Snuffle

Peter is still snuffly. The water is literally running down the walls in the back bedroom because I ran the shower and the humidifier so much. He seems to do better in the morning. Leading me to keep declaring him better only to be proved WRONG.\

So anyhow, he has been sleeping for the large part of today. I am thankful, hopefully the sleep will help him fight the cold. Plus, I had time to clean the upstairs bathroom. Which was NASTY. I am actually about to vacuum the stairs. Hot damn.

Improvement

Poor Snuffy seems to be comfortable. We sat in the bathroom with the shower and the humidifier on full blast. We are sucking out his nose and mouth, and rubbing Baby Vicks on him, and keeping him upright, and feeding him in five minute blocks and giving him saline drops and sitting up with him. I finally gave up and went all family bed hippie with him. And he slept like that. But I only did it because I was exhausted and he would not sleep anywhere else.

But he is out. Down. Sound asleep. I think the vaporub did it. Because I don't hear any snuffling right now. Could the cold leave as fast as it came? I guess I'll find out.

Last night we had tortellini for dinner and then rushed out the door to the dermatologist. I have had this THING on my nose for months. Sumbitch is gone now. God, like I did not feel unattractive already with my droopy stomach. Anyhow, when we got home someone, I suspect Mr. Naughtypants, had gone into the sink and pulled out some leftovers and batted them around the floor. No puke was forthcoming, so I assume no one ate any.

The other day I found Mr. Naughtypants wandering around the house with one of Peter's pacifiers in his mouth. Which was hysterical actually. At least someone is using them.

Crikey

Yeah, so my plugged ducts are improving but now Peter is getting sick. Swell. My poor snuffy baby. I called the pediatrician because he was spitting up a ton of mucus and I was worried that he was not getting enough breast milk because of my stupid duct. We almost gave him formula on Sunday night because he would not stop eating, could not be satisfied and my boobs were non-compliant. What a mess. Fortunately I had two ounces of milk in the fridge so Mister fed him while I applied hot compresses to my tatas.

Anyhow, the doctor called back with THE GIANT NEWSFLASH THAT PETER MIGHT HAVE ACID REFLUX. I want 9 skillion brownie points for not saying anything nasty. I said that I thought so too but that no one would give us antacid. Then they said elevate him. Fuck you. My feet are swollen because all I do is sit up with him. Anyhow, they want me to feed him for five minutes on the breast and then burp him, or one ounce of expressed milk and then burp him. So not only is his pitiful and snotty, he is also confused and pissed because I give him food and take it away. If there is no improvement they want me to bring him in.

Feeding him for five minute clips is helping him. It's making me a little crazy, but he is spitting up less.

I did not even try to put him to bed tonight. He was too snotty and the poor monkey was just clinging to me. We are basting him in saline and then sucking it out. I have an awful headache from lack of sleep. But I do have the consolation prize of three kinds of cookies.

I am afraid to take him to the doctor by myself. I have not driven in four months and we loaned my car to my brother in law. Which means I would have to drive the Big Car. And I still can't lift the car seat, I've tried and that sumbitch is too heavy.

Hopefully today is not quiet so rich in mucus.

S-E-X

I have no actual idea how long it has been since there has been any ANY kind of anything. Six months maybe? Because even before I was put on bed rest, we were afraid to have sex and I was too uncomfortable anyway. I think it has been six months at least.

Anyhow, it's six weeks tomorrow. Not that we have the time or the energy for the marital embrace. But I find I am kind of scared of it. Weird, right? Shy of sex with my own husband.

But my body, what a mess. I look good with clothes ON. Off is a big ole train wreck. My scar is raised and angry, my skin is sagging, I have skin tags and lets not forget the whole non-recreational breasts thing. Ugh, my stomach still looks like a puddle.

I don't know, it's weird.

It was AMAZING!

The wedding was one of the most lovely I have ever seen. Including on teevee. I really think Andrea should consider event planning. Sadly, we have no pictures but I am sure someone will email us some. There are plenty on Facebook already. Our camera was not charged.

