Nice

I think I have carpel tunnel syndrome. I have been varying between miserable and uncomfortable with the swelling and pain and numbness and pins and needles in my hands in the night and when I wake up. We are going to try the stress ball Amanda suggested.

You know, when I see the ob I am always so happy that Sea Monkey is fine, I have to really work at remembering if anything is wrong with me. When I see her next week, I will bring a list. But honestly, everything wrong with me is pretty normal. At least the stupid TMJ went away. All that yogurt was making me mean.

We had salad and squash soup for dinner last night. Mister was joking about all the fiber I fed him. Meanwhile I could eat a field of mulch and nothing would happen. Seriously, how much poop can one body hold on to?

Poo Haiku
Oh Poo, I miss you.
Remember all the good times?
Me neither, dammit.

Since my inlaws canceled on us last night, I have a TON of leftovers. Mister and I registered at the hospital, and for a pain management class, and a breast feeding class. The hospital for some reason does not offer a CPR class so I have to call the Red Cross to schedule that.

We did not sign up for any of the other classes, which to me sounded like a thinly veiled indoctrination to the Cult Of Epidurals and Being A Good Patient. I have zero interest in being a good patient. They can kiss my wide ass. NO DRUGS for Sea Monkey. I will wait till he is out and have a nice gin and tonic with three quarters of a lime.

I don't feel there is much point in having a birth plan, my plan is to get in, get him out and get the hell out of there before they screw him up. I don't trust hospitals, if you can't tell. So no drugs, and no sticky baby. On Christmas my mother and sister in law were insisting that I would not care how sticky the baby was. I am pretty sure I'll care. I throw up from my own period, I really don't want my first memory of Sea Monkey to be me hurling because he has some goo on him.

I know babies generate goo, that doesn't bother me, it's blood clots. I cannot stand them. One time Mom had this huge blood clot hanging from her nose and I had to lie down for twenty minutes and breathe it out. Actually just typing that makes me a little yucky.

I can and have handled poo( adult and baby), puke( same thing), mucus, and bed sores. Mom had a stage one on her butt and a stage two on her heel. Mister and I took care of them. Those bed sores are another reason I don't trust hospitals. No one told us she had them. I found out at the nursing home right before she was discharged. There is no damn reason for anyone to get a bedsore.

Anyhow, I am planning on telling them to piss off with their epidural. If it's so great they can give themselves one. No drugs unless something goes terribly wrong and I need a c-section. Anyway, I am sick to death of people telling me I will not care that the baby is covered in goopy blood. I WILL CARE.

Sorry, I'm a little testy.

We made a decision on the nursery, it will be Peter Rabbit. Nice and calm and quiet. We also picked out a mattress and a stroller and a car seat. So just the dresser and a bassinet and a play yard to go. My sister is collecting addresses for the shower.

I have to go get ready for work, it is snowing. Ick. And of course no one has plowed our street. Because why plow? We don't want any of that fancy plowing around these parts, no sir. Everyone have a Happy New Year.

soooo

My inlaws canceled, my father in law is sick. My kitchen is very very clean. Dinner is cooking. I have lovely chocolates that we will be forced to eat.

Sea Monkey was VERY unhappy with me today. Too much lifting and bending and scrubbing. I was a teeny tiny bit afraid of going into labor, actually. I kept taking breaks and drinking water. Too much mopping and stair climbing. All seems to be calm now, when they canceled I stopped cleaning.

I know as soon as I started feeling not too good I should have stopped, but I could not stand the idea of people coming to a messy house. And since I work in retail my house goes to shit every Thanksgiving and stays that way till after New Years. I am looking forward to next year, when I have not had my soul eaten by bitchy middle aged women shopping for their families.

We were supposed to get a lot done yesterday but I was plastered beyond belief by the test. And poor Mister was exhausted from getting plonked in the warehouse, away from his Mr. Cushy desk job. So we lay on the couch in a stupor and ate pizza and went to bed. Where Mister fell instantly asleep, and I tossed and turned and woke up and gave up at 4 30 in the morning. My hands got so swollen and sore in the night I could not even make a real fist. Nothing was comfortable. I was wondering if maybe Sea Monkey was pressing on a nerve. Or maybe we both were. Why do my hands swell at night and shrink during the day? My hands ache pretty constantly now.

Sea Monkey was very quiet yesterday, the same thing happened during the last glucose challenge. You would think he would be moving all over, but no. He was pretty active today.

I have to talk to the ob about his movement. I don't feel it as often as everyone says you should, but I think that is because of where the placenta is. I think he is just beating on the placenta and I only feel him when he kicks the sides of me.

I still feel pretty paranoid about Sea Monkey dying in utero. Which I think makes me less prone to asking questions like "Check him NOW I have not felt anything ALL DAY." Because I guess I am trying not to be crazy. Well, trying not to act crazy- I can't much help what I think.

I have some burning FIRE indigestion. I am gonna go finish dinner and have my appetizer. Industrial strength Tums.

Effing exhausted

I was able to get the 3 hour glucose tolerance test today. I figure, if something is wrong sooner is better. I was miserable. Actually, the misery started last night. Work was insane, we laid off five people, I had some screaming assholes who wanted me to ACKNOWLEDGE THEIR GREATNESS AND THE FACT THAT RULES ARE NOT MEANT FOR SUCH AS THEY AND DO IT OR ELSE THEY WILL FLOUNCE OUT TO BARNES AND NOBLES. Well bitches, get to flouncing. BnN has an even stricter return policy. I'll eat shit, but not yours. I also had someone try and return a book from 2006. 2006. Good luck. I am not giving you cash back with a gift receipt. If you want cash, bring in the receipt that says cash was paid. Otherwise, NO.

So all in all I said yes to all returns except four. The two Queens of The Universe, 2006 guy, and a couple with a 200.00 box set we don't carry.

Anyhow, I had to listen to many angry people yesterday. Then I was sad because we laid off so many new people. Then I was beyond exhausted because we were so busy. I have no idea how I kept moving.

So I came home and my entire body ached. I was just two minutes from crying all night. Then Mister and I talked some about my EPIC GLUCOSE FAIL and he asked what it could mean. I explained somewhat and he told me I should have tried harder and that Sea Monkey and my own health were more important than work. Which is true. But I felt guilty already and so I just started crying. At which point Mister apologized.

Them I could not sleep. Up and down all night. Then the Lemon Lime DRINK OF DOOM. Ick. Orange is much better. Then three hours of trying to get comfortable in the cold waiting room and going from semi tired to tired to coma.

Then I went to the store and drunk off glucose is not a good time to grocery shop. I spent twice what I was supposed to and bought a LOT of candy and cheese. My inlaws are coming to dinner tomorrow and I rationalized that they needed appetizers and dessert. Which is true. But not as much as I bought.

Then the drive home, where I could barely focus and my hands started shaking and by the time I parked laying down on the steering wheel seemed like a good idea. So I came inside and ate two granola bars and a handful of Doritos and some cookies while my lunch heated up. Then I fell asleep. Then I woke up and felt somewhat better but also hungover.

Dear Jesus,

Please don't let me have to take this test again.

love,

Celia

Did I mention my inlaws are coming TOMORROW and we have a ton to do?

FAIL

I failed my 1 hour glucose tolerance test. Shocking. So I have to take the three hour one. Good times. Can't hardly wait.


I have heinous morning breath from the garlicky dinner we had last night. So does Mister. Toothpaste and mouthwash can't touch it. Fortunately we both have it so it is canceled out. Kinda.

All of the relatives have been placated with visits. I am sick of riding in the damn car. NO MORE. After about 25 minutes I start to fidget. No where we went was less than an hour and a half away.

If we go back we will have to take a break so I can walk around.

We got a very awesome present. My sister, Mom and Dad and Step Mom all gave us gift cards to the Hershey Spa. I am telling you, there is no more fabulous place to go for comfort and pampering. It is easily the best spa I have ever been to, and the hotel is lovely. As is the room service. Hello cheesecake, come to Mama. Cheesecake in bed.......

We got $300 in gift cards to the spa/hotel. We have to decide if we are gonna stay in the hotel overnight, or just go to the spa. I would really like to stay overnight. I have to look harder at the packages and see how far our money will go. Hopefully I can get Mister on board with matching the gift cards. I know he would love it. They have the best sheets, and beds, and pillows, and food and everything. Have I mentioned how much I love it there? Everyone is so nice, and the scenery is beautiful.

Well I am off to shower. And then get gas, make my 30 week ultrasound appointment, go to the grocery store, and then work. Followed by coming home and cleaning. I am sure I will be beyond exhausted by that point.

FAILED. I will be so pissed if I have GD.

I love you guys

Because no one has chosen "egg nog" as a treat. Which is as it should be. Eggnog is repulsive and somewhere in between raw clams and snot on the texture/viscosity scale for me. One of the things that keeps me and Mister clinging together at the holidays is our mutual hatred of nog. His family LOVES nog. I don't get it. ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Anyhow, I hope everyone is getting ready for the big day. Return day! Sorry, retail humor.

I was drunk all day yesterday from the glucose test. Which makes me think I failed. I'll find out soon enough. My doctor said my blood pressure is creeping up some, but not to worry yet. She gave me a prescription for another ultrasound for week 30. One of the only perks of being O.L.D. But she said I am measuring perfect. And was not even scoldy about the fact that I gained 8 pounds this month. Which is scary. 12 weeks to go, troops.

Everybody think happy thoughts for my darling Birds today. She is getting induced. Eyes on the Prize Bird. This time tomorrow you will be spending Christmas Eve with the most beautiful baby in the whole wide world. Yours. I am so happy for you.

Glucose challenge

Today. At 8 30 am. Unfortunately, I work 4-midnight. I am pretty torn trying to figure out how to spread my day. I should be done in the office by 10. Then I am going to stuff my face. Then I am going to Old Navy to find my niece some clothes. That should be fun. Or not. Since my niece is 8 going on 18 and I will probably not buy her something cool enough.

