Tomorrow is 26 weeks!

And hooray to that!

Also Christmas Eve.  The children are out of their tiny minds.

I am doing ok. I did too much on Saturday and I was a little concerned, I also felt a lot less movement over two days but the movement I felt was all near the placenta so I decided after a lot of back and forth that the baby must be hiding. I feel more movement today so that is reassuring. 

We are all getting stir crazy.  Mister does not like me to leave the house or do much and he is right but the walls are closing in.  I went out shopping with him on Saturday( mistake) and to church on Sunday( fine).  Then I went to the grocery store with him because it was the big one for Christmas, that was a mixed bag.  After we got home  I got in bed. 

He is going back out soon for some odds and ends.  I am going to wrap some presents and then go to bed. 

James is talking a bit more, he says"yes, no, up, ma( milk)".  I think he just can't be bothered. Peter took a long time to talk too. 

Did I mention I am tired? 

I had the most minute, teeny, ridiculous spot of what may or may not have been blood( I think so but i had on red flannel pajamas so there is a possibility it was lint.  I should have touched it. EW.). But I only saw it once and nothing since then. I had a little cramping too but it went away so that's good. 

We ordered Christmas dinner catered from Whole Foods, because I trust their kitchen. It was actually pretty reasonable to get Christmas dinner for six adults and two children.  It stinks because I like to do it myself and I can do it better and cheaper but this way no dishes, no cleanup just heat and eat.  And to be honest we are completely overwhelmed just trying to buy and wrap and clean and do regular parenting. It was very important to me that if something happened and I was hospitalized over Christmas that Peter still have as normal and nice a holiday as possible. James is still too little to care, but Peter is old enough to know and have excitement and expectations and I was damned if he was going to miss out.  So it's a very streamlined Christmas, but it's Christmas.  And his grandparents will be here and he got everything he asked for and decorated cookies and saw Santa and wrote him a letter and helped decorate the tree. 

25 weeks!

I am giving 25 weeks a big HOORAY! We did not get much news today but we are very happy to be one week closer to ok and farther from Giant Shitstorm. 

I was pretty tense going to the appointment, it has been extremely difficult to try and rest or not do much. Because come on now. Peter will be four in March and James will be two.  It's ridiculous here.  It'd be crazy if I wasn't pregnant let alone pregnant and trying to not do too much. 

So my OB said there is really nothing more they can tell me. That all my blood work was good and the baby is the right size and that I just have to not push myself.  I told my OB that is impossible. It is literally not possible.  So she said to do my best( actually she also said "well if you want to start bleeding again" and I said MY CHILDREN MOVE FURNITURE FOR FUN) and so she said to do my best and we can reevaluate.  I was not really happy with that answer but I see her point.  I do trust their practice.

She said nothing could happen, she said I could get a few weeks off and then have more problems as I grow, it just depends and there is no way to know. She did say I would know if something got worse because I would have pain and more bleeding. So at least I am not as worried about the placenta detaching and me having no clue. 

Honestly I was really hoping she would put me on bed rest so Mr. could just stay home and I would not have to worry about maybe something going really wrong while I am alone with the boys. 

So Mr and I are sticking with what we did this week, with me doing no cooking or driving or cleaning, but we are going to up what I do with the boys.  So today we did a messy Christmas craft( really messy, ice cream cones painted with green royal icing and m-n-ms) and I unloaded the dishwasher and started dinner but did not clean it up.   I feel more cheerful than I did this time last week, though it is extremely hard on all of us but not anywhere near as hard as hospital bed rest and for that I am very thankful.

Not really that updatey.

We're all still here.  Peter has been super clingy and playing hospital.  I am having a lot of problems sleeping because I am able to distract myself during the day and it all sits there waiting to get me at night.  Last night was a bit better because Mr. came to bed very early( for him) and it made me calmer.  I made the most depressing list of questions ever for my OB on Tuesday. 

We are trying to literally buy ourselves time and so are getting take out and a lot of things we would not normally spend money on. Like oreos and lunch meat and take out.  I hate hot deli sandwiches but they have a lot of protein.  I just had turkey and cheese.  Normally I do all our baking, muffins and cookies and breads and rolls. But now we are buying them.  We are doing nearly all our shopping online and are looking at hiring someone to come in once a week or so and clean.  Anything we spend is cheaper than if I did something and started bleeding again and ended up back in the hospital.  We even ordered Christmas dinner catered.  And I am eating a lot.  A LOT.  I don't know if it will help but I figure if staying on a diet helps a GD baby from getting too big, then eating a lot of calories might plump this one up a little bit faster.  And since it's the only thing I can do, we're doing it. 

I am doing pretty good with not googling.  It has been very, very hard to try and "take it easy".  James is crying and slapping at the door to go out and Peter is pleading that I not rest and come play.  So obviously that is super awesome. 

I am afraid every time I wipe.

Mr. took the boys to visit family today and soon I am getting in bed. 

I am really looking forward( sort of) to seeing my regular Dr. on Tuesday and finding out some more answers.  Like..bed rest? Is it bed rest? Because if they want me to take it easy there is no way that is happening without Mr. staying home. There's just no way.  Even with him home it is still kind of chaotic.  At least with high blood pressure and gestational diabetes I could monitor and know that at least my blood pressure and blood sugar were acceptable.  But there is nothing to be done now. Just wait.  Maybe it will get better and maybe not.  I am not a passive person.  This is making me crazy, especially because I feel fine.  But I also don't feel safe. Even if they tell me it's ok I don't think I'll have even the illusion of safety til the baby is on the outside. 

24 weeks and not the best news ever.

Yesterday was 24 weeks.  And that is GOOD. Because last night I had some bleeding and my OB sent me to the hospital and it looks like I have a partial placental abruption.  Soo for now I am fine, the baby is fine and the bleeding has stopped. And maybe that'll be the end of it.  I don't know.  I had a steroid shot today and am going back to the hospital for another tomorrow and then we are all going to my OB on Tuesday assuming a quiet weekend.  I am tired.  Also, do not google placental abruption if you want to enjoy the fact that your ob let you go home.  Google = No. 

Mr is going to work a half day tomorrow since no one would commit to if I needed to go on bedrest.  Then he is going to work Friday and Monday though we are canceling all our weekend plans so that I just lie around and hopefully everything inside me stays inside me. 

