Another all nighter, with our split personality baby. Like a switch he would go from happy to INSANELY LOUD WAILING. We did the same thing as the night before but to no avail. Can we get some damn avail? He would begin to fall asleep and then get hit with pain and scream. We thought it was because he was too full. He would not stop nursing and went for about two hours on and off. I kept thinking "he must be done" but then he would want more.
Maybe it is my fault? But he kept acting ravenous. I bicycled his legs times, and then Mister had a go at it. Then he dropped off( maybe 2 30 a.m.), I put him in his bassinet and after five minutes he was up and wailing at full throttle. I heaved myself out of bed ( after three hours of heaving my c-section feels like someone is hacking it open again but what the hell am I supposed to do?) and took him to change his diaper. I saw that his umbilical stump was hanging on by a thread. I called Mister and he cleaned it. Then we took him out of his onesie and put him in a t-shirt with a soft, loose blanket. We gave up and went downstairs to the couch. He finally fell asleep at around 3 30/4 a.m. and stayed down till 8 30 a.m. I held him for an hour and then got up the nerve to put him down.
Mister stayed in the living room with him and I went to the back bedroom.
I really, really can't wait for this damn c-section to finish healing. I am much better than I was but it really catches up with me around 3 a.m. Too much up and down and sitting up to nurse and rocking and bouncing.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Two weeks!
Our little man is two weeks old today. He saw the pediatrician and she said he is perfect. He has regained his birth weight, and is tipping the scales at 7 pounds 11.5 ounces! I am so happy about that because it means the breastfeeding is going well.
I had my long list of questions, his lip blister is from nursing, his wheezing is just from being a normal baby with baby sized nasal passages, his gas is normal gas and she said to just keep giving him Mylicon, and the dry cough is also normal. So hurray for normal!
Last night was the first good night in days. After the Mylicon did it's magic he slept and did not fuss or scream ( or wail piteously) he slept for two hours, and then ate for twenty minutes and back down for two hours. So I got six hours of sleep! SIX HOURS! I have not had six hours of sleep in one night for over two weeks.
I cannot express what a relief it is to see him without that awful pain. His whole body would tense up and his little baby back would arch and he would just scream and wail for hours. I think we fixed it with a combination of things. We give him the Magical Mylicon, and I keep him on the same breast for two hour clips if he wants to feed more than once in two hours. I did some research and if the baby gets too much foremilk it will give them really bad gas. And he probably was because I swapped sides each time.
So anyhow, hopefully tonight will be a repeat of last night.
I had my long list of questions, his lip blister is from nursing, his wheezing is just from being a normal baby with baby sized nasal passages, his gas is normal gas and she said to just keep giving him Mylicon, and the dry cough is also normal. So hurray for normal!
Last night was the first good night in days. After the Mylicon did it's magic he slept and did not fuss or scream ( or wail piteously) he slept for two hours, and then ate for twenty minutes and back down for two hours. So I got six hours of sleep! SIX HOURS! I have not had six hours of sleep in one night for over two weeks.
I cannot express what a relief it is to see him without that awful pain. His whole body would tense up and his little baby back would arch and he would just scream and wail for hours. I think we fixed it with a combination of things. We give him the Magical Mylicon, and I keep him on the same breast for two hour clips if he wants to feed more than once in two hours. I did some research and if the baby gets too much foremilk it will give them really bad gas. And he probably was because I swapped sides each time.
So anyhow, hopefully tonight will be a repeat of last night.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Let down
The only difference between me and a sprinkler is that sprinklers TURN OFF. I am not mad, I am thrilled to have a good supply but I am a little...damp. It's like having a runny nose. Plus, I keep forgetting about it until it happens.
Our wee man is settling into a schedule. Sadly the schedule SUCKS. He his darling and precious all day and then screams and screams for 2-3 hours a night. Usually three and usually stops around 2 or three a.m. Last night he finally went to bed and then woke back up for another hour. It is not easy. Or pretty.
And if ONE MORE PERSON tells me to sleep when he sleeps I am gonna get all stabby and shouty at them. I get so exhausted and full of adrenaline from him screaming that when he finally does sleep I am wide awake. I have been sending Mister to the couch so one of us can sleep. I think that rotten bastard has gotten 7 hours tonight. Not that I begrudge him...much. But really he can't feed the baby yet and he is a miserable person on less than 6 hours of sleep.
That has been true his whole life, he needs sleep. I do too, but not in the same way. I can go without sleep and function( mostly) but I need food. He can cheerfully eat nothing all day and not even notice.
My inlaws came to visit yesterday. I did not punch my mother in law, though I was tempted.
She told us twice that there was no such thing as SIDS and all her babies slept on their backs and none of them died. Well, I think I will not risk it, okthanxbai. But now I am not even going to let them watch Peter here, because he damn well better be sleeping on his back. Please, I am neurotic enough about something happening to him.
She is also peeved that I called my sister in law with baby questions and not her.
She also ( actually this part cracks me up) gave us a card addressed to Peter Edmund T. but underlined his middle name, because it is more his side of the family-y. I think you have to know her to see the funny in that. She is REALLY clannish and keeps saying "but of course, he is a T." I put the card out front and center because I laugh when I look at it. She is really treating me like a breeding pet that gave her a good litter.
Did I mention I only slept three hours? As for tonight I am at a solid half hour. Also, she requested that the next one be a girl. She had four boys in a row, because she was trying for another girl. So I told her I didn't care what we got and that I thought she was crazy for doing this six times. Oops.
Then I was panicking the last two days because I felt like Peter was wheezing and Mister kept telling me he was just breathing and I was imagining it and that we would ask the pediatrician on Tuesday. But I couldn't stand it and so last night Mister went to the 24 hour WalMart and got a new air purifier, since we have one but they did not have the filter we needed in stock. I felt a lot better once the purifier was going. I was really panicked because I thought Peter was having an allergic reaction to our cats. But we thought about it and realized the wheezing started when we turned our heat on after it had been off for two weeks. So I guess our ducts need cleaning, and it was just blowing a ton of dust around the house.