Here is the list of INCREDIBLE MAGICAL NO...MAGIKAL THINGS THAT HAPPENED YESTERDAY.

We left on time.
Peter did not throw up on us (much) or on his outfit.
The makeup I bought did a pretty good job clearing up the unfortunate happening on my nose.
I did NOT leak breast milk on my dress.
We got there on time.
There were seats in the back row just in case of crying.
It was cold but I had two blankets packed.
He slept through the ceremony like he had never even heard that babies cry.
He slept through the reception and dinner.
He did not throw up on anyone.
When we got home he ate and slept and only got up once in the night. He slept five and a half hours straight, ate and slept another hour and a half. AND IS STILL HAPPY.

The only thing that was sad was that while I remembered the card and money, I forgot the present we picked out for their honeymoon. So we'll have to ship it. We like to give cash for weddings, because really when you are first married is there anything you need more?

Bird is a freakin genius.

The hot diaper on my blocked duct feels great and really helps. My ob called in some antibiotics for me. I refilled my Motrin. Mister is picking them up on his way home. I am kinda wondering if I will have an engorgement problem on top of everything else since I have been pumping so much trying to fix the blocked duct. Peter is resistant to nursing on that side, maybe because he has to work harder?

Andrea's wedding is tomorrow. I am excited and scared. Excited for her, scared for me. Please don't be "that baby" that wails during the ceremony Peter. Please? I have been expressing so hopefully if (when) he hollers we can give him a bottle. We are going to sit in back by the door. Scary. Exciting. Yikes.

Back to add, Mister had to race home and give Peter a bottle. He won't nurse off my bad side and we couldn't get any more milk out of the good side. So he was wailing and rooting and searching for milk. I hope to God I can pump enough to get us through tomorrow. What a mess. At least the electric pump is more efficient than the hand pump. The most I've ever been able to express with the hand pump is four ounces and today I got six.

mastitis

well it's not like i have a wedding or anything IMPORTANT tomorrow. anyhow we went out and bought a pump late last night to try and fix me up before tomorrow. i am typing one handed, we bought a playtex pump. mister would have spent more, but i could not see it when we only want to give him one bottle a day.

i suppose i have to call my dr but i can't get in there till monday.

Ugly

Last night was UGLY. I should have known when our day was so lovely. He is having his 9 a.m. nap. He has to have a bath today, yesterday he was so happy I could not bring myself to wreck it with a bath. But he spit up everywhere last night so a bath for sure today.

Last night he ate for at least three hours straight. My boobs feel mangled. They have never hurt before. I took some of my leftover Motrin. He did in fact sleep some last night, he went to bed at around 2 and slept till 4 and then 5 till 7 30.

I was so cranky last night all I wanted was a shower and all he wanted was to eat. I tried so hard to feed him and get him comfortable so I could get clean. I handed him over and went to the bathroom but I could hear Peter wailing. I came back out and he ate some more. I could not tell if he was eating for real or just comfort sucking. But I was so fidgity and sticky. I wish I could get some time to express milk. I am going to try again in a few minutes.

Not getting a shower really makes me feel gross. And Mister told me AGAIN that I have to sleep when Peter sleeps. QUIT IT. I swear, someone is going to say that to me and I am going to PUNCH THEM IN THE FACE. He told me my only job is to feed Peter and sleep when he sleeps and to do NO CHORES. Except when last I checked, there was no chore fairy. "Helllo Chore Fairy? Can you scrub the bathroom floor please? And then change the sheets, do three loads of laundry, put it away, wash the dishes, make my lunch, and haul out the carpet cleaner since Fiona threw up AGAIN yesterday? You CAN? You ROCK!"

Sorry, but seriously this shit is not gonna do itself. Tonight we are supposedly going shopping. We'll see how that goes.

nice

It's a very nice day. SO FAR. He slept-ish, and this morning I was able to get a bunch of stuff done while he had his morning nap. Then he was up for like five hours, and finally went to sleep. And I got to make granola bars. So two loads of laundry, some baking, and some cleaning. I am tempted to make dinner, but kind of afraid. I know the world won't end if I let him cry but I just can't do it.