I only go two hours of sleep last night since I saw the blood before bed and then was not done with everything til 2 30 a.m. and then like an idiot I said "no thank you" to the very fine sleeping pill I was offered.  BAD CALL. I was up til after 4 and then up at 6 so I could take my thyroid medicine so I could eat breakfast at 7 so I could be ready to go to the hig risk dr and get a transvaginal and a regular ultrasound and meet with the high risk dr. So perhaps I am a bit disjointed right now. 

23 weeks

23 weeks tomorrow.  I feel a bit of movement every day.  It's reassuring but not like the 'HEY I'M HERE" that I had with James.  Stupid placenta. Anyhow mostly I am dreading Friday.  Mom will find out Friday.  I just can't stand it.  She's such a miserable, ghoulish, narcissistic, selfish( I know, covered by narcissistic),mawkish millstone around my neck, she's awful.  She's AWFUL. I've had 23 lovely weeks of no mom.  I'll have 15 weeks of "dear, you look TERRIBLE. Do you feel terrible? No??? Look of disappointment. " Are you very tired? You look SO tired. However will you HANDLE three children? chuckle.      "You are always so crabby when you are pregnant." Knowing look exchanged with my sister as they communicate my insanity at being annoyed by being told I look terrible, exhausted and will soon be unable to cope with my family.

Anybody who has read my blog for any length of time knows my mom is not a milk and cookies, comforting, normal level of crazy mom.  I am so tired of her.  I refuse to take responsibility for her happiness and to pander to her anymore. 

I am dreading everything about Mom finding out.  The nagging and the nicknames and just her special brand of bullshit in general. Mostly I am deeply afraid the baby will die.  And then I will have to deal with my mom.  The Bereaved Grandmother, clutching her hands and demanding to star in The Baby's Funeral- a play in three acts- starring Mom.  I am more afraid of something happening and then dealing with mom than I am of something horrible happening.  I can handle that.  I can't handle what I know my mom would do.  How she would be. ALWAYS.  Always poking.  Always.  Always starring in her own dramatic play.  I talked to my OB about it. I guess because the insane planner part of me wants her to know that if something goes down mom will swan dive right into the middle as happy as a pig in shit, rolling around in delicious tragedy.

22 weeks

My check up was great.  The drive was crappy since it the weather is gloomy and rainy and windy.  I feel fabulous.  Mr. took the day off to help with Thanksgiving stuff.  In a minute I am going to go make the stuffing and the cranberry jelly and carrot cake. 

Soooo

I am pregnant.  As of tomorrow I will be 20 weeks pregnant. I had the big ultrasound today.  I have a long post from when it first happened but I never put it up. I just could not wrap my mind around it. I was still nursing.  We had literally decided that month that we could not handle another.

But look out.  Another is coming.  The high risk doctor was what I can only  describe as incredibly positive and cheerful about how the baby looks.  The screening came back just fine too.  Now you can get a blood test to check for major problems, as well as many other problems that may run in your family.

It took a long time for me to adjust to this.  I know exactly what it will be like because Peter will be four on March 16, James will be two on March fifth and the baby is due on March 19th( well, ironically the baby is due April 1st, but my ob said because of uterine wall thinning I can only go to 38 weeks this time).

Sooooo ATTENTION YOU TWO.  I know two of you real life people that i know read my blog and I have not told you. I have also not told my sister and mom, so please hush we'll tell them in December.  We have told only a very small handful of people because not only are we keeping it from Mom, but we are keeping it from Peter till March.  He is too little, all the preparation we did last time did not help at all, he was still very jealous. He is STILL very jealous.  Sooo we'll be keeping this under wraps for a while yet.

I just felt really weird not blogging about it at all.  Really weird.

But maybe I won't put this up yet?

It has been a heck of a month.

We went on vacation to my parents house.  It was somewhat like taking the children to a china department for a week.  Completely exhausting and Mr and I fought so much because it was stressful.  It was impossible to babyproof.  I knew this would be the hardest visit because Peter is *almost* old enough to be ok but not quite and James was into everything.  Three floors with hardwood stairs, tables full of bric a brac, their enormous dog, tables with tempting lace cloths hanging over the edges covered in various breakable things.  Decorative pebbles.  Giant cacti.  Peter broke a lamp about an hour into our visit.  They are awesome people, but it was not a relaxing vacation.  I told Mr that when we go back we have to rent a house.

Then we had a monster heat wave, our a/c broke during the previous heatwave so we got four portable units which did an ok job but it was still 80 downstairs and 83 upstairs with high humidity.  ugh.


Then after some thinking and talking we decided that if we did not get pregnant this month that we were done.  James and Peter are so active and everyday I am wiped out by 9 p.m. I told Mr. that I just did not see how I could give a baby enough attention and that while I had always dreamed of three children, at this point I was just exhausted and so tired of the constant mess.  The house is ALWAYS a mess. I HATE those people who say you can always clean when the children are grown. I hate you guys. STOP IT. You don't me feel better about my messy house, you make me feel guilty for caring that it's messy.   You know, I really think that I am not a neat freak but three years of the house looking like this is just awful and now I am slowly, slowly feeling like I can get it back under control.  When James is napping and Peter is playing I quickly run the dishwasher and take out the garbage and make dinner.  It makes a huge difference in how I feel, to have the house look tidy.  An untidy house makes me so unhappy and it makes me feel like a bad mother but I am literally too exhausted to move at the end of a 15 hour day after three years of 15 hour days.  It made me sad to think that part of our life was over, but it also made me feel good.  We could get rid of the toys and baby clothes and settle on a new(er) car that seats four.  Mr. is still in school but is taking the fall semester off so we can do some of the projects we never do.  Like paint the kitchen.  We have been looking at a kitchen we started taking apart since February.  So yes, six months.  That is a long time.  Mr still has so much school.  Three years of school.  He has been in school constantly since I was pregnant with Peter, with the exception of skipping a course while on leave for James. So while I am not a single parent, a lot of the time I might as well be.  Mr is gone from 8 15 a.m. till 6 30 p.m. and then at 8 p.m. he sits and does homework til midnight.  Every day.  On weekends it is similar, we rarely get to do anything together without the spectre of his homework hanging over us. 

So I was sad, but I was also at peace.  I could know that even though I was giving all my energy to my children that in a year things would be easier.  My body is just a trainwreck and since James is almost done nursing, so we could move forward on that.  Part of me was wistful thinking about always having a missing person from our family table.  Most of me was relieved, since we were both maxed out.

