I sent out an email today.

I read Flotsam's post today. I clicked on the link in her post and felt compelled to email the newspaper writer. Here is what I sent.

I wish I was as comfortably ignorant as you seem to be. This week is infertilty awareness week, and you might benefit from spending some time at the Resolve website.

My husband and I have infertility. We would love for adoption to be our first choice but it is not only much more complicated than infertility treatment, it is almost always more costly. Ms. Suleman is no more representative of infertility patients than Michael Jackson is representative of plastic surgery patients. It is a fantatic oversimplification to suggest all infertiles adopt.

Do not paint us all with the same brush.

I reject your patronizing statement that we are motivated by feelings of narcissism and entitlement. We have changed our lives to sacrifice for a baby we do not even have yet. I changed careers- taking a 20,000 dollar pay cut for a less stressfull job in the hopes my body would function as it should. I changed my diet- on the advice of a nutritionist and ending the 18 years of vegetarianism that defined a large part of me. What is narcissistic about sacrificing deeply held personal beliefs for something I may never achieve? How can you possibly equate the dream of a child created out of love to a personality disorder?

While there are people more eloquent than I am, and there are certainly people more knowledgeable about infertility than I am, I will not be silent in the face of your bluster and posturing.

sincerely,

Celia( I used my re name in the email)

I see now the email I sent has a typo. That's what you get when you rile me to the point of smacking someone. I forgive myself. My innocent typo compared to his entire article is insignificant.

You know I have yet to figure out how to post a darn link, so if you want to read the article , go on over to Flotsam's and read here post, the link is in there.

If you can't be a good example...

be a horrible warning. Don't eat a large piece of blueberry pie for dinner and then have coffee and a high fiber pop tart for breakfast.

I spoke with Dr. Turtle's office. After some back and forthing with me stating in a somewhat menacing tone" and I want EVERYTHING THAT NEEDS TO BE DONE TAKEN CARE OF THIS MONTH." It was determined my insurance will not cover an FSH test because I am lol too young. I would like to state for the first time EVER that I am finally too young for something that involves getting pregnant. It would be 120 out of pocket till I turn 37.

By crikey, that is 120 I will never be spending because I am damned if I will be 37 and still trying to get pregnant. I am set in my ways NOW, in two and a half years I will probably be one of those women that actually bothers to match their shoes to their purse.

*I failed a question on this test they gave me in the 90's during training at Macy's because I had no idea some people matched their purse to their wallet to their key fob. WHO ARE YOU FREAKS? I can barely make it out the door with SEASONALLY appropriate clothes, let alone coordinated ones.*

Anyhow, that is straightened out, but I won't know till tomorrow what day the Great Polyp Plucking of '09 will be. Sometime between May 4th and 9th.

I am slobbing around being non productive because I cleaned the house yesterday. I am casually searching for some of my jewelry which is somewhere. I want it all in one place and it is somewhat scattered from the move. Well, the truth is I have never been very careful with it, and now a ton is misplaced. I saw this necklace on BBC antiques roadshow that looks very, very similar to one I have and I want to get it looked at. Except I can't find it. I am sure it is here SOMEWHERE. I probably threw it in with who knows what because I always thought it was costume. Which it probably is, but if not we are selling that sucker ASAP.

A very pleasant evening

We had a lovely visit with my brother in law and his girlfriend. They have been together I think seven or eight years now. My other brother in law came too, we had a nice time. We had chips and dip and I made blueberry pie.

I have some cramps this month but not like last month where I was throwing up.

I have to call Dr. Turtle's office soon to see when I am getting my ovarian reserves tested. I think tomorrow? And then polyp time. Yay? All I can picture is some kind of wand with a grabber on the end that they stick up my pinata and just puuuuuulllll out the polyp.

Ick.

hysterical. Guess what day it is.

I called Dr. Turtle's office and before I can get provera I have to get a pregnancy test. So I have an appointment tomorrow morning at 8:15, which works out great because I have work at 4 pm so I can get up at the ass crack, drive 45 minutes there and back and then do it all again later. My RE is across the street from my job.

Which you would think would be convenient. But no.

So then I asked when the polyp test would be and they said between days 6 and 11 and then I asked if I was allowed to take Clomid at the same time. Nope. So this will be a jolly, wasted month. Hurrah! Fuck YOU May, it's not even MAY yet and I HATE YOU.

Dear May,

I would like to invite you to suck goat nuts.

yours,

Celia

Truly, I am so beyond pissed and sad at the idea of waiting ANOTHER MONTH. IT IS NEVER ENDING. Do you think I could talk them into doing the polyp thing and then giving me more provera so I could just FUCKING GET STARTED already?

Updated to add... Guess what day it is. CD 1! So at least no Provera!

Dear May,

You are not off the hook and we still hate you forever. Get back to fellating goats.

Celia

Yay! A washer!

We picked one, finally! It's a GE energy star top loader with a stainless steel inside. And I think it is going to be 400 dollars. Which is under budget! I did not want one of those crazy majillion button fancy washers. I can't even turn our teevee off, I don't want some space age washer.

The energy star rating was important to me, and so was the stainless steel inside since it can't chip and rust like a porcelain one. Mr. is going to pay for it on Sunday while I am at work.

Whoohoo NEWSFLASH! Mr. just called and my favorite brother in law and his girlfriend are coming to visit tonight! I am so excited! Now I have to do the Flight of the Bumblebee and clean a wee bit more aggressively than I might have.

YAY!

Still no AF

Up yours AF, it is CD 41 and you are just screwing with me as much as possible. Well, I hate you right back.

A couple people have asked where I work, I work at The Secret Book Lair. They have a strict no blogging policy that I signed off on, so I can't use their name. I train the staff and supervise the office stuff. Which mainly means I order supplies and do payroll while nagging/nurturing and listening to everyone's complaints.

We are looking at more washing machines today. And I am doing the rest of my grocery shopping and baking meatloaf. The heat wave finally broke and , so now it is just the pollen making it a little miserable. My car looks frosted.

Dr. Turtle's office still has not returned my call. So I'll call back today. I POAS'd again, and of course got my good buddy BFN. But I wanted to be sure before I demanded Provera.

More on The Guernsey blah blahs

I cannot say it is a terrible book. Or even a bad book. I can only say I am indifferent to its charms and desperately wish to be done with it.

Have you ever been on a date with a perfectly acceptable, handsome, moderately intelligent, thoughtful man that did not interest you in the slightest?

That is how I feel about this book. Possibly I will never get over my affront at the book being fiction. I don't want to be friends with it, I have other friends I like better. I am at page 126. Not even half done.

Well, here it is the last day of ICLW

I had a great time this month and enjoyed all the new blogs I found. I laughed and cried and commiserated. My favorite thing about finding a new blog is working my way through all the blogs they link to. Of course I will never make it through Yaya's list... but it is fun to try. It is freaking CD 40 over here. I am gonna POS again maybe tomorrow and then call the RE and ask for a jumpstart.

I am reading a book for work, again. And I don't want to say that I hate it. I don't hate it- yet. But it is working very hard at being quirky and charming and I don't feel like being charmed. It did use one of my favorite words- "frogmarch" Which is what I tell myself when I read a book for work. " I will frogmarch myself through it."

I also feel that the author is sucking up- just in general.

When this book came out, I wanted to like it,but then I found out it was fiction and I was hoping it was non-fiction.

Why do they ALWAYS pick books that are so full of suck? Or worse- full of mediocrity? When you try and please everyone, you AREN'T GOING TO PLEASE ANYONE.

While I do love an epistolary novel- this one reminds me too closely in flavor of:
#1 A blog I read daily- in it's tone.
#2 A book I have loved and cherished for almost twenty years- again with the tone.

Now, it could be that this is because all these people are writing with an English sensibility, or it could be that this author has read similar books and has similar tastes. It could be that I am just a miserable book troll and am pissy about reading something under what might be considered duress.

But I AM NOT CHARMED, Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Society. Not charmed with your intentionally twee and clumsy title, not charmed with the characters which seem picked from The Big Book Of Plucky And Winsome Britians, not charmed by the foreshadowing of what I can only guess will be an extremely tiresome romance.

If you would like to read a genuinely charming and fun epistolary novel I suggest Sorcery and Cecilia by Patricia Wrede and Caroline Stevermer.



I am on page 65 and God help me there are over 220 pages to go. I am NOT A FAN.

Update-page 104 and still annoyingly plucky. I need a good, bloody, murder mystery.

What will happen next?

I just don't know. I wonder what drugs I will get(finally) and I wonder what the IUI will be like and I wonder if Mr.'s sperm has improved any. I wonder if they can go polyp hunting in the same month as I start fertility drugs.

As much as I would punch a nun to get some drugs- I am still scared of them. And I really wonder if any of it will work.

Shopping haul and Ring of Fire Enchilada Review

I went to Trader Joes today. I got 3 bottles of Poland Springs flavored seltzer, a bottle of water( IT WAS SO HOT TODAY),pasta and vegetables for the fritatta(or frittata or freetatas whatever)a bag of natural beef jerky, laundry detergent, extra large brown organic cage free yadda yadda eggs, 1/2 gallon each organic skim and 1/% milk,organic half n half, organic hamburger and hot dog rolls, organic all beef hot dogs, organic fruit strips, and natural no creepy stuff added lean ground beef.