Mister and I had a fight last night. Or fight-light since it was mostly snapping and angry silences. He really pissed me off by telling me to sleep when the baby sleeps. God that pisses me off when people say that. WHO CAN DO THAT? When he sleeps I clean or do laundry or I don't know EAT with both hands. Not to mention express milk when I have the time.

I pissed him off by demanding we take Peter to the grocery store. Because he needs to learn that daytime is for doing and nighttime is for sleeping.

Mother....

You KNOW. So last night Peter and I slept AN HOUR. He wasn't mad, he just wasn't tired and wanted to eat. and eat. and EAT. He doesn't want a Mom, he wants one of those milk dispensers they have at the Old Country Buffet. So after giving up and greeting the dawn, he fell asleep and I cleaned the house because....

The photographer came. And I was praying Peter was going to be kind of happy, nope. He is plenty happy right now, which is nice but it would have been nicer while he was getting his pictures taken. Anyhow that was a fiasco. LET ME REPEAT, THAT WAS A FIASCO. The photographer was allergic to cats. Peter was screaming, the cats were running amuck, Fiona actually THREW UP on the photographer's bag AT THE SAME TIME AS PETER POOPED HIS DIAPER FANTASTICALLY AUDIBLY AND THUNDER WAS HOPPING ALL AROUND THE CAMERA AND LIGHTS AND BACKDROP. Basically it seemed like we had five hundred cats and a possessed baby.

Then, because I felt super guilty for the puke I bought a package Mister and I had not discussed. Which I then had to call and explain to Mister. I am just exhausted and demoralized today. If I could have poured myself a bourbon you can bet your ass I would have.

Mother of Pearl

This is my first break since 7 30 this morning. Great jumping hoptoads! Or Holy Shit, whatever. We got some stuff done this weekend, but sadly nothing in the house. As is evident by the state of the house. We went to the mall yesterday to try and find something ( ANYTHING) for me to wear to Andrea's wedding. When we got there, Mister said " Should we walk around the mall first?" and started to wander off and browse. I gave him a look that said " Are you CRAZY" while actually saying "Are you CRAZY?" we have a limited amount of time before Peter is hungry/thirsty/poopie we need to GO."

We went to Torrid, since I am actually a fan of Torrid and while I did fall in love with a totally unsuitable dress http://twi-star.blogspot.com/2010/04/torrid-bellas-new-moon-b-day-dress-for.html ( maybe that worked?) there was no way I could breastfeed in it without stripping nekkid.

So off we went to Macy's and Peter decided he was AWAKE AND UNHAPPY. Mister changed him and I fed him. Sorry Macy's shoppers, but that is what the couch in the restroom is for. Anyhow, I was fervently hoping Peter was going to eat and be done and was not settling in for one of his hour long marathons. When we were finished I asked Mister if he understood why I had been rushing through the mall. He said yes.

We found an awesome, cute and flattering dress that I could breastfeed in. Believe me, I was shocked too. I bought a bra, and it makes me look absolutely pornographic. Like I could name one boob Pammy and one boob Jenna. Helllllllo tatas.

Then we found some shoes, they are black and while to match the dress. http://www.shoebuy.com/etienne-aigner-tamara/365778/780589 that's the shoes

http://www.motherhood.com/Product.asp?Product_Id=952330022&MasterCategory_Id=MC3

Peter slept pretty well, although he refused his bottle and I was sad. So I had no break from cow duty.

Could we be turning a corner?

He has been crying much less since Thursday. The last day he was really inconsolable was Wednesday. And even that was better than it had been. He still has periods of wailing but not hours and hours. He also seems to be better able to burp on his own.

Yesterday was miraculous in that my sister and Mom came to visit and I got a TWO HOUR NAP. I felt kinda bad to leave them, but after all they came to see Peter more than anything. We bought the CRV in the morning and it was weird. We are One Of Those People. The people with big cars and baby equipment. Weird. Hard to digest. We are small car kind of people. But baby gear takes up an assload of room.