Would it be different if infertility had not stolen years from me and we had had a baby six years ago?  Or five?  I don't know. Maybe.


And then I got a positive pregnancy test this month.  Yes I did.  I am shocked too.  On Thursday I realized my last period was 40 days ago and I felt queasy and I started crying over a song in the car and I was really irritable.  Like.. scream at the kids irritable.  The last time I was like that I was pregnant with James.  I had already tested at CD 32 and a few days after that.

But there it was.  I felt so weird.  So WEIRD.  Like I had doomed it because we had just decided we could not handle another.

Like a bad infertile.  Who  has struggled with infertility  and then would see a baby as anything but something to be amazed and joyous about?

And I was incredulous.  I am almost 39.

So much could go wrong.

I can't even imagine how it will be to be pregnant while caring for a 3 year old and a 1 year old. Mr has always maintained that once I got my polyp removed and learned to handle my pcos and he improved his diet and gave up beer and coffee(mostly) that we had eliminated our problems.  So maybe he is right.  I mean evidence supports that. I know women with pcos are supposed to be more fertile as they get older as well. 

I was stunned.  I am still kind of punch drunk.

I called my dr and they said they'd see me in four weeks.

Why am I even writing this?  Oh Maybe Baby of the future, your Daddy is delighted. I sent him for ice cream sundaes and put on The Empire Strikes Back, and we sat there together, it is a rare thing for us to sit together.  And I could not figure out how to tell him so I said "Itookapregnancytesttodayanditwaspositive".

And he said "what?" So I repeated myself.  And then he was delighted.  I am happy but kind of in a slaphappy way. He came over to me and bent down and said "hello in there".  And then we were just both kind of stunned.

So it's been a couple days and we are settling into the news.  We are going to sell my car and get a bigger car.

We are going to try and wait to tell people til October again. Or maybe November.

If everything works and fate does not smite me for wanting to be done the baby will be due in early April.

I will probably wait and put this up after my 8 week appointment.  So much could happen in the next four weeks.

Dear Baby,

Even though we are nervous and overwhelmed we are very delighted to make another place at the table.  So YOU STAY PUT.

love,

mama and daddy


So here I am today, having some cramping but no spotting.  We'll see.  I have had no appetite for days.  It's the weirdest thing.  I love food.  Not now.  A double chocolate sundae holds the same as appeal as a stale bowl of kashi.

Still no appetite and some cramping and this weird feeling of bloated fullness.  

Friday 8/2

It's been a week, I had enough weird pain yesterday that I was about to go in but then I woke up and it was gone. Mostly I am tired. It's  4 30 p.m. and I am so ready for bed.

 Monday 8/5

It's either five weeks now or seven weeks.  We won't know til they look inside.  Yay PCOS! According to the due date calculator it's seven weeks but since I only got a faint positive on July 25, and then it got darker I feel I like must have ovulated on like. the 11th or 12 of July.  Who knows?  With Peter and James I ovulated late too and it made everything confusing.

I tested again on this past Friday and the second line came up instantly and very dark.  I am also still queasy off and on and my old enemy constipation is back.  We stopped last night for colace.

I decided I am not allowed to google anymore.  I looked up "liv.e bir.ths after a.ge 39" and it looks like I have a 30-35 % chance of miscarriage or stillbirth.  At forty it said 50%.  I also read ( who knows where I looked all over) and that it was somewhat more dangerous at my age in the last two weeks but I would delivery at 38 weeks since my uterus is so thin now.

When I re-tested the line was so dark and so emphatic.  It made me feel connected to the baby, like "HEY, I'M IN HERE"!  But I also feel kind of tentative because of my age and wondering if this will continue.

I have no idea how my first appointment is going to go, since I have to bring both Peter and James with me and Peter has a memory like a steel trap so hopefully he does not out us randomly. 

We are still waiting to tell everyone til after the eight week appointment.

So I called today since we found out two weeks ago.  The receptionist I talked to two weeks ago told me to come in for my first appointment the 22 of August.  The receptionist I spoke with today wants me to come in MONDAY.  Ok. So Monday at 11.  Then we'll talk and I'll call the people I want to tell personally and I'll post this.  Though I still feel like.... not pregnant?

ARE YOU STILL IN THERE??? BE STILL IN THERE, EVEN IF I AM FREAKED THE FUCK OUT, OK???

I also have this totally sexy rash all around my shoulders and neck and trailing down my arm that is itching itching itching.

Soo Peter got lice.  So did I.  I had to call everyone, the pediatrician, the  pharmacist, the OB.  UGH.  It was pretty bad and Peter was hysterical because he hates to get his hair washed and we were certain he would flail around and get it in his eyes so we had to swaddle him and hold him over the tub while I rinsed.  He was screaming and crying and saying"I'll be good" Which was fucking traumatic for all of us.  JUST SIT AND LET US RINSE YOUR HAIR.  sigh. James was much better about it.  That boy is so easygoing.  THANK YOU JESUS.  So I was not thrilled at the thought that I had to rub toxic chemicals into my head, but my OB said RID was ok.  And I totally had them so I had to do it.  ugh.  UGH.  NO.  REJECT.

I hope it did not hurt the baby and I hope we don't have to do a second dose.  Peter and James got a prescription med called sklice.  The boys were up til ten while we washed and combed and changed sheets and wiped things down and then we were up til ONE washing sheets etc.  And I have to go do more laundry. We are buying guilt donuts and legos for Peter today.   bleck.  BLECK. 

Soo three more days til my appointment when I will be happy to find out:
A is anybody in there.
B. How MANY anybodies are in there.
C. How far along I actually am.  You rock PCOS.

I guess if I am 8 weeks Monday then they will have me schedule the 12 week ultrasound.  I really think I am just 6 weeks but I am NOT turning down an ultrasound, duh.


Soooo, still be in there and DON'T be poisoned, ok? 


It's Saturday.  The 10th.   I am redistributed.  Mr thinks you  can't quite tell yet but I think I can see it.  Soooo that's good, right?

mmm.  So my appointment was a non-event.  She did tell me I have a 1 in 89 chance of something being wrong at my age.  And she agreed with me that I was six weeks and not eight so no ultrasound.  I have to go back in two weeks.

Good signs being, continued constipation, and I had my first crazy pregnancy dream last night.  wheee it was nuts.  I dreamed my friend left her husband to marry Bi.g Bir.d.  So very weird.