If you are wondering the organic hot dogs were 4.99 and the beef was 4.99. I spent 47 dollars and have sixty left for the week. I want to see how much extra I have left and then I might swing by Whole Paycheck for some organic grapes and berries.


Ring of Fire Enchiladas


Well Mr baked off four today, two for him and two for me. He said he ran out of water in the middle of eating and the cats knocked his plate to the floor in their endless quest to eat Mexican food. I have no idea WHY our cats are so attracted to Mexican food but they get DESPERATE and beg and dance and basically assure us that no, they have never eaten ever and what's more what they WANT is Mexican food and WE ARE THE MEANEST AND THEY ARE STARVING AND ALSO NEGLECTED AND THEY JUST MIGHT REVENGE PUKE IN OUR BED.

Anyhow at least one of the cats got some enchiladas but no one is talking. I am pretty sure whomever it is will fess up in the night while they beg for antacid and cling to the litter box.

We absolutely would NOT use the PEPPERS OF DOOM again. Poblano 4 ever, that is our motto.

Sunday sunday sunday

It's Sunday. Payroll day. Save me. It hasn't been too outrageous lately, in that most people are actually clocking in and out and no salaried employees have been on vacation.

You might think that since most people work because they want money that they would pay attention to clocking in and out- you would be wrong. That is why every Sunday I eat things from the salty/chewy/fatty family of chips and chocolate. Because the alternative would be banging my head on my desk.

Sunday is also the day we pick up the mess from Saturday. Yay!

The only thing that would improve this would be AF.

Yesterday I planned our weeks menu and we are having pizza, hamburgers, meatloaf, hot dogs and frittata. Frittata makes enough for two dinners and lunches, and I make meatloaf in cupcake pans so that I can freeze them for Mr to eat when I'm not here.

I think after chaining myself to the kitchen last week I want a break.

I am not buying a Sunday paper this week, the coupons sound terrible. I am holding on to the bulk of my money and hoping next week will be better. At Trader Joes today I am buying eggs, and the frozen Italian pasta for the frittata, and well as milk, hot dogs, beef and rolls.

At Pathmark I am buying high fiber Pop Tarts(I think I am addicted)on sale for 2.49 and I have a dollar off coupon and Frosted Flakes on sale for 1.88 and I have a dollar coupon. We really don't need cereal, but I cannot pass it up.

At Shoprite I am buying Bryers Ice Cream, it's 1.98 and Lysol which is on sale 1.88 and I have a coupon for one dollar off two. For the most part I like gentle, natural cleaners but when I am cooking raw meat I get paranoid and use disposable wipes AND spray bleach. I am also picking up Hot Pockets which are on a crazy 6 for 10 sale. Mr. likes them.

I need to get some odds and ends like an onion for the meatloaf and I am carrying around this awesome coupon for a Marcal product if I could just find a store that carries the size specified.

A nice, quiet day

AF is not here yet although I have had some cramping. I am gonna test again tomorrow morning just for the heck of it. We went this morning and ran errands and then to the Amish Market down the street. I was not impressed with the meat and produce but we fell in love with the furniture. If I can't find a table I like in a second hand store we will save up for a full set from there.


Then Mr. wanted Evil Dip for lunch. Which is the can of chili, block of cream cheese, and a hand full of shredded cheese. It is just about the most unhealthy thing you can eat. He put our new lights out front. They look cute.

I have some house junk to do, but it is probably not gonna happen since I am weighed down by a considerable amount of Evil Dip.

Assuming I ever move again I have to change the sheets and cook dinner. Maybe pork with apples? Or pork in a mustard sauce?

And I fully just scratched my boob in front of the

window with the shade up and my neighbor was outside. I was all "oh hai" I'm you're new white trash semi drunk neighbor.

blunking

If you never have more than half a glass of wine every few months- and then drink Frangelico you are in trouble.

That is all.

I love you guys( except the Breeders)

maybe I fixed all the typos.

No surprise, BFN

At 4 30 this morning the digital said " hell no". So I lay in bed and stared into the dark for a while. Why, just why do I ever think I will see a positive test? I am a mostly rational person and extremely practical. You would think I would have firmly smushed every hope molecule. I must have some rogue hope floating around in me.
Just waiting for my resistance to be down, the Hope Ninjas roll into action. Waving swords with hilts shaped like EPTs and hurling throwing stars chiseled from pre-natals.


Damn stealthy bastards. Sneaking in at the last second every month and cackling when I get another Big Fat Raspberry from The Universe.

Mr. is off gallivanting with his man friends tonight. His bowling team came in first in their league so they are all at a Longhorn to celebrate. I am slumped on the couch and plan to make sweet, sweet love to macaroni and cheese from the box. And icecream. And a smidge of Frangelico. And then another smidge.

Sadly, I don't see any Super Nanny on tv. BUT I am watching WE on demand The Secret Lives of Women.

CD 35

Well, I usually post and do ICLW in the morning. But I have to leave for work by 6 am. So likely I will not have it together enough to post. I bought the tests on my break today. One for tomorrow's BFN and one for the BFN two days later. Because come on now- you know and I know that stick will be el negativo. The only thing positive about tomorrow is that I am getting paid and I am stopping at the likker store to buy some frangelico to put on my ice cream.

Anyhow I just like to smack myself around before I test. Otherwise I get all hopeful and "we can do it if we try v-i-c-t-o-r-y". I am excited right now, thus proving my own lunacy. What could be dumber than thinking the THIRTY SEVENTH time is the charm?

God, I am like the ugly girl on prom night thinking each car that drives by her house is the date that hasn't showed yet. I need to face facts and watch a Molly Ringwald movie. But not the one where she gets pregnant(For Keeps)maybe Sixteen Candles. Hopefully Nanny 911 will be on tomorrow. That will cheer me up.

Negative it will be negative.

CD 34

Soooooo here we are at CD 34. I am testing for real tomorrow. I have to meet my minimum BFN quota or I lose my edge. AF has not been later than 36 days since I think October when I went on Met.

I still feel this weird urge to bake. So depending on what is in the house I might make blackberry cake after all. What I really want to make are scones and I can't find my cookbook and the internet has been non-compliant. I will find that damn book soon. Then it is gonna be scone central here.

Enchiladas got the cold shoulder last night again. I made macaroni and cheese with sauteed peppers and turkey keilbasa.

It has to happen today though, because I have to use up the chicken.


Well well, it appears that a website I went to yesterday edited my comment and removed it. Yep. So I reposted asking why, because I am a bitch like that. I am going to try and link it on the side. I told them their post was racist. Ugh, I have tried and tried to link. If you are curious, Google ThriftyMamas.com scroll down to the bottom of the page in the middle collum.

We bought solar lights last night for our front walkway. They are pretty cute, Mr is installing them Saturday. Saturday we are also going bowling and have sworn to each other to at least prime the living room. We are also checking out the Amish Market down the street- I am hoping to find some nice vegetables.

Enchilada Sauce review

Well I have it on the stove. My first thought is damn that is a lot of enchilada sauce. My second thought is that is too spicy for me. Mr. will think it is fine but I hope the other ingredients tame it down.

I also think that blending the sauce is a waste of time. Unless you are chunk-phobic and demand smooth sauces- skip that. Just dice the chipolte peppers and move on with your life.

I think if I were going to do this again, I would take out the chipolte and use poblano.

I would use two cans of tomato sauce for the bulk of the sauce. I would use some regular peppers and poblano. I would probably roast em. Then I would dice them and add them into the sauce keeping the other ingredients the same.

The sauce is finished, I will say it is a sexy shade of red. I tossed just under a cup of the sauce with my precooked, shredded chicken, added the cilantro I had leftover from the sauce, and a heaping cup of mexican blend cheese. I turned the oven to 200. Once it hits 200 I am going to warm the tortillas (spraying each with pan spray)for two minutes. Then I am gonna fill and freeze em.

Sometime in the future.... I will spray or brush them with oil and bake at 350 for 20 minutes. Then they get 1 1/2 cups of the sauce( defrosted in the microwave. ) and sprinkle it with 1 1/2 cup cheese. Bake till it bubbles maybe five more minutes.

I'll update when we actually eat them.

Chipolte Enchilada Sauce = Burning Fire Indigestion. Holee Bleep. It is tamed when mixed with the chicken and cheese, but Mother of BLEEP.

Raging, raving, catagory 5

PMS. I have cried seven times today and have eaten:

Chicken and rice- good start
Cadbury Cream Egg with two cups of coffee- umm
5 cookies- chocolate covered wafers to be precise.
No fruit.
Plus I have two sticks of butter softening on the counter for chocolate chip cookies.

Plus it was weird, I was dizzy when I got up. I think because I overslept till 11 am and my blood sugar was too low.

I did clean the carpets today so I am not a total dirtbag.

I want Chinese food, macaroni and cheese and some twizzlers.


To be somewhat serious for a moment, three times the reason I cried is that I watched the video I pinned to my sidebar.

I decided screw keeping politics out of my blog.

CD 33

Mr. Naughtypants is a loon today. He needs more stick. Is there anyone out there in the mood to throw a stick for 8 hours straight? I will reward you richly with pie. He is also diving into the newspapers I forgot to take out and shredding them. Which at least is keeping him busy.

When I try and take a break from Stick Throwing he gives me mournful kitty eyes. Think of Puss from Shrek and that is what I am up against.