The wheezing did stop after he was in the room with the clean air. So we will get a replacement filter today and have one running down here and one upstairs. We probably need four for a house this size but those suckers are 150 a pop. We are going to wait and see before we lay out another 300 for two more.
We see the pediatrician tomorrow thank goodness. Are all new mothers paranoid? Are infertile women more paranoid? I am itching to deep clean AGAIN and I am still on the bench from the stupid c-section.
Our wee man is settling into a schedule. Sadly the schedule SUCKS. He his darling and precious all day and then screams and screams for 2-3 hours a night. Usually three and usually stops around 2 or three a.m. Last night he finally went to bed and then woke back up for another hour. It is not easy. Or pretty.
And if ONE MORE PERSON tells me to sleep when he sleeps I am gonna get all stabby and shouty at them. I get so exhausted and full of adrenaline from him screaming that when he finally does sleep I am wide awake. I have been sending Mister to the couch so one of us can sleep. I think that rotten bastard has gotten 7 hours tonight. Not that I begrudge him...much. But really he can't feed the baby yet and he is a miserable person on less than 6 hours of sleep.
That has been true his whole life, he needs sleep. I do too, but not in the same way. I can go without sleep and function( mostly) but I need food. He can cheerfully eat nothing all day and not even notice.
My inlaws came to visit yesterday. I did not punch my mother in law, though I was tempted.
She told us twice that there was no such thing as SIDS and all her babies slept on their backs and none of them died. Well, I think I will not risk it, okthanxbai. But now I am not even going to let them watch Peter here, because he damn well better be sleeping on his back. Please, I am neurotic enough about something happening to him.
She is also peeved that I called my sister in law with baby questions and not her.
She also ( actually this part cracks me up) gave us a card addressed to Peter Edmund T. but underlined his middle name, because it is more his side of the family-y. I think you have to know her to see the funny in that. She is REALLY clannish and keeps saying "but of course, he is a T." I put the card out front and center because I laugh when I look at it. She is really treating me like a breeding pet that gave her a good litter.
Did I mention I only slept three hours? As for tonight I am at a solid half hour. Also, she requested that the next one be a girl. She had four boys in a row, because she was trying for another girl. So I told her I didn't care what we got and that I thought she was crazy for doing this six times. Oops.
Then I was panicking the last two days because I felt like Peter was wheezing and Mister kept telling me he was just breathing and I was imagining it and that we would ask the pediatrician on Tuesday. But I couldn't stand it and so last night Mister went to the 24 hour WalMart and got a new air purifier, since we have one but they did not have the filter we needed in stock. I felt a lot better once the purifier was going. I was really panicked because I thought Peter was having an allergic reaction to our cats. But we thought about it and realized the wheezing started when we turned our heat on after it had been off for two weeks. So I guess our ducts need cleaning, and it was just blowing a ton of dust around the house.
The wheezing did stop after he was in the room with the clean air. So we will get a replacement filter today and have one running down here and one upstairs. We probably need four for a house this size but those suckers are 150 a pop. We are going to wait and see before we lay out another 300 for two more.
We see the pediatrician tomorrow thank goodness. Are all new mothers paranoid? Are infertile women more paranoid? I am itching to deep clean AGAIN and I am still on the bench from the stupid c-section.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Yippee!
We went in to the obs today because Mister thought my incision looked a little infected. But nope, just normal incision-y stuff. I have no clue because I refuse to look. My body looks like a fallen souffle.
But fallen souffle or not... I was weighed and am only three pounds away from Pre-Petey weight! Mister thinks I have at least another five pounds of water weight to go. I am so excited to be just three pounds off! That should be gone by next week and then maybe I will know what I am actually working with.
I decided I want to lose another thirty pounds. Which I think is doable, what with breastfeeding and my ( hopefully soon) return to Met. Oh Met, come to Fat Mama. I really want the swelling in my feet to go away, it feels creepy when I walk.
The diaper switch has fixed out golden shower problem. Thank goodness. Because it was insane how much laundry was getting generated.
The wee man and I fell asleep in bed again last night. I am not happy about it, but was really too tired to realize I was falling asleep. On the plus side, I am too tired to move in bed and too sore so both of us wake up in the same position. I have been getting between two and five hours of sleep a night.
But fallen souffle or not... I was weighed and am only three pounds away from Pre-Petey weight! Mister thinks I have at least another five pounds of water weight to go. I am so excited to be just three pounds off! That should be gone by next week and then maybe I will know what I am actually working with.
I decided I want to lose another thirty pounds. Which I think is doable, what with breastfeeding and my ( hopefully soon) return to Met. Oh Met, come to Fat Mama. I really want the swelling in my feet to go away, it feels creepy when I walk.
The diaper switch has fixed out golden shower problem. Thank goodness. Because it was insane how much laundry was getting generated.
The wee man and I fell asleep in bed again last night. I am not happy about it, but was really too tired to realize I was falling asleep. On the plus side, I am too tired to move in bed and too sore so both of us wake up in the same position. I have been getting between two and five hours of sleep a night.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Looky looky pictures
I will try and get some more up. You know I am supremely tech challenged. We have an awesome picture of his first bath but we can't move it from Mister's cell phone. We are going to just have to keep the camera out in the living room. He is about to get his second bath. Poor baby. He did NOT like the first one.
So far
It's going really well. I am THRILLED to say that after a bad start( Peter lost over a pound while in the hospital) I am breastfeeding with very little trouble and a lot of enjoyment. Can I just say how shocking/refreshing it is to have my body do something baby related without medical intervention?
He was a week old yesterday. We took him to the pediatrician and he gained five ounces since Saturday! Which explains what I have been doing with my time. Moooooo.
We asked the doctor why it feels like we have two babies. Happy Daytime Baby and ANGRY AWAKE NIGHTTIME BABY. She said he was overstimulated by the end of the day. So last night after dinner we shut off most of the lights and I cuddled him while I read a book. We were rewarded by him falling asleep quickly. Sadly he then got the hiccups and it woke him. But we resettled in, he fed again and then........ Ready? Slept straight through till six a.m. Then I fed and changed him and he slept for another two hours. Then I made coffee while Mister changed him and then fed him, and he is currently asleep. Hooray!