I think we have gotten to the end of PROJECT LICE.  Thank you baby Jesus.

CD 1

Hilariously well played, ovaries. 

It's Father's Day.  My last CD 1 started on Mother's Day.  Oh irony, aren't you being a bit obvious?  Anyway, we are having a nice Father's Day excluding my whole crampy period thing.  I made Mr. bacon and Peter picked him out the Lego Battle Of Hoth.  He and Peter are off buying manly car things for them and some maxipads for me.  I ALWAYS refuse to buy more.  it's like..my last magical thinking hold out.  If I don't buy them I might not need them. 

I am trying to look at the bright side of my cycle being within normal bounds.  35 days.  I am also thinking that if it had happened this month, we'd have had three children with March birthdays and probably the creepy comments would have made me finally punch someone.  Because YES I have totally had people tell me they know what I like to do in June.  YOU PEOPLE ARE NASTY.  So there's that, though I suppose if you are that kind of person you will merely tell me I finally switched to another month or something equally gross. 

We visited AYM yesterday and had a lovely time.  The boys were so tired we put them to sleep in their clothes.  Then James was up and down till nearly three a.m. when we gave him some Advil.  He is down for a nap right now and I am seizing the moment to blog and then I have to go clean up breakfast and bake Mr his cake.  I am making an applesauce cake.

Things are going fairly well, though my eczema is kicking up and Peter and James spend the days squabbling and/or roughhousing so it's been crazy. 

I want to keep sitting but I better do something while I can.  bleh. 

4 30 a.m.

James was up and unhappy.  Maybe it's his teeth.  Maybe it's the THREE helpings of baked beans he insisted on eating for dinner.  Maybe both.  Anyhow, he is back asleep and I am up.

Things are going really well.  The boys are playing together( and fighting- James is a tattler and Peter is a toy snatcher) and every night I am exhausted by nine.  Ok, by dinner.  By dinner I am exhausted.

Peter is up by 6 30 and plays till 8 p.m.  James is usually also up by 6 30 and takes one nap.  Sometimes for 45 minutes, sometimes for longer.  He goes to bed around 8 as well. 

James is still nursing, and I am torn between wanting to be done and wanting to give him what he needs. He hates cow milk and I have spent a small fortune trying to find a brand he will drink.  He'll drink juice(usually) and drinkable yogurt and hot chocolate but straight up milk I usually end up throwing out.  Peter adores milk and goes through about 2 gallons a week.  Is that a lot? 

I am so freaking tired and my eyes are itchy from all the tree pollen.  LAME. 

My period is almost over and we'll be saddling up for another try.  Though we are still torn.  I mean, I guess second guessing is just our style. We'd love a third baby, but we are worried about spreading our emotional and financial resources too thin.  Seven years ago I spent 80 dollars a week on groceries.  Three years ago I spent 120.  Yesterday I spent TWO HUNDRED AND SIXTY DOLLARS. I actually got a little sweaty before I paid.   The week before I spent 200 and the week before that it was 180. 

We are both horrified.  And torn.  We do believe organic is healthier and making the switch to grass fed beef and organic cheese has made  a huge difference in how Mr. feels.  I am also spending about 20-25 dollars a week on organic fruit.  The difference in how Mr. feels and acts has been tremendous. Life changing even.  It's like he is 23 again.   We made the switch to organic slowly.  Very slowly.  I added things in to my pantry as I found them on sale and other things got used up.   I make almost all our bread( sometimes it hits the fan yo and then I buy from the store) , I make almost all our treats like cookies and muffins.  I make my own granola, hot dog and hamburger buns, sandwich bread, I make our laundry soap.  This week I made peach thumbprint slice cookies and vanilla slice cookies.  This coming week I am making granola, peanut butter cookies,  and hot dog rolls. 

 Still, this is a lot of money and it is hard to know I could do it for so much cheaper and have the extra to spend on activities.  I could do it for 100 dollars a week and our diet would look exactly the same. 


We are doing great in NO TEEVEE LAND. Peter and James watch none unless Mr. happens to have a baseball game on and he is playing nearby.  I am very pleased about it though sometimes I think how nice it would be to have them just sit still while I do something else.  I do think about how tranquil it must be for an hour a day at other peoples houses.  But we don't miss it.  I like the idea that our home would be cleaner and more organized.   

But they are great at free play and have wonderful imaginations and Peter has an awesome vocabulary.  It is pretty funny to have him know about pop culture without really having a context for it.  Sooo sometimes he will make up his own Transformers stories involving Darth Vader and Starscream and then randomly a fire truck and a Thomas train.  We have been playing "mine" for three days and the couches are pulled out and draped with a blanket.  There are collapses and many adventures.  We are also doing a lot of water balloons.  A LOT.   I had an entire wash load of filthy shoes.  We actually have no clean pants in the house for anyone. I have a ton of laundry to do today. 

So our days are actually filled with cookie baking and play doh and make believe and dirt.  Which is just how it should be. 

CD 1ish

I started spotting last night. 

For you.

Every year on major holidays it seems like someone finds my blog because they are lost.  Lost in infertility, lost in depression. Just, lost.  Remember this, if you find yourself here today.  You do not have to give birth to experience motherhood.  You do not need to have children to parent. There are many roads to a family.  Some though birth, some through adoption, and some through nothing more or less than an open heart.  If there is an open door to love in your heart, someone will walk in.  It might not be in the way you expect, but they will come. 

Peace to you today.

So who knows what the hell is going on now.

It's 4 30 a.m. on our seventh anniversary.  It's CD 40.  I have had nausea and cramping and over a week ago this weird pressure feeling around my baby motel.  I'm STILL nauseous, and when I put my hand on my stomach below my belly button I can feel that it is hard and rounded. And I have felt like this for days.   Soooo basically I figured we were indeed pregnant.  And yet here is the test, as negative as can be.  And here I am feeling just junky enough to be extremely surprised. 

I have been sad and angry and hurt and hopeless when I have seen a negative before, but I've never felt like I could star in TLC's My Hysterical Pregnancy. 

Mr and I were both pretty sure, since now I have been pregnant three times total and this seemed like a giant flashing "HELL YEAH" as opposed to NOPE. 

So I don't know what the frig is up.  I guess I will wait five more days and check again and if I still feel this way and it's still negative I am going to call my dr. 

We're going out to dinner and a movie tonight for the first time in over three years.  We've been to a few movies and we went once when Peter was a year and a half to see Kevin Smith, but this is the first time we've been to dinner just us. 