Then I am supposed to come home and make fudge. I am afraid though. We still have so much snow that the idea of driving down this road four times in one day makes me cry. But I really have to get the fudge done because it takes a day to set and then I have to wrap it. But that means four hours of driving. Today is gonna be a suck fest no matter what, I suppose. On the other hand we get to check in on Sea Monkey, which is exciting.

Mister had somewhat of a meltdown last night. It's the same one he has a few times each Christmas but this one had the added worry of WHY ARE WE BUYING ALL THIS STUFF FOR OTHER PEOPLE WHEN WE NEED TO BUY STUFF FOR SEA MONKEY AND YOU WILL NOT BE WORKING AND WE WILL BE POOR AND WE DID NOT BUDGET CORRECTLY I KNOW IT.

So I told him that Christmas pushes all his buttons, and the reason he is freaking out is because he wants Sea Monkey to have everything he didn't, and that just means he is going to be a good father. Then I gave him a little time to calm down and told him that even if we did make some errors in how we budgeted, we are still in a much better position than many other people who have done this. Which he agreed with.

The man gets this way every Christmas. He purely HATES spending all the money. I don't think it will ever change. He isn't cheap, just conditioned from growing up so poor. He has improved but I don't think he'll ever get through a Christmas without some kind of freakout.

Anyhow, I am off to run and run and run and not stop for hours. YAY!

More shopping

We did find these neat-o Legos where you build thm and then stick them on a pump that you jump on. They then race off. Which I am guessing is going to be a hit with our nephews. We also found a Mister Potato head R2 D2 for my sister. No luck on the baseball glove.

It is getting harder and harder for me to work. Bending over is now a major production. If only people would stop leaving crap all over the floor. But that isn't gonna happen. I am getting pretty large, but as Mister keeps reminding me large is the point. I have a doctors appointment in four days, so they can check on Sea Monkey. My jaw pain is much better, which is great because I am damn sick of yogurt.

We are supposed to get a lot of snow tonight into tomorrow. I hope not. But if so, then Mister is going to drive me to work so I don't have to cross a snowy parking lot. I have a ton of stuff to do today. I have laundry and cleaning and some baking to do. I have to go grocery shopping. I have to laugh at the lunatics who think THERE WILL NEVER BE FOOD AGAIN BECAUSE IT IS GOING TO SNOW. Who are these people? Don't they know that the most we could be stuck for is a day? Be serious. Leave some milk for normal people.

I am trying to figure out our menu for this week. I haven't made chili in a while. So maybe that. I am thinking of making scones today. I love scones. And we are having a work party. So I could make a double batch and bring them in. It depends if I can find blueberries at the store. Then again, scones don't keep well so maybe something that keeps. I was thinking of maybe lemon cookies. I have to mull it over. I have a while since I don't work till 5.

Well, off I go to climb Mount ChoresALot.

Here and there and everywhere

The other day I got home from work at 1 30 am fantasizing about waking up Mister and imploring him to rub me while I ate ice cream. Instead I saw my favorite brother in law on our couch. And Mister wide awake. My husband is many things, but not a night owl. So I knew something was up.

And yes, something was up. My brother in law got dumped by his girlfriend of seven years. He was understandably shocked and confused. He is a real peach, and my favorite of all Mister's brothers. We talked to him till 3, then staggered off to bed, putting him on our couch. The next day I made him breakfast and we took him out to lunch. Then I figured I was already in the car and drove to visit with Mom. I was so tired. Argh. Then came home( up yours Princeton traffic) and made dinner. Then we went Christmas shopping. And could not find the damn Kohls for anything. It was all I could do not to grab my darling husband by the collar and say HURRY THE FUCK UP I AM SORE AND TIRED AND GASSY AND UNCOMFORTABLE AND LETS GO. However, somehow I got through it without going psycho.

Because really Mister is used to me having more stamina and not being so crabby. We are both surprised when I melt down after an hour of errands. But an hour is about all I can stand. We bought earrings for my sister and necklaces for his mom and mine. In aquamarine, which is Sea Monkey's birth stone. They were 60% off, so even though we spent almost 250, we saved almost 350. And we got $40 to spend at Kohls after Christmas. Mister still thinks that buying this means the baby will come early- in February. Then we went to Wal Mart and got a lego set and some Transformers pjs.

Tonight we go to Toy R Us ( noooooo) and try and find a different Lego set and a baseball glove.

finally h1'd

It took three hours yesterday, but I got the shot. I gave myself an hour to drive the half hour to the school it was being given at. But it took an hour and a half to get there, since so many people wanted the shot. It felt like Ellis Island. What a zoo. I get really anxious around crowds and this was a giant crowd of hundreds and hundreds of screaming kids and soccer moms. Many apologies to the two soccer moms who tried to make chit chat with me. Sorry soccer moms. I didn't necessarily mean you personally when I said I was ready to punch someone.

It was just very overwhelming. But at least I have finally gotten both flu shots and in four more days I won't have to worry about the piggy flu. I thought my jaw was getting a little better, so I made some overcooked mac and cheese for lunch. Poor choice. Too much chewing.

In happier news, Mister finally felt Sea Monkey move! I have been waiting so long for that. First he felt him under his hand, and then Mister laid his head down to listen and Sea Monkey kicked him in the head!

I am still trying to pick out a stroller, and a bassinet. And a play yard. No luck.

It's always something

After some running around today and phone calls etc , my doctor diagnosed the jaw pain I have as a problem with my TMJ joint. ow. and also, ow. Yesterday morning it started and I thought maybe I had an abscess. So I called my ob to see if they could suggest a good dentist. They said try my gp and see what they say. So I went in to my regular doctor. I hit a pregnancy gold mine in that there is a new (woman!) doctor who is a former ob. She checked me out and said it was a problem with my jaw but not an infection.

So warm compresses, oragel, tylenol, and more calcium and magnesium. She said it was a good fit with the leg cramps I have been having also. I did a little research with Dr. Google and could not find out much. But at least I don't have to go to the dentist. Urgh. I would rather have another hsg and THEN explosive diarrhea, no likee dentist.

I am off in a minute, hot on the trail of the H1N1 shot. There is a clinic today at four, and I finally qualify. Then I am coming home and making butternut squash soup for dinner. Since the pizza I had planned would not be fun to chew.

Hopefully this will clear up and I won't spend the entire 3rd trimester on a diet of squashy, squishy foods.

Dear Colon,

Can we please make up? I give you fruit and vegetables and whole grains. You give me constipation and gas that could stun a skunk. As it is, I am afraid to go get in bed with my husband for fear he will wake up and wonder what died. Can we not go back to the good old days? The days when you did your thing and I did mine? If we can't do that, can we at least reach some kind of agreement that you will refrain from emitting aromas in public or from the hours of 9 am to 11 pm? Please?

co-dependently yours,

celia

Still not Christmas-y.

We decided we have too much to do to decorate. I asked Mister if he was sure, and he said he was only doing it for me. Which is funny because I enjoy the break from Christmas that I get at home. I am hoping that next year I want to decorate. Or at least can fake it. Sooooo no sparkles at our house.

Which is F I N E.

Tomorrow we are going to allocate Mister's Christmas bonus. Because of the economy( stupid economy) it is not as big as it might be. But heck, free money is free money. We think we are going to use half of it on a BIG BILL. Then take the other half and put it in our emergency fund. Which had gotten depleted due to emergencies. Stupid emergencies.

Hopefully during this year the economy will improve and we will get a honkin big bonus for next Christmas. Which would be nice.

I am slooooowly adding stuff to my registry. But really still don't know what I am doing. I suppose if I followed Babies R Us's LIST OF IMPERATIVE PURCHASES it would be easier than deciding on my own.

Bleargh

I had burning fire indigestion for 12 hours yesterday. From 3 pm to 3 am. For a while I had indigestion, Sea Monkey whaling on me, and gas that could melt your face. I kept reminding myself to be thankful that Sea Monkey was there to kick me, but it was not the best night I've ever had.

I have to leave for work in 15 minutes and I am none too perky.

Mister and I took some time yesterday to talk about what the embryologist said. He told me that if we missed our chance to have a second baby, that was sad but we had a bigger responsibility to get Sea Monkey off to the best start possible. He is right. So if we have to wait a year, then we are waiting a year.

I am off to a bowl of Frosted Flakes and indigestion.

by crikey

I just got back from the nutritionist. She is pleased with my weight gain. My heart jumped in my chest when I saw the number, but fortunately I have already forgotten it. I have gained 12 pounds so far. I actually think I have gained closer to 15, since I think I initially lost some around week 12.

But I am relieved that she was not scoldy about my weight. And I asked her how much more I could expect to gain and she said maybe eight pounds. She thinks I'll gain twenty total.

Then, when I was paying and making my next appointment I saw someone new. I said hi and asked if she was new. She said no, she was the embryologist and had worked there ten years. So I said I just had never gotten as far as her. Thank goodness, cause we only get two tries for ivf. Then I mentioned that we would be trying again in August. She asked if I had delivered already and I told her no, March. Then she asked me if I was planning on breast feeding. I said yes. ( Assuming my lame ass body does anything at ALL without medical prompting) Then she said well, you have to have stopped breast feeding for at least three months before we can treat you. She said breast feeding affects your cycle, and they won't treat me while breast feeding. So I said that sucked ass. Cause I am a Jersey Girl and when dealt bad news go straight to cursing.

I thought I had investigated this already, but clearly not. I figured since MET is safe while breast feeding we could get started.

Soooooo, my jolly plans to try and get pregnant with #2 before my eggs apply for an AARP card are going to have to get balanced with feeding Sea Monkey. Fuck me in the eye. WHY DO I PLAN ANYTHING??? I told her that meant Sea Monkey would only get breast fed for six months. Because that means we would have to wait nine months. Which would put me at 36 and 3 months before we could try again and then I would be thirtyfreakinseven at the youngest the next time I gave birth.