The only recurring problem we have is that he is FOREVER getting pee everywhere. I think his newborn diapers are too big, Mister thinks it is the gauze we have to put on his winkie from being circumcised. He thinks the gauze makes the pee get deflected away from the diaper and run everywhere. So we had to change his sheets twice in the night last night and his outfit and swaddle blanket three times. We can stop with the gauze tomorrow, so hopefully there will be less golden showers.
Our poor cats are depressed that they can't sleep in bed with us. I feel really guilty about it. They sit outside the bedroom door and wait for us. I hate it. I wish we could let them in. On the other hand, they are handling the actual baby very well. No hissing, no weirdness. They sniff him and Fiona guards him in his pack and play. They are coexisting peacefully.
My stomach is actually shrinking down well. I have a huge amount of fluid in my feet and legs. I can feel the fluid moving in a wave when I walk. Because of the c-section I am grounded from the stairs, so Mister and my parents spent a day converting my Mom's room into a bedroom/nursery. I am so thankful that we have a handicap accessible bathroom on the first floor. I have no idea how I would ever sit on the toilet otherwise. My carpel tunnel is gone
( mostly) and my TMJ is gone too. My constipation is still my companion. I have pooped twice in eight days.
I have had a small amount of real chocolate and a fair amount of sugar free chocolate. I had cereal too! I have really wanted pancakes but I am a little scared to eat them.
I am so thankful that Mister has a month off. It is lovely. And we still marvel that we have an actual baby that is ours forever. We just can't believe it. We are so thankful to have him. Sometimes I look at him and have to remind myself that he is mine to touch and cuddle and kiss and every time I am so amazed by that miracle.
He was a week old yesterday. We took him to the pediatrician and he gained five ounces since Saturday! Which explains what I have been doing with my time. Moooooo.
We asked the doctor why it feels like we have two babies. Happy Daytime Baby and ANGRY AWAKE NIGHTTIME BABY. She said he was overstimulated by the end of the day. So last night after dinner we shut off most of the lights and I cuddled him while I read a book. We were rewarded by him falling asleep quickly. Sadly he then got the hiccups and it woke him. But we resettled in, he fed again and then........ Ready? Slept straight through till six a.m. Then I fed and changed him and he slept for another two hours. Then I made coffee while Mister changed him and then fed him, and he is currently asleep. Hooray!
The only recurring problem we have is that he is FOREVER getting pee everywhere. I think his newborn diapers are too big, Mister thinks it is the gauze we have to put on his winkie from being circumcised. He thinks the gauze makes the pee get deflected away from the diaper and run everywhere. So we had to change his sheets twice in the night last night and his outfit and swaddle blanket three times. We can stop with the gauze tomorrow, so hopefully there will be less golden showers.
Our poor cats are depressed that they can't sleep in bed with us. I feel really guilty about it. They sit outside the bedroom door and wait for us. I hate it. I wish we could let them in. On the other hand, they are handling the actual baby very well. No hissing, no weirdness. They sniff him and Fiona guards him in his pack and play. They are coexisting peacefully.
My stomach is actually shrinking down well. I have a huge amount of fluid in my feet and legs. I can feel the fluid moving in a wave when I walk. Because of the c-section I am grounded from the stairs, so Mister and my parents spent a day converting my Mom's room into a bedroom/nursery. I am so thankful that we have a handicap accessible bathroom on the first floor. I have no idea how I would ever sit on the toilet otherwise. My carpel tunnel is gone
( mostly) and my TMJ is gone too. My constipation is still my companion. I have pooped twice in eight days.
I have had a small amount of real chocolate and a fair amount of sugar free chocolate. I had cereal too! I have really wanted pancakes but I am a little scared to eat them.
I am so thankful that Mister has a month off. It is lovely. And we still marvel that we have an actual baby that is ours forever. We just can't believe it. We are so thankful to have him. Sometimes I look at him and have to remind myself that he is mine to touch and cuddle and kiss and every time I am so amazed by that miracle.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
March 16th, 4:30 p.m.
Peter Edmund is here! He was 7 pounds, 12 ounces. He is beautiful. I should be able to have a picture up by tomorrow. The last week has been, ummm... hectic. In the words of Inigo Montoya, "Let me explain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up". But I'll do my best.
Monday morning we went in to the obs. My doctor said that my cervix was still completely shut. She said I could go home and wait or they could induce me since my blood pressure was higher but acceptable. I told her that my big fear was going home and having my blood pressure spike while Mister was at work. I told her it felt like I was just waiting for a boulder to fall on my head. I was so afraid that my blood pressure would go crazy and we would have an emergency. So she said, ok and told us to head to the hospital for an induction.
I was like "what?" I figured maybe she would say come in tomorrow or later or something. But it was right then. Mister just kept asking what was happening, because it was hard for him to process that it wasn't SOON, it was NOW.
So we headed over, and I was checked in and given some misoprostol orally. For a while I was just hanging around waiting for something. The cramps were not bad, at first. My parents came down and while they were visiting the cramps went from mild to painful. I sent them to dinner. I was not comfortable being all writhe-y and panty in front of them. While they were gone I watched tv and thought " well I can handle this".
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha- thank god I did not know what was in store for me.
My ob came by and told me I still had zero progression and had them give me another dose of misoprostal. She said that she was going to have them give me cervadil and that worked for 12 hours if the second miso dose did nothing. She said I would get reevaluated in the morning.
By the time Mister got back from dinner I was pretty uncomfortable and cheerful because I figured pain = baby. FYI, pain does NOT always equal baby. Ummm, my memories of this are both clear and jumbled. So I might have the timing off a little.