I am pretty damn tired and hungry so I am going back to bed.  Me and Imaginary Baybee. 

CD 30

I really have no idea what my body is doing this month.  Well played, PCOS. 

Soooo I figure I'll test in 10 days.  Which is around when my period has been coming. 

I have had some odd lower abdominal cramping and a feeling of tightness.  Maybe a cyst?  I don't know. 

Peter is continuing his three year "phase" of testing us.  Now asks "what will happen if I..." Or he does something wrong, we tell him not to and his consequence and then he does it.  HILARIOUS PETER.  If I don't stroke out you owe me a case of wine when you turn 21. 

I am off to eat a giant fudge sundae, since I can't drink and I am stress eating so I don't beat Peter like a drum. 

CD 23 stolen time

James is napping and Peter is wrecking his room.  I am taking a quick ten on this glorious Last Day of Bowling League.  THANK YOU.  THANK YOU FOR BEING OVER, STUPID BOWLING LEAGUE.  Mr. loves it and I like for him to have fun and get a break and recharge blah blah but I look at Tuesdays like  Just What Clusterfuck Will Happen Next.   8 30 a.m. til 10 30 p.m. is no damn joke.  Mr comes home all fresh and jolly and I am either passed out asleep or traumatized from solo bedtime. 

James is getting molars and is super clingy and pitiful and I held him most of the night.  Which sounds sweet and cuddly and in fact can be sweet and cuddly but it's not the best sleep ever nor is it enough sleep when Peter is getting ready for FULL ON PETERNESS at 7 a.m. 

Sooo still no sign of the O.  Hellooooo?  O? Who knows?  Maybe it will be another 40 day cycle, the last one was 40 days and the one before that was 46,  so we'll see.

We got a new stroller and after James wakes up I am going to take them on a walk, even though it is not even 40 degrees today.  I want to take them walking every day now. Or try, since I guess it depends on how well Peter will listen.  If past experience is anything to go by...poorly is how he will listen. 

James can climb on and off the couches and chairs now.  He also got a good start on taking apart our bench and handed me a washer from the leg.  So that's awesome.  Dear James of the Future,  NOT FUNNY.  Don't do that. 

We are almost almost almost done nursing. He is really just comfort nursing now for a minute or two before bed.  He gets pissed when he actually wants milk and there is not much there. 

Well, I better go get El Nino, we are going to make peanut butter cookies.

Tomorrow ( otherwise known as CD 18ish)

Tomorrow night I take my last prescription prenatal. I'll pick up some otc ones, but it feels sad to stop.  I know that is weird.  I remember when we found out about James and I had my pack of pills on my bedside table.  I'd think, every pack is a step closer to this being real.  It was a tangible way to see my baby coming closer and closer to real.  And then a nightly reminder that I am taking care of him and also me. 

I am not a sentimental person.  I don't really care when James or Peter grow out of a size, or become more independent.  Not in that "ooohhh mah baybee is soooo big  sunrise sunset" way.  I am always excited to see them change and learn and become more their own person.  I have no problems throwing out cards or drawings or outgrown clothes. I cheer when toys get packed away and toss loved yet trashed books.  I don't need stuff, I have THEM. 

So it's weird that a little foil backed packet makes me feel sad. 

James was completely, heartmeltingly adorable tonight. When I told him it was time for bed he went back and forth and back and forth from me to Mr., giving us hugs and kisses.  Oh, it was precious. 

Peter is in a froth of excitement, we are finally moving forward on our retaining wall and fence and that means CONSTRUCTION IN OUR VERY OWN YARD.  Peter is totally ready and is wearing his yellow hard hat and carrying his toolbox. 

James has another word.  First was Mama, then Dada.  now it's "go". Which is completely appropriate, since the boy never stops.  He loves to slide and shouts "goooo gooooooooo gooooo!" And off he goes.  Run run run.  My baby that is hardly a baby.  Running to keep up with Peter. 

CD 15ish

No news to report.  We did the deed this morning in case I ovulate at all early.  We are having a lot more fun with it this time around.  No pressure, just I guess normal.  Well normal-er.

We are both feeling comfortable with whatever happens.

We did a three hour each way trip to Maryland yesterday.  Peter was in underwear and even fell asleep, with no accidents.  We stopped once on the way there.  We put an overnight diaper on him for the drive home so we could put him right to bed.

I guess I would call him conditionally potty trained.  No more diapers during the day.  he is interested in wearing underwear to bed but I told him he would have to go a whole month with no accidents during the day and then we could try at night.  occasionally he wakes up dry, but that is the exception.  I know we will have to take him to the bathroom at least twice a night.  Maybe at like..11 and 3?  I don't know.

Our 15 year old cat is not doing very well.  He is peeing everywhere.  It is pretty smelly.  He is getting more keep to himself-ish.  And laying all over the laundry to be washed and peeing all over it.  So we are grooming him more often and switched his food. But 15 is 15.  In all honesty he is kind of a gross cat and always has been.  We got him from Mr's sister who moved to where she could not keep him.  He is kind of neurotic and forever humping our other cat.  And in his sprier days was an incorrigible food stealer and garbage picker.  Thank you Sim.ple H.uman.  

But he is still really nice, just gross.  We always liken him to that uncle everyone has that says "pull my finger" and teaches your kids to pick it and flick it.   

CD 12ish

We're still in it to win it.  So we'll see if I even ovulate this month.  I have to run upstairs and get Peter, he is playing in his room while James takes a nap.  Jamie was up most of the night with his teeth and so Mr. and I are burnt like toast.  I tried to get him to stay home today since I was beat and 2 parents at 25% is better than one.  No deal.  He had too many meetings.  Mr. Fancy.  haha I am having a meeting right now with some lukewarm coffee.  I still have a bunch of crap to do like bake muffins and wash dishes and do laundry and clean the bathroom. 

I'm sitting down though.  Just for a few minutes with my coffee. 

The super big news here is... yesterday Peter pooped on the potty!  All on his own.  It was a monster too, thank YOU, Jesus  that I did not have to clean that one off the carpet. I was letting him run around naked ( not that I have much choice since he strips off ALL THE TIME) and he told me he had to go( !!!!!) and then went!  HELLLLL YEEEEEEEAH. 

Anyhow, I have used up my teeny bit of freedom.  I better go check on my little nudist.

