CD 1 FTW.

Nice.  Well played Uterus.  it's 2 30 a.m. and I am racing trying to get everything done before it gets here FOR REAL and I am my usual mess. 

I am cooking and cooking AND COOKING. 

My back hurts. I have cramps, I rewarded myself with some tasty advil.

I have to go run and do some more bullshit but I just wanted to check in and say LOL YOU TOTALLY GOT ME PCOS. 

Did i mention that by 11 my death cramps from the planet Death will probably be here?  SWELL.

CD 40

uggghh

I  want it to get here but it was so wretched last time that I am hoping it holds off til Monday.  The boys ( and Mister) are getting baptized on Sunday and I really don't want to spend the service slouched in the pew or propped against the wall hoping I don't throw up in front of everyone. 

I don't think I am pregnant, I tested three times, and it was negative.  I mean it goes without saying that I am dying to get another box because I am crazy I like to be sure before I drink wine or get x-rays. 

I think I am coming down with something.  I have been feeling on and off funky for a couple days.  Maybe it is my blood sugar?  I stopped taking met while I was on antibiotics because since met and antibiotics can both upset your stomach, I was not really keen to try a combo.  Let's see.. something that can give you diarrhea plus something that can give you bad gas and loose poops.  HMMMM.  Nope.  I'll pass( haha).

James started giving kisses this week.  So precious.  He also likes to play his toy horn and blow on a kazoo.  A GENIUS.  What? 

Soo I'll probably test again this weekend or Monday assuming I don't get my period in the middle of church and then throw up.  How much do I LOVE that AF and throwing up and diarrhea are a package deal?  SO MUCH.

Three!

My hurricane.  You are loving and sweet and STUBBORN and loud and smart and have an amazing memory as well as a strong determination to figure everything out.  You jump with joy when you get a present, you sing and have your own taste in music.  Daddy and I made you a playlist for your birthday party. 

You love The Cars, Queen, ahem..The Bloodhound Gang. ooops.  Michael Buble, and the soundtrack to Star Wars.  You love the song Red Solo Cup. 

You love play doh and trucks..fire trucks, cement mixers, you got a badass crane from Grandpa and Grandma and you are in love with it.  You love stories, and will sit for Peter Rabbit and Tom Kitten and most especially Jemima Puddleduck and the foxy gentleman.  When we go driving through woods you look for him, ever hopeful to spy him with his newspaper.  You love reading and I am so proud of that. 

You are hard to cuddle now and I have to steal my hugs and kisses because you are far too busy playing and running and hiding and singing and getting into mischief. 

Your favorite person in the world is your aunt.  I don't mind, after all she gets to say "yes" and I have to say "no" a lot.

You are slowly taking to the tiny person we imposed on you, and don't like when your brother is sleeping. 

You hate food.  boo.  food. no.  Why stop playing? 

You love construction and one of the stranger changes to my life now that you are in it is that I am happy when we get stuck in construction traffic because you get so excited looking at all the excavators and cement mixers. 

You love hot chocolate and I make if for you every morning.  It's warming up now so I suppose that will stop.

We took you and your brother on a train ride for your birthday party.  It was magical.  Also crazy, so not unlike parenting in general.  40 people that love you, all together and riding through the snow, eating pizza and cake. 

Your daddy and I are always so surprised when we look at you and see that our baby has disappeared and been replaced by a little boy.  You are our delight and our challenge, our uphill climb.  You are wonderful.

love,

Mama

One!

This is just for you.

You don't really have anything just for you, my darling.  So here is one thing.  Something just for you, my precious, my sweetest, my loving and silly and charming and amazing baby.

You are a year old.  Well, a year this past Tuesday.  I am sorry I could not linger over your special day,  here it is late and disorganized just like everything you get as our second baby.

You are so smart, I cannot believe you tried to sing last week!  You tried to sing Rock A Bye baby and nailed the tune perfectly.  You can clap, and tippy tap your little hands with joy, the joy of a story or a toy or  with the secret joy you carry inside you and shine freely on everyone.

You are a delight.  You love to play, to pet the cats, to chase your brother and mommy while she tries to vacuum nine zillion crumbs off our filthy floor.  You love to chew EVERYTHING.    Everything goes in your mouth, the cat, the toys, books, paper, tissues, wipies, FOOD.  You love food!  Your very favorite food is beef stew, but you also love rice krispies, and ripe pears.

You love ME.  It is hard to explain and you may understand someday but being able to soothe you just be picking you up, just by being there is a luxury.  It's amazing.  Your first word was mama.  "mama mama" you chirp and smile and hold your chubby hands out to me, smiling because that is your nature.  You greet the world with a smile, happy anticipation of every day, every story, everything.

You are gentle and pet the cats so sweetly, they let you climb all over them.

You love to play ball and roll it around the living room.

You love cars, and push them busily around the floor.

Parenting you this year has been an easy thing in a year full of hard things.  You mold yourself into our day, bouncing along and rolling with whatever comes your way.

Oh my merry baby, you healed us.  You mended a hole your father and I did not know was there just by being you.  We could not love you more.

Mama