Old. Old. Old. Age is the enemy. Dammit. I am so angry that it took me so long to get diagnosed. I am holding on to the hope that Cigna will pay for an ovarian reserve test this time. At least then I would know how fast we need to go.

Cookies

Mister is pulling gingersnaps out of the oven. Soon they will be MINE. mwhahahahaha.

We are going to spend the day with family, first driving to my sisters and then up to Daddy's. I seem to have doubled in size in the last week. I have a new outfit to wear that somehow magically makes me look less cow- like. Which is nice.

I had computer problems yesterday. The fudge recipe we use if from the FLUFF container. Now hear me, I have made fudge from scratch for days at a time and never once had it come out right. Fluff fudge comes out perfect every time with a minimum of trouble. I just jazz it up by using real vanilla beans. Fluff is your friend when you want a consistent fudge.

That is all that is going on here. I had a miserable backache for two days and we slapped a heating pad on it. It seems to have abated, thank goodness. We also had our first snow.

Umm. Birds wanted to know where we found the cat tent, http://www.onestepahead.com/catalog/product.jsp?productId=309775&parentCategoryId=85183&categoryId=85216&subCategoryId=86201

That should link. I think. You know I suck at that. It was at One Step Ahead. Now, Babies R Us told me they stopped carrying the tents0- but I could not find any evidence of them being recalled. You might want to check on your own just to feel safe.

ho ho meme

A Christmas meme

Special thanks to Bookkitten for this one.

1. Does your family send Christmas cards?

Most of them. I buy Christmas cards, but rarely mail them.

2. How soon do you start shopping?

I used to start really early, but since we pay cash for everything now, I buy only when permitted to by our budget. We start this weekend.

3. Who do you shop for?
Immediate family and a few friends. Everyone else gets ho-made fudge.

4. Do you put up a Christmas tree?

I really don't want to but Mister is determined. I think it is going up this weekend.

5. If so, is it fake or real?
It is fake. I campaigned for years to get a fake tree because I can't stand dropped needles and I am phobic about fire.

6. Do you like tinsel?

Yes- but not in my house. Have I mentioned we have five cats?

7. Do you use homemade or store bought ornaments?

Both.

8. Do you put Christmas lights outside your house?

I hope we never do. Mister is pretty determined to put them up. However, we don't have anywhere to plug them in. A wreath is plenty.

9. Do you put lights on the tree?

It's a pre-lit tree.

10. How about popcorn and cranberries?

Nope. Have a mentioned we have five cats?

11. Is there a wreath hanging on your door?

Yes, but it is still a Thanksgiving wreath.

12. Do you hang up your stocking?

I don't know where we would put it. We don't have a mantel.

13. Does your family read "Twas the night before Christmas?"

I don't care for that story.

14. Christmas Movie?

A Christmas Story is the BEST Christmas movie EVER. I like to keep it on ALL DAY LONG.

15. Character from any Christmas Movie

I like Ralphie. He is adorable.

16. Christmas Song

I like Merry Fucking Christmas from Mr. Hankey's Christmas Album. I loathe, despise, hate, abhor (pick your adjective) Christmas music. I have worked in retail for years and Christmas music does not fill me with joy. It fills me with a desire to punch people in the face. You listen to it for 40 hours a week for a month and a half straight for years and see how jolly you feel.

17. Christmas Memory

I remember the first Christmas present I ever bought. I saved my allowance and bought my sister a Strawberry Shortcake baby doll that smelled like strawberries.

18. Give or Receive?
Give.

19. Ham or Turkey?

Ham.

20. White Lights or Colored Lights?

White.

21. I don't like blinking lights.

22. Were you Naughty or Nice this year?
Ask Santa.

23. What do you want for Christmas this year?

I want to pay off our last credit card, before the baby gets here.

24. When do you open your gifts?

Well, we have Christmas three times, since our families are so split. So it's a multi-day process.

25. What's the best gift you've ever gotten?

. The best present I ever got was not a Christmas present. It was Mister finding Thunder after he was lost.

2. What's the worst gift you've ever gotten?

I had an ex who gave me a laser light music box that revolved, changed color, and played the theme song to Romeo and Juliet. TACKY.

27. Who gives you the most gifts?

My Mom thinks money spent = love.

28. Have you ever had a secret Santa?

I don't care for Secret Santa. Work is work, home is home.

29. Do you like wrapping gifts?

I actually love wrapping presents.

30. Do you put change in those red buckets?

Yes.

31. Do you burn a yule log?

I am very fire phobic.

32. Can you name all the reindeer?

I suppose I could.

33. Do you bake cookies?

Not anymore. I make fudge, it's way faster.

34. Have you ever seen your mommy kissing Santa Claus?

ewwww.

35. Have you ever gotten a kiss under the mistletoe?

mistletoe is poisonous.

36. Do you drive around and look at the Christmas lights?

Every year. When Mister and I were first together and VERY POOR, that was my first present from him. We got hot chocolate and he took me driving for hours and hours, and it was lovely. We do this every year now.

37. Have you ever left Santa cookies?

We did growing up. Not now dude, have I mentioned we have five cats???

38. Have you ever sat on Santa's lap?

yes.

39. Who do you celebrate Christmas with?

Sending a shout out to all my fellow children of divorce. We alternate, because GAWD FORBID everyone be together.

40. Where do you celebrate Christmas?

See above. Howthecrapever, I have put my foot down and Sea Monkey is spending his first Christmas at HOME. If they want Sea Monkey time, they can put on their big girl/boy pants and come here.

41. Have you ever had a white Christmas?

Yes.

42. What part of Christmas do you look most forward to?

I don't really. I do not have Christmas love. Retail beats it out of you.

43. Have you ever had your picture taken with Santa?

When I was little.

44. Does your family always take pictures at Christmas?

My family would take a picture of anything.

45. Have you ever heard the song "Thank God For The Kids"?

Nope. Please tell me that is not a real song. Or it so, please let it be a New Kids On the Block song.

As you may have surmised. Christmas is my least favorite thing. I don't like shopping, shoppers, carolers, jolliness, decorating, undecorating, the horrid music, the belief that spending is mandatory, I did like Christmas in the past. But working in retail for over a decade has changed me. I would be THRILLED to never celebrate a "traditional" Christmas again. Yay for Jesus, Boo to Santa. Sea Monkey is going to have a very different Christmas. I plan on him giving toys to children, donating time with us, and getting a REASONABLE amount of gifts. I really do like retail, ten months out of the year. But The Holiday Season has made me very jaded. I am determined to separate the commercialism of Christmas from the meaning of Christmas for Sea Monkey.

we started

started registering. I scared the happy registry lady. I am just proud I did not run out of the store. So in over two hours, we picked out a few things. Nothing major. Both of us were exhausted and overwhelmed. We self medicated with milkshakes from Sonic. Ugh.

We are considering registering in a secondary place I heard about from Amanda. That way we can register for diapers and wooden toys.

They said they stopped carrying the tent that stretches over the crib to keep a cat out. I found it on another web site. So that's good. Because otherwise we might as well buy five cribs so they can all have one.

I am fried. We still have to pick out more stuff.

Semi registering

I called Babies R Us today. I want to register. The whole thing sounds like a pain in the ass, but I need to register. I wanted to take my darling friend up on her kind offer to help me and Mister. Since we are clueless. Truly. Howthecrapever, my boss has not seen fit to give me a weekend day off for the month of November and I don't see one in my future for December.

I am kind of at a loss. But I also am guessing that the shower will be in January. So we need to get this done.

I called BRU because I hatehatehate junk mail and spam. I remember TheKnot.com and how they buried me under email. I am not signing up for that crap again. Sooooooo I called and scarred the poor lady at customer service. I said I was concerned about getting junk mail because my last pregnancy ended in loss. And it took forever to get rid of the junk mail. Which is true. My asshole old ob/gyn must have put me on some mailing list the second I called their office. She said if I did opt out of everything, then we would not get the 10% completion coupon for whatever is not purchased off the registry. Which is fine with me. But I am gonna let Mister see if he wants it tied to his email.

I just don't want to get all that crap in my mailbox. Yuck. As much of a coupon whoor as I am, it's still not worth it.

You know they would not even let me talk to anyone until I put in a home phone number. Screw that, I put in my work number.

Anyhow, I feel like we have to get cracking, since we have 15 weeks left. Which sometimes sounds like a lot, and sometimes sounds like TOMORROW.

What I really don't want is me and Mister to rush through it and register for a bunch of crap we don't need. I know for sure we are not getting a walker, or a jumper. And I don't want a ton of bulky stuff. I hate those houses that look like Toys R Us dropped off an entire shipment. Less is more. More is too much.

resting

Yep, resting. I am off today and doing some deep cleaning in between sitting on the couch. I mostly cleaned the bathroom this week, but I pulled down the shower curtain and it is in the wash. Then I am getting in there with some soft scrub. I like gentle cleaners, but every once in a while you have to hit the bathroom with something that has a bit more oomph.

Then, I am cleaning the fridge. Ick. But I am trying to force myself to deep clean now. I have yet to see evidence of this much trumpeted NESTING INSTINCT but I am hoping if the house is clean before it sets in I won't lose my mind. The only instinct I continue to have is the urge to watch the BBC while eating Wise potato chips. They have to be Wise. There has to be ranch dip. That is the only thing I feel strongly about. But I am scared I will wake up 9 months pregnant and start ripping apart the house. Sooo, hopefully I can do a little at a time and defeat my hormones. I have seen pregnant women do this nesting thing and it is scary.

I am getting more uncomfortable now. I cannot imagine trying to deep clean when I am further along. Screw that. I actually dusted the living room on Saturday. I never dust. I hate dusting. But it was getting really bad. Like, haunted house bad.

