The first person to tell me

that it is better for Peter to get all his teeth at once is going to get bitch slapped.  He was miserable all day.  Crying, screaming, crying, tiny baby tears of sadness.  A 20 minute nap.  His morning nap was wrecked by a big poop and his afternoon nap was just...wrecked.  He had some happy times today but it was overwhelmingly a huge shitstorm.  I had my shoes on to take him to the ER when Mr. finally was able to calm him.  We think it was some terrible combination of teething(one broke through two days ago and he has three others working their way down) and gas pain and exhaustion.  I accidentally gave Peter too much fiber at breakfast and I think it caught up with him.

All in all out weekend sucked sweaty donkey balls. 

Friday night right before dinner Peter slipped and clipped his temple on our metal outlet cover and got a bump and a weird bruise.  So we called his dr and she had us wake him every three hours.  Peter was fine, but furious, confused and a mess after being woken so many times. 

Saturday we had a wedding to go to, we had to skip the wedding because we would have needed to leave at 9 a.m. and after that night there was no freaking way.  We went to the reception( two hours each way) and had to leave after two hours because the band during dinner was so loud that Peter panicked.  Which is odd because he has been to another wedding and the band did not bother him at all.  AYM saved us and we visited with her for two hours before we slogged home.  That was the ONLY enjoyable part of our weekend. 

Then there was today.  Which was bad.  So bad. Our poor Peanut. 

So anyhow

We went out in what could best be described as Rainy Windy Naaastyness so I could get my Treasure Box checked out.  The Treasure Box in question was found empty, OF COURSE. 

My dr and I decided ( partially due to my incredible weight gain- 28 pounds since Peter CAME OUT) that I had to go back on Met.  Hooray!  YAY!  Metmetmet!  I heart met! I explained that the dr would not let us do an IUI till I got back to at least 213.  Which means I need to shed 15 pounds.  After Peter I got down to 199 ( I was 213 when I got pregnant and maybe 2 months after he was born at 199)and then somehow blew up to a nasty 227.  Unless you count that I was wearing winter clothes, but lets be honest- that is not gonna make a dent.  So, I get 500 of met twice a day and we'll see about upping it at a later date.

My blood pressure was kinda high- maybe because I drove in a GALE for an HOUR??  Anyway, we decided no progesterone til I stop breastfeeding because she said she wanted to see what the met did for me, and that it would be really hard to get pregnant anyway while breastfeeding AND having PCOS AND Mr. having MF. 


I think now that i have my old friend met back I can drop the weight.  Or at least not gain. Especially now that Peter and I are walking again. 

Then we stopped in at the RE's and they admired Peter Pants and told me to call sometime in June so we could get started again.  So I have four months to lose 15 pounds,  I really wanted to be under 200.  Lessee, on Met I have a history of shedding a half a pound a week regardless of exercise level.  Soo four months is 16 weeks is eight pounds?  Not enough.  Clearly I have to exercise. 

I feel compelled to say that I think in my heart that this shit would not have gone down like this if I had gone back on Met after Peter was born.  Or stayed on it. 

CD 5freaking4

I am so bloated that only two pairs of pants fit.  And one of those I dug out from when I was a pastry chef.  Which means they are DRAWSTRING.  For real.  I am hooge.  No.  That sounds cute.  I am a big, beefy, water buffalo with two pairs of pants that is stress eating myself into ONE pair of pants because of Peter's teething.  He has a second( and possibly third) that I found today.  He seems much better- mood wise though he is still a snufflysnottydrooleypukey mess.

And I am getting some huge pimple.  GET STUFFED AUNT FLO.  Peter had a barking cough in the night so we are watching him to make sure he does not have croup. 

I am calling the gyno tomorrow first thing and begging for some progesterone.  Or is it prometrium? I can't remember cause it's been so long.  

First molar

That explains a lot.  Heaven help us both. 

Oh man

blah.  Peter is napping. I am sitting on the couch wishing for brownies and coffee.  We had another jam packed weekend.  Saturday was errands and Sunday Peter Pants and I went to AYM's for a visit.  No Daddy, because he had school work.  We had a lovely visit and then Peter and I went to my sisters to Spend the Night.  DUM DUM DUM.  Or dumb, dumb, dumb.  Both are accurate.  My sister adores Peter.  My mom adores Peter. They think the sun shines out of his asshole.  However, they were not ready for the constant circus of an 11 month old. 


Bedtime was an epic failure.  We put Peter's pack and play in the living room, since I would be on the couch.  But then they thought that they could watch television and visit in the living room while Peter slept.  SRSLY?    So we went to the bedroom( if you are wondering why I did not sleep with Peter in the bedroom it's because my Mom sleeps there and I could not listen to her bitching about sleeping on the couch.  My sister has a one bedroom condo since no one told us Mom was going to be living there when she bought it and she refuses to move.) anyhow we played a board game while they complained about being trapped. 