Aside from marathon throwing of the much loved Stick, I am baking and cleaning today. Since I wimped out yesterday and made chicken and broccoli casserole, today is enchiladas.

I am really in the mood to bake. Who knows why? But I found a recipe for blackberry cake that I might try. Or maple iced angel food cake. I am so hungry today, maybe....chocolate chip cookies?

In the kitchen

Today I am making enchiladas.

As promised to my darling Bird, here is the enchilada sauce recipe I found in this months Cook's Illustrated. They have a great issue out for Spring with make ahead and freeze recipes. I am going to try the dinner rolls too.

1, 28 oz can tomato sauce
1 medium onion chopped
3 garlic cloves minced
1, 7 oz can chipolte chiles in adobo sauce( I could not find these anydamnwhere I had to go to Whole Foods)
1 tsp ground cumin
1 tsp ground coriander
1/4 tsp salt
1/2 cu low sodium chicken broth

Blend above till smooth. Heat one tablespoon vegetable oil, bring to a boil and reduce heat to medium low. Simmer 8-10 minutes till the liquid is reduced to 3 and 1/2 cups.

I love Cooks Illustrated. It is the ONLY cooking magazine I find worth both buying and keeping. I trust them. Occasionally I have a difference of opinion with them but usually I find them to be exactly right.

I know the enchiladas are going to be great.

I am also making two apple pies today. I take my apples( usually I have at least two kinds) and peel, core, and slice them. Then I put them in a large colander (over a bowl) with cinnamon, sugar and some lemon juice- orange juice is nice too and what I will use today since I don't have any lemon.

After about a half hour I peek. If there is a lot of liquid I move to the next step. If not I wait another half hour.

Then you reduce the liquid till it is a syrup. Today I will probably put a split vanilla bean in the syrup. Why not? Yum vanilla. I stir in a lump of butter at the end and toss the apples in the syrup. Then I put them in the pie and put the crust on. I don't use a bottom crust anymore. Too many calories. We just eat our pie in a bowl. I always dab a little milk on the crust and then heavily sprinkle it with sugar.

This filling is great in a strudel too. I bind my strudel with biscotti crumbs.

I got my apple pie recipe from my hero Rose Levy Beranbaum. If you have her books, you don't need any others. I do actually need to replace my copy of The Cake Bible- it looks like it has been through a war.

I am doing some laundry today too.

CD 32 yadda yadda

I wish I had something exciting for the first day of ICLW but nope. It is CD 32. If AF does not show I will test on Friday. When AF gets here(yes..when)I have to schedule a blood test to see my ovarian reserve. Hopefully the mountain of vitamins I have ingested over the past three years has kept my eggs perky- like the people in an Ensure commercial.

May is almost upon us people. It's time to go polyp hunting in Uterus Forest. Hopefully my RE will bag one and end my heavy periods and cramps sent by Satan- with the lovely benefit of successful implantation.

Even better- drugs! IUI! Thankfully I have lost enough weight, even though I have NOT been exercising. Nope. I have not. And I am still losing a pound a week. The first one to say with exercise I could lose two pounds a week gets a pelted with a handfull of Met. I am not totally sure how much weight I have lost. According to the official scale at the RE's I have lost 31 pounds, according to my scale( my scale being preferred) I have lost 34 pounds.

I am kind of scared to think what might happen once I go off the met. Will all the weight come back? I like to think I have permanently changed how I eat.

I am ready to get the damn train moving.

Great new diet! 100% effective.

Say you have PMS( or more kindly but less realistically are in the 2WW) and after eating 2 pop tarts for breakfast with two cups of coffee(clearly hoping the fiber content plus coffee will result in magic "weight loss" before 4 30 pm dietitian appointment) you are considering eating a few (fine a lot) of Lays Potato Chips purchased for Mr.


This is where the diet comes in. Bizarre Foods is key. Because as I was conveying handful number three of chips on the teevee came a picture of dead, NAKED, baby birds. IN A HAMPER.

As your stomach churns, close bag of crispy chips and hide them under a pillow.

A while later, open the bag and take another handful, after all you may reason, chips don't weigh a lot and should not affect the scale. BIZARRE FOODS must still be on the teevee. Because then comes your diet aid, in the form of FRIED BATS.

Spit out the crispy chips which are very evocative of fried bat wings and hide bag of chips again.

This may be the most effective diet aide ever.

I am editing to add I have lost three more pounds according to The Official and Scary RE Scale.

Definition of Insanity

You know for a few months now I have been getting ready to back away from TTC. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing again and again and expecting a different outcome. I am SICK TO DEATH of giving things up and changing my life for nothing.

I have...

abandoned my career that paid well for a poorly paying job with less stress and more flexible hours. The therapist and the RE said it was the right choice. It is the right choice. That doesn't mean it doesn't suck- no matter how much I try to look at the positive sides of it. My boss and I both agree that I am too distracted to be promoted right now, even in this less stressful job.

changed my diet. Organic, minimal white sugar and white flour, low fat dairy, I threw out all my plastic and now store things in glass or ceramic in case something was leaching into my food and contributing to IF,switched to almost all organic cleaners. I LIKE BLEACH. I LIKE SOFTSCRUB. I LIKE AIR FRESHENERS. I LIKE FULL FAT ICE CREAM AND TASTY KAKES. I LIKE ZIPLOC. I LIKE PRESS AND SEAL.

Stopped being a vegetarian after 18 years. 18 years. I hate meat. I hate chicken. I hate killing animals. I hate touching meat, it's icky. But I eat meat now. It was a fundamental part of who I am and now I am not that person.

We bought a house in a neighborhood we could still afford if I get pregnant with multiples. I really like our house and our neighborhood, but I would be lying if I said I did not wish for a smaller house in a cuter neighborhood.

Lost my sex life. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. If not, you are a Breeder for sure. Nothing says "hot romance" like " my mucus seems good today."

Have you ever seen the musical Oklahoma when Will is singing to Ado Annie the song All or Nothing? "Before I give up anything else I want to know your intentions."

I feel like that. All this and still nothing. Mr. and I have been discussing it lately. We both like our life. We would be ok if it stayed like this. Would we love a baby? Yes. Obviously,yes. See above. I think we would be very good parents and I do think a baby would be very lucky to be a part of our extended family. Mr.'s family while not perfect is a GREAT family to be a child in.

I think Mr. would be a wonderful Dad. He really would. He is great with our neice and nephew. He is fun, active, playful, he can do all kinds of cool stuff like actually make models. His sense of fun and adventure a a good balance to my planning and organizing. Do I think I would be a good Mom. Yes. Perfect? No.

I just want to be done. If the RE can get me pregnant good, great, wonderful. I am thrilled, beyond thrilled. BUT I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF WAITING AND GETTING DICKED AROUND BY THE UNIVERSE.

I have to see the nutritionist today. I do not care.

Bored in the 2WW

So, I stole this from Bookkitten. Her blog is linked on my sidebar.

1. My uncle once : Teased me and told me he saw me steal money from the church collection box. Even though I did not, I still felt guilty. Soooo funny. Not.

2. Never in my life : Have I enjoyed a PEEP. Ick.

3. When I was seventeen : I loved going to church.

4. High School was : Not my favorite.

5. I will never forget : How adorable my husband looked the first day I met him.

6. I once met : Christina Pirello and she was a total bitch.

7. There’s this girl I know who : cooks me as many crepes as I can eat.

8. Once, at a bar : CENSORED

9. By noon, I’m usually : still in my pajamas

10. Last night : Worked till 11 30, them came home and watched the AVN awards.

11. If only I had : a functioning reproductive system.

12. Next time I go to gym/church : UM.....

14. What worries me most : Who will get elected after Obama.

15. When I turn my head left, I see : A blue and orange afgan my Gran made.

16. When I turn my head right, I see : Mr., asleep on my shoulder.

17. You know I’m lying when : I'm a great liar, you would never know.

18. What I miss most about the eighties : My innocence( such as it was).

19. If I was a character in Shakespeare, I’d be : Katherine from Taming of the Shrew.

20. By this time next year : We will either have a baby or be planning a trip to Ireland.

21. A better name for me would be : Well, my Grandma wanted to name me Olive.

22. I have a hard time understanding : Why people lie to me at work about fraudulent returns or trying to cheat the coupon system. Cheap, lying, wankers.

23. If I ever go back to school, I’ll : Study Spanish.

24. You know I like you if : I call you Boo.

25. If I ever won an award, the first person I’d thank would be : My husband.

26. When I compare 80’s rock to 90’s rock : There is no comparison.

27. Take my advice, never : Cook bacon in your bathing suit.

28. My ideal breakfast is : Belgian waffles with syrup and clotted cream with a bottomless cup of Lacas coffee.

29. A song I love, but do not own is : ` Be My Yoko Ono, by The Barenaked Ladies.

30. If you visit my hometown, I suggest : You don't.

31. My favorite Beatle is : I hate the Beatles. I think they suck. I REALLY hate all British male singers- they sound whiny to me. But I loathe The Beatles. As a matter of fact, they would have sunk into oblivion by now if it wasn't for the entire world sucking the Baby Boomers' collective dick.

32. Why won’t people : Stop acting like cattle?

33. If you spend the night at my house : I sleep naked. Just warning ya.

34. I’d stop my wedding for : Ummm-nope I am sticking with Mr.

35. The world could do without : Ann Coulter, Nancy Grace, George Bush Jr and Sr, Jesse Falwell, Pat Buchanan,FRED PHELPS, Warren Jeffs, better stop before I get all ranty.
36. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than : Dude- I am not licking a cockroach.