I am also making a pot of chili today. White chicken chili. Assuming I can find some organic chicken. If not, then whatever organic meat I can find will be dinner. I am trying to up my protein as I head toward the third trimester. I am also making a pumpkin pie. And then I will have indigestion, but whatever.

TMI WARNING. RUN. or not. Whatever. But I pooped twice today and feel like I won the lottery. I have been having nothing but problems in Poo-Land ever since July. This is the BEST DAY EVER.

I was debating on blogging about this next part. On Wednesday I was a little too active at work and I guess did not drink enough water. I had four glasses which apparently was not enough. Usually I have had five or six by late afternoon and by 9 pm am on number 7. But I always get in ten glasses. Not Wednesday. I had four by early evening. And I guess started to contract some. It wasn't painless like Braxton Hicks.

I just could not decide what to do. So I sat down for my hour break and drank more water and they went away. But I knew if I called my doctor they would have sent me to the ER. On the day before Thanksgiving. NO THANK YEW. I called my doctor yesterday and they told me if it happened again I had to call them and then go to the hospital. So I have been working at a snails pace. And sitting and resting and drinking water and sitting and resting and drinking water. Because as much as I joke about going on disability and hanging out at home till March- I think I would go berserk. And turn into a whale. A berserk whale.

I am thankful

I am so thankful for Sea Monkey. He is healthy, he is growing, he is normal. Well as normal as any child of mine could be. I am thankful it worked on our first IUI, and that while I am uncomfortable I am not sick.

I am thankful for my darling, darling husband. He is never too busy or too tired to rub my feet or my back or whatever is hurting, he is bustling around the house getting ready for Sea Monkey while I play Beached Whale on the couch, he is thoughtful and indulgent, he is really almost perfect.

I am thankful we found Thunder. I cannot tell you how horrible it was while he was lost.

I am thankful Mom is healthy-ish.

I am very thankful for my blog, and to Mel for giving it a home. During the terrible long years we tried to get pregnant, I was so lonely and sad. Blogging gave me a place to say all the things most people I knew were uncomfortable hearing and gave me a tiny little island of sanity.

I am thankful that my depression is gone. Gone for good? Who knows. But gone for now. As irritating as my former ob was when she said the cure for my depression was a baby( Great! No problem! I will get right on that bitch. Thanks. )she was right. And I am pretty damn happy all the time now.

I am thankful that I have not lost myself.

I am thankful for the people I have met through this blog. My life is richer for it.

moo

Guess who is leaking a lot? They had been doing it a little for weeks now, but as of today MOO. I guess I am gonna have to hunt down those nipple pad things. Who doesn't like a new party trick?

Practically week 24

24 weeks tomorrow and I am very excited. YAY! I set up my appointment for my glucose test for late December. I gained 4 pounds this month. Which freaks me out some. I am not sure how much I have gained so far. Maybe 11 pounds? That's not cool. But Mister just laughs and tells me getting bigger is the point. He is not worried and neither is the ob. I will have to see how my nutritionist feels on December 7th.

I guess it is safe to say I will gain closer to 20 pounds than 15. I asked her about my leg cramps and she said I might need more calcium so I am to take a Tums every night. I feel like I get plenty of calcium, she told me to drink ten glasses of water a day( I AM) and a banana every day. I eat maybe three a week, so I'll just have more. But the day I had the really horrible cramps, I happened to eat two bananas- so I am not convinced it will help.

We got sad news for our budget. Our taxes are going up almost a grand a year. So our mortgage payment will rise a hundred dollars a month starting in January. They just built a new elementary school last year, and due to mismanagement went way over budget. Sooooo our taxes got raised. Ick. I am gonna go slob on the couch and eat macaroni and cheese.

Doctor tomorrow

And I think this is the first time I will be going and not afraid. Of course I have 24 hours to work myself into dead baby panic mode but right not I am feeling ok. Physically I feel like someone has beaten me with a brick. My legs were almost better from a few days ago when I got woken up again. It was not as bad this time, but it was plenty bad enough. I am going to try the gatorade suggestion I got. Because bananas are not working. I hate gatorade, but I'm just going to drink it with a lot of ice.

Our hallway is almost painted, and then by tomorrow the pictures will be up and so will the banister. I am hoping the ob will have an ETA on the H1N1 shot. Right now I am wandering around work in a vapor of Lysol.

In shower land, my sister and I may have come to an agreement. May. We have tentatively decided that she will throw a small shower( well if you call 20 small- but it is smaller than 50 by golly) and Mister and I will have a meet and greet at home in April. Insert long rant I have already ranted about the boringness of showers and my unwillingness to spend hours saying "ooooh a blue shirt. ooooooh a bear. ooooooh ". I am studying the Consumer Reports guide to baby products. I read there that pacifiers used from 1 month to 12 months cut the risk of death from SIDS. So I am reversing my anti pacifier position. Although if Sea Monkey is not sleeping, Sea Monkey is NOT gonna have one of those things in his mouth. MOST ESPECIALLY not one that says "mute button".

Anyhow, hopefully a drop in at our house will keep people happy and busy, and since we are not living in the White House, hopefully people will come for an hour and leave. Or something like that. Ugh.

Poor Mister is having his 30th birthday ( for those of you wondering- YES I am almost five years older than he is) in February. I would like it to be a surprise party but I am too gonna be too big. Plus, with our budget model I can't spend money without it being accounted for. It is the only bad thing. There is no way to hide something like a party. Which is a little sucky.

I am also hoping the ob can tell me what to do about the hellacious backne I am getting. WTF? Gross. Anyhow, that is what is going on here.

Chrimmas

Chrimmas is coming. All of Mister's dire projections of financial ruin aside, we will have double the Christmas budget this year. Thank God, because as some of you who have been slogging through this blog with me may recall; we did Christmas on $400 for ummm I think 12 people last year. I went back and looked, and we spent $344 for 16 people last year. Wow. Well this year I get $800 and I am stoked. We have three more people to buy for but I already know that I want to get them a calendar and movie passes.

Hopefully nothing crazy happens. Like the year when we had a grand in vet bills and Mister needed new tires. Fun! Not! Mister told me he does not want a present, since he already got a leather jacket. Which is fine. I am going to buy him the Phillies baby board book and a onesie so Sea Monkey can be all decked out for baseball season. Ick. But Mister will like it.

We are making pineapple vodka and fudge this year. And this year I am NOT cutting the fudge and wrapping each piece in gold and silver foil. Screw that. Everyone gets a block. I am also not making any nut fudge(excluding maple walnut for one person) I am making chocolate, chocolate mint and maybe vanilla. Three flavors is plenty.

We already know that my nephew is getting a baseball glove and my Dad, stepmom, and father- in law are all getting booze. As requested.

I would like to buy those grandparent books for everyone but I opened them up and they DO NOT take real life into account. For example, in Grandmother Remembers there is a line that says "Your Grandfather would want you to know ________ about me." Ummm, are we referring to my Dad? He cannot stand my Mom and would not have anything nice to say at all. It would read something like " Your Grandfather would want you to know that I AM A LOON."

I was a little surprised that the grandparent books have not kept up with the times. Considering my Mom is twice divorced and now single, and Dad is remarried. So unless I find some book that is a leetle more modern, no grandparent books.

I am thrilled to say that we have already decided that next Christmas we will not be doing the Divorced Family Run Around. We have already told everyone that if they want to see Sea Monkey, they can cart their asses to us. I am not dragging that child into two states on one day on a six hour car trip. Everybody else can man up for once. Because it would be two hours to my inlaws and then three to my Dads. And then an hour home. Nope. Tempting, but nope. We will provide hot chocolate and grandbaby access in our home. Merry Christmas to us, for once.

Well, I am off to the store. It is double dollar coupons at Giant and I happen to have dollar coupons for super fancy deluxe chocolate bars. Hello... delicious.

Paranoid or realistic?

I am feeling doomed. Both of my bosses have the flu. I don't know what kind yet. Hopefully the kind I got the shot for. But my general manager is out till she is fever free and my other boss is on antibiotics and coughing and puking. Sooo, am I being realistic in thinking I am getting what they have or am I being paranoid and hormonal? I suppose I'll find out soon enough.

ow ow ow

Ow. Leg cramps. ow. And I had TWO bananas yesterday. But I woke up with evil leg cramps in both legs. Thank goodness Mister had not left for work yet. He could see them moving. Creepy. But he pet them for a while till they calmed down. Now I am gonna be limping all day. Hurting. Ow.

Yesterday I went into New York City with my sister, Daddy and step mom. We saw a friend for his birthday. We went for Chinese food( so that in addition to a limp I am pretty puffy from the salt) and I tried bubble tea. It was... different.

But the Chinese food was awesome. Soooooo good. It made up for the fact that I spent umm, maybe eight hours in the car yesterday.

We are still at an impasse over the baby shower. My sister stills thinks we should invite every relative I have. Why? Why invite my cousins that I have not seen in over three years?

New York was beautiful last night. Cool, but not too cold. I love to be there, but I hate getting there. I am pretty pooped. I have been working a lot of overtime and strange shifts. I finally have a day to call my own tomorrow. In addition to errands I am making stuffed shells.

This is a pretty lame post. But I'm feeling lame. ba dum dum. Hah ha leg joke.

Please tell me

I am not the only one have insane pregnancy dreams. I dreamed my cat was a vampire and I strangled him. I dreamed Mister and I did the nasty in front of our window while people waited for the bus. There is no bus stop around here. Not to mention that Mister would give up sex entirely before he would do it where people can see him. I dreamed a zoo got loose and there were wild animals up and down the road. I dreamed my teeth fell out. All night long, one after the other and it seems like it is every night. Then I wake up to pee and the insanity starts again.

It is not restful.

maybe movement?

Maybe. I don't know, what do I have to compare it to? It is not what I imagined. I suppose I imagined something that felt like a foot actually kicking me. But I do know one thing, Sea Monkey travels. Sometimes he is down low and sometimes he is up high. Back and forth. So my pants fit differently every day or even differently during the day. Very weird.