I got maybe two hours of sleep that night and Mister slept maybe six. I figured he needed to sleep, because while I can slog on without sleep Mister completely shuts down. I had not had anything besides IV fluids and diet ginger ale since my breakfast at 8 30 that morning. They wouldn't feed me in case I needed a c-section.
That morning my doctor swung by again and told me unless something happened it was going to be a c-section. I was pretty confident that my labor was progressing. NO, NO IT WAS NOT. After all that pain, I was still at a big FAT ZERO.
So they gave me the last dose of misoprostal. I told Mister to hurry up and get breakfast and coffee because I would need him. I don't know what happens to others but the misoprostal contractions were WAY STRONGER and on top of each other with no damn break, compared to the cervadil.
Then it started to hit the fan. I was in so much pain that I was crying and throwing up. And my blood pressure was 178 over 104. My legs were shaking and I could not stop them. This was after about 26 hours. The nurse called my ob and she ordered an epidural. I was crying a lot. Because the pain after almost no sleep and no food and no break was well, let's say it was bad.
Mister and I agreed that there was NO WAY I could keep going, and what was the point since I had to have a c-section? We knew going in that it was a 50/50 chance. But I was so terribly unhappy to be looking at a c-section. Especially after doing every thing in my power to avoid one. I was pretty punch drunk. Every time I thought of it I cried harder because I felt like I had failed, and now was looking at weeks of recovery. Mister kept trying to calm me and I tried to calm myself but it was pretty hard. I hated the idea of exposing my baby to drugs.
I sobbed all the way through them placing the epidural. Everyone was very nice about it, and I knew even if by a miracle I could deliver vaginally that I could have kept going on with that pain. My ob got there and checked me, and told me I still had not dilated at all and that I was looking at a c-section. She told me it would be in a few hours, since there was someone ahead of me. I tried to take that time to resign myself. She put in a catheter. Good times.
Then I sobbed off and on for a while. Mister tried very hard to make me feel better. He put his ipod on me and I listened to music. The last thing my ob did before having me taken to the OR was check my cervix just in case, but it was still totally closed.
Mister looked adorable in scrubs. Going into the OR was surreal. It was over very quickly and I was too exhausted to be scared. Or in fact to care, but that was probably the drugs. The baby had the cord wrapped around his neck.
Mister went with the baby and they put me back together. After all my worrying, the baby came out really clean. I was in recovery and took a nap. A heavily drugged nap. Mister went back and forth checking on both of us. So 28 hours of contractions and then a c-section. I did not get to see Peter after the initial peek for almost three hours.
Finally we were on the maternity ward and FINALLY Peter was with us. He really is perfect. I have to say, dealing with my mother in law was much easier when I was high as a kite.
Both our families were there. Mister and I both agreed that we would have all night with the baby and there was only an hour left of visiting time. So we were ok with our families loving all over him first.
Recovery is going slowly. But Peter is everything we hoped, and we are very happy. He is napping right now.
Monday morning we went in to the obs. My doctor said that my cervix was still completely shut. She said I could go home and wait or they could induce me since my blood pressure was higher but acceptable. I told her that my big fear was going home and having my blood pressure spike while Mister was at work. I told her it felt like I was just waiting for a boulder to fall on my head. I was so afraid that my blood pressure would go crazy and we would have an emergency. So she said, ok and told us to head to the hospital for an induction.
I was like "what?" I figured maybe she would say come in tomorrow or later or something. But it was right then. Mister just kept asking what was happening, because it was hard for him to process that it wasn't SOON, it was NOW.
So we headed over, and I was checked in and given some misoprostol orally. For a while I was just hanging around waiting for something. The cramps were not bad, at first. My parents came down and while they were visiting the cramps went from mild to painful. I sent them to dinner. I was not comfortable being all writhe-y and panty in front of them. While they were gone I watched tv and thought " well I can handle this".
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha- thank god I did not know what was in store for me.
My ob came by and told me I still had zero progression and had them give me another dose of misoprostal. She said that she was going to have them give me cervadil and that worked for 12 hours if the second miso dose did nothing. She said I would get reevaluated in the morning.
By the time Mister got back from dinner I was pretty uncomfortable and cheerful because I figured pain = baby. FYI, pain does NOT always equal baby. Ummm, my memories of this are both clear and jumbled. So I might have the timing off a little.
I got maybe two hours of sleep that night and Mister slept maybe six. I figured he needed to sleep, because while I can slog on without sleep Mister completely shuts down. I had not had anything besides IV fluids and diet ginger ale since my breakfast at 8 30 that morning. They wouldn't feed me in case I needed a c-section.
That morning my doctor swung by again and told me unless something happened it was going to be a c-section. I was pretty confident that my labor was progressing. NO, NO IT WAS NOT. After all that pain, I was still at a big FAT ZERO.
So they gave me the last dose of misoprostal. I told Mister to hurry up and get breakfast and coffee because I would need him. I don't know what happens to others but the misoprostal contractions were WAY STRONGER and on top of each other with no damn break, compared to the cervadil.
Then it started to hit the fan. I was in so much pain that I was crying and throwing up. And my blood pressure was 178 over 104. My legs were shaking and I could not stop them. This was after about 26 hours. The nurse called my ob and she ordered an epidural. I was crying a lot. Because the pain after almost no sleep and no food and no break was well, let's say it was bad.
Mister and I agreed that there was NO WAY I could keep going, and what was the point since I had to have a c-section? We knew going in that it was a 50/50 chance. But I was so terribly unhappy to be looking at a c-section. Especially after doing every thing in my power to avoid one. I was pretty punch drunk. Every time I thought of it I cried harder because I felt like I had failed, and now was looking at weeks of recovery. Mister kept trying to calm me and I tried to calm myself but it was pretty hard. I hated the idea of exposing my baby to drugs.
I sobbed all the way through them placing the epidural. Everyone was very nice about it, and I knew even if by a miracle I could deliver vaginally that I could have kept going on with that pain. My ob got there and checked me, and told me I still had not dilated at all and that I was looking at a c-section. She told me it would be in a few hours, since there was someone ahead of me. I tried to take that time to resign myself. She put in a catheter. Good times.