37. My favorite blonde is :Legolas. YUM.

38: Paper clips are more useful than : Staples. At least paper clips don't jam.

39. If I do anything well, it’s : cook.

40. And by the way : I try not to talk about politics, but could not resist the above question. It is safe to say that WHATEVER your opinions are, mine are to the left of yours.

Who is visiting me in the pokey after I kill my

husband? I was woken up this morning by something like WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK. I thought through my exhaustion ,what is that? Roofers? " No. Maybe Mr. is hanging pictures? Or chipping something off the wall?

I will end the suspense. At 9 am this morning, after I worked till 11:30 at night and then went to sleep around 3 SOMEONE DECIDED TO PLAY THE DAMN DRUM SET FROM ROCK BAND 2.

I gave up on sleep- although it would have been nice since I have to work till 9 30 tonight. I came downstairs and tried to give him the look of death but instead of noticing my Look Of Death, he thought I was patiently waiting for a break in the rocking so I could go to the kitchen. I was magnanimously told I could pass.

Finally after about another half hour of WHACK WHACK WHACK he turned to me and made some Rock Band related comment. I just stared at him and
him "What"
me "Nothing."
him " You are giving me a look."
me "Sorry."
him "WHAT?"
me"It would have been nice if you had waited till maybe 10 for this."
him"Someone could have been roofing."
me"That's what I thought."
him "You're fine."


Then he gave me a big morning kiss which I returned because fighting right now would take too much energy. Maybe after coffee. Or MAYBE one night he stays up late I can use the shop vac in the hallway outside our bedroom at 9 am. While I do laundry and use the blender.

CD 28

Well here we are at CD 28. I am officially on AF watch. Mom and my sister are coming for brunch tomorrow. I am making scrambled eggs, bacon, biscuits,blackberry jam, and maybe a coffee cake. I suppose I should put out some fruit. Not like anyone will eat it besides me. I might make some sausage too. Maybe some sauteed apples. That would be nice with sausage.

So today I have quite a bit of cooking and cleaning to do and some other errandy stuff. Today I am poaching off the chicken I bought yesterday. I want to cook the enchilada sauce too which will make it not quite so atrocious when I assemble the enchiladas. I am about to drink two cups of coffee and then I have to get cracking.

I cannot tell a lie, yesterday I POS. I think I was possessed. Who knows why? I woke up AND HAD TO.

Mr. and I went bowling yesterday. He is boringly consistent and knocks most of the pins down. I am more exciting, sometimes I knock them all down, sometimes ( ok most of the time) my ball rolls right down the gutter.

Bird, I relayed your request to Mr. maybe I can get him to do it this weekend.

Back from the stores.

Well I am pooped.

I went to four grocery stores today, partially to shop and partially to check out organic meat prices. It was so hard for me because I can buy regular meat so so so much cheaper. Ugh.

Anyhow this week we are having cereal, pop tarts or oatmeal for breakfast. For lunch either pbnj, ham and cheese or turkey and cheese.

For dinner, tonight we had black bean and chicken burritos with brown rice. Tomorrow I am making chicken and broccoli casserole. Tomorrow I am also cooking off the organic chicken I bought. Which was almost four dollars a pound and regular chicken is on sale at Giant this week for 1.79 a pound. Hold me.

We are also having creamed chip beef on toast, enchiladas- twice, another round of macaroni and cheese with turkey kielbasi twice, and pizza and I think burgers. I have no idea why this switched to italics. I can switch one of those off if I want and bake off the other pot pie I froze or I could make a ziti. For dessert we have Klondike bars and I am making an apple pie. I have pork in the freezer- maybe some I will bake them with the apples.

I spent 84.69 total today and saved 38.40.

I bought: 10 pounds of organic apples, braeburn and granny smith.
chipolte peppers and 2 organic green peppers
2 pounds of organic crazy chicken breast
2 Klondike Bars
a gallon of milk 2%
a half gallon of organic milk
organic white bread
flax seed
no freaky stuff added turkey and ham
organic tortillas
cumin
5 hi fiber organic fruit strips
cilantro
organic tomato sauce( for the enchilada sauce)
organic sugar
organic black beans
macaroni and cheese in the box( is it as bad if it's organic? guilty pleasure)
organic grape jelly
chipped beef
8 bags of cheese from Giant on a crazy 3 for $4 sale.
3 blocks of cheese from same sale
3 low fat Pillsbury dinner rolls
2 packs of all natural pork
1 pack of all natural ground turkey. The turkey and the pork were on manager special and I tossed them right in the freezer. I saved four dollars on them.

CD 25

I am headed to my sisters house today. I have to take Mom to another doctor appointment. While it is a giant pain to make a two hour trip to drive Mom ten minutes- it is not fair to my sister to expect her to keep taking off of work.

Honestly the worst part is driving though Princeton, NJ. Those roads SUCK. Narrow, congested, full of potholes. Lots and lots and LOTS of pedestrians. Rt 206 through Princeton is awful.

So here we are at CD 25 and if ever a month dragged it was this month. I suppose I can start Flo Watch 09 in three days. I refuse to be caught out like I was in March.

Mom's appointment is with the hematologist. I think she is maybe gearing up for another round. Mom has been dying, almost dying, recovering, not quite dying, practically dead, not dead yet for two years this Mother's Day. I can be a little flip about it because well that is how my family is. I could only walk around sobbing that my Mommy is dying for so long and then I had to deal. Mom has end stage liver failure and if you are unfamiliar with that kind of illness, it has a totally different trajectory from cancer. I would describe it as a spiral with a large loop instead of a downhill slope. So you can be getting the Last Rites one week and out at a restaurant a month later. I don't talk about Mom that much on here.

Probably because unless you have experienced Mom she can be hard to describe. AYM knows her.

Her family nickname is "Laz" because she has returned from the dead so many times now. Mom is...not your typical Mom. I am making her bread pudding today and bringing her a book.

Researching organic meat.

I am on the hunt. Has anyone else researched organic meat? I am trying to figure out the best place to buy it till I know what I am doing. I am sad to say I might have to go to Whole Paycheck. I hate shopping there, everything looks so gorgeous that it is torture to stay in my budget. I only go there if I am hunting for something and absolutely cannot find it anywhere. Like when I first started using aduki beans and they were the only store stocking it. \

I am likely going to faint when I see there prices. But I have been looking casually while doing my other shopping and I haven't seen much. I am struggling to find an internet source I feel is trustworthy for information. Also. only one blogger I read tries to budget with organic food and I don't want to bother her since she just had a baby about a week ago. I suppose I could work my way through her sidebar and hope I get lucky.

Blah. With fruit and veggies and dairy I know what a good organic price is because I know what a good non-organic price is. But I only started buying meat again in the last few months. I just don't have a good enough grasp yet.

The Elegance of the Hedgehog

I don't want to. Noooooooooooooooo. All I did yesterday was read that other crapfest and I want to read a GOOD book. An enjoyable book. I have not forced myself to read anything since highschool. Ugh. The Great Gatsby. Ugh. Pip. Anyhow I am thinking about skimming the rest of the book and faking it.

It's CD 25. If I ovulated on the 15th (lol) AF will be here soon. If I ovulated a few days ago then AF won't be here for a week and a half. If I did not ovulate AT ALL who the heck knows what will happen. I get my thingybob soon. As soon as AF starts I get my ovarian reserve test and then later in the month they go polyp hunting. I am really hoping there is something up there, because then maybe we will have solved one of our problems.

I do not understand why that was not taken care of before. Since if something is up there it is working like a damn IUD. I have a bunch of stuff to get caught up on today. Since yesterday was a big loss.

Review: The Girls from Ames

Dear Breeders,

You will LOVE this heartwarming tale. Laugh at the girls from Ames' touching hijinks! Share their pain as they go through life. Read this book with your friends, it will touch you. This book has it all, weep with the friends when a child dies of cancer, battle with the friends when two of their own fight breast cancer, party with the friends as they celebrate LIFE and each other!

Dear People Like Me,

This book is as absorbing as one ply toilet paper. It reads like The Longest Readers Digest Article Ever. This book is maudlin, and desperately in need of editing. By page 95 I was dying for it to be over, sadly I had 297 pages to wade through. It is the lite rock of literature. I imagine it will appeal to the same people that enjoy Thomas Kinkade art and America's Funniest Home Videos.


In conclusion,

I feel this could have been more enjoyable. Possibly the book suffers in that the author ( or story collector) does a poor job. It reads in turn like a boringly well researched article on friendship, like a feel good filler for Mother's Day, like a Hallmark movie script. I think the book would have been much improved by allowing each of the Girls from Ames to write in turn. Or perhaps presented in scrap book format, with a long introduction. I think it was a good idea with poor execution.

I do think the book has a good chance at hitting the best seller list. Partially because the author was the co author of The Last Lecture, partially because Mother's Day is coming and it would be a good gift if you had NO IDEA what to buy, or your Mom is a midwesterner with a deeply prosaic streak. Give it to her with some Bath and Body products and a box of Whitmans.

Behind behind behind

I accidentally slept till 11:30 like a total dirtbag. So I am just eating breakfast now. I hate oversleeping because it throws off my stupid pill schedule.