We are at 22 weeks today and Mister and I cannot take it anymore and have made plans if not to decorate the nursery than at least to empty it and repaint it. Currently the nursery is my reading room, and is ballerina pink, with my collections of Eeyore and Madame Alexander and Longaberger baskets in it. I have no idea where we are gonna put my Madame Alexander dolls. I suppose in our bedroom, but that might give Mister the creeps. Hopefully our next baby will be a girl and they can get put in a case in her room. I love Madame Alexander dolls soooooo much. My favorite is my Alice in Wonderland. When we were at Hershey Park they had a Madame Alexander doll and I WANTED it. I did not buy it, but I wanted to. Maybe I can get a glass case for the living room?

I got an award from the Elderly Ovary and noticed she started going gray in college. I started going gray when I was 16. For craps sake. Except it is a really really CRISCO WHITE.

I am headed off to work. Blech.

Busy

So busy. And tired. I have been clopening, which is what they call it when you close and open. So yesterday I worked till 11 30, and today I have work at 8 but I have to stay all day because there is a freaking staff meeting from 8-11. Then I have to be back at 7 to open the next morning. Feel my joy. Yuck.

My dumb boss has actually driven one of our nicest employees to give in her 2 weeks. She was sad but I told her that I agreed with her, and that it was the right thing to do. Who knows when things will improve? When your constant complainers complain, it is nothing- but when your happy employees complain and leave it is something. I think I might have to sit boss down and ask if she is doing this on purpose or what.

I'm sure that will go well.

By golly, I'm home.

And have to get ready for work soon. And am not looking forward to whatever snotty email snotty boss sent me when I complained about her wanting 12 hours of work in an 8 hour day.

The Hersey Spa was just as lovely as I remembered. Everyone there is so nice( and not creepy- nice like Disney World) but really nice. Everyone seems to actually enjoy their jobs. We had a great time and for about seven blessed hours, I did not have ring around the ankle. Getting a pedicure while you look at beautiful scenery in an obscenely comfortable robe after eating chocolate chip muffins and drinking hot cocoa is..... good. Soooooo good. We are going back next year. I would LOVE to go with my husband for a last hurrah before the baby gets here but since my pedicure was 90 dollars and the room was almost 300, etc etc I don't see it happening. Totally worth every penny, but no matter how you look at it- still a lot of pennies.

Mmm food, the cheesecake with fresh strawberries was perfect. Sooooo perfect. Sadly, I only enjoyed the cheesecakey goodness for a short while before I spent 48 hours reliving the tablespoon of red onion on my salad. Up yours red onion.

On the baby shower front, well it has not gone smoothly. I am a chips and dip kind of girl. A low maintenance ( not including the once a year indulgence- once a month is high maintenance, once a year is a treat) person who HATES FUSS. I hate fuss, people. I hate being the center of attention. AND I REALLY HATE PEOPLE WHO SAY THEY HATE ATTENTION WHILE ACTUALLY WANTING AND LOVING IT BECAUSE YOU SCREW IT UP FOR THE REST OF US. JUST ADMIT YOU LIKE FUSS SO THE REST OF US CAN GET SOME FREAKIN PEACE.

Anyhow we were sitting at the dinner table for Mom's birthday and Mom was talking about Sea Monkey whom she insists on calling Little Boy Blue which is annoying. "And how is my Little Mama today? And how is Little Boy Blue Today?" Please imagine the most syrupy, you are a half-wit tone possible. That is the tone my Mom uses with children. AND THEN SHE PET MY STOMACH. And I bit her head off, a little. The only person who can pet me is Mister. Anyhow, ick. But then The Shower comes up. Because my sister mentioned that she "has" to invite someone I don't care for because we have known them a long time and it would be awkward for her not to. Now, I have heard my sister talk five kinds of smack about this girl for a good half hour multiple times. She avoids seeing her whenever possible. So, because SHE does not want to feel awkward we must apparently suffer. And I said it was dumb to invite people who were not going to be a part of our babies life and why did we need to invite my Great Aunt that I see once a year, anyway?

I want the people the baby will see and know and that ARE a part of our lives. See, this is why we freakin eloped. Because I have a low tolerance for this crap and I feel like my sister's pregnant prop. Do you know she suggested a game where everyone tries to figure out how large I am? What the CRAP kind of a game is that? How fat is the fat, pregnant PCOS woman? NO. NO. If I am wearing a size 18 maternity NOW, what size will I be wearing THEN? Then, when I said it did not make sense to invite people who are not a part of our lives- really does my 80+ Great Aunt want to drive over two hours to sit with us? Do we need to invite people I have not seen ON PURPOSE for over two years because they have lost their minds? Why and how they have lost their minds is a whole separate post but I assure you, their parenting philosophy is to put it kindly, lenient.

Anyhow, so my sister says that there are 50 people on the shower guest list. Now, this is incredible because if you asked me how many close friends I have I would say NOT 50. I have only a handful of friends now, because I withdrew from everyone during infertility and dealing with my crazy Mom. So telling me there are 50 people I MUST have, is incredible to me.

And Mister is fuming mad because my sister said " people from South Jersey have no manners". Ummm, or maybe I am just not a hypocrite. Because I am surely to God not inviting some of those people to my house. So why would I want them at a shower?

Here is who I would WANT. If I had to freakin have one. For Chrissake. My darling, darling AYM and her equally darling husband. My husband. My husbands best friends who will most certainly be seeing the child on a monthly if not more basis- and their Mom who is Mister's honorary Mom. And my stepmom. And I suppose my mother in law. Sigh. And my sister in law and her husband. And when she is not calling me and Mister ill mannered, back woods, inbred yokels- my sister. And Andrea and her almost husband. I have some friends that I love dearly in The South who are too, too far away to come but will be there in spirit. Sadly, also my Mom. Argh, Mom. ARGH. So we are only at 15. Then include my brothers in law. The ones that are close enough and you get to 19. I suppose my other sister in law would want to go. So 20 at the outside. There. See. WHO ARE THESE OTHER 30 PEOPLE?? And where were they when we were stripping the wallpaper in our house? And where were they when I was crying in exhaustion after taking care of Mom and cleaning up her pee and poop and changing the dressing on her bedsores? Cause they were not at my house, and they were not calling me to see if I was still sane. Or telling me everything would be fine and that I would get through it. Or listening to me rant about insurance companies and hospitals, and puke and the hundreds of other things you deal with when your parent is dying.

So Mister, in a display of fine backwoods inbred manners said NO SHOWER. Praise Jesus. And my sister said "FINE!" And I was thankful but suspicious. Because I don't believe her. No. Just no. Please no.

I am very, very tempted to tell a big, fat lie to my sister. Tell her my sister in law is handling everything, and then just let the damn illbred country bumpkin redneck chips fall where they may when nothing happens.

Stupid work

is making me crazy. And my boss is not evil but she has never been a manager at this level before. Which means she is proving herself on us. Fun. All my emails sound like " This is unacceptable!!" Yes, she uses two exclamation points in her emails. Because they are CRUCIAL, you know. And she is 25. Do I need to say anything else besides that she is 25? There is nothing inherently wrong with being 25, but this girl had no people skills as a supervisor, did not develop them as a manager and is in charge of a whole store and has wretched people skills. You do not get good work out of people by telling them they have to stay late, then when they tell you they have to open saying " that sucks for you.". That is going to get your tasks done that night, but what about the future when your employee resents you?

She has no idea how to talk to people and is alienating her staff already. Including her managers. Including me. And if the person training your staff does not like you or respect you, you have problems. I was open to liking her but... nope.

My rule for good management is take care of your staff and they will take care of you. It is hard to find good employees, it is expensive to train them. If you treat them like they are dumb, lazy, clueless, or micromanage them; they will act dumb, lazy, clueless, and need micromanaging.

The biggest part of being a manager is keeping all your employees happy. Happy employees are productive. Who doesn't get this? I think she will get short term results and long term resentment. I think she has some things in her favor, like energy and follow through but that is not enough. It's enough in a manager of a department, but not for a whole store.

I wonder sometimes if she is going to try and fire me. Who cares? Then I can collect unemployment and she will have to go through Christmas without a store trainer who has almost seven years of experience. Go ahead, babydoll. I know I am the best trainer in our area. You need me more than I need you. I can get an employee fully trained in 12 hours. I can get them emergency trained in 6. And they love me, and they work hard for me, and are happy. I could get another job tomorrow. Yes I could.

I don't want to, though. I want my freakin maternity leave. It is free money. Hello, free. If I get a new job I won't get maternity leave. I want the convenience of a job they have to hold for me so I can go right back. I like my co-workers( well most of them), I like my job. Mostly. I like my actual job, the cover your ass paperwork, the corporate crap, and new boss growing pains excepted.

Sooo my game plan ( unless she figures out a way to shit-can me, in which case my game plan is unemployment) is to make it two more weeks. Then it will be crazy busy from Christmas and I won't have as much time to notice her, then it will be the second week of January. Sllllllllow. BUT, she is getting married in February, so she will be distracted. Then she will be gone for her honeymoon. Then it will be March. Maternity Leave! So hopefully we will all be too busy for anything to happen for the next couple of months.

No, just no.

When Mister saw his parents my mother in law( who in many ways is great)told him " let me know as soon as she goes into labor and I will take a personal day so I can be there in the delivery room."

Mister said "No. It's just us, she doesn't want anyone there besides me. You may wait in the WAITING ROOM with everyone else and see the baby with everyone else." And she said
"But I'm your MOTHER".

Hellll to the no people. My mother in law+ my vagina= NEVER. Mister stood firm and I have to tell you my idea of torture would be any more people than medically necessary being there. No thanks, we didn't even have privacy for the conception- I would like a little for the birth.