CD 2 ish

Easter was weird and I was just horribly spotty and crampy and AF crashed the show in the night so I guess for cycle purposes this is CD2?  I'm not totally sure.  We had a lovely Easter and the boys baptism was perfect.  Absolutely perfect.  Maybe I cried but I would never admit it and lose street cred.  Peter and James were angelic, so perfect, so sweet.  It was amazing( and unlikely ahhaha we all drank mimosas before we left because we were sure it would be a mess).  I hope I will always remember how innocent and trusting and beautiful the boys looked at they were baptized.

I made an awesome brunch if I say so myself.  And I do, because I did.  I made bread and dyed it in pastel colors, pink, yellow, and green. Then I made ham salad, tuna and pbnj.  I made sriracha and smoked paprika deviled eggs and a coffee cake and double chocolate banana muffins and a jello mold.  The jello got too soft because I put it in hot water for too long, but other wise everything was perfect and the set up was so easy, I had all the food set out in under ten minutes.

CD 1 FTW.

Nice.  Well played Uterus.  it's 2 30 a.m. and I am racing trying to get everything done before it gets here FOR REAL and I am my usual mess. 

I am cooking and cooking AND COOKING. 

My back hurts. I have cramps, I rewarded myself with some tasty advil.

I have to go run and do some more bullshit but I just wanted to check in and say LOL YOU TOTALLY GOT ME PCOS. 

Did i mention that by 11 my death cramps from the planet Death will probably be here?  SWELL.

CD 40

uggghh

I  want it to get here but it was so wretched last time that I am hoping it holds off til Monday.  The boys ( and Mister) are getting baptized on Sunday and I really don't want to spend the service slouched in the pew or propped against the wall hoping I don't throw up in front of everyone. 

I don't think I am pregnant, I tested three times, and it was negative.  I mean it goes without saying that I am dying to get another box because I am crazy I like to be sure before I drink wine or get x-rays. 

I think I am coming down with something.  I have been feeling on and off funky for a couple days.  Maybe it is my blood sugar?  I stopped taking met while I was on antibiotics because since met and antibiotics can both upset your stomach, I was not really keen to try a combo.  Let's see.. something that can give you diarrhea plus something that can give you bad gas and loose poops.  HMMMM.  Nope.  I'll pass( haha).

James started giving kisses this week.  So precious.  He also likes to play his toy horn and blow on a kazoo.  A GENIUS.  What? 

Soo I'll probably test again this weekend or Monday assuming I don't get my period in the middle of church and then throw up.  How much do I LOVE that AF and throwing up and diarrhea are a package deal?  SO MUCH.

Three!

My hurricane.  You are loving and sweet and STUBBORN and loud and smart and have an amazing memory as well as a strong determination to figure everything out.  You jump with joy when you get a present, you sing and have your own taste in music.  Daddy and I made you a playlist for your birthday party. 

You love The Cars, Queen, ahem..The Bloodhound Gang. ooops.  Michael Buble, and the soundtrack to Star Wars.  You love the song Red Solo Cup. 

You love play doh and trucks..fire trucks, cement mixers, you got a badass crane from Grandpa and Grandma and you are in love with it.  You love stories, and will sit for Peter Rabbit and Tom Kitten and most especially Jemima Puddleduck and the foxy gentleman.  When we go driving through woods you look for him, ever hopeful to spy him with his newspaper.  You love reading and I am so proud of that. 

You are hard to cuddle now and I have to steal my hugs and kisses because you are far too busy playing and running and hiding and singing and getting into mischief. 

Your favorite person in the world is your aunt.  I don't mind, after all she gets to say "yes" and I have to say "no" a lot.

You are slowly taking to the tiny person we imposed on you, and don't like when your brother is sleeping. 

You hate food.  boo.  food. no.  Why stop playing? 

You love construction and one of the stranger changes to my life now that you are in it is that I am happy when we get stuck in construction traffic because you get so excited looking at all the excavators and cement mixers. 

You love hot chocolate and I make if for you every morning.  It's warming up now so I suppose that will stop.

We took you and your brother on a train ride for your birthday party.  It was magical.  Also crazy, so not unlike parenting in general.  40 people that love you, all together and riding through the snow, eating pizza and cake. 

Your daddy and I are always so surprised when we look at you and see that our baby has disappeared and been replaced by a little boy.  You are our delight and our challenge, our uphill climb.  You are wonderful.

love,

Mama

One!

This is just for you.

You don't really have anything just for you, my darling.  So here is one thing.  Something just for you, my precious, my sweetest, my loving and silly and charming and amazing baby.

You are a year old.  Well, a year this past Tuesday.  I am sorry I could not linger over your special day,  here it is late and disorganized just like everything you get as our second baby.

You are so smart, I cannot believe you tried to sing last week!  You tried to sing Rock A Bye baby and nailed the tune perfectly.  You can clap, and tippy tap your little hands with joy, the joy of a story or a toy or  with the secret joy you carry inside you and shine freely on everyone.

You are a delight.  You love to play, to pet the cats, to chase your brother and mommy while she tries to vacuum nine zillion crumbs off our filthy floor.  You love to chew EVERYTHING.    Everything goes in your mouth, the cat, the toys, books, paper, tissues, wipies, FOOD.  You love food!  Your very favorite food is beef stew, but you also love rice krispies, and ripe pears.

You love ME.  It is hard to explain and you may understand someday but being able to soothe you just be picking you up, just by being there is a luxury.  It's amazing.  Your first word was mama.  "mama mama" you chirp and smile and hold your chubby hands out to me, smiling because that is your nature.  You greet the world with a smile, happy anticipation of every day, every story, everything.

You are gentle and pet the cats so sweetly, they let you climb all over them.

You love to play ball and roll it around the living room.

You love cars, and push them busily around the floor.

Parenting you this year has been an easy thing in a year full of hard things.  You mold yourself into our day, bouncing along and rolling with whatever comes your way.

Oh my merry baby, you healed us.  You mended a hole your father and I did not know was there just by being you.  We could not love you more.

Mama

CD 5

For the first time in nearly a year, I slept eight hours.  Wow.  I feel AMAZING.  Like I had a vacation or a spa retreat.  James is taking a nap( he fell asleep at 4 p.m. after being up since 7 a.m. ) so I am sitting and thinking about dinner.  Probably chicken. 