Then Peter was up every hour and crying and playing and looking and wanting OUT.   He slept from 2 am till 6 and that's it.  It was awful.  I told her we are not doing that again till Peter is three. 

omg it was bad. 

Conception Fairy Tales

This morning started out like most mornings.  Except that it is Mr's birthday today.  I tucked Peter in his pack an play and switched on the coffee.  The toasty warm smell filled the kitchen and I tiptoed to the back bathroom to ferret around in the cabinet.  Hidden in the back was my last EPT.  I used it and tucked it out of sight under the cabinet. 
I went back into the kitchen and got Mr's lunch ready, then started making the blueberry pancakes.  I forgot about the little stick under the sink.  I set the table.  I picked up a wailing Peter and fed him.  I flipped pancakes.  I put out bacon.  I poured two cups of coffee.  I put Peter back in the pack and play after he tried to snitch bacon off the griddle.

I stirred half and half and sugar into the coffee.  Coffee...  Caffeine!  Check the test! 

Mister was shaving upstairs and Peter was playing with a ball. 

I opened the cabinet.  There is was.  Waiting for me.  I squinted at the words.

NOT pregnant.  sigh.  Of course.  What the fuck is wrong with me anyway?  A magical Hail Mary bfp on my husbands birthday?  Lemme go quick and buy a lottery ticket too. 

Tune in next cycle for another exciting chapter in Conception Fairy Tales. 

The pancakes were delish.

Best Mom EVER

Tonight I was reading Peter his bed time stories.  We read Why I Love My Daddy, Boo Hoo Bird and then we read... Little Blue Truck  dum DUM DUM.  Apparently I got too loud with the Big Dump Truck voice and Peter's  face crumpled and he cried  and we had to stop.  Nice.  Excellent job.  He was totally scared.  I switched to The Happiest Voice EVER and he snuffled his emotionally scarred way though the rest of the book.  I then read his favorite book in the universe Ten Sleepy Sheep to try and calm him down.  He has since woken up and cried and cried-probably having scary baby dreams of a killer dump truck from outer space.  It took a half an hour to get him back to sleep. 

Walking!

I have no idea if I loaded this thing right.  Please note my son has refused all sippy cups and only wants to drink out of a pint glass. 

My stupid period is stupid.

I have been spotting just the teeniest amount for days now.  It's not here.  It's just threatening.  I am pretty glad it held out in that heavy flow + company = bad times. Howthecrapever, enough is enough. Ugh.  And I am BLOATED.  I have one pair of pants that fit right now. Just one.  My fat pants.  Nice.  Nothing like wearing your fat pants for three days running while spotting and cramping and bitching out your poor husband and complaining about your poor son who is actually being a peach( if you ignore the no napping thing).  ARGH.  Just ARRRRRRGH. 

In good news, my sister in law sent down two huge( srsly huge) bags of toys her two sons have grown out of.  Books, dvds, toys, just mountains of stuff. 

Now we have five copies of Goodnight Moon. I hate that book.  Something about the word mush is annoying.  Plus, I think the bunny is creepy.  Why would a bunny wear a dress, anyhow? 

I had a total kitchen fiasco this morning.  Mister's birthday is this week and I wanted to bake him a carrot cake.  Something went a-fucking wry.  I used a recipe from my sister, I think she gave me the wrong amounts for the leavening because that sucker EXPLODED like one of those volcanoes you make in 3rd grade.  The whole house smoked up and my oven is filthy. 

I cursed and fretted and tried to suck it up but I have so little time to do things like that, I was very sad that I could not give him a nice. home made cake.  But I was damned if I was going to try again and clean that junk up twice.  Soooo, we went back to the store and I got an ice cream cake.  Ugh, later when my parents were here and they were heating up dinner all the stuff I missed when wiping out the oven smoked up the house AGAIN.  What a damn fiasco. 

I don't know why, because I really am a very good cook but everything I have tried to make lately has turned to dogshit.  For real.  Ginger beef- an hour to cook an hour to clean up- and right into the garbage.  Sausage and gouda grits.  Meh.  Not worth it.  Carrot cake.  :(  Epic FAIL. Lemme see, I also made two kinds of chili that also turned out terrible.  Who screws up chili?  Me, apparently.

The sausage and pepper whole wheat pizza I made did turn out good.  But I am getting kind of demoralized.

I'm off to bed, but I started a new blog

I'm not stopping this one, but I feel like I need some mental stimulation.  It's called The Dusty Shelf, I'm reviewing books that are not getting enough attention.   I'm not done setting it up, but the first review is done.  I'd love it if some of the people who read my regular stuff took a peek and told me what they think.  I'm off to clean the kitchen and go to sleep.