Then I sobbed off and on for a while. Mister tried very hard to make me feel better. He put his ipod on me and I listened to music. The last thing my ob did before having me taken to the OR was check my cervix just in case, but it was still totally closed.
Mister looked adorable in scrubs. Going into the OR was surreal. It was over very quickly and I was too exhausted to be scared. Or in fact to care, but that was probably the drugs. The baby had the cord wrapped around his neck.
Mister went with the baby and they put me back together. After all my worrying, the baby came out really clean. I was in recovery and took a nap. A heavily drugged nap. Mister went back and forth checking on both of us. So 28 hours of contractions and then a c-section. I did not get to see Peter after the initial peek for almost three hours.
Finally we were on the maternity ward and FINALLY Peter was with us. He really is perfect. I have to say, dealing with my mother in law was much easier when I was high as a kite.
Both our families were there. Mister and I both agreed that we would have all night with the baby and there was only an hour left of visiting time. So we were ok with our families loving all over him first.
Recovery is going slowly. But Peter is everything we hoped, and we are very happy. He is napping right now.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
a mess
My blood pressure went up to 145 over 96 so I called my ob. She sent us in to labor and delivery. When I got there, my pressure was 156 over 98. I think it might have gone as high as 164 over something. My blood work was fine and I had no protein in my urine. Sea Monkey was fine. My blood pressure dropped down to normal. They checked Fort Knox, and of course no dilation. That sucker is as closed as can be.
So my ob said I could go home but have to call first thing and make an appointment so she can see me tomorrow. I can only hope she wants to see me so she can schedule my induction. Right now I am at a weird 140 over 78.
Have I mentioned that I AM SO DONE WITH THIS???
So my ob said I could go home but have to call first thing and make an appointment so she can see me tomorrow. I can only hope she wants to see me so she can schedule my induction. Right now I am at a weird 140 over 78.
Have I mentioned that I AM SO DONE WITH THIS???
Nope
No baybee yet. But maybe some contractions. Sadly nothing that means anything. I am just waddling around and watching my blood pressure. If I don't stay on the couch it goes right up. It is miserably rainy here. Our lights have flickered. The wind is howling and the thunder is loud.
I keep entreating Sea Monkey to come out. We are finally cleaning the bedroom today. Mister spent all day yesterday organizing his legos. He is putting them up on ebay. Which is fine with me, I hate having all those tiny choking hazards in the house. That's why I like Mister to have his own room.
I am pretty antsy and fussy and uncomfortable. And my Mother in law called yesterday and said the baby had to come out so she could hold him. Well, I'll get right on that. sigh.
Basically I am sick and tired of waiting. I am tired of the couch. I am tired of being afraid of labor. And I am damn tired of wondering how high my blood pressure will go. It keeps creeping to almost call the doctor and then slinks back down. Which is not good for my nerves. Just a whole lot of cranky waiting going on.
I keep entreating Sea Monkey to come out. We are finally cleaning the bedroom today. Mister spent all day yesterday organizing his legos. He is putting them up on ebay. Which is fine with me, I hate having all those tiny choking hazards in the house. That's why I like Mister to have his own room.
I am pretty antsy and fussy and uncomfortable. And my Mother in law called yesterday and said the baby had to come out so she could hold him. Well, I'll get right on that. sigh.
Basically I am sick and tired of waiting. I am tired of the couch. I am tired of being afraid of labor. And I am damn tired of wondering how high my blood pressure will go. It keeps creeping to almost call the doctor and then slinks back down. Which is not good for my nerves. Just a whole lot of cranky waiting going on.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Almost ready
We only have a tiny bit left to do. Hang some pictures and move a file cabinet and a stool out of the nursery. What we really have to do this weekend is clean our bedroom. Yow. The baseboard is really dusty. Mister wants to empty more stuff out of his office and get it as empty as possible for the coming construction. sigh. But at least the check should be here soon and once it's deposited we can get started.
I think I have FINALLY straightened out my money stuff with Borders and Aetna. Have I mentioned how much Aetna sucks balls and how glad I am that they are only handling my disability? They said they never received my updated info( right) and they closed my claim. So I had my doctor refax paperwork and then they had to re-certify me. So I am getting my back pay and regular pay this Friday. Thank goodness. YAY money! We are fine without it, but more is obviously better than less. My last check two weeks ago was for an insanely low 228, because of them closing my claim. So this check should be much friendlier.
Things have been going well in budget land, which is nice. I am very interested to see what my first unemployment check is for.
The office is a mess with stuff everywhere, and so is Mom's room. It's filled with cardboard and packing material and stuff we moved out of the office that we didn't want to bring to the basement. That is making me crazy. Every time we get Mom's room cleared out it gets filled up again.
We are on the hunt for a shelf we can put over the changing table. I want a lip on it so nothing can accidentally fall on the baby. I think we are going to have to look online.
Other than that, I had an awesome visit today from Andrea. Tomorrow my Dad and Step mom are coming with Meals on Wheels and Saturday I think my sister is coming. That is nice.
Mister is busy busy busy all day every day. This weekend I think I will have him make a big pulled pork to freeze, and a double chicken Parmesan to freeze. Right now in the freezer we have cheeseburger meatloaf, meat sauce, a lasagna, and some white chicken chili. I would like to get two more kinds of meals in there for after the baby.
I am really hoping Tuesday brings some kind of decision from my ob. Because there is no room at the inn.
I am editing this to say that Borders has screwed up my pay AGAIN. And I got paid 236 dollars for the last 3 weeks or so. Are they serious? How many phone calls will it take? I cannot even call them anymore. I am making Mister call on Tuesday. 60% of my pay for three weeks is NOT 236 dollars. So it has been six weeks since I got a correct check and have gotten screw ones for the last four. What if we really needed that money? What if we weren't prepared??