It is pretty comfy and I am in love with it already since I was able to get into the back seat and nurse Peter without much trouble. Try climbing into the backseat of a Mazda 3. Not happening.

We tried really hard to keep Peter awake yesterday. We even went to Target at 9 p.m. He was FURIOUS because even though he ate and was changed right before we left, he wet himself and was demanding food as soon as we got there. So we cut our trip short, and I fed him again in the backseat while Mister played with the car and listened to the end of the baseball game.

We were richly rewarded for dragging him all over creation, Peter ate and then SLEPT for four and a half hours. Then, incredibly woke up for a diaper change and went back to sleep, and THEN woke up for food, and WENT BACK TO SLEEP! Holy God we slept seven hours. It was amazing. And he has been happy all morning and is taking a nap. I don't even have a headache right now.

We are going to try again today and take him grocery shopping, clothes shopping and potentially shoe shopping. The idea that we might get that much sleep again is intoxicating.

I am also packing up all his Carter's newborn clothes, he has outgrown them. Well, he is so thin that there is plenty of room in the sides but they are all short on him and tight at the crotch. Soo onto three month and up. He has a different brand of newborn that still fits, AYM told me Carter's run small. We also have to find an outfit for him to wear to Andrea's wedding. His fancy Christian Dior outfit will be too small for him I think. Poo. But we want something supercute for the wedding, because why not dammit. He is cute and I want to dress him up. But I REFUSE to buy one of those horrid white tuxedos people dress little boys in, I HATE THOSE. Ugh.

Another allnighter

Oddly, no screaming or fussing. He was just READY TO PARTY. Like a tiny Hank Williams Jr. I think he tried to do a keg stand on my boob. We slept about two hours. Today is a busy day, we are looking at the Honda and might buy it today if the deal is good enough.

Our teevee died last night. Mister might be able to fix it. At last his computer and electrical engineering degrees will be good for something. He says it might be these two doohickeys on the circuit board. He didn't say doohickeys, but whatever. So he is going to take the teevee apart tomorrow. I know I usually am begging him NOT to take stuff apart, but I know he has built computers and all so I am fine with it. Especially if it will save us a five hundred dollar repair bill.

I actually did not have cable for years during and after college. I could not afford it, and it would have been a total waste because I worked so much that when I was home the only thing on was informercials. I just watched videos and dvds. So I will be fine without the teevee for however long it takes. If Mister fixes it, then we'll have it back tomorrow, if it has to be repaired that will take about two weeks and if we have to buy a new one we decided to wait for a good sale.

Seriously, how many appliances are we going to buy this year? I have a pretty bad headache from our all night rave. At least there wasn't much hollering.

No drugs

I saw a different doctor and they still said no drugs. She said he might have slight reflux but that it would be better to keep him upright in a swing or his bouncy.


sigh. damn hippies.


I was honest with her and told her the mylicon/gripe water/upright/on a slant combination had taken it from unbearable to merely painful. Maybe I should have lied. As far as I know, I don't get a medal for this and neither does he.

He is 9lb 3 oz which is the 25th percentile for his height which is 23 inches and the 90th percentile.

They said he looked great. They did ask me all this stuff like... how long does he feed for and how often? How many dirty/wet diapers does he have a day? I told them I had no idea because I was too tired to keep track and that I let him eat whenever he wanted for as long as he wanted because ME NO LIKEE CRYING.

Which he is doing right now. Gotta pick up Sir Crank A Lot.

Hargily blargh

or somesuch. Coffee SOON. Last night I crawled into bed and slept for four hours. I had pumped five ounces for Peter. I am going to do more today if I get the chance. Then since we know it is working, we are going to get an electric pump. Either a Lactina or a Symphony. He takes the bottle very nicely and then sleeps. We give it to him after dinner. It's a good thing I slept then,because I only had one hour during the rest of the night.