I have no idea how those women on tv are ok with cameras and film crews and giving birth. But I would lock myself into a closet for privacy. Please, I DON'T EVEN WANT TO BE THERE. Mister doesn't want to be there, but I told him he has to- to hold my hand BUT NO LOOKING. His area is from the neck up, we will happily see the final product but neither of us wants to see, touch, cut a cord, or examine my nether regions. Neither of us is a fan of goo, bodily fluids, pain, or the distinct possibility that I could poop in front of people. Having my mother in law there will NOT help.

Soooo, my mother in law is a little put out. She will have to live with the disappointment of never seeing my ladybits. EVER.

Snips and snails and puppy dog

tails, that's what little boys are made of. We got an unmistakable shot of what our tech called the "wing wing". LOL. Sea Monkey( or if we are being formal- Peter) looks great and is to quote" perfect and exactly right". YAY! My placenta did move, and is in the front of my uterus. Likely being pummeled by Sea Monkey which is why I can't feel anything. He was fully stretched out and almost lounging across my belly. We saw his wee man hands and legs and feet. Everything is in the right spot and doing everything it should. Hooray!

Mister and I are beyond excited. Mister scanned in all the pictures so if I can remember how, I will post the newest ones.

Sea Monkey is stil in there!

I heard the heart beat nice and clear this morning at the doctors office. So now tomorrow can be a treat where we will finally see how Sea Monkey is doing. I cannot believe how many weeks it has been since we have had a peek in there.

So tomorrow we will get up early and have bacon and eggs and then head off to see what all we have going on in there.

I almost forgot, my blood pressure is fine, and I gained five pounds this month. Which is horrifying to me. personally but my ob said since I have only gained 7 pounds over 20 weeks that she is not concerned. So according to my nutritionist, I can gain 8 more pounds, but the ob says I can gain 13. I am hoping it is only 8 more.

Tomorrow is twenty weeks

Wow. It still doesn't feel real. When does it feel like something that is actually going to happen? I guess if I have not relaxed yet, I won't at all. Tomorrow is my regular appointment so we will at least know if the baby is still alive. Then the day after is the gender screening where I will grab the poor ultrasound tech by the neck and demand to know WHERE THE DAMN PLACENTA IS AND HAS IT FREAKIN MOVED? Sorry Laurie( that's her name) but I am at the edge of patience.

On our way home on my birthday, I asked Mister if he was still afraid that we would go to the appointment and find Sea Monkey had stopped developing. He said yes, but that he thought I would feel different. I don't think I would feel anything. I don't think I would "just know". That is the scary part to me, that something could be wrong and I would not know, and there is probably nothing they can do anyway. Most people around me when I tell them that I am trying not to get excited till viability give me that "babies don't die and if they do it is only OTHER people's babies" look. Or they say " nothing will go wrong". Which is a crock of shit. Denying something could happen does not make it less likely. I can't decide if I am realistic or morbid or if this is just me being unable to commit to something I still believe will get taken away from us.

Is it wrong that I am not floating around in some cloud of blue and pink? I am happy, but so so cautious. I do feel like I do not love the baby yet. I tell the baby I love it, but I think I am afraid to. I loved our first baby right away. And that baby never even developed a heart beat. I wish I could be different and like everyone else. I know if I was on the outside of this I would not even consider that something could go wrong at this point. My sister has thrown caution to the wind and is buying a ton of stuff. I feel like some crazy woman trying to ward off the evil eye while everyone around me smiles and tells me there is no such thing.

Mostly instead of thinking about decorating the nursery I think about how horrible it would be to undecorate the nursery. I still have not bought a pregnancy book, I still have not registered at the hospital or scheduled child birth classes or infant cpr or breast feeding or anything. I keep putting it off. Partially because what is the point of a labor class when it might be a c- section but mostly because I just can't believe we will need it.

But tomorrow at least we will know if Sea Monkey is still in there. And the day after if everything goes well we will know if we are going to be surrounded by pink or blue. My sister is hell bent on willing a girl into existence and has bought a ton of pink stuff from this store called umm Jack and Jill? Janie and Jack? Something like that. She was showing everyone on my birthday and said she could not resist and if it is a boy maybe one of the other two pregnant women in her life will have a girl.

Personally, while all we really want is a baby, Mister and I would choose a boy if we could. But only because we can't agree on a girl name. And have made no progress trying because Mister said it is pointless to pick one till we know we need it. I know my husband and if we have a girl she will have that man wrapped around her finger from day one. He says no, but I am sure he will be a pile of mush forever.

I am about to go to the store and get stuff for meat sauce. I might throw some sausage in there this time instead of just ground beef. And then we are making apple pies out of the 15 pounds of apples we have from Sunday. I will just be holding my breath till tomorrow.

Today I am officially

advanced maternal age. Or as I hear it in my head, ADVANCED MATERNAL AGE...... I tried so hard to get pregnant and be done before hitting this number that is like a giant signpost reading "COMPLICATIONS AHEAD" Well, it's here. I am 35. Thirty freakin five. I will be 70 when Sea Monkey is my age.

I am having a lovely weekend. Yesterday Mister sacrificed himself and took me furniture shopping. We were planning on the museum but did not realize they had shortened their hours. So we had to skip that. But couches.... I love looking at couches. * Note to self- it is a little less enjoyable when you must heave yourself out of each couch.* After I had drooled over living room sets, we went to the best and most wonderful store in the universe. Sephora. And I picked out a big box of Urban Decay eyeshadow and a lovely face mist. Ooooh it is nice. Then we went to Longhorne, Mister loves steak and I do not cook it so I had a pretty nice chicken while he made sweet, sweet love to an enormous piece of beef. Then we went to Ikea, then we went to WalMart- which sucks but we needed cat food. Then we went home and curled up on the couch and watched Transformers 2 and had milk and cookies while Mister rubbed my feet.

Then we went to bed and this morning Mister made me pancakes and I treated myself to half a cup of coffee. My first coffee since July! I can't feel anything but we assume Sea Monkey is high off the sugar and caffeine. I admit, I had a teeny hope that the syrup and coffee would provoke Sea Monkey into a few karate chops. Nope.

Soon we are leaving to pick apples, then we are going to see Mom. Good Christ I am not looking forward to that part. But still, we will be 20 weeks on Wednesday and there is no hiding it anymore. I am NOT looking forward to it. But I enjoyed my peace while I had it. Then, we are going up to Daddy's who is grilling pork chops and chicken. It is the last time he'll use the grill this season. All in all, it should be a lovely day. Except for the Mom part. Ugh.

But mostly a very lovely day.

Ninja baby

I am never going to feel the baby move. I know there is something in there, because I am large and it is really hard to shave my legs. But it could just as likely be a fruitcake as a baby. I have felt zippo. It is really frustrating. I have even eaten a bunch of candy and orange juice hoping the sugar rush would spur the baby to kicking the crap out of me. We have nine days to go till the gender scan.

Both of us are going crazy wanting to know what is going on in there. Alive baby? Dead baby? I can't believe that everything is ok. I would like to, but I am just too ( pessimistic?) realistic. I want EVIDENCE. Irrefutable evidence.

I got on the scale today. I was a little scared because I have been hitting the potato chips but all is well. Not anything crazy.

My sister is taking me to the Hershey Spa in early November. I am dying to get the pre-natal massage but it is over a hundred dollars. Which is a lot. When we have baby stuff to buy. Instead I am getting a facial to try and combat the awful pregnancy breakouts. My face is COVERED. It has been like this for weeks with no sign of stopping. I suppose it could be worse, but really it looks awful and is depressing when I look in the mirror.

We went to Burlington Coat Factory yesterday. I liked their baby stuff much better than Babies R Frickin Expensive. So we may go there instead.

I made my bosses unhappy this week. But I don't care. They scheduled my co-worked an 8 hour shift with no break. Which is illegal. I called them and said someone should cover her but no one did. Our store policy is that the store cannot be open without a manager on duty. But you cannot work more than six hours without a break. I was really pissed. So I emailed both of them and reminded them that it is both against the law and against store policy. If that employee wanted to, they could report us. Getting screwed out of your break by an emergency is one thing. Planning to screw someone is another. If it happens again I am going over their heads.

Back from the stores

and about to face plant in bed. My sister gave me the onesies and bibs she could not stop herself from buying. And she bought a new onesie that says "special delivery". Which was setting off my bad luck alarm but I she is determined to buy things.

I bought two maternity bras. One that is a shelf-y type breast feeding bra that is a 40 D, God Help me. And one is a sports bra so I have enough support, also in a porny size 40-D. Wait till I tell Mister. Sadly I also bought some maternity panties. But really I should call then drawers or bloomers or GIANT UNDERPANTS of hideousness. God they look like the underwear I was going to buy as a joke.

Dear Jesus,
I don't care if my panties fall down, but if my ass is ever large enough to FILL those things- please please give me a pain free labor to make up for the painful shame of having the LARGEST ASS IN THE UNIVERSE.

love,

me

Then we went to Motherhood- -not too scary. I bought a very nice pair of tan pants and a black shirt with with white ruffly underblouse thing. And I only spent umm 105 dollars for everything.

We also went to..... The Cheesecake Factory. I had the chocolate coconut cheesecake and basically I almost swooned. I did tear up a little it was so good.

Shopping today

I am on the hunt for a bra. And another pair of pants and a top. And if the heavens smile upon me- some underwear.

My sister and I are meeting in Jackson NJ at the outlets and then going to the mall. Crikey. It is pouring here. It has been raining for days. Bleargh. But I am going to eat something indulgent and full of carbs today. Like and Auntie Annes pretzel. Mmmm crappy mall food slathered in butter.

Do you know Sea Monkey is popular and already has two wedding invitations? I feel like it is cruel to bring a baby to an adult party but the adults in question suggested it. So I am mostly thinking that I could buy a super precious outfit.

Well off I go into the slop.

