, rubbed Mister's feet,and cooked dinner. Normally, I only have the energy for work and the store.

We are going to have to either buy a step stool or take away the bed frame, cause getting in and out of bed is not that easy. Our bed is really high and this last week it has gotten hard for me to get in.

Today is my day off and I am making meat sauce for ziti, running errands, going in to work for some extra hours( we have an ENORMOUS hours cut coming next week so I am going in today to get caught up on shit that I will get behind on again in October) and then maybe some laundry.

Mister changed our dryer hose thingy yesterday and finished transplanting our iris bulbs. And tracked dirt all over the house. Oh well.

I see the ob on the 30th thank goodness. We freakin hate waiting this long to know everything is ok. I am going to ask for the flu shot while I am there. If everything goes well on the 30th, I am telling the staff at work. I had to tell in stages, because well, yes I am still paranoid, but also because I work with 20 women and 3 men. So basically I did not want to drown in estrogen.

I am going to eat a huge breakfast and get my day started.

Trying out a snoogle tonight.

2009-09-26T19:09:00.000-07:00

I'll report back tomorrow. While I haven't slept on it yet, I did try it out and almost cried from the relief. Yay back support! Yay my hips don't hurt! I am so freakin excited to climb in bed.

We also got some fall decorations, some flowers and pumpkins for our stoop. Tomorrow Mister is putting in some edging and planting iris bulbs for spring along our walkway. We have curvy brick paver things and inside that we are planting the iris, and between the iris and the actual walkway we are putting some kind of low growing white flower. Don't know what kind yet. I think I saw some mini white daffodils. Well, we don't have to decide till spring.

We went out for Indian food today. I am not a fan of curry in general, but it was good. It was nice to go somewhere different.

Off to dreamland.

My continuing boycott of The Eagles

2009-09-25T09:56:00.001-07:00

I just got off the phone with Tastykake. I told them I would no longer be purchasing any of their products for my family. They have product out now with The Eagles on it. Ironically on their website they also have a dog lovers package. Part of being a good person is using your money responsibly. So I suppose it is no snackcakes at all now. I only bought Tastykakes, because they were local, and very fresh. I cannot even tell you how sad I am to give up my pies. But, I would rather have no pie ever than support a company that works with The Eagles.

I am still so disgusted that The Eagles took that shitheel in. Mister and I had some words about it, because he is still watching them. He actually considered buying a teeny little Eagles jersey. I think not bucko. I told him that if he spent one penny of our money on them I was going to outfit the baby in Dallas clothes. Oh yes I will.

I am a big believer in putting your money where your mouth is. That is part of why I buy organic . Even if it was not the healthier choice, I would still feel that it was the environmentally responsible choice. I will be very excited next year to really cut our footprint down and grow our own vegetables.

Anyway I am sad- because I love Tastykakes. But I will be damned if I buy another.

15 weeks

2009-09-23T06:15:00.000-07:00

15 weeks! We can hardly believe it. And we have not seen Sea Monkey since Week 12. Which is making us crazy. I am really looking forward to the next few weeks. Only four weeks to go til the gender scan. And I have an appointment with the ob on the 30th. So maybe I will get a look at Sea Monkey then. I hope.

My ankles were really swollen the other day. Which I hope is normal at this stage and not a sign of Badness To Come. My boobs have grown. No GROWN. I could call my self Chesty McBooby. We can feel the bulge of my uterus, which makes us both happy, since with no ultrasounds that is the only indication we have that everything is ok in there.

The farther I get into pregnancy the more I look inward. Usually I don't have much to say because I am so focused on what is happening inside. That has been a large change for me, to become so quiet. I am not normally like that. But now I feel quiet, and I want to do quiet things.

I have started reading to Sea Monkey. Peter Rabbit and Benjamin Bunny. Today is Jemima Puddleduck. Which is a weird story for an infertile to read, but there you go.

My sister wants us to go on a last Goonie Adventure. So she is planning some kind of expedition in the next month or two. It will have to be before Thanksgiving because that is when they black out vacation at work. Ahhhh retail. Speaking of work, which I usually try not to= a few things.

Mel is coming to do a booksigning at my store. I will do a big post when it gets closer. My store is in New Jersey, if anyone is near enough to drive. I am pretty excited about that.

Work is making me crazy. Crazy enough to have to repeat and repeat to myself that no one hires pregnant women and I want my damn maternity leave. It is awful. No really. Atrocious. My company has made so many poor decisions, and the people who work in the stores have to live with corporate incompetence. I would not be surprised if we closed. In fact part of me would be relieved. About two years ago, Mister and I discussed the pros and cons of leaving. We decided to stick it out. But it has not been an easy decision to live with. The parts of my job that I love, helping people find good books and training new hires is about 5% of my job. 95% of my job is dealing with all the CYA emails those ass clowns send down with mandate after mandate. They won't let us do our jobs and I feel like I have no professional integrity anymore.

It would be funny if it weren't so sad. On the positive side, we have paid off a ton of debt, and our next to last credit card will be paid off either this month or next. And the last one will be paid off before March. Mister will be getting a raise right on time for Sea Monkey's debut. Plus, he will get more take home because he will have a dependent. I feel that we have reached our financial goal- we successfully carved out 1800 dollars a month from our budget allowing me to stay home without a change in our lifestyle. It is a little scary, and I am glad my job is protected in case we have made some glaring budget error. But it is also exciting to see something we have worked at for years come to pass. 1800 dollars is a lot of money to cut out of your monthly spending.