Today I am grocery shopping and cooking and doing laundry. According to Mr. Naughtypants- I should also constantly throw his Stick. I suppose I should be thankful he stopped carrying the paintbrush around. Which was a replacement for his beloved Stick. However, Stick is found and now he is making up for lost time.

I suppose there are people out there that can ignore an adorable, fluffy kitty dropping their Stick at your feet and then looking at you imploringly. However, I can't. So it is Day of the Stick over here.

Plus I have to finish reading The Elegance of the Hedgehog and The Girls from Ames. I am sure your typical Breeder would LOVE the Girls from Ames. So far I find it about as absorbing as one ply toilet paper. It is not HORRIBLE- it is merely bad. Or not great. However, I did passionately loathe The Memory Keepers Daughter and that thing sold like crazy. I am going to force myself to finish wading through it. I don't hate it as much as I thought, but I am only a quarter through it. Sigh. Lots more to go.

The Elegance of the Hedgehog is not to my taste either. It is too preciously written, too much like a room in a magazine spread. Sure, nice to look at but you don't feel comfy hanging out there. I am hoping it was just an affected translation. However, I must slog because I promised to read both.

Vegetable Lasagna

Monday I am making vegetable lasagna. I already cooked a ginormous pot of sauce yesterday while I was making the pot pies.

So I just have to assemble. It has onions, garlic, tomatoes, green and yellow squash, peppers( I found some in the freezer) and mushrooms. I chopped the mushrooms into microscopically small pieces to hide them from Mr.

I have four closing shifts this week so I have to force myself to be organized since Mr. is about as likely to cook his own dinner as he is likely to give away his Guitar Hero.

Likely I am going to try and re-arrange the freezer to squeeze in a lasagna I can bake off at some point in the future. Or I might bring it to my Dad's- he is having knee surgery and I know it would help if I brought something pre-cooked. I want to bring them something but I don't know what. Or rather, I will feel good bringing them a cooked dinner but then I will be SAD because I am well meaning but LAZY and then will have to cook MORE.

So our meals are going to go Monday Tuesday lasagna. Wednesday I may or may not be home for dinner, if not Mr will have leftover lasagna. Assuming there is any leftover.

Another day this week is chicken and black bean burritos. Then we will probably have burgers or pizza some other days .

I am strongly considering making a batch of white chicken chili. I want to cook it tomorrow and be done with it.

I am TRYING to get the freezer filled with home made dinners- but it is not happening. I can't wait till I have a deep freezer. Then I can cook five dinners at a time and just rotate them.

One of the crazy, irrational fears I have as an infertile is that I will get pregnant with multiples and end up on bed rest. Then I will have to live on

A. spaghetti and canned sauce
B. tuna melts
C. hot pockets
D. grilled cheese and tomato soup

Those are the four things Mr. cooks. Which is why I want a deep freezer. Because I think after two weeks of hot pockets I might kill someone. Yes, yes I am irrationally worried about that. Not killing someone, being trapped on bed rest. But big deal. At least I was not one of those people who was afraid of Y2K.

Alrighty- back from the grocery store.

I was kinda mad at myself for forgetting that Giant's new sale does not start till Monday, however I cheered myself up by getting the Pillsbury ready made pie crust they were sold out of earlier. I can make perfectly fine pie crust but frankly, I hate making pie crust. So screw that. I buy it. Maybe someday when I have my deep freezer I will make a ton and wrap them pre-made but till then Pillsbury makes my crust.

Pillsbury was on sale and I had a coupon for it. So I bought two, and now I have two packs in my freezer. Yay! I also picked up a pack of Laughing Cow cheese that I had a blinkie for. Blinkies are those coupons that are attached to the shelves. I took a second blinkie for next time. We eat Laughing Cow light cheese in our lunch every day.

Before coupons my total was 11.36, after coupons-6.96. I saved 4.40 at Giant with coupons and in store sales. Monday I will pick up the shredded cheese( 3 for 4 dollars) and ground turkey(1.69 per pound). I will put the shredded cheese in the freezer for macaroni, burritos, etc. The turkey is going to get stirred into the tomato sauce I am cooking off today.

According to Cooks Illustrated( or maybe the tv show) ground turkey is best in a meat sauce when added at the end.

At Pathmark, before coupons my total was 94.61, after coupons 64.70. So I did not do as good as I like to but I did buy things I don't normally buy. Like Easter Candy. I still think I did pretty good, spending 71.66 and saving 34.41- plus I got a coupon for a free gallon of milk. Which Mr, will drink since he thinks my organic obsession is a little nutty. I am going to ask if I can use it on organic milk ,that would be nice. I'll pick up my milk on Monday after I get the turkey.

On Tuesday I have to get bread and organic peppers at Trader Joes. I have 41 dollars left for the week- and that is after Easter Candy and getting lunch out of the house yesterday.

Today I am cooking off a big batch of tomato sauce. And I am making two chicken pot pies. One for tonight and one for the freezer.


Chicken pot pie.

Poach the chicken first. You can poach it in water, or chicken broth. If using water, put a little salt and pepper in the water. Save the water you poached the chicken in. While the chicken is cooking, dice an onion, some carrots and a potato.

After putting the chicken aside to cool,poach the carrots in the liquid you cooked the chicken in and par cook them. Save the liquid. Par cook the potatoes in that same liquid. Save the liquid. If you have a lot,you can reduce it a little. Shred or chop the chicken. In a separate pan, in a pretty good amount of butter , sweat the onion.( A little celery is nice in this too, but be sure to take the strings off and dice it finely) Once the onion is soft, make a roux in the pan. Use the broth from the cooked chicken and vegetables to make a nice, thick sauce.You need enough to coat and bind all your chicken and vegetables together. Season to taste with salt and pepper. Add your chicken, carrots, and potatoes add about a cup of frozen peas. Add a nice amount of fresh flat leaf parsley.

Pour it in a pie pan. Top with crust. Brush the crust with a little milk or half and half. Bake the pie off. If you made two, freeze one unbaked.

If you don't par cook the vegetables you will be sorry. Par cooking the vegetables keeps them from over or undercooking. It also allows you to pay attention to the crust without worrying about the filling. I don't use a bottom crust because it is way too many calories, and it is a pain in the nuts trying to make sure the bottom crust is cooked, AND you can peek at your filling that way. Furthermore, cooking the vegetables in the same liquid and pot you cooked the chicken in infuses the vegetables with chicken flavor. Also, you have less pots to wash. Cooking the chicken and vegetables at the same time in the pot together is a mistake. I cook each thing separately to it's perfect degree of doneness.

It's CD 22

Like it matters. I had an absurd and kinda gross amount of EWCM yesterday morning. I am about to do the Flight of the Bumblebee to get the house ready for Mom. Ick. It is not going to look good no matter what- there is just too much stuff still unpacked.

I 100% feel that we did not get pregnant this month. I am not testing unless something undeniable happens like a stork flying over my head while Leprechauns dance at my feet. I think if I did ovulate this month it was really late. Like in the last few days. Maybe yesterday? I can never remember if EWCM means you just did or are or are about to O.

While I did find it less stressful not tracking when we did the deed this month, now I can't play my favorite game of counting backward and forward with the sperms lifespan, trying to guess if any were in the same place at the same time as Miss Egg.


I just clutched my pearls. I checked my couponing website and she said there are no coupons because of Easter. WAH. So I guess I can check out my hoard of coupons and see if any of those match up with this weeks sales. I am actually somewhat bummed.

Gearing up for the weekend

Mom and my sister ( the Sargent- not really but if you met her you'd get it)are coming to visit tomorrow unless it rains. I can only pray Mom likes the house because otherwise she is going to complain till she dies. Literally.

I am making treats like chips and dip and pigs in a blanket. I might make a healthier dip for me and Mr. And probably something plain and easy to chew for lunch. Mom's lower bridge fell out and eating has been problematic. Because of all her other issues, they have to fix it in a hospital but she is not healthy enough yet. So I might make something like shephards pie or pot roast. I tend to cook Irish/English food for Mom because that is what she prefers.

I cleaned the bathrooms the other day so I will just be running around in the morning vacuuming and cleaning up cat puke. No, there is not any cat puke on the carpet now, but Of Course they will deliver just in time for company. Nothing says "welcome home" like cat puke. You can count on one of them throwing up in the night just to keep things fun.

Oh, waaaaaait I know. I will make chicken pot pie! Mr and Mom and The Sarge love my chicken pot pie and I just cooked a ton of chicken yesterday. Plus I already have pie crust in the freezer.

Oh I am so making that. I think I might make two. One for the freezer. Plus I can put all the vegetables in the pie and then we can have fruit for dessert.

I beat my brains out a year or two ago looking for a good chicken pot pie recipe and could not find one that was any good so I made my own. I'll post the recipe sometime this weekend.

I have started going over the circulars for my weeks shopping.

The menu this week will include vegetable lasagna with a turkey meat sauce and chicken and black bean burritos. Most likely we will have pizza one day this week to use up the rest of the cheese and sauce. So that is five meals down. I just need to decide on two more.

Couponing for infertility

I feel like there has been enough interest in this for me to do a second post. Initially I thought I was doing good just shopping from the grocery store sales circular and maybe saving ten bucks or twenty. Now I know I am doing well when I cut my grocery bill in half. I began this because our dream was for me to quit work and stay home with our children. I looked at my salary and then worked on cutting that much spending out of our monthly budget. I knew paying off my car and the simultaneous lowering of our car insurance would cut our monthly costs by at least 400 dollars. But that left about 800 more for me to cut.