Mister went and looked at a new car yesterday, his Mazda 3 is not cutting it. So we are looking at a Honda something. We are going on Saturday morning to check it out. We need more space.The stroller takes up the Mazda's entire trunk.

I have gained back five pounds, I think because of all the junk food I am eating trying to stay awake. But I am still 10 pounds lighter than before I got pregnant so I'm not too bothered. Hopefully it won't be quite so crazy soon. Possibly there are people that can listen to their baby wail while they make a big old lunch but I am not one of them.

The pediatrician appointment is at 2, and if they don't make with the drugs I am getting a second opinion. Because keeping him upright helps, but I need more than one damn hour of sleep in my own bed. He only settles if I am holding him, and in the daytime only sleeps in the bouncy chair. While I do love holding him, I think it's excessive and I really would like some non-baby wearing time.

Today

is not my favorite. Yesterday Peter cried and cried so piteously. While he has improved, I am still going to ask for the damn antacid. Poor wee man. I don't even remember much of last night at all. Mister had baseball tickets and he and my Dad went to the Phillies game. So he had work, then shot home and got changed, was gone till after 11 and basically my stepmom and I were on Mission Impossible, Keep Peter Happy. I was soooooo tired. And Mister had an anxiety attack. Fun. On the other hand, at least we knew what it was this time since the last time we went to the hospital. So we will not be getting ass raped with more hospital bills.

I think it was because we owe over two grand on our taxes. And a BIG EFF YOU to Pennsylvania since we can't write off our medical costs. You would think owing that much money that I would have better clothes or a new couch or something. We also figured out I drove 1600 miles to the RE over the last year. So we cracked open our piggy bank and sent out the check. SIGH. Anyhow I think the tax bill is why Mister had the anxiety attack, since the last attack was a few days before our IUI. We had some kind of Perfect Storm with our taxes. We are not qualified for the new home owners rebate since it was exactly three years since we sold the condo, if we had waited one more month to buy we would have gotten the eight grand.

Then we could not write off our medical bills. And we went up a bracket. Which is nice but we made it into the next bracket by like 400 dollars. So that sucks. Then ( this is my fault) I screwed up my withholding when we moved. Ugh. What a mess. Anyhow we filed for an extension so we could have an accountant check everything in the slim hope that we don't owe that much. Maybe we will get some of the money back. Riiight.

And ( I feel like I am in Queen For A Day) I pushed myself too hard yesterday and cleaned too much. Hello pain. Standing up is not enjoyable. Standing up while holding PETER is even less enjoyable.

I told Mister he has to rest all weekend. Which was, I admit something I did not want to do. I really wanted to climb into bed myself. Peter is napping now, so I suppose I should get dressed or some such.

good morning

it sure is. Somehow, magically Peter slept for five hours and it was IN THE NIGHTTIME. Peter was ravenous all day but I sneaked out two ounces into a bottle. I am trying to keep two bottles in the fridge. Anyhow, after our dinner I fed our little piggie and then he wanted more. So I left the room and faceplanted into the mattress while Mister gave Peter his first bottle. I heard fussing and soothing and blessed silence. Then I heard "wow you sucked the whole thing down."

Mister brought him back to me because incredibly he wanted MORE. I fed him and we both fell asleep on the chair until I think three a.m. I woke up and tried to get him to feed again but he was NOT HAVING ANY. So I put him in the bassinet and climbed/threw myself/ staggered and creaked back to bed. Half and hour later he was ringing the dinner bell. Then it was after four so I figured we might as well get up. I fed him some more, and put him in his chair and cleaned the kitchen.

He is just waking up now, and I am having a nice, quiet minute with my coffee. It's pretty nice, even if I do smell like puke.

Dearest Jesus,

Thank you. Can we go for round two tonight?

hugs and kisses,

Celia

All the cool people are up before dawn

That's right party people, up and at em by five. It is now nine and Peter is on his second nap. Which is great and all but how in the heck to I get him to sleep in THE NIGHTTIME? Bribes? Hot Babes? Voodoo? Anyway I am taking advantage of the temporary quiet by doing some house stuff.