I think I have FINALLY straightened out my money stuff with Borders and Aetna. Have I mentioned how much Aetna sucks balls and how glad I am that they are only handling my disability? They said they never received my updated info( right) and they closed my claim. So I had my doctor refax paperwork and then they had to re-certify me. So I am getting my back pay and regular pay this Friday. Thank goodness. YAY money! We are fine without it, but more is obviously better than less. My last check two weeks ago was for an insanely low 228, because of them closing my claim. So this check should be much friendlier.
Things have been going well in budget land, which is nice. I am very interested to see what my first unemployment check is for.
The office is a mess with stuff everywhere, and so is Mom's room. It's filled with cardboard and packing material and stuff we moved out of the office that we didn't want to bring to the basement. That is making me crazy. Every time we get Mom's room cleared out it gets filled up again.
We are on the hunt for a shelf we can put over the changing table. I want a lip on it so nothing can accidentally fall on the baby. I think we are going to have to look online.
Other than that, I had an awesome visit today from Andrea. Tomorrow my Dad and Step mom are coming with Meals on Wheels and Saturday I think my sister is coming. That is nice.
Mister is busy busy busy all day every day. This weekend I think I will have him make a big pulled pork to freeze, and a double chicken Parmesan to freeze. Right now in the freezer we have cheeseburger meatloaf, meat sauce, a lasagna, and some white chicken chili. I would like to get two more kinds of meals in there for after the baby.
I am really hoping Tuesday brings some kind of decision from my ob. Because there is no room at the inn.
I am editing this to say that Borders has screwed up my pay AGAIN. And I got paid 236 dollars for the last 3 weeks or so. Are they serious? How many phone calls will it take? I cannot even call them anymore. I am making Mister call on Tuesday. 60% of my pay for three weeks is NOT 236 dollars. So it has been six weeks since I got a correct check and have gotten screw ones for the last four. What if we really needed that money? What if we weren't prepared??
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Apparently I am just huge
Sea Monkey was found to be fine. Although he was still being stubborn. They are projecting his weight at 7 and a half pounds, and the amniotic fluid looks good too. Which is a relief. They tried to get him to cooperate for a 3-D ultrasound, but he was shy. So no fancy pictures. We did see his ear in 3-D and it is very nice. I was a little afraid he might inherit my maternal grandfather's ears.
We dropped off the report at the ob's. We are both guessing she is going to let me just hang out here in GIANT LAND until at least Tuesday. On Tuesday I am going to ask about inducing. The nicest thing the high risk doctor said was that Sea Monkey shows no signs at all of being a diabetic's baby. Which is lovely to hear. So back to laying around gestating.
We dropped off the report at the ob's. We are both guessing she is going to let me just hang out here in GIANT LAND until at least Tuesday. On Tuesday I am going to ask about inducing. The nicest thing the high risk doctor said was that Sea Monkey shows no signs at all of being a diabetic's baby. Which is lovely to hear. So back to laying around gestating.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Son of a
bitch. Sea Monkey's NST took forever because he kept wriggling away while shoving his feet into my ribs. Where is there for him to GO? Then I got weighed and lost another pound. Then the much awaited cervix check. Fuck you right back tightly shut cervix.
Then my doctor measured me. Bad times. Apparently my hugeness is not in my imagination. She checked again when our last ultrasound was and we told her three weeks ago and she said we might be looking at a 9 and a half pound baby. Then I PANICKED. Because that is HUGE. She is sending us for another ultrasound tomorrow morning. She told me if he is big I am getting a c-section.
Because he is not coming out on his own this week. He could linger for two more weeks. I AM NOT PUSHING A TEN POUND BABY OUT OF MY VAGINA. How could he get that big when I am shrinking AND my blood sugar control has been excellent? So then I was just crying and crying in the car because really I have done everything I could do to keep him normal and smallish. And he was on track to be normal. He should only weigh about 7 and a half pounds. So do I have too much amniotic fluid or what?
She gave us permission for me to walk some as long as my blood pressure stays low. I am choosing to clean, since we might be looking at a c-section in the next couple of days.
I am so upset about that possibility. I am scared of the surgery, and I am frantic at the idea that I am going to be not at 100% for even longer. I hate that Mister would l be stuck doing everything. Mister tried to calm me by telling me that the longest this could possibly go on is two more weeks, and maybe the baby is not fat- maybe he is tall. And that a c-section means no pain( is he nuts?) and that the important thing is that we are both fine. Which is true. But I am not the happiest right now.
Then my doctor measured me. Bad times. Apparently my hugeness is not in my imagination. She checked again when our last ultrasound was and we told her three weeks ago and she said we might be looking at a 9 and a half pound baby. Then I PANICKED. Because that is HUGE. She is sending us for another ultrasound tomorrow morning. She told me if he is big I am getting a c-section.
Because he is not coming out on his own this week. He could linger for two more weeks. I AM NOT PUSHING A TEN POUND BABY OUT OF MY VAGINA. How could he get that big when I am shrinking AND my blood sugar control has been excellent? So then I was just crying and crying in the car because really I have done everything I could do to keep him normal and smallish. And he was on track to be normal. He should only weigh about 7 and a half pounds. So do I have too much amniotic fluid or what?
She gave us permission for me to walk some as long as my blood pressure stays low. I am choosing to clean, since we might be looking at a c-section in the next couple of days.
I am so upset about that possibility. I am scared of the surgery, and I am frantic at the idea that I am going to be not at 100% for even longer. I hate that Mister would l be stuck doing everything. Mister tried to calm me by telling me that the longest this could possibly go on is two more weeks, and maybe the baby is not fat- maybe he is tall. And that a c-section means no pain( is he nuts?) and that the important thing is that we are both fine. Which is true. But I am not the happiest right now.
Monday, March 8, 2010
STILL waiting
Auuughghghh!
Yesterday we went to Babies R Us and got the last of our stuff. Just some sheets and the diaper changer. Then we picked up some frames to put the last of the Peter Rabbit pictures on the wall. Precious. I am ENORMOUS. No really.
And yesterday was just very, very painful/uncomfortable. I figured it out, the baby, the braxton hicks and a ton of poo are all fighting it out inside me. I did in fact poop, but it didn't help. I have been having pain, but according to Dr. Google it's allllllll fake. Every one is very low in my pelvis. And they go away when I stop moving.