Peter is pretending to be a train.  haha I made myself some coffee to get through the armpit of the day.  Between 2 and 5 30 I kind of slump.  Mostly because I have had a very full day by 9 a.m. so by 3 I am like...'HELLOOOOOO I NEED GROWNUPS" Except no one answers.  lol. 

CD 4

I feel better today, thank goodness.  We are probably going to be home all day because it is bitterly cold.  Yesterday was awful when we went to the grocery store.  I really need to go clean up since I won't get much chance today, yet here I sit. Slump? I guess both. 

We are finalizing birthday party plans today In a shocking turn of events my inlaws rsvp'd.  Communication is not their best thing.  Peter is looking forward to seeing them.  Sometimes I think mil is spying on me on fb. I can't get confirmation but if I ever do I am closing my account.   I think she could find this blog and if so I would just start a password protected one. That woman chaps my ass.  LOOK AT ME, afraid to say that on my very own blog in case that woman is secretly spying on me. 

I just like them less and less because Mr. has so many emotional problems from his childhood that I have to deal with now. 

This is kind of a lame post but I miss blogging and am trying to rip off some time for it. 

CD 3

It's the morning of CD 3.  Sweet merciful VAGINAS.  This is a horrible period.  I can't believe it, well I CAN since I this is not the worst in my This Is Your Life history of periods but it is still shitty.   Ooooh remember when I got so sick I threw up Dor.ito.s in the parking lot of a drug store? that was fun.     I almost never let Peter watch tv and he got to watch like....six Blues Clues yesterday.  I was so happy when Mr. got home though James was super clingy and I ended up holding him anyway.  This is so gross.  I have to take the boys grocery shopping today, hopefully it won't be as bad as yesterday. 

Peter said "Where is my blueberry yogurt in the little container? I don't want that BIG blueberry yogurt. Put it in the little yogurt container."

um.  no.  No I will not fish a yo.b.aby out of the garbage so I can spoon Br.ow.n Cow into it.  Come on now.  So we have to go to the store so I can buy yo.b.aby in the LITTLE container or the terrorists win. 

So I have not done a tv update in a while.  I recall my irritation when I got pregnant with James and I overheard Mom say "we'll see how she does with no tv with TWO children" Well I am doing just fine.  Peter watched some after Mr. broke his foot because it was crazy but not that much, and he watched some when Jamie was teething really badly and was just miserable and crying and you know if something weird is going on like... when we installed the new appliances and there was tools and stuff everywhere, or when he barfed all over and I wanted him to sit in one place in case he did it again.  Hunting for barf in a room dappled with barf is not enjoyable.  Or if james takes an rare nap, I will do something just for us like play doh or a craft and then put on a show so I can try and make dinner.  But most weeks he watches none, or perhaps one if he asks and it is a super boring day.  As Peter gets older it is even easier to not have the tv on because I am not as worried about what he might get into.  I would say he averages over a month, maybe an hour a week. 

I am pleased overall with how we are managing.  He would certainly love to see more, but I would love it if he never saw any.   Sometimes I just call it the lesser of two evils.

Bits and bobs

  James said his first word on February 13, and it was MAMA!  So cute, he says it all the time.  He is a great eater, which is wonderful after Peter and The Quest For Nourishment( which continues and shows no signs of stopping) James eats more that Peter.  We are still trying to get James to sleep in his bed, he is very busy playing and running all day and does not want to nurse, so he nurses at night.  After 11 months, it's less fun than you might imagine.  He also does what I call the nursing don.k.ey p.u.nch.  When he is done, he bites me and laughs.  NICE, JAMES. 

   We are gearing up for the big birthday party. it will be a group one, Mr's 33 birthday was yesterday and James's is on the 5th and Peter's is on the 16th so we are having one bigass party on the 16th.  With a pinata! Peter has coveted a pinata for years so he is very excited.  We are stuffing it with yummy e.arth lolly pops and train bookmarks and some other odds and ends.

   I am forcing Mr. to take the summer off from school, our house is..it looks like...and then the stuff... right, you get the picture.  We need some major work done and I am hopelessly behind. 

Peter and Jamie are playing together kind of, and Peter is more affectionate with James now.  He is also still very jealous.  But when James is gone Peter misses him and James follows Peter constantly. Like..even to time out.  hahaa.  I am going up to bed, I have cramps and I am beat from playing with los lobos.

CD 1

I am just making a note for myself.

Maaaaarrtyyyyy!

Sometimes I think about Marty McFly,  or I think about my neighbor's son or my uncle, or my cousin.  They are all third in their families.  I was talking about the possibility of a third baby with my neighbor and I said that it was a yes to being pregnant again because I love being pregnant( except the last two weeks those are horrible),yes to a third person to love and cuddle and another face around our  messy table.  Yes to that.  But no another c-section with TWO children that need me and a baby that would need everything, and no to being old, old, OLD so OLD that my arthritis is awful now sometimes and what would it be like with the extra pregnancy weight and not being able to take anything for months and then a whole year of nursing while taking care of three children?  And the housework and the cooking and errands.  Let me tell you, if you have arthritis you probably have a cold chill up your back thinking about it.  If you DON'T have arthritis, well please enjoy that and come over here and get me a glass of water because sometimes it hurts to walk. 

And money?  Oh man.  We would need another car, we would be stacked up in this house like firewood.  There is cozy and then there is...this.  We live in a 1200 sq. ft. row home.  It is already overrun with boys and cats and toys.  What about school?  With no assistance, the tuition at the school we like is over 17 grand a year.  We will get assistance and it would be six grand for Peter for two years and then when James is old enough it would jump up because I could go back to work- making it probably around 15 grand for the two of them per year.  Then if we were lucky enough to have another we would be looking at around 23 thousand dollars a year at least.  ( Now I know our kids could go to public school for free but the cost there would be much higher because A. our schools suck and B. I think I would never want them to go to public school because teachers are not allowed to teach anymore and all they do is teach to a test so I feel like the free education they got would cost them their futures) and so private school for Peter and James is scary but we can do it, adding a third on there would be a huge difference.  We would need to up our income by thirty grand a year. Even with me going back to work, that will be difficult. 

And what about dividing our resources even farther, I fall into bed sometimes at 8 p.m.  I can't keep up with the house or my chores or my body or anything and I know in a year James will be where Peter is now and the house will be cleaner and I will be thinner and we will all have more energy and Mr will only have a year and a half of school left.  But with a third baby all that will get pushed back.  I will be more tired( how?) and fatter( HATE YOU PCOS)and what will the house look like? SWEET LORD JESUS. 