Here not here, here not here

I thought AF was starting yesterday, as I had some spotting but it seems to have vanished.  My parents are coming both Saturday and Sunday so I can only hope it gets here today or holds off till Monday.  I don't want the DREADED heavy flow with company.  Dude, since it is my blog I will overshare.  When you take a baby aspirin it makes your period come like a tidal wave.  It only makes sense that a blood thinner would thin all your blood.  But that basically means the first two days I run around in a constant state of ABOUT TO LEAK. HHAHHAHA maybe it was implantation spotting. ahhahhahahahhahahahhhh



heeee hee



snort  Nothing like clinging to hope against reason and good sense and past experience. 
That was a good one.  I did actually test twice because I did wonder if maybe that was why Peter was complaining about feeding time. 

Now I am flat out stalling because Peter is finally asleep and the house is a disaster.  No, really.  And I don;t even know where to start.  Basically I donwanna.  Gotta, donwanna.

Weaning

Peter's pediatrician thinks he is weaning.  I called this morning because for a few days now I have been putting Peter on at night and he has been pulling off and then screaming.  And during the day he pulls of and wants to play.  I was getting concerned that he was not taking in enough calories.  Especially considering how he does not embrace The Nap.  Yesterday he was up 11 hours straight.  I thought I would pass out by the time he finally went to bed.  Today he has been up five hours, and refused his first nap and is currently rebelling against nap number two. 

Sooo, she said he still needs 20 ounces of breast milk or formula a day.  She was very surprised he does not get juice or water.  Well, why would I give him that when the last time I asked they said not to?  Hellloo?  I am not Kreskin, if he is supposed to get some water then you have to tell me.  It's been All Titty All the Time.  So after his un-nap we will go out and pick up chocolate bars some sippy cups.  I have three cups here but he does not do well with them so I will get some different kinds. 

I can't even find parts of my breast pump.  I had them a couple weeks ago when Peter was constipated and I was trying to mix prune juice in with breast milk.  His doctor did say it was great that he is weaning himself since most babies don't want to.

I have mixed feelings.  On the one hand, my body was all FUCK YOU and I gained weight breast feeding.  So I will be thrilled to go back on metformin. And I know my husband misses his Two Breast Friends.  On the other, my baby.  My little baby. Not a baby.  A big boy with a big boy cup. 

Cabin in the woods

Do you ever think about how you have changed?  Ten years ago I was a tater tot( yum) eating, bleach loving, epic consumer.  Now we eat organic potatoes and clean with things like lemongrass spray while buying as little as possible.  When I think about my evolution it really started with eczema.  I had terrible eczema and the dermatologist told me it was incurable and that I should go on disability.  Being the stubborn git that I am, I refused.  I followed all his other advice about gentle cleaners and I eliminated many things from my diet.  And my problem went away.  Occasionally if I clean too much it will come back but never at the level it was. 

And when we tried( and tried) to have a baby I approached it the same way.  Slowly- but as time went on in a greater and greater scope.  Now we eat almost completely organic, and clean with organic cleansers- the house, our bodies- the laundry.  We paint with no voc paint, we do everything I can think of to keep toxins out of our home and our bodies. 

I try very hard not to preach about organics to my friends and family.  My father thinks I am crazy.  My husband thought I was but he has come around.  Though he gets unhappy with the prices we pay for organic meat.  The idea that we are building Peter's body and giving him what he will be working with for the rest of his life reinforces our determination. 


It has become natural enough to us that sometimes it is a shock when I see that we are in the minority.   I called our pediatrician last night to see if the raw organic cheese I bought  ( aged 60 days) was safe for Peter to eat.  She admitted she had no idea.  I was unsure too, so Peter did not get any.  I think it's safe, but I want to know for sure.  Any how, I am very unhappy with the gmo-alfalfa feed debacle.  I will say, that I am a lay person not a scientist or a farmer- so I only kind of understand but I really feel like I understand enough to know I don't like it.

Who knows what will happen with gmo food later on?  Maybe it will bite us in the ass.  Maybe nothing will happen and Rainbow Brite will ride though the skies handing out cheap food to all with no consequences.  I doubt that though.  I felt really safe initially because Michelle Obama planted an organic garden.  And I thought- ummhumm no Kraft for them.  And I thought we might have an administration that took organics seriously.  But I think that is not the case. 

We are not at the "build a cabin on a mountain so we can be safe when the revolution comes- get my GUN" level- but I am pretty damn unhappy that this is being allowed.  Last night my husband and I began seriously discussing moving to another county in the next five years.  I asked him to research gmo food on his own, because maybe I am still tweaking on hormones and am being all YOU'RE TRYING TO POISON MAH BAYBEE.  So, it's something we are researching.