I am choosing to look at the positive side. I have my darlingpreciousbaby. So what if I am thisclose to buttering and toasting my hand and then scratching my butt with a slice of bread cause I am so out of it? Today our wee man is four weeks old. They have flown by. It's crazy. We are both very happy with most of parenthood. If only there were more sleep. I am aware that I am as obsessed with sleep now as I was with food while I was pregnant. Well there is a REASON twenty year olds have kids and not thirty five year olds. When I was in my twenties I would go work all day then go out all night THEN take a shower and go back to work feeling no pain.

But exhaustion is a small thing compared to what we have. I feel like I am getting used to the whole NO SLEEP EVA thing. I have two cups of coffee( what? I NEED it) and a shower and can function till around eight at night. Then I hit a slump and fantasize about James Marsden rubbing my back and feeding me chocolate mousse. Sometimes I mix it up and he rubs my feet instead. I like variety in my fantasy life. I'd SAY I fantasize about sex but even my imagination is no match for what pregnancy has done to my body, it's UGLY lemme tell you UGLY.

Holy Moly

Yep. It was another 5 a.m. kind of day. Since it is one of the few things he has done consistently, I am calling it a pattern. I fed him and got him to fall back to sleep. Then I folded and put away the laundry that I had no time to touch yesterday, washed the dishes, cleaned the pump, cut up some granola bars Mister made and am now drinking coffee and having one of the granola bars while Peter dozes. Oh yes, and I cleaned up cat puke. Good times.

Something I have come to realize is that there is no later. There is only right now. So if he is quiet instead of sitting and resting I run around and do something. ANYTHING. Yesterday while Mister was out grocery shopping Peter FINALLY fell asleep. I was hungry, I was tired, there was laundry and dusting and the bed was never made... so I listened to everyone and fell asleep. Mmmhhmm, the next thing I knew it was an hour later and Mister was home from the store and saying "noooo come in!" Which would have been fine, but I was braless and in pajamas and had not even combed my hair. It took me till 7 30 pm to even brush my teeth. Which is crazy. Who doesn't have time to brush their teeth? Anyhow, luckily I was too pooped to be mortified at the state the house and I were in. It was messy, I am telling you. And I don't want to hear that people understand if your house is a mess, maybe they do but it doesn't make me less embarrassed.

Anyhow the reason I had no time yesterday is that he was either eating ( thank heavens for Amanda or I would think I was raising some tiny Adam Richman- at least it is normal for him to spend HOURS at the Boobie Bar) or sleeping on me. If I put him down it was an EPIC FAIL.

Ok, enough whining. Peter is improving somewhat. There is slightly less atomic bomb level screaming and more general angst. I will take disgruntled angst over NEW YORK CAB DRIVER ANGRY any day. Pumping is not going well, I can't get Peter to stop eating long enough to fill a bottle. But I am determined to get it done today dammit. THERE WILL BE BOTTLES.

We did have some nice story time yesterday, and while he hardly slept did spend a few hours happy and cuddly.

wah

Still chock full o'screaming here. We actually canceled a much anticipated visit to see AYM and family at her son's birthday party. I am sad we can't go but both Mister and I agree that if there is any possibility of us being trapped in a car with Lungs McGee screaming for hours we would maybe have an accident. Hopefully we can go up and see them next month when Peter is not quite so... loud.

I broke down and called the doctor yesterday asking if we could pretty please start the zantac this weekend instead of waiting till next Friday. I just can't see letting him ( and us) suffer needlessly when there is something that might help. His doctor said no, she wants us to keep burping him and elevating him. Which made me contemplate finding her house and camping outside her bedroom window so she can suffer with us.

We are going to scope out some swings. My sister's friend said that fennel tea would relax his stomach and help the screaming so we may try that. Peter slept maybe four or five hours last night. He is sleeping now in his chair. So I got a little more sleep. We have to clean today, the house looks like angry bikers rode through it throwing handfulls of cat hair and burp cloths in their wake.