I also have a second job waiting if I decide I can't stand it anymore. I would hate to leave my vacation and personal time and FMLA eligibility but if work gets too bad I will. I just have to make it til the first week of March. If I can make it till the end of October, time will fly because of Christmas and I won't have time to hate work(I hope) until mid January. At which point I will be so close maybe I can muscle through it. And anything could happen. Work could close. Work could improve( lol),my district manager could get fired( please?),I could go on disability.

I am trying really hard not to hope for disability, because while it would be a get out of work free card, it would mean something was wrong. I see the nutritionist tomorrow. Yow. The big weight in.

round ligament pain

2009-09-22T02:56:00.001-07:00

hurts. We both freaked out last night. I have had some before but not like yesterday. Ow. It's all on the left. Ow.

Was that not the whiniest post ever?

2009-09-18T21:32:00.000-07:00

Eww.

Anyhow, tomorrow should be fun, because we are going to Hammonton, NJ ( THE BLUEBERRY CAPITOL OF THE WORLD as the sign proclaims) for a town wide yard sale. And I am stoked. I hope we find some good stuff. I am looking for a coffee table, and a small bookshelf. And whatever else strikes my fancy. I looooooooove yard sales. And we will be getting up at the crack ass of dawn. Which is less appealing, but whatever. I have my water and my handiwipes all set to go.

So tired

2009-09-18T08:44:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I hid in my office because standing up and doing something seemed impossible. Isn't exhaustion supposed to go away by the second trimester? Cause there is "Oh I am tired." and then there is " Oh I can't focus, and get any work done, and my boss is gonna be pissed." I literally got one thing done yesterday.

And I feel similar today. And I know Forbidden Coffee would fix me right up. Sluggish I am . Last week I felt fantastic but yesterday and today I feel so very exhausted. And my nose is runny and stuffy. But I don't have a fever. I think I read a stuffy nose can happen during pregnancy. I think it would help if Mr. Naughtypants would stop waking me up at 7 am. He is a persistent little bugger. And then after waking me he considers his job done and sleeps half the day curled up on the sofa.

Anyhow I am feeling blah and whiny. Maybe it's the gloomy weather outside. I was thinking a pregnancy pillow might help me sleep more. Has anyone tried one they like? I really like to sleep on my stomach and I can't do that anymore, and I feel uncomfortable sleeping on my side. And I know I am not supposed to sleep on my back. Grr.

The telling

2009-09-15T02:21:00.000-07:00

Well, we could not quite figure how, so we brought the most current ultrasound picture. I was panicking the whole drive down. A peek inside my head- " What if the baby just died and we are telling people today? Then I'll go crazy. What if the baby died last week? What if the baby dies next week? Why can't I have ultrasounds on demand? I CAN'T TELL! IT'S BAD LUCK AND FATE WILL SMITE US" etc for the hour drive. Rational, I am not.

So Mister told everyone, because I could not make myself say the words. Everyone is thrilled. My Mother in Law cried. My sister cried. I refuse to admit to crying. It was a looooong day. We visited Mister's best friends house, my in laws house, and my sister in laws house on Saturday. My sister came to dinner yesterday and we told her during one of Mom's many many many cigarette breaks.

Mom is still in the dark where she will remain till the last possible second, for my own peace of mind. Everyone has been sworn to Facebook secrecy, and threatened with an angry pregnant woman if by chance Daddy finds out secondhand. Three of my brothers in law had to find out by phone, one is in Iowa, and two are in Maryland. Or at least one is in Maryland, the other is in the Coast Guard and moves around so much that I tend to forget where he is.

My Mother in law was chock full of terrible name suggestions. Everyone suggests a French name because Misters last name is French Canadian. Well, I am here to say hell to the no. That was one of the reasons I would not take my husbands name, my name is French, and I felt like I would lose my whole ethnic identity.

I made fabulous chicken pot pie and green beans last night. Then we had strawberry shortcake for dessert.

My sex drive is back. I am dreaming about sex. Which is something I have never done. It's really weird. We are cautiously trying to get back to The Sex. But we can't stop ourselves from checking for blood each time. The ob said sex is fine as long as there is no bleeding, but if I start to bleed I have to go right in. Good times. But I figure we should at least try, from what I read if the placenta previa does not go away, this is a safe time. I read that the first and last trimesters are more risky for bleeding. So I am willing to try, since otherwise poor Mister will not get any at all till maybe June.

Mister told me I have to tell work this week. My sister said last night that she was wondering if we were pregnant, since I looked noticeably bigger than when she saw me two weeks ago. She said she normally wouldn't notice but that I looked so much thinner last time.

I think I have gained two pounds. So I have thirteen left. Two pounds in one trimester is good, right? I don't know.

Anyone who would like to offer a suggestion for a one syllable girls name is welcome to. I like Paige, Mister does not. He likes Claire and I don't. We are toying with Jane- which I like more than he does. We are both somewhat a fan of Kate. So those are the front runners. I am not a fan of nontraditional names with creative spelling.

Mom went back to my sisters house last night. It was so wonderful to have our home to ourselves. No one nagging or talkingandtalkingandtalking. And talking. About nothing. Five weeks of waiting till we know the gender.