You know, when we were at the bowling alley this past weekend I saw this VERY fat tween stuffing himself with french fries and I know his parents love him just as much as we love Peter. I saw all these children drinking soda and eating crap.   But I thought NEVER.  NEVEREVEREVER will I let that happen to Peter.  In our house growing up we had hostess twinkies and ring dings and tastykakes in our vegetable crisper instead of vegetables.  And I know that Mom loved us, but I also know she never actually considered what the "food" she was feeding us was doing to us.  I want what every parent wants, the very best for my child.  And I don't trust frankenfood. 

CD 38

Waiting. And waiting. And waiting and likely gonna be waiting a loooong time for AF.

We had a pretty nice weekend.  We went out for lunch on Saturday, then bowling, and BRU. Sunday we had blueberry pancakes and I took Peter up to Grandma's while Mister worked on a paper. Peter has been up and screaming MULTIPLE times a night.  Almost inconsolable- not even wanting the titteh.  Last night he was up SEVEN TIMES.  I have him plonked in front of a counting video while I pray for my coffee to kick in.  We are wondering if maybe he is having night terrors?  We thought it was teething, so we gave him some advil but he was up again just as bad.  By five a.m. I gave up and brought him to our bed.  Maybe he could not handle the multi-grain pancakes?  But the book said 10 months+ , and he is nearly 11 months. 
I am taking him out soon, maybe some errands will put him to sleep.  We are going to the drug store and the library and the post office. 
Holy Mother, I am pooped.  I am thinking of starting a second blog to give me a mental work out.  I was talking about it with Mister and I think I need some mental stimulation, but it's not a TTC blog and I will monetize it.   I just need a couple hours to set it up.
I am still getting a lot of strange traffic from questionable web sties and I am not happy about it. Most of the p.or.n traffic to my blog seems to be coming by way of Poland.  8 people by way of a p.o.rn site, and 8 from Poland.  It can't be a coincidence. 
It was so strange to get up today and not see rain or snow or gray skies. 
This  week I am cooking gouda grits with sweet sausage, braised beef and chicken, a ziti, mac and cheese and pizza.  Peter will be getting everything but the pizza and sausage to try.  He LOVED the cheese danish at the diner, and the chicken soup and turkey.  He also enjoyed trying a bagel.  He is definitely more interested in table food.  Speaking of, I think after a week I can say that the ground flaxseed is really working for him.  He gets a spoonful twice a day, one with breakfast and one with lunch. 
This is a pretty disjointed post, but we had a pretty crappy night. 

You crazy people talked me into it.

But it was a big ole, unsurprising, been there done that NOT PREGNANT.   I had mixed feelings about it.  On the one hand, I can think of $10,000 reasons why a positive would have been great.  On the other, I still want to lose 19 more pounds so my next pregnancy is safer.  So, I guess I am glad-ish.

I did have that same excitedscaredhopeful dick tease feeling when I tested.  "Hello my name is Celia and I am addicted to peeing on sticks."   "HI CELIA."  I actually thought when I saw the HELL TO THE NO, that maybe I should try again later.  "Hello my name is Celia and I am addicted to peeing on sticks." "HI CELIA." Only the best sticks for me to waste, I got an  EPT digital three pack for twenty bucks.

On the bright side, we had a very nice day today and WENT OUT.  We went to the library and Rite Aid, and Dunkin Donuts so I could get a mocha.  yum yum.  I did practically infarct trying to repark the CRV cause I had to back it in.  It took at least ten tries, and the rocking motion put Peter to sleep.  So I stayed in the car and drank my yummo mocha and read a library book.

Annnd it's CD 32.

A day when a normal woman might be thinking about POS.  Not gonna do it.  A. Because my car is an ice block, and 2 because I refuse to do that to myself. 

You know,  I was thinking about it and I get the same feeling POS as I do on a scratch and win.  The odds are soooo high that it's impossible to win, but since there is a teeny chance I still get excited.  Peter is mercifully sleeping and I am drinking coffee and hoping my caffeine withdrawal headache goes away.  I tried again to give up my dark mistress, but I always crawl back. I have four loads of laundry waiting and i have to take out the garbage ( how?  I can't open the back door and it is a sheet of ice out there but the garbage is getting smelly) I have to mop and vacuum. 

It looks like the worst of the storm might pass us by, but we will see.  I have been trying to get to the obs for my annual for over a month and canceled three times to do weather.  I am almost out of my pre-natals but I have some generic ones in the cabinet. 

Dear Spring,

Please come soon. 

love,
Shut in and hating it.