Borders has yet again screwed up my check. I have had TWO checks with no problems since January, every other check has necessitated calling corporate in Michigan multiple times. I think they are screwing up on purpose so they can keep the interest as long as possible. I would be very interested to know how many other people are having problems getting paid by Borders. They also stopped direct depositing my check and are mailing it. They have also underpaid me THREE times and had to send another check. Now, this is crazy because it should be the same amount each time since it is based off a percentage of what I made over a period of months. grr. Anyhow, I think it is straightened out at least for this week. I'm sure I'll be calling again.

Mister goes back to work Monday. I'm not scared. Much.

yawn

Here it is, good old 5 a.m. and I am up staring blearily at my coffee while Peter finally sleeps. Two nights ago he slept really well and we were cautiously thrilled or tentatively happy. But last night he was back to Screamfest 2010. Mister thinks it was because Peter and I fell asleep twice while nursing and he did not get Mylicon.

It is just insane. And I could not get a nap because he hardly slept during the day yesterday and when he did it was an hour at a time. It takes me an hour just to fall asleep, so no nap. I am telling you, as happy and thrilled and delighted and in love with my baby as I am there is still no getting around the fact that I am O-L-D and averaging four hours of sleep in a twenty four hour period for three weeks is brutal.

At the pediatricians yesterday, Peter was weighed and is at eight pounds 12 ounces so at least we know breastfeeding is a success. The doctor said she was very happy about that. She said he either has colic or reflux or both. We are elevating him this week and if that does not work than we will try some prilosec or whatever for two weeks. If that does not work she said the default is colic since he appears healthy in every way.

She said crying would not kill him, and there is nothing wrong with walking away from him for five minutes when we need a break. I can't. I just can't leave him to cry alone. It's not like he is two and throwing a tantrum. She did also say that if I am eating a fairly normal diet then it's nothing I'm eating that is bothering him.

We told her than he has been wailing like this since he was two days old and that we had read colic did not start till three weeks. She said that is true but that he is exhibiting textbook colic. I don't know. When we took him for a walk today ( his first walk outside!) we hoped it would put him to sleep. Nope. He screamed and screamed and Mister pointed out that if he did have reflux the angle Peter was laying at was just right to back everything up his throat.

The vibrating bouncy seat is helping for about twenty minutes at a clip. We did ask the doctor if a swing would help and she said not to bother. I am back and forth on the damn swing ( haha back and forth on the swing). I also REALLY don't want another enormous piece of baby stuff in the house.

This is really making me wonder if we could even handle another baby. God help us, what if we had twins? There is no WAY we could have handled twins with colic. The very idea gives me a cold chill. I know it is bizarre to think about another baby so soon but as we all know , if we want one Mister and I will have to decide soon so I can get on a plan at the RE's and they can start getting me in shape for another pregnancy.

I believe Elizabeth ( my favorite nurse and the one that knocked me up) told me that the ob would release me to the RE. And my six week check up is in just over two weeks. So even though we could not have an IUI for another year there would still be dieting and stuff to get ready and I could be back at the RE's as early as June. I wish I was not 35. Then it wouldn't be an issue. But I am 35, and it is an issue.

So we have to think about it. The way I see it there are a couple hurdles. Oddly enough, I don't think money will be one since we already know what is wrong with us and have had our assload of testing already. And unless something crazy happens, by next year we will be really comfortable so we would have quite a bit of money to throw at my uterus. I suppose they might do another semen analysis on Mister and I will have Wand of Doom time and blood work, but a lot of the stuff should not have to be repeated and if so would not be for months and months. And even if what worked last time did not work this time, at the extreme we still have two IVF's we could use. But what would another pregnancy do to me? And what if we DID have multiples next? How would we handle a toddler if I am on bed rest? What if we had a toddler and ANOTHER COLICKY BABY? Is there enough ginchocolatepotatochipscoffee in the world?