Some of it would be lowered by not commuting, maybe a savings of 100 dollars a month. So fine- how to cut 700 more. We got a discount on our cell phones through my job. We changed our cell phone plan and our cable plan. We cut our electricity bill in HALF by unplugging things we were not using like the coffeemaker, and by turning off the tv completely when we were at work or asleep. Most of your electric bill is from things using power while they are not actively doing anything for you.

We got lunch bags and saved eighty dollars a week bringing our lunches, and we stopped (mostly) buying coffee out of the house. Which saved us a couple of hundred dollars. Yep we were spending a couple hundred a month eating out. Which is outrageous. We think sometimes as much as four hundred a month. Figure somedays we would eat EVERY meal out.

Now with PCOS and infertility and my special diet from the nutritionist, there were a lot of things I had to eat and a lot of things I could not eat. But I was determined to do better with our grocery budget. I found two great blogs that have helped me hugely. They are pinned to my sidebar, Money Saving Mom and Moms Need to Know. They blog exclusively about saving money.

Since I think only one of the people that reads this lives even semi near me, you should Google(someday I will learn to link) becentsable.net It compiles all the sales by chain and links to blogs that feature the stores in your area.

MANY coupons are for frozen food or food we would not eat. But I find coupons for Dreamfields pasta which is low glycemic, or Ronzoni with extra fiber. Beans, cheese, cereal, I found an organic sugar coupon, yogurt, eggs, low sugar juice,nuts, light sour cream...

And then there are non-food items, razors, shampoo, cleaners, cat food, aluminum foil, wax paper, deodorant,toothpaste, and over the counter medicine.

I save the most money on cereal. For example Fiber One Shredded Wheat was on sale B1G1 and I had a coupon for either a dollar or two dollars off. Getting me the cereal at 1.25 a box.

So while I DO agree that many of the coupons in the paper are for foods I could never eat,enough of them are for it to be worth it to me.

Also, you need to remember that most grocery stores double your coupons, so a .25 cent coupon is really .50 cents. Enough of those and you are in.

I also work at remembering when something we use is at a great price and then buy in bulk. For example, Klondike Slim a Bears were 3 for 5, which is great. I don't buy them at their regular price.

While it is true you are NOT going to find fresh fruit or vegetable coupons( I have seen only one, ever) you will find ways to save money on other things to free up money in your food budget.

We always always have organic fruit in the house. I use frozen vegetables usually, because Mr. hates vegetables and by the time I eat them they would have spoiled.

I also watch to combine a coupon with a sale. Because I like to buy Muir Glen organic tomatoes for my sauce. They have coupons for them fairly frequently. Then you watch for an in store sale, and Bingo!

I also shop at three different stores. I look at Pathmark and Giant as well as CVS and Walgreens.

Giant and Pathmark are down the road from each other so I make my lists and go to Giant and then Pathmark, getting the best deals at each. I do the same with Walgreens and CVS.

While I do spend about an hour a week cutting coupons, and planning my trip- I also plan our meals at the same time.

Somethings that I buy, I just watch for the best deal for us. When ground beef(meatloaf, tomato sauce,meatballs or burritos)or ground turkey(tomato sauce, or turkey burgers or tacos) or chicken(chicken and broccoil, chicken and black beans,chicken enchiladas, chicken and white
bean chili,lemon chicken tarragon, etc) is on a good sale I buy a ton and freeze it.

Not to mention, Mr. does not have any health issues, and so I can buy him treats with the coupons.

Another thing I love about coupons is that if I save money on some things I feel ZERO guilt paying more for fruit or produce or cage free eggs. I do not but the "dirty dozen" unless it is organic. Our food is about 50% organic and I would love to get to 75%. I want to move to organic meat next.

I feel that coupons have really helped us and that as time goes by I will get even better at using them. I told Mr. last night that I am challenging myself to get my grocery budget down to 75 dollars a week.

For me this all ties in to our infertility in that I want to buy the healthiest food I can, with the least amount of chemicals(shh sometimes a girl NEEDS Pop Tarts) and spending as little as possible to save the money for medical bills.

Would anyone be interested in me posting my shopping list for the coming weeks as well as the sales and coupons I plan on using and then what I am cooking for us?

Balancing your budget.

It is no secret that I love to budget. I have used budgeting in my life to get me places that would have been impossible otherwise. Mr and I currently ( And likely forever) use the Dave Ramsey budget. I thought we were good before- it is so much easier now. I would suggest him to anyone, but most especially to my infertile friends. Because we know financial disaster can be just a prescrition away.

What I love about the budget is that you set the priorities. For example- on a website that I love and go to at least once a day- the woman feeds her family of four on fifty dollars a week. Well, I don't do that. Because I have to buy certain kinds of food for my diet. You know, we buy about half organic and as a general rule it costs a lot more to eat healthy. Not that the blogger I read is feeding her family unhealthy foods, but there are a lot of foods she buys that women with PCOS have no business eating. She is lucky in that respect. I have a food budget for two of 120 a week. It is my personal goal to get that to 75 dollars a week. I think I can do it, because I get better at couponing all the time. Right now it works out to me feeding both of us at just under three dollars a meal. I also buy all my cleaning products out of that money.

On a typical week we will have for breakfast, coffee with organic half and half and organic sugar and either cereal with organic strawberries, hi fiber pop tarts, or organic oatmeal with organic milk and what ever fruit I feel like.

Sometimes I will make a breakfast sandwich or bacon and eggs or chipped beef on toast. Usually it is 6 days of regular breakfast and one day of fancy.

For lunch, Mr and I eat different things. I have half a sandwich on organic bread with some low fat no freaky stuff added cold cuts and a slice of low fat cheese. I have grapes and we both have an organic apple, and I pack two snacks- some kind of low fat high protein pudding. Mr gets a whole sandwich and a fruit strip and a treat, and some organic raw nuts. Sometimes we take leftovers. Sometimes we have organic peanut butter and jelly.

Does the organic help? Well I am not pregnant but my skin is usually really clear. I do think that while I could save a considerable amount of money not using organic food that is important to buy as much as I can afford. One of my next goals is to switch to organic meat. Now that we use the produce.

For dinner it depends. Yesterday I made macaroni and cheese with low fat cheese, and hi fiber pasta, there was turkey keilbasa on the side. In the fridge is an organic blueberry pie I baked two days ago. This week I have also made beef stew. Tonight we are having leftover mac and cheese. I am also cooking off the chicken I bought yesterday. Then I can freeze it for some of the dinners I have mentioned here before.

For me a balanced budget is not just about spending as little as possible, but balancing my desire to shop responsibly and spend my money on products that are grown in an ecologically friendly manner. I also try not to buy things that have to travel overseas. Because that is a poor use of fuel. I am very excited to have a local produce market down the street from me. So I will be checking that out in a few weeks.

Ultimately I want to grow some of my own vegetables and herbs, but that will take at least another year.

Another goal my husband and I have been working toward forever is for me to stay home with our children. It has actually taken three years longer than I thought but in July we should finally be able to live on just his income with NO change in our standard of living.

It has been a hard pill to swallow that not only has infertility made it much harder to reach our savings and lifestyle goals but that by the time we are done we might not be in a position no matter what we do for me to stay home. Or we might not need me to stay home at all. Or we might end up with multiples, forcing me to work more than the one day a week I had hoped for.

I suppose I have been thinking about budgeting today because I want to tighten our budget again. Because work has been making me crazy for a month. The recession is making people crazy and surly, and they are dripping crazy and surly all over me. I have been thinking about stepping down. But Mr. is against it. Let's just say I am praying for more than one reason to get pregnant. Because I would LOVE to leave this job. LOVE IT. Ugh. I do not see anything improving at work for at least a year.

I have to add how I did yesterday at the grocery store. My total was 103.06 before coupons and 55. 41 after. This is why I am such a fan of coupons. The better I get at couponing, the closer I come to cutting down our grocery budget from 480 a month to my hoped for 300. I think I can do it, if I plan ahead a little better.

It's CD 18

I just figured it out. I did not keep track on purpose this month. I had some EWCM yesterday. So maybe I O'd a little late. My cervix is still high. Of course if the egg is fertilizing and just can't implant what is the point? I might as well go crazy and have another cup of delicious, hot, fresh coffee with organic sugar and half and half. Yum.

Dear Coffee,

I love you. I love you so much. You are my constant companion and while I have considered leaving you many times- I always come back. You are my friend,and my crutch. You complete me.

love forever and ever,

Celia

Anyway, I think we have "practiced the marital embrace" at the correct times this month. I tried to treat this month like a mini break. In that I told Mr. it was his job to remember when we were supposed to do it. So we'll see what we see. Frankly I feel like we are just marking time until May.

Progressive insurance? Anyone?

Has anyone had dealings with them? Our car insurance DOUBLED when we moved to PA. When I called around Christmas for an estimate it was higher but not double. We currently have The Gecko and have been pleased with them. However a friend suggested Progressive and it is 1,000 dollars cheaper a year. Which is a lot of dollars. I would love to keep the 1,000 dollars- as long as we are not sacrificing anything. Has anyone used them?

I am invigorated.