Dear Sea Monkey,
Come out. We have toys. We have boobs. We have lots of people waiting to love on you. Did I mention there is plenty of room out here? Anytime you feel bored stabbing me in the everything..why you could come out and glory in all the room. Plus, Daddy wants to start his paternity leave.
love,
ENORMOUS Mommy
Dear Jesus,
My hands are numb. My jaw hurts. My BUTT hurts. I have cankles. I have not had a piece of chocolate in SIXTY SEVEN days. I have been trapped for SIXTY SEVEN DAYS. I have been compliant for SIXTY SEVEN DAYS. I want freedom. I want to drive. I want to have a brownie.
love,
ENORMOUS celia
We have an ob appointment tomorrow morning. I swear I will cry if my cervix is still closed.
Yesterday we went to Babies R Us and got the last of our stuff. Just some sheets and the diaper changer. Then we picked up some frames to put the last of the Peter Rabbit pictures on the wall. Precious. I am ENORMOUS. No really.
And yesterday was just very, very painful/uncomfortable. I figured it out, the baby, the braxton hicks and a ton of poo are all fighting it out inside me. I did in fact poop, but it didn't help. I have been having pain, but according to Dr. Google it's allllllll fake. Every one is very low in my pelvis. And they go away when I stop moving.
Dear Sea Monkey,
Come out. We have toys. We have boobs. We have lots of people waiting to love on you. Did I mention there is plenty of room out here? Anytime you feel bored stabbing me in the everything..why you could come out and glory in all the room. Plus, Daddy wants to start his paternity leave.
love,
ENORMOUS Mommy
Dear Jesus,
My hands are numb. My jaw hurts. My BUTT hurts. I have cankles. I have not had a piece of chocolate in SIXTY SEVEN days. I have been trapped for SIXTY SEVEN DAYS. I have been compliant for SIXTY SEVEN DAYS. I want freedom. I want to drive. I want to have a brownie.
love,
ENORMOUS celia
We have an ob appointment tomorrow morning. I swear I will cry if my cervix is still closed.
Friday, March 5, 2010
Shitcanned
Or whatever you want to call it. My district manager called me yesterday and said they had eliminated my position throughout the company. I had to squelch down a cheer. Sooo we are not totally sure how this will work out. It looks like I stay on disability until 6-8 weeks after Sea Monkey gets here. I don't get two weeks of vacation because I have only accumulated 13 hours, but I will get three weeks of severance. Then unemployment.
What I am wondering is if I am gonna get screwed on unemployment because they might calculate in my disability pay- as opposed to my regular pay. My DM was not sure.
She told me I was free to reapply for another job in the company ( ummm I am dead certain all the spots will be filled by the time my maternity leave is over, AND I am also sure they would rather have someone new that makes less than me.) or I could work there part time. Soooo, come back at less money, with no benefits? Also not tempting. I believe they can suck it and pay me unemployment till I find something else.
On the other hand I am THRILLED at not having to go back. My DM and I were both unsure which state applied to me since I live in PA but worked in NJ. But I think I heard that now you can go back to school while on unemployment. I have a degree, but it is in culinary arts. I tried and tried and TRIED to find a job that was not 80 hours a week in my field. They don't exist. The lowest I could find was 60 hours. I am not EVER going back to working 80 hour weeks. I loved being a pastry chef but it was grindingly stressful. I don't think it is a good idea to go back to retail either, since I think the economy has a long way to go to recovery.
Until the recession I had planned on getting a degree in library science even though it means six years of school. However, with the closed libraries and cut funding there will be way less jobs available. Soo we thought I would get my degree in Spanish. Since I love Spanish already and then I could be a translator.
We'll have to research it.
But I am so, so thankful that we can afford this. What if I had been planning on going back? What if we had not been planning and budgeting all along? I am very glad we can look at this as an opportunity. And frankly, I am ELATED not to have to work for Borders anymore. YAY!
What I am wondering is if I am gonna get screwed on unemployment because they might calculate in my disability pay- as opposed to my regular pay. My DM was not sure.
She told me I was free to reapply for another job in the company ( ummm I am dead certain all the spots will be filled by the time my maternity leave is over, AND I am also sure they would rather have someone new that makes less than me.) or I could work there part time. Soooo, come back at less money, with no benefits? Also not tempting. I believe they can suck it and pay me unemployment till I find something else.
On the other hand I am THRILLED at not having to go back. My DM and I were both unsure which state applied to me since I live in PA but worked in NJ. But I think I heard that now you can go back to school while on unemployment. I have a degree, but it is in culinary arts. I tried and tried and TRIED to find a job that was not 80 hours a week in my field. They don't exist. The lowest I could find was 60 hours. I am not EVER going back to working 80 hour weeks. I loved being a pastry chef but it was grindingly stressful. I don't think it is a good idea to go back to retail either, since I think the economy has a long way to go to recovery.
Until the recession I had planned on getting a degree in library science even though it means six years of school. However, with the closed libraries and cut funding there will be way less jobs available. Soo we thought I would get my degree in Spanish. Since I love Spanish already and then I could be a translator.
We'll have to research it.
But I am so, so thankful that we can afford this. What if I had been planning on going back? What if we had not been planning and budgeting all along? I am very glad we can look at this as an opportunity. And frankly, I am ELATED not to have to work for Borders anymore. YAY!
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Company today
Daddy and my stepmom come today. With Meals on Wheels. I think they are bringing barley escarole soup and either meat loaf or pot roast. Which is most welcome. Mister and I have been planning double meals to try and fill the freezer before Sea Monkey gets here. So far we have two lasagnas, some meat sauce and white chicken chili. If Daddy brings post roast then this weekend we are making a double meat loaf to freeze. If he brings meat loaf, than I don't know what we'll make. Maybe macaroni and cheese? Beef stew?