Underneath all the hormones

I am still me. You know when I was at the obs on the 30th I could hear another patient through the wall. She said " well, we weren't really trying or not trying" and while flipping through my magazine I thought automatically " bitch". You know, I was on some level comforted that I am still myself. A nasty self, but hey- still me. I can see pregnant women without instant firey hate. I can see babies without needing an hour of deep breathing. But I think I will always, always have a chip on my shoulder.

Mister and I are going to R- Word. You know, register. Thank God my good friend( we love her because she is fabulous MOVE TO YARDLEY) is having mercy on us and helping us. I cannot imagine two more clueless people than me and Mister being let loose in a Babies R Gonna Need A Lotta Shit. Argh. So overwhelming.

We are gonna register in November. So around the five month mark. Scary. We are still pretty convinced we want to cloth diaper. I have a history of eczema and cloth diapered babies have less diaper rash. Plus it will cut our costs way down if in fact there is a #2. hahaha number 2. I mean a second baby. I am guessing that I will NOT love the laundry, but I will love saving money. I cannot decide between Bum genius and Fuzzi buns. I like how the velcro ones look but I feel like the snaps will last longer.

Really, I have no damn clue.

sayyyy this is my 400th post.

Telling Daddy went well. He and my stepmom were very happy and excited. His exact words were "no shit", which is really funny if you know my dad because he never even let us say "shut up" when we were younger. But Daddy is super excited.

They did not show moose poop pictures, but they did bring home this atrocious fox skin and hang it on the wall. It was pretty creepy and looked a little too much like someone had skinned Mister Naughtypants for his fluffy tail. Ick. Thank goodness they did not get us one. Yuck. We watched a video Dad made of their trip highlights. While everyone else ate brie and I pretended I was full. Oh brie, how I miss your creamy goodness. sigh.

Sooo am I the only one who is pregnant and has zero interest in sex? It's not just me, right? We tried yesterday, because I feel bad that I don't want to and I feel guilty that Mister is living like a monk. It was pretty uncomfortable.

Then yesterday at work I felt funny. I called my ob and they said I was ok and it was just Braxton Hicks. They went on for hours. It didn't let up till I got home. All tightness in the front of my belly, but just like Dr. Google says, they did not get stronger and were not really painful and were only in the front. I think maybe the sex brought them on. So it scared me a little, because what the hell do I know about being pregnant? I still never bought a baby book because it freaked me out too much. Mister and I were talking about it last night and we are both still pretty scared something will go wrong.

So that is what all is going on here. I am off to take a shower and get ready for work.

I am ready for Saturday.

Or at least I am ready not to run errands. I took Princess Fiona to the vet this morning for a second opinion on her poor paws. They think she has some kind of rare dermatitis. So they are trying her on a few weeks of antibiotics and prednisone to see if that helps. Otherwise they are going to do a biopsy on her poor little pink paws.

We were there forever- ok two hours because no one had seen what she has before. I am just thrilled someone has some kind of idea what to do because the last vet we took her to thought it was a bee sting. On our indoor cat. Right.

And I need to do laundry , take a shower, and go grocery shopping. But I really just want to lay on the bed. Bleargh.

I had a leg cramp so bad last night I fell out of bed. Good times. What is that? With pregnancy and leg cramps? I am not pregnant in my legs. I didn't get hurt, I landed on my Snoogle.

I have to train a new hire tonight and I am fresh out of lollipops and rainbows. But tomorrow we go tell my Dad. So that is nice.

The most irritating day ever

What I wanted to call this was the MOST FUCKING irritating day ever but I figure some people might not like that coming up in their side bar. Here is my list of reasons my MOOD has turned into A MOOD. So I got up in a MOOD because of my stupid stretch marks and stupid acne. For real there is not one clear spot on my forehead.

Then I poured my cereal and Mister drank all the milk. Fine, but how bout a " I drank all the milk" before he left? SO I figured fuck it and put half n half on my cereal. But then I felt guilty and chucked it. Then I got ready and went to the doctor and my gps argued with me and sent me the wrong way and miraculously I was not late but THEY KEPT ME WAITING AN HOUR. Get real. AN HOUR??? Only wanting the damn flu vaccine kept me from stamping out of there.

Then I went to Acme BECAUSE WE NEEDED FREAKIN MILK. I am in line and see all the Eagles promo items and shopping bags. I ask to speak to the manager and tell him I will never shop there again. He tries to tell me that just because they sponsor the Eagles they don't support animal abuse. I am told him that was crap and either you did or did not support something and they would never get any more of my household budget. I do not buy that "we support the Eagles and not dog fighting" argument. Because that is hypocritical.

And then I was so pissed that I drove the wrong way home and had to turn around. And I had not eaten enough and I could feel my stupid hypoglycemia kicking in. And then some dumbass cut me off on the way to the bridge. And then my phone rang and scared the crap out of me. And THEN I hit the gas too fast and the stupid bar thingy hit my car. And then some other dumbass tried to pull out in front of a semi that was blocking THEIR view AND MINE and I almost hit them or they almost hit me or whatever. If you can't see, don't freakin GO. Wait for the truck to move for Christ's sake.

And then there was no where to park. AND THEN my vitamin water leaked everywhere. AND THEN I CALLED BACK MY HUSBAND WHO
a. Asked why I was calling. How the hell do I know? You called ME.
b. Told me I was in a bad mood. REALLY?
c. Told me it is ridiculous to boycott people that support the Eagles. And I gave him The Voice Of Death. Then I asked him if it would be ok to go see Charles Mansen if he was a great dentist even though he killed a bunch of people? If you do not make choices in how you spend your money It IS the same thing as agreeing with things that are wrong. It IS. Companies could care less about my opinion, they respect what you do with your money. By refusing to give my money to people who are doing things I do not agree with- I show my disapproval in the only way that gets heard. I give my money to people who do the right thing. I withhold it from people and companies that do not do the right thing.

I am IN A MOOD.

Off to finally get the flu vaccine.

Now I just have to worry about finding theH1N1. For Christ's sake WHY don't obs give this out? And I am in a MOOD because last night when Mister was kissing me and Sea Monkey good night he lifted my shirt and said " what is that?! stretch marks?" Then I went upstairs and saw my awful pregnancy acne. It is terrible. Truly. Then I went and slumped/climbed into bed and wished I could at least feel Sea Monkey moving.

Yes a baby is worth acne. Yes a baby is worth stretch marks. Yes. But I am still looking in the mirror and seeing a 35 year old woman with 5 inch white roots THAT EVERYONE HAS TO COMMENT ON and enough pimples to supply a classroom.

When I called to make the gender scan appointment they offered me ammnio again. I told them that 1 in 200 odds of a dead baby is too high. Not when the nuchal fold test put our odds at Downs at one in 2000. It was long enough odds even for an obsessive worrier like me. We are getting the test on October 29. Which is a million years away. I hate that I cannot see how the baby is and I hate that I can't feel anything. And I am going to go take a shower. Stupid acne.

How it went down.

No picture. Do you know how sad we are to have no picture? I had the longest minute of my life watching my doctor search around for Sea Monkey and not find anything. But the little stinker was hiding high up on my right side. NAUGHTY SEA MONKEY! NO HIDING! But we heard the heartbeat and it was 140 bpm, so that is good. My blood sugar test came back excellent, and I only gained two pounds. I am really happy about that.

I declined the amnio. Our NT scan came back fine, and I don't want the 1 in 200 risk of infection. We have the gender scan in three weeks, and they will look for spina bifida. I don't get that, they already looked at the spine when we had the NT scan.

The big excitement( I mean the BIG PAIN IN MY ASS) was trying to get the flu shot. Notice I said "trying". My ob does not do flu shots, my regular doctor doesn't have the one I want without mercury. They told me to go to Walgreens, who told me that while they had the shot I wanted, they could not give it to me because I am pregnant and need a special person to give it to me. Because why? Am I gonna get the shot and grab them by the balls while demanding pickles and ice cream? WTF? So then I had to call the main Walgreens number and talk to some rep who would not give me a direct line to a place where they WOULD inject me because they don't take incoming calls. So is there a fuckin secret handshake or what? Everyone agrees I should get the flu shot, but no one wants to actually give me the damn thing. So tomorrow I am trying again.

Tomorrow is my appointment

And it cannot get here fast enough. Both of us are sick of wondering if everything is ok and want to KNOW everything is ok. Mister keeps wanting me to tell him that if something is wrong I would "just know", except that isn't true. I would be sitting here patting a dead baby filled uterus and looking at the fuzzibuns website in complete ignorance of what is going on inside.

So tomorrow is what I want. Screw today, today is filler. I am going to work a long shift and then come home and wait. And wait. And wait alone, since Mister is working tonight. Stupid waiting.

Dear Sea Monkey,

No fooling around in there! Be healthy, be swimming, be growing. Daddy is CONVINCED you are a boy, since last night you gave Mommy gas so terrible that Daddy ran from the room. Mommy would have liked to run too but heck there were chips in the living room. We will see you tomorrow. And then Mommy will buy you a treat.

love,

Mommy


Dear Placenta,

Move you lazy git. Scoot over or else and stop hogging up the prime real estate on top of my cervix. I expect to see some MOVING or I will punish you with Celine Dion and Oasis. That should send you scurrying to the top.

Sincerely,
Uterus Owner

Snoogle after two days

I feel great! I sleep! I sleep well! I feel better than I have since June. Mister told me he could not remember the last time I didn't have to drag myself out of bed. Yesterday I got up with no problem, felt so good I initiated s-e-x, went to work, went to the grocery store, cleaned the kitchen, rubbed Mister's feet,and cooked dinner. Normally, I only have the energy for work and the store.

We are going to have to either buy a step stool or take away the bed frame, cause getting in and out of bed is not that easy. Our bed is really high and this last week it has gotten hard for me to get in.