Nothing riles me up like The Decline Of Contemporary Fiction. It is a solid bet that if it is on the best seller list, I am not reading it. Best sellers are usually like McDonalds hamburgers. Sure, a lot of people buy them, but that does not make them good.

I found this one at Cheeky's Hideaway.

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found a great new blog! Bookkitten!

I would link, but you all know how much I totally suck at that and Mr won't be home for hours to link it for me. I found this meme( WTF is a meme anyway?) Anyhow I found her link over at umm I think Yaya's? You must hunt her down. I am STOKED

Hardback, trade paperback or mass market paperback?
ARC. I love free books.

2. Barnes & Noble or Borders?
Borders. I do not care for BnN's corporate feel.

3. Bookmark or dog-ear?
Neither, I flip through the book till I find where I left off.

4. Amazon or brick and mortar?
Brick and mortar. I HATE shopping online. I like to touch things. I would rather go without than shop online.

5. Alphabetize by author or alphabetize by title or random?
I shelve by size. I also have a special shelf with fancy purple geode bookends and my most loved books are kept there.

6. Keep, throw away, or sell?
Keep, or throw out. In the case of Breaking Dawn, flung across the room in disgust.

7. Keep dust jacket or toss it?
Keep, but reserve the right to spill on or rip.

8. Read with dust jacket or remove it?
With.

9. Short story or novel?
Generally I do not care for short stories. Except O. Henry.

10. Harry Potter or Lemony Snicket?
Harry Potter.

11. Stop reading when tired or at chapter breaks?
When I fall asleep face down in the book.

12. "It was a dark and stormy night" or "Once upon a time"?
Both. Do I have to pick? Once upon a time.

13. Buy or borrow?
Buy Buy Buy. Mine Mine Mine.

14. New or used?
Both. I love the idea that I am holding a book that has had a prior life. I love inscribed books and books with the previous owners name in them.

15. Buying choice: book reviews, recommendations, or browse?
I almost never go by recommendations, unless it is an author I already like. But if some middle aged woman drinking a latte tells me to read Eat Pray Love one more time, I will barf on them.

16. Tidy ending or cliffhanger?
Cliffhanger.

17. Morning reading, afternoon reading, or nighttime reading?
ALL DAY LONG.
18. Stand-alone or series?
I like stand alones, but can enjoy series if they are not formulaic.

19. Favorite series?
Hmmm. Rex Stout's Nero Wolfe series. Read this, or die the poorer for it.

20. Favorite children's book?
The Monster at the End of this Book.

21. Favorite YA book?
Elsewhere.

22. Favorite book of which nobody else has heard?
Jillian Jiggs( out of print children's book) Life with Father( famous book that is out of favor),Cycler(strange but compelling YA book about a girl that turns into a boy once a month).

23. Favorite books read last year?
Fablehaven #3, In the Land of Invisible Women, The Prize Winner of Defiance, Ohio.

24. Favorite books of all time?
Shades of Black( baby book geared toward African Americans), Sister Wendy's Story of Painting, Little Women, Emily's Runaway Imagination, Caddie Woodlawn, Socks, Some Buried Caesar, A Room With A View, HP 1, The House with a Clock in It's Walls, Jhereg, Life with Father, Calvin and Hobbes The Sunday Pages, Mark Bittman- How to Cook Everything, Farmer Boy, Fran Liebowitz Reader, The Egg and I and The Paper Bag Princess.

25. What are you reading right now?
The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie(ARC) and Sister Wendy's Favorite Things.

26. What are you reading next?
Who knows.

27. Favorite book to recommend to an eleven-year-old?
Fablehaven. Boy or girl.
28. Favorite book to reread?
Any Nero Wolfe mystery.

29. Do you ever smell books?
NO, that is weird.

30. Do you ever read Primary source documents?
I don't even know what that is.

I did not run away.

I will admit to wanting to run away. I was fine till a half an hour before we got there and then I got panicky. However I just kept repeating the same mantra that gets me through other things " I am not the center of the Universe. It is not all about me. " Which works, mostly.

So anyway it was not easy for the first hour. However it was wonderful to see my friend and her family. I can report without bias that her child was EASILY the cutest child there. And the most precious.

It did get much easier and enjoyable after we started to eat. However we did decide that we are never going to another child's birthday party, unless we have some of our own. We decided that being around that many children and families is too much. We can just go and see them the day before or after.

I am happy to report that while there were quite a few pregnant women there, it did not bother me the way it used to. Because it is not like I want to be them, I like being me. I don't want their children, I want ours.

It was just a nice, normal thing. The families were nice, they were normal. I am sure their lives are not perfect, maybe they have termites or gum disease- or worse they like Yanni. But still. I think being around A child is doable. Being around loads of children is NOT.

I don't know. I guess I am just too afraid of crying in public. I would chalk this up as a personal failure. I have not waded through enough of my own bullshit. I need more therapy I guess. What if I am screwed up forever? What happens to infertile people who have children? Are they like fat people who get thin and still see themselves as fat? What happens if we never have children? Do we become social hermits to avoid the long years stretching ahead full of stories about report cards and learners permits and grandchildren? Do we join some social club where you must have been through IUI for membership?

I did have this awesome fantasy about sitting at a table FULL of infertile women and ONE fertile woman. Then the fertile woman would ask the table " And do you have children?" And we would all turn as one with The Stare Of Death.


I feel like I have not made any progress at all. Well some. Since I did not cry. Does almost crying but firmly squelching it count? I hate this. I hate it. And I HATE THAT THEY WILL NOT GIVE ME ANY DAMN HAPPY PILLS. I AM SICK TO DEATH OF BEING INTROSPECTIVE AND HAVING PERSONAL GROWTH. FUCK PERSONAL GROWTH IN THE EYE. I want to go out and function with everyone else without having to yoga breathe and listen to Alpha relaxation music.

So maybe I am a bit scared.

Tomorrow Mr. and I go to something I am deeply afraid of. We are going to my best friend's sons 2nd birthday party. You may recall I have blogged about her before. She is really wonderful and special and I miss seeing her.

I am a bit scared I will get overwhelmed tomorrow. You might recall Thanksgiving aka THE LAST RUN IN WITH FERTILES and that hugely pregnant woman wandering the room rubbing herself proclaiming "IT"S THE BEST THING IN THE WORLD." I know I remember. That house was so full of infants that there was surely an empty Babies R Us somewhere. Because they were EVERYWHERE. And I could not make eye contact with them. Every kind of baby, black, white, hispanic, every stage of pregnancy- ugh. It was FertileFest 08.

I hope I can act normal. I hope no one asks me when we are going to have children. I hope no one surmises that since we have been married almost three years that something is wrong and then gives us moronic advice that I have to be polite about. I hope no one asks me if we HAVE children because we have no ALIVE children.

These are all stupid things to fear. Because my friend is wonderful and I have never met a friend of hers( ok one hee hee she knows who)that was not also wonderful. I hope I am not as much of a wreck as I was at her babies dedication where I cried half the way home. I hope I don't have to give Mr. the get me out of here before I cry in public signal. I hope I have dealt with enough of this to be able to act like a normal person. I am reminding myself of the truth. It is not Pry Information Out Of Celia Day. It is a toddlers birthday. Any questions I get will likely be polite social nothings that I should be able to deflect by bringing up the birthday boys cuteness. He is super cute. That I am not the center of the universe and it is not about me. That it will likely be fine. It will be hectic and messy and everyone will be happy and there will be plenty of other things to talk about.

I am praying that the emptiness I have been feeling around pregnant women and babies is with me tomorrow. I should be safe from anyone handing me a baby.

What I hate the most about infertility is not that it has robbed me of children, but that it has taken my life. I have hidden from so many people because I could not face what they had. Or could not face even potential questions. I have hidden from holidays, parties, people, stores, movies(fuck you Juno- I lost my shit in the theatre three times)books,commercials, and my own family.

I am damned if I am going to let this keep happening. I can't let life pass me by while I hide from something I cannot escape because it is with me always. Life will go on, and if I hide from it I will miss knowing my friend's children. Which would be awful. More awful than any pang I might feel seeing them. I don't want to grow up a stranger to the children on the outskirts of my life. I don't want to hide behind phone calls and facebook.

I don't really know how to stop though.

Do you ever wish for twins?

Sometimes I do. Just to be done. Is that wrong? Not being able to get pregnant made me look closely at what I would define my family as. I do feel we are a complete family with me and Mr. Mostly and our cats. We could chug along taking fancy vacations and driving impractical cars and I could eventually amass the handbag collection of my dreams. We could travel every year. We could buy a vacation home in Tennessee. I could go back to college and take classes forever.

I do imagine our future if we are childfree. We live in a charming house, with lots of glass and art- the couches are cream and yellow velvet and stay cream and yellow. We have a pond with no fence around it. We have pampered cats and a tiny dog with a bow in it's hair. We travel once a year to a new country. We donate heavily to our favorite charity. We send our niece and nephew giant checks for college.

I imagine our lives if we have children. I stay home , and work one day a week for "Mommy Money", we live in a house with slightly stained couches, and spend our weekends taking children to tennis and karate. I resign myself to the fact that my husband has successfully brainwashed our children and I will never, ever escape the sports channel. We have pampered cats and a giant dog. I get one nice handbag a year. We travel across country, squabbling in the car because I refused to install a dvd player and insist on audio books or license plate bingo.