I am FINALLY having false labor. Not too many false contractions but enough to make me believe that at some point this baby will be on The Outside. I also look HUGE. Like a big globe. We figure this might be our last weekend alone. Soooo we are almost caught up on laundry, and the house is mostly clean. We still have a huge pile of thank you notes to finish. Mister wants to keep emptying his office. He spent most of last weekend cleaning the basement so he could move his office stuff down there.
I am about to take a shower and then dust. Ugh. Dusting sucks.
I think they are starting the roof in two weeks. And then the office two weeks after that. They want to wait and make sure they have found all the leaks before they start on the office. I am pretty sick of looking at the big stain on the ceiling.
We put the crappy sheets on the bed. I am NOT taking the chance of something leaking out of me onto my good sheets. Ick.
I am still EXTREMELY CERTAIN that I do not want to touch or see the baby until they wipe him off. NO STICKY BABY. If my own period makes me gag and throw up, I am pretty sure that the combined goo of nine months will make me hurl. I don't want my first memory to be of me gagging.
I am really frustrated that I just lay around. And Aetna the assmonkeys screwed up my disability after they assured me everything was fine.
I am FINALLY having false labor. Not too many false contractions but enough to make me believe that at some point this baby will be on The Outside. I also look HUGE. Like a big globe. We figure this might be our last weekend alone. Soooo we are almost caught up on laundry, and the house is mostly clean. We still have a huge pile of thank you notes to finish. Mister wants to keep emptying his office. He spent most of last weekend cleaning the basement so he could move his office stuff down there.
I am about to take a shower and then dust. Ugh. Dusting sucks.
I think they are starting the roof in two weeks. And then the office two weeks after that. They want to wait and make sure they have found all the leaks before they start on the office. I am pretty sick of looking at the big stain on the ceiling.
We put the crappy sheets on the bed. I am NOT taking the chance of something leaking out of me onto my good sheets. Ick.
I am still EXTREMELY CERTAIN that I do not want to touch or see the baby until they wipe him off. NO STICKY BABY. If my own period makes me gag and throw up, I am pretty sure that the combined goo of nine months will make me hurl. I don't want my first memory to be of me gagging.
I am really frustrated that I just lay around. And Aetna the assmonkeys screwed up my disability after they assured me everything was fine.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Fort Knox
My cervix is on LOCK DOWN. No change. No wiggle room. No baby. For at least a week. He did great on his non stress test. My blood pressure is a little higher, but my doctor is still very happy with me. I am the Compliance Poster Girl.
Monday, March 1, 2010
Sitting on my widening ass.
That's what I'm doing. I reallyreallyreally want to vacuum. And clean the cat puke off the carpet. And do some laundry. And scour the bathroom.
However, I am slumped on the couch watching Princess Diaries 2.
I go back to the ob tomorrow. And I am hoping for some sign of I don't know something.
My blood pressure has been between 116/87- 136/87. Back and forth, up and down- more up than down. My left leg insists on swelling while righty stays the same. For small mercies, I have been pooping much better this week.
My carpel tunnel has been waking me up. What a drag. My TMJ has been dealable. I just have been eating a lot of soft/semi soft food.
With two weeks to go, I am antsy. And paranoid. And HATING that I can't clean my house. Because I am DAMN SURE everyone will be coming over as soon as he gets here.
You know that feeling where you have company coming and you can't settle to anything but instead keep peeking out the window? That's how I feel.
Sea Monkey has been headbutting me so hard. Yeow. I fully peed my panties AGAIN last night. Any movement is welcome, but real estate is getting so tight in there that it is like being pregnant with a snake. Not a lot of kicking and more wriggling than anything else.
I suppose it is insane to wish to come home to a clean house. With five cats the house can go from SUPER SHINY CLEAN to WHO FARTED in a few seconds.
In construction news, our insurance company has agreed to pay for the whole roof and we are waiting for the check. First the roof and then the office. Mister is on a major, unheard of, unprecedented spree to clear things out. He even put around 30 of his Transformers on e-bay. Which he has been "thinking about" for at least three years. But they are up. I told him if they make over a certain amount I DEMAND he buy a new graphics tablet.
A graphics tablet lets you draw on it and it transfers your image to the computer screen. Mister loves to draw and I think it is important for him to continue.
That's all that is going on here. A lot of hurry up and wait. Sit there and wait. Lay around and wait. Inventory all the junk wrong with me and wait.
However, I am slumped on the couch watching Princess Diaries 2.
I go back to the ob tomorrow. And I am hoping for some sign of I don't know something.
My blood pressure has been between 116/87- 136/87. Back and forth, up and down- more up than down. My left leg insists on swelling while righty stays the same. For small mercies, I have been pooping much better this week.
My carpel tunnel has been waking me up. What a drag. My TMJ has been dealable. I just have been eating a lot of soft/semi soft food.
With two weeks to go, I am antsy. And paranoid. And HATING that I can't clean my house. Because I am DAMN SURE everyone will be coming over as soon as he gets here.
You know that feeling where you have company coming and you can't settle to anything but instead keep peeking out the window? That's how I feel.
Sea Monkey has been headbutting me so hard. Yeow. I fully peed my panties AGAIN last night. Any movement is welcome, but real estate is getting so tight in there that it is like being pregnant with a snake. Not a lot of kicking and more wriggling than anything else.
I suppose it is insane to wish to come home to a clean house. With five cats the house can go from SUPER SHINY CLEAN to WHO FARTED in a few seconds.
In construction news, our insurance company has agreed to pay for the whole roof and we are waiting for the check. First the roof and then the office. Mister is on a major, unheard of, unprecedented spree to clear things out. He even put around 30 of his Transformers on e-bay. Which he has been "thinking about" for at least three years. But they are up. I told him if they make over a certain amount I DEMAND he buy a new graphics tablet.
A graphics tablet lets you draw on it and it transfers your image to the computer screen. Mister loves to draw and I think it is important for him to continue.
That's all that is going on here. A lot of hurry up and wait. Sit there and wait. Lay around and wait. Inventory all the junk wrong with me and wait.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)