Today is my day off and I am making meat sauce for ziti, running errands, going in to work for some extra hours( we have an ENORMOUS hours cut coming next week so I am going in today to get caught up on shit that I will get behind on again in October) and then maybe some laundry.

Mister changed our dryer hose thingy yesterday and finished transplanting our iris bulbs. And tracked dirt all over the house. Oh well.

I see the ob on the 30th thank goodness. We freakin hate waiting this long to know everything is ok. I am going to ask for the flu shot while I am there. If everything goes well on the 30th, I am telling the staff at work. I had to tell in stages, because well, yes I am still paranoid, but also because I work with 20 women and 3 men. So basically I did not want to drown in estrogen.

I am going to eat a huge breakfast and get my day started.

Trying out a snoogle tonight.

I'll report back tomorrow. While I haven't slept on it yet, I did try it out and almost cried from the relief. Yay back support! Yay my hips don't hurt! I am so freakin excited to climb in bed.

We also got some fall decorations, some flowers and pumpkins for our stoop. Tomorrow Mister is putting in some edging and planting iris bulbs for spring along our walkway. We have curvy brick paver things and inside that we are planting the iris, and between the iris and the actual walkway we are putting some kind of low growing white flower. Don't know what kind yet. I think I saw some mini white daffodils. Well, we don't have to decide till spring.

We went out for Indian food today. I am not a fan of curry in general, but it was good. It was nice to go somewhere different.

Off to dreamland.

My continuing boycott of The Eagles

I just got off the phone with Tastykake. I told them I would no longer be purchasing any of their products for my family. They have product out now with The Eagles on it. Ironically on their website they also have a dog lovers package. Part of being a good person is using your money responsibly. So I suppose it is no snackcakes at all now. I only bought Tastykakes, because they were local, and very fresh. I cannot even tell you how sad I am to give up my pies. But, I would rather have no pie ever than support a company that works with The Eagles.

I am still so disgusted that The Eagles took that shitheel in. Mister and I had some words about it, because he is still watching them. He actually considered buying a teeny little Eagles jersey. I think not bucko. I told him that if he spent one penny of our money on them I was going to outfit the baby in Dallas clothes. Oh yes I will.

I am a big believer in putting your money where your mouth is. That is part of why I buy organic . Even if it was not the healthier choice, I would still feel that it was the environmentally responsible choice. I will be very excited next year to really cut our footprint down and grow our own vegetables.

Anyway I am sad- because I love Tastykakes. But I will be damned if I buy another.

15 weeks

15 weeks! We can hardly believe it. And we have not seen Sea Monkey since Week 12. Which is making us crazy. I am really looking forward to the next few weeks. Only four weeks to go til the gender scan. And I have an appointment with the ob on the 30th. So maybe I will get a look at Sea Monkey then. I hope.

My ankles were really swollen the other day. Which I hope is normal at this stage and not a sign of Badness To Come. My boobs have grown. No GROWN. I could call my self Chesty McBooby. We can feel the bulge of my uterus, which makes us both happy, since with no ultrasounds that is the only indication we have that everything is ok in there.

The farther I get into pregnancy the more I look inward. Usually I don't have much to say because I am so focused on what is happening inside. That has been a large change for me, to become so quiet. I am not normally like that. But now I feel quiet, and I want to do quiet things.

I have started reading to Sea Monkey. Peter Rabbit and Benjamin Bunny. Today is Jemima Puddleduck. Which is a weird story for an infertile to read, but there you go.

My sister wants us to go on a last Goonie Adventure. So she is planning some kind of expedition in the next month or two. It will have to be before Thanksgiving because that is when they black out vacation at work. Ahhhh retail. Speaking of work, which I usually try not to= a few things.

Mel is coming to do a booksigning at my store. I will do a big post when it gets closer. My store is in New Jersey, if anyone is near enough to drive. I am pretty excited about that.

Work is making me crazy. Crazy enough to have to repeat and repeat to myself that no one hires pregnant women and I want my damn maternity leave. It is awful. No really. Atrocious. My company has made so many poor decisions, and the people who work in the stores have to live with corporate incompetence. I would not be surprised if we closed. In fact part of me would be relieved. About two years ago, Mister and I discussed the pros and cons of leaving. We decided to stick it out. But it has not been an easy decision to live with. The parts of my job that I love, helping people find good books and training new hires is about 5% of my job. 95% of my job is dealing with all the CYA emails those ass clowns send down with mandate after mandate. They won't let us do our jobs and I feel like I have no professional integrity anymore.

It would be funny if it weren't so sad. On the positive side, we have paid off a ton of debt, and our next to last credit card will be paid off either this month or next. And the last one will be paid off before March. Mister will be getting a raise right on time for Sea Monkey's debut. Plus, he will get more take home because he will have a dependent. I feel that we have reached our financial goal- we successfully carved out 1800 dollars a month from our budget allowing me to stay home without a change in our lifestyle. It is a little scary, and I am glad my job is protected in case we have made some glaring budget error. But it is also exciting to see something we have worked at for years come to pass. 1800 dollars is a lot of money to cut out of your monthly spending.

I also have a second job waiting if I decide I can't stand it anymore. I would hate to leave my vacation and personal time and FMLA eligibility but if work gets too bad I will. I just have to make it til the first week of March. If I can make it till the end of October, time will fly because of Christmas and I won't have time to hate work(I hope) until mid January. At which point I will be so close maybe I can muscle through it. And anything could happen. Work could close. Work could improve( lol),my district manager could get fired( please?),I could go on disability.

I am trying really hard not to hope for disability, because while it would be a get out of work free card, it would mean something was wrong. I see the nutritionist tomorrow. Yow. The big weight in.

round ligament pain

hurts. We both freaked out last night. I have had some before but not like yesterday. Ow. It's all on the left. Ow.

Was that not the whiniest post ever?

Eww.

Anyhow, tomorrow should be fun, because we are going to Hammonton, NJ ( THE BLUEBERRY CAPITOL OF THE WORLD as the sign proclaims) for a town wide yard sale. And I am stoked. I hope we find some good stuff. I am looking for a coffee table, and a small bookshelf. And whatever else strikes my fancy. I looooooooove yard sales. And we will be getting up at the crack ass of dawn. Which is less appealing, but whatever. I have my water and my handiwipes all set to go.

So tired

Yesterday I hid in my office because standing up and doing something seemed impossible. Isn't exhaustion supposed to go away by the second trimester? Cause there is "Oh I am tired." and then there is " Oh I can't focus, and get any work done, and my boss is gonna be pissed." I literally got one thing done yesterday.

And I feel similar today. And I know Forbidden Coffee would fix me right up. Sluggish I am . Last week I felt fantastic but yesterday and today I feel so very exhausted. And my nose is runny and stuffy. But I don't have a fever. I think I read a stuffy nose can happen during pregnancy. I think it would help if Mr. Naughtypants would stop waking me up at 7 am. He is a persistent little bugger. And then after waking me he considers his job done and sleeps half the day curled up on the sofa.

Anyhow I am feeling blah and whiny. Maybe it's the gloomy weather outside. I was thinking a pregnancy pillow might help me sleep more. Has anyone tried one they like? I really like to sleep on my stomach and I can't do that anymore, and I feel uncomfortable sleeping on my side. And I know I am not supposed to sleep on my back. Grr.

The telling

Well, we could not quite figure how, so we brought the most current ultrasound picture. I was panicking the whole drive down. A peek inside my head- " What if the baby just died and we are telling people today? Then I'll go crazy. What if the baby died last week? What if the baby dies next week? Why can't I have ultrasounds on demand? I CAN'T TELL! IT'S BAD LUCK AND FATE WILL SMITE US" etc for the hour drive. Rational, I am not.

So Mister told everyone, because I could not make myself say the words. Everyone is thrilled. My Mother in Law cried. My sister cried. I refuse to admit to crying. It was a looooong day. We visited Mister's best friends house, my in laws house, and my sister in laws house on Saturday. My sister came to dinner yesterday and we told her during one of Mom's many many many cigarette breaks.

Mom is still in the dark where she will remain till the last possible second, for my own peace of mind. Everyone has been sworn to Facebook secrecy, and threatened with an angry pregnant woman if by chance Daddy finds out secondhand. Three of my brothers in law had to find out by phone, one is in Iowa, and two are in Maryland. Or at least one is in Maryland, the other is in the Coast Guard and moves around so much that I tend to forget where he is.

My Mother in law was chock full of terrible name suggestions. Everyone suggests a French name because Misters last name is French Canadian. Well, I am here to say hell to the no. That was one of the reasons I would not take my husbands name, my name is French, and I felt like I would lose my whole ethnic identity.

I made fabulous chicken pot pie and green beans last night. Then we had strawberry shortcake for dessert.

My sex drive is back. I am dreaming about sex. Which is something I have never done. It's really weird. We are cautiously trying to get back to The Sex. But we can't stop ourselves from checking for blood each time. The ob said sex is fine as long as there is no bleeding, but if I start to bleed I have to go right in. Good times. But I figure we should at least try, from what I read if the placenta previa does not go away, this is a safe time. I read that the first and last trimesters are more risky for bleeding. So I am willing to try, since otherwise poor Mister will not get any at all till maybe June.

Mister told me I have to tell work this week. My sister said last night that she was wondering if we were pregnant, since I looked noticeably bigger than when she saw me two weeks ago. She said she normally wouldn't notice but that I looked so much thinner last time.

I think I have gained two pounds. So I have thirteen left. Two pounds in one trimester is good, right? I don't know.

Anyone who would like to offer a suggestion for a one syllable girls name is welcome to. I like Paige, Mister does not. He likes Claire and I don't. We are toying with Jane- which I like more than he does. We are both somewhat a fan of Kate. So those are the front runners. I am not a fan of nontraditional names with creative spelling.

Mom went back to my sisters house last night. It was so wonderful to have our home to ourselves. No one nagging or talkingandtalkingandtalking. And talking. About nothing. Five weeks of waiting till we know the gender.