We support our family charity. In about 2 years Mr. and I will be able to donate substantially and are looking now for a charity that we connect to. We think it will be an animal shelter of some sort. Part of our budget is meant to have a dedicated charity amount and we really look forward to increasing the amount as we get rid of debt. I am looking for a family charity- one we can both donate to and volunteer at once we are all settled in the house.

I imagine our lives if we win the infertile lottery. I read a blog where someone called twins winning the infertile lottery and I thought it was both funny AND true. While I am fully aware that twins are more risky and getting pregnant with two is no guarantee of ending up with two, not mention other risks I cannot help but wish for it.

When we thought we had control(lol) of how many children we would have and when we would have them, we chose three. I always wanted the hectic, happy chaos of three. But when we realized that we had pretty much no control Mr. made me promise if we had twins that we would not try for another. He is one of 7 and has no wish to recreate that. He actually wanted one or two and I wore him down till he agreed to three.

I wonder if after having the odds stacked against us for so long we will ever win. And win big. I think it is pretty selfish of me to hope for twins. I think it shows a lack of something in me. I should be beyond that by now, right?

Yes, yes I did kick ass at the store.

I spent 21 dollars and saved 22. I got three cereals from the Kelloggs sale which gets me free milk tomorrow, and my beloved high fiber pop tarts were 3 for $5, but I found two peelie dollar off coupons and so got them for a dollar each! I also picked up ground beef, because I decided to make bean and beef burritos for dinner tonight. Yum!

I also got a temporary license till my real PA liscense comes in the mail while they check to make sure I am not a mass murderer or worse, a Parrothead. Then I got new checks which cost fifty freaking dollars? For real??? WTF? Are they limited edition signed lithographs or something? What the crap.

I just erranded all over and sadly no one has come to clean our flophouse while I was out. Outrageous. Where is the laundry/dish/cat puke fairy?

Healthy, lazy chicken burritos

Ok. Buy a big ass package of chicken breasts. Poach them or bake them. When they are cool enough, shred or chop them. Freeze . This is your ticket to instant healthy dinner.

Dinner one. Take a can of black beans with the liquid. Heat it with two handfulls of the frozen chicken. Use this as a filling for a burrito, with sour cream, and salsa. It is neater to eat and tasty if you cook off some rice and put the beans and chicken over the rice layer in your burrito. You can do this start to finish in about twenty minutes if the chicken is in the freezer.

Dinner two- same chicken but use corn tortillas and enchilada sauce and low fat cheese. Bake these in the oven. I have done this and find the step of sauteeing the tortillas unnescessary. Just use enough salsa( I could not find enchilada sauce without a metric ton of sodium) to keep the tortilla moist but not drenched.

I filled them with chicken, cheese, and rice. It took a little manuvering to get the enchiladas to roll over but I did succeed.

Dinner 3 Our trusty rice, with broccoli and chicken for a chicken and broccoli casserole. I make it in one pot on the stove. Start the rice, then halfway through add the broccoli and chicken and cheese. I always use basmati rice, because it has a lower glycemic impact. This dinner takes about 25 minutes as well.

So you get three dinners. I hate cooking raw meat because I am paranoid about bacteria so I like to cook it in big batches and be done with it.

Carbalicious carbs

This stew is effing delicious. In fact, I believe I might make it tonight. It is NOT a PCOS friendly recipe. It is a fatass friendly recipe.

In a moderately big pot, cook the fatty meat of your choice. Could be chorizo, could be bacon, has to be from the pork family, add some onion. How much? A half or a whole chopped onion. Whole would be best.

Add some garlic, add some salsa ( nothing weird like peach salsa just regular salsa) add some diced tomato, add some green olives (unless you are a firm believer that olives are Satan's minions) add a chopped green pepper and a jalapeno. Cook this till it is nice and soft.

Add a can of garbanzo beans with the liquid, add a diced potato. If you need more liquid, I suggest the juice from a can of tomatoes or a little tomato sauce and water. Or some chicken stock. Not vegetable stock, that can be too sweet.

Cook till the potatoes are tender. While that is cooking, make some rice. I TOLD you this is not PCOS friendly. When the potatoes are tender, add some cilantro. ladle this over the rice.
Serve this with diced avocado, fresh diced tomato, shredded cheese and sour cream. Take a nap.

Salsa is a great way to flavor things when you are lazy.

mmmm recipes

I was asked, so here are one or two. I am pretty lazy in the kitchen. In that I want good, fast food but also want to sit on the couch as much as possible.

Soo, number one

Frittata.

Preheat Mr. Oven to 350. Spray a pie pan with non stick something. You can buy non stick spray without chlorofluorocarbons. I buy Trader Joes, it just has olive oil in it. Anyhow- if you have a Trader Joes near you this recipe becomes extremely easy. In the pie pan, dump a semi thawed bag of Trader Joes Italian pasta with vegetables. Beat eight eggs with a fork, add some cracked pepper. Put the pie pan on the oven rack and pour the eggs over the pasta. Poke it around a little so that the egg is more or less evenly distributed. Bake that around 15 minutes. At that point sprinkle two generous handfulls of the Italian cheese of your choice ( a four cheese blend is best- you can use low fat or full fat I do also suggest Egglands Best eggs since what with the cheese AND the eggs- you don't want to drown in your own cholesterol)

Pat the cheese down a little into the eggy pasta. Finish baking till the egg is firm. Maybe another 10 to 20 minutes. It all depends on the temperature of the other ingredients. Since everything but the eggs is already cooked, you just need to set the eggs.

This is great, and reheats very well in the microwave.

If you are full of despair because you have no Trader Joes hush now, it will be allright. You can still do this.

Sometime before frittatta night. You will have Pasta with vegetables.

Cook your pasta - use penne.
Cook an onion, some peppers, maybe some egglant, zucchini, a little tomato sprinkle some herbs from the Italian family, add the garlic NEVER COOK THE GARLIC FIRST- ALL YOU GET IS BURNT GARLIC AND THAT IS A TOTAL BUZZKILL. You want to add the garlic in with something wet like the peppers or tomato.

If you are feeling virtuous, by all means chop copious fresh vegetables and saute them with fresh herbs. If you are feeling somewhat like you want food but also want to sit on the couch, chop an onion, buy the costly but time saving garlic in a tube which you will find by the fresh herbs, chop zucchini and a yellow squash which is fast, and use a can of diced tomatoes with oregano or basil or whatever something Italin-y. Chop an eggant and mushrooms and olives would be nice. I would not know how nice, because SOMEONE AT MY HOUSE THINKS OLIVES AND MUSHROOMS ARE SATAN'S MINIONS AND I NEVER GET TO EAT THEM EVER UNLESS I AM IN A RESTAURANT.

Ok. Now it is important to remember that you want to cook twice as much so you have leftovers.

So in one pot you have you pasta cooking away. In another saute your onion and Italian vegetables. Go in this order. Onion, mushrooms, tomatoes, eggplant, peppers. Then you may add olives. If you are using dry herbs, add them in the beginning with the onions, if fresh add at the end with the pasta.

Ok. Once the vegetables are cooked just like you like them( if it seems a tad dry add a little water or more olive oil but the liquid from the tomates and peppers should be fine) Add the pasta. Taste it and see if you need salt.

Eat that up for dinner. Take the leftovers and you can save them five days in the fridge or you can freeze them.

Then use the leftovers for frittatta. Maybe I used too many t's in fritata or frittatta or fritatta.

Book Reviews Your Best Birth and Fablehaven 4

I could not resist. After a year long moratorium on any books relating to babies- I came across Your Best Birth by Rikki Lake and Abby Epstein. I have been dying to watch The Business of Giving Birth- but figured I might you know cry or whatever.

I love to read books on women's studies. For example, ever since I read Pushed I have had an interest in how and why and where women give birth. If I ever do get pregnant I will likely be just as aggressive as I am in every other aspect of our lives. Caring for my Mom has taught me that it is imperative to be your own advocate in the health care system.

So, the book...what I loved best is that they showed how one intervention will lead you down the path of more and more interventions. While I would agree that the vast majority of us who cannot get pregnant just WANT THEIR DAMN BABY NO MATTER HOW IT GETS HERE, I am clinging to a small hope that while the conception is high tech- the birth would not be.

It also gives a much better list of questions to ask then I have seen anywhere. For example- one of the hospitals written about HAD a birthing tub but when a mother wanted to use it, found out that it was behind a locked door and filthy from disuse. It gives a lot of great techniques for dealing with hosital staff. ( I had been considering posting a sign on my door that said NO EPIDURAL, THANKS- actually since it is me I was considering using the f bomb on the note as well)

What it does that I have never seen in any of the pregnancy/birth books I've read is give you lots of ways to be DAMN SURE you get the birth that feels right to you. For example, maybe you have chosen and paid for a doula. Did you ask if your hospital allows more than one person in the delivery room? You don't want to choose between your partner and your doula. ( Although it is a pretty safe bet if the doula has Fritos- I would choose her)

I am thrilled I read this book. I know if we ever do get pregnant I will be clutching it and using it to ward off unwanted medical attention like garlic with a vampire.

I am also reading Fablehaven, Secrets of the Dragon Sanctuary. Just like all the other Fablehaven books I am enchanted. Children's literature is a hobby of mine and Brandon Mull is one of the best writers out there. His books are lovely- with all the charm of the Grimm's fairy tales I used to devour. I also love the moral element in the books-there is only one more coming in the series and my heart is broken.