And yet we keep circling around, yes no YES NO noooooooo maybe?  IDK?  HELL NO, SURE! And the funny thing is, do we really think we could win the lottery again and get pregnant on our own?  Obviously it is possible but is it likely?    I have about a 5% chance of getting pregnant each month. 

Soooo for now we are not preventing.  Which I would not call trying, because having two children and Mr in school is really prevention enough.  I keep thinking about them though, those third children and how so many people I know would not be here if their parents had not taken a chance. 

Lame

Everyone is asleep.  Except me.  Because Mr is snoring.  I have been up since 3.  I made a loaf of bread and cleaned the kitchen a little so at least I won't be bitter about that in the morning.  I am sure there is something else I could be doing but damned if I can think of it. 

I am feeling a bit ranty about vaccines.  Know what?  I love for people to tell me they don't choose to vaccinate.  Because then I can tell them to fuck off and to stay away from my family.  There are a couple things I don't like about my pediatrician, but one thing I LOVE is the nice notice on their wall stating that they will not treat you and will not refer you to a different dr should you not vaccinate your child.  People that actually can't get vaccinated need our protection.  I would cheerfully send someone to jail for manslaughter if they did not vaccinate and their child died from a preventable disease.


Ok, I feel better.  DUMB ASSHOLES.  Ok, now I feel better.

Feast or famine.

  Lorraine( Lorraine I have not given up hope that you will start blogging again) reminded me of all the freaky cycles I had in my past.  Maybe I blocked them from my memory?  I looked back and in 09 when I first started met I had breakthrough bleeding and then a real period.  So perhaps that is what is going on.  I had my period for I think...80 days once and then went over a 100 with no period.  HATE YOU A.F.  Gah.  Anyway I also have the same symptoms from the first time, my hypoglycemia is worse and I have to eat some protein every few hours or I feel sick but my appetite is also lessened.  So hopefully weight loss will start soon.  Oh my,  please soon.  mooooooo.

We had a crazy day here.  Mr. is getting a cold. Our new fridge and dishwasher came today and it looks like someone tossed a diamond necklace on a turd.  They are so pretty, and I am really looking forward to having appliances that actually apply themselves.  Our fridge was from 1998 and the dishwasher was a hand me down from a friend's kitchen renovation.  I love hand me downs, we had that free dishwasher for three years but it was not doing a good job anymore.  

We were supposed to have already stripped and repainted the cabinets but that did not happen.  Sooo I guess that is our winter project.  We are moving forward with our plan to be out of this house in three years.  We have to move and it looks like the best place for us to move might be Princeton, NJ.  It is equidistant from Mr's job and Peter's school.  And a kazillion dollars.  So we'll see how that shakes out.  Right now they have a house that is perfect for us but we can't leave here yet because we are thirty five thousand dollars underwater.  YAY!But there is no point worrying yet since there are too many variables.  We could even end up transferring for Mr.'s job after he graduates.  Or he could decide it is better to get his masters and doctorate.  The only things that are certain are that A. Peter is NOT going to school here. B. I am NOT up to homeschooling him.  C. If he goes to the school we like, we need to move or I will be driving three hours a day.  No.  NO.  NO. 

Peter and James have been having an awesome time playing with a cardboard box.  First they played in it as a clubhouse, then they colored it, then it was a fort, then a nest, then when it was busted open, Peter spread it out and pretended it was a bowling alley and a set of train tracks.  He and James were hilarious and creative with the packing material from the fridge.  Peter decided the styrofoam was a train, then it was a dolphin, and James was carrying one around like those fisherman do with a big old salmon, or maybe like a baton.  It was very funny every time he would wrestle some from Peter and scamper off with his booty and then Peter would get furious. 


So we are completely tired and I have to go to sleep but first a snack because it's been hours and hours since dinner.

WOW

Wow, James is asleep in his crib taking a nap! This does not happen, I think this is the third time ever he has napped in his crib.  In a minute I am going to throw together dinner.  It is so lovely when one of them is asleep and I can focus on the other with all my attention.  I really cherish having one on one time with them.  So after I make dinner Peter and I are going to finger paint or make cookies or do play doh.  Whatever he wants.  He is playing trucks right now.  James was so sweet and cuddly and smelled deliciously of coffee( haha I have no CLUE what baby smell is, to me they always smell like soap or barf or whatever they just ate, I just had coffee and Jamie's little head smelled like cinnamon spice). We snuggled and cuddled and I sang to him and he finally fell asleep and then I crept downstairs and HUZZAH! I can make dinner in the afternoon without two overtired children shrieking about the unfairness of life.  I don't really have a point to this post.  But Peter's life is so completely documented and with James I am just terrifically busy.  I want to look back at this and say yes, I remember singing to my warm snuggle bunny, and he smelled like coffee and his hair was so soft as it tickled my chin.  That he was wearing firetruck pajamas and had mashed bananas and marscapone cheese for breakfast as well as a hearty helping of floorios.  He LOVES to eat off the floor and laughs at me when I frown at him. GROSS. I love you my gross little man.

No

No we are NOT trying for another.  I can hardly handle these two.  SheeHAH.  The best expression to describe what it is like here is "goat rodeo" which is pretty much it.  Exactly it.  We *may* consider trying for a third, if the stars align, if I can get my arthritis under control, if I can lose 40 pounds, if we can afford it.  Ifs and ifs and ifs.  Right now I could not handle a pet rock, let alone another person. 

This is the weirdest period ever.  It won't really get here but it won't really go away.  I've been spotting for days.  I thought I was going to get my period a month ( or two? who can remember?) ago.  But then it never appeared.  It looks like I guessed right about ovulating.  I remember thinking how weird it was to intentionally miss an ovulation.  I can't think of the last time I did that. 


James was 10 months old on Saturday.  He is a delightful baby, he is so cheerful and laughs and has this devilish smile when he is doing something naughty.  He laughs every time he farts too, and looks at you like " HAHA I FARTED HAHAHAHAA" which bodes well for the future.  James does not nap either.  At least I am used to it by now.  James has been walking for a few weeks now, which is amazing.  He seems so tiny to be walking.  Peter is pretty much consumed by jealousy.  I spend a large part of my day keeping the peace.  Or more accurately acting as a bouncer. 

CD 1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YAY! 

It's about two weeks earlier than I got it for the first time after Peter.  I am so excited!  Even though you know, ick I never take having my period for granted.