I don't think I am jumping the gun considering this stuff now. It's not like I am getting older and more fertile. We will have to start getting ready almost immediately if we decide to go forward with another baby. I would love for Peter to have a sibling, as crazy as my sister can make me I would not trade her for anything. I have put my dream of three children to bed. While I could maybe handle a second go round we have both agreed I will be too old for a third for us to be comfortable with it. I know it is the hormones but when I think about it, I see the specter of the third child that will never be. I always wanted that element of insanity that you get when you add a third child to the mix.

On the plus side, I am now 14 pounds BELOW my pre-pregnancy weight. And that is with us making really terrible menu choices because we are both too tired to cook or go shopping. Hello, we had brownies and Easter candy for breakfast yesterday. Mister did get to the store last night, so we have some better choices in the house.

Well, my tiny dictator is awake. And .03 seconds from screaming.

We are headed to the pediatrician today

I called them at 2 30 this morning. Poor Peter, it CAN'T be right for a baby to shriek like that. It has to be something they can fix. He slept two hours last night. Now he is sleeping propped up on an angle on Daddy. He nursed for hours and hours and hours yesterday and last night and wailed if I took him off after he fell asleep. I am praying he has GERD because then at least he can get medicine. He has a hungry cry, tired cry and a dirty diaper/angry cry. The other is different it is just a shriek of pain. If they try and tell me he is perfectly healthy again I am gonna get a second opinion. Because there is NO WAY this is normal.

Poor wee man.

slogging through

We may be finding better ways to deal with poor Peter's gas. If I believed in magical thinking I would stop saying things like that because every time we have a good night the next night is atrocious. I feed him on one side, we burp him( mixed results- he is NOT easy to burp) and then give him Mylicon. Then we try to get him to eat on the other side. Some success.

The last two days he has been wailing in the daytime and not the nighttime. Which, while still piteous, fantastically loud, and exhausting is at least in the daytime and not at two a.m.

I am feeling happy but very one dimensional in that all I do is take care of Peter. So I am kind of boring. I am looking forward to reclaiming my life. I miss sex. Remember sex? Me neither. I have lost all my baby weight plus some and can wear some of my pre- baby clothes. I am feeling pretty good c-section wise. If I laugh too hard or too long it hurts a lot. If I get up too much in the night it hurts. Also, Peter really likes to lay on my chest and kick my scar. Thanks, I'll be putting that in my THINGS TO MAKE YOU FEEL GUILTY ABOUT LATER FILE.

I cannot believe how little time I have to call my own. Holy Moly. He smiles if you tickle his chin just right.

Here comes Peter Cottontail

Easter is tomorrow and unless there is a Tragic Barf Incident, Peter has a very cute blue and white Easter outfit to wear to his Auntie's. We went to my sister's yesterday, and had a very nice dinner. Peter slept great last night! Can I repeat PETER SLEPT GREAT LAST NIGHT. Thank yew Baby Jesus. I even brought him downstairs and had time to unload the dishwasher, wash dishes, make coffee and DRINK it while he has his first morning nap. He is making a little noise so I think I am coming to the end of my peace but whatever, it is nice while it lasts.

He went to bed at a miraculous 10, and slept an hour and a half then would eat for twenty minutes. He had a spell where he ate for an hour and a half ( hello I thought I would fall asleep and roll off the bed) and then slept over three hours. He was cuddly and happy and not screamy. It was great.

Our dryer died. The new dryer comes today. Goodbye five hundred dollars. This has been Major Appliance Week at our house since we also bought a hepa air filter ( 115 dollars) and a giant carpet cleaner ( on sale 150 dollars). Yikes. But you can't have a two week old and no dryer. Helllll no.

The cats are still very depressed and I would have cracked and let them in our bedroom by now but Mister says no. And he is right. We are sure they won't jump in the bassinet but Mister pointed out that breastfeeding in bed with the cats would be awful. And he is right. It is hard enough to breastfeed in bed with just Mister. We have an assload of cleaning to do today, because we have V.I.P. company coming on Monday. I just cannot have company in our house when it is sloppy.