CD 5

For the first time in nearly a year, I slept eight hours.  Wow.  I feel AMAZING.  Like I had a vacation or a spa retreat.  James is taking a nap( he fell asleep at 4 p.m. after being up since 7 a.m. ) so I am sitting and thinking about dinner.  Probably chicken. 

Peter is pretending to be a train.  haha I made myself some coffee to get through the armpit of the day.  Between 2 and 5 30 I kind of slump.  Mostly because I have had a very full day by 9 a.m. so by 3 I am like...'HELLOOOOOO I NEED GROWNUPS" Except no one answers.  lol. 

CD 4

I feel better today, thank goodness.  We are probably going to be home all day because it is bitterly cold.  Yesterday was awful when we went to the grocery store.  I really need to go clean up since I won't get much chance today, yet here I sit. Slump? I guess both. 

We are finalizing birthday party plans today In a shocking turn of events my inlaws rsvp'd.  Communication is not their best thing.  Peter is looking forward to seeing them.  Sometimes I think mil is spying on me on fb. I can't get confirmation but if I ever do I am closing my account.   I think she could find this blog and if so I would just start a password protected one. That woman chaps my ass.  LOOK AT ME, afraid to say that on my very own blog in case that woman is secretly spying on me. 

I just like them less and less because Mr. has so many emotional problems from his childhood that I have to deal with now. 

This is kind of a lame post but I miss blogging and am trying to rip off some time for it. 

CD 3

It's the morning of CD 3.  Sweet merciful VAGINAS.  This is a horrible period.  I can't believe it, well I CAN since I this is not the worst in my This Is Your Life history of periods but it is still shitty.   Ooooh remember when I got so sick I threw up Dor.ito.s in the parking lot of a drug store? that was fun.     I almost never let Peter watch tv and he got to watch like....six Blues Clues yesterday.  I was so happy when Mr. got home though James was super clingy and I ended up holding him anyway.  This is so gross.  I have to take the boys grocery shopping today, hopefully it won't be as bad as yesterday. 

Peter said "Where is my blueberry yogurt in the little container? I don't want that BIG blueberry yogurt. Put it in the little yogurt container."

um.  no.  No I will not fish a yo.b.aby out of the garbage so I can spoon Br.ow.n Cow into it.  Come on now.  So we have to go to the store so I can buy yo.b.aby in the LITTLE container or the terrorists win. 

So I have not done a tv update in a while.  I recall my irritation when I got pregnant with James and I overheard Mom say "we'll see how she does with no tv with TWO children" Well I am doing just fine.  Peter watched some after Mr. broke his foot because it was crazy but not that much, and he watched some when Jamie was teething really badly and was just miserable and crying and you know if something weird is going on like... when we installed the new appliances and there was tools and stuff everywhere, or when he barfed all over and I wanted him to sit in one place in case he did it again.  Hunting for barf in a room dappled with barf is not enjoyable.  Or if james takes an rare nap, I will do something just for us like play doh or a craft and then put on a show so I can try and make dinner.  But most weeks he watches none, or perhaps one if he asks and it is a super boring day.  As Peter gets older it is even easier to not have the tv on because I am not as worried about what he might get into.  I would say he averages over a month, maybe an hour a week. 

I am pleased overall with how we are managing.  He would certainly love to see more, but I would love it if he never saw any.   Sometimes I just call it the lesser of two evils.

Bits and bobs

  James said his first word on February 13, and it was MAMA!  So cute, he says it all the time.  He is a great eater, which is wonderful after Peter and The Quest For Nourishment( which continues and shows no signs of stopping) James eats more that Peter.  We are still trying to get James to sleep in his bed, he is very busy playing and running all day and does not want to nurse, so he nurses at night.  After 11 months, it's less fun than you might imagine.  He also does what I call the nursing don.k.ey p.u.nch.  When he is done, he bites me and laughs.  NICE, JAMES. 

   We are gearing up for the big birthday party. it will be a group one, Mr's 33 birthday was yesterday and James's is on the 5th and Peter's is on the 16th so we are having one bigass party on the 16th.  With a pinata! Peter has coveted a pinata for years so he is very excited.  We are stuffing it with yummy e.arth lolly pops and train bookmarks and some other odds and ends.

   I am forcing Mr. to take the summer off from school, our house is..it looks like...and then the stuff... right, you get the picture.  We need some major work done and I am hopelessly behind. 

Peter and Jamie are playing together kind of, and Peter is more affectionate with James now.  He is also still very jealous.  But when James is gone Peter misses him and James follows Peter constantly. Like..even to time out.  hahaa.  I am going up to bed, I have cramps and I am beat from playing with los lobos.

CD 1

I am just making a note for myself.

Maaaaarrtyyyyy!

Sometimes I think about Marty McFly,  or I think about my neighbor's son or my uncle, or my cousin.  They are all third in their families.  I was talking about the possibility of a third baby with my neighbor and I said that it was a yes to being pregnant again because I love being pregnant( except the last two weeks those are horrible),yes to a third person to love and cuddle and another face around our  messy table.  Yes to that.  But no another c-section with TWO children that need me and a baby that would need everything, and no to being old, old, OLD so OLD that my arthritis is awful now sometimes and what would it be like with the extra pregnancy weight and not being able to take anything for months and then a whole year of nursing while taking care of three children?  And the housework and the cooking and errands.  Let me tell you, if you have arthritis you probably have a cold chill up your back thinking about it.  If you DON'T have arthritis, well please enjoy that and come over here and get me a glass of water because sometimes it hurts to walk. 

And money?  Oh man.  We would need another car, we would be stacked up in this house like firewood.  There is cozy and then there is...this.  We live in a 1200 sq. ft. row home.  It is already overrun with boys and cats and toys.  What about school?  With no assistance, the tuition at the school we like is over 17 grand a year.  We will get assistance and it would be six grand for Peter for two years and then when James is old enough it would jump up because I could go back to work- making it probably around 15 grand for the two of them per year.  Then if we were lucky enough to have another we would be looking at around 23 thousand dollars a year at least.  ( Now I know our kids could go to public school for free but the cost there would be much higher because A. our schools suck and B. I think I would never want them to go to public school because teachers are not allowed to teach anymore and all they do is teach to a test so I feel like the free education they got would cost them their futures) and so private school for Peter and James is scary but we can do it, adding a third on there would be a huge difference.  We would need to up our income by thirty grand a year. Even with me going back to work, that will be difficult. 

And what about dividing our resources even farther, I fall into bed sometimes at 8 p.m.  I can't keep up with the house or my chores or my body or anything and I know in a year James will be where Peter is now and the house will be cleaner and I will be thinner and we will all have more energy and Mr will only have a year and a half of school left.  But with a third baby all that will get pushed back.  I will be more tired( how?) and fatter( HATE YOU PCOS)and what will the house look like? SWEET LORD JESUS. 

And yet we keep circling around, yes no YES NO noooooooo maybe?  IDK?  HELL NO, SURE! And the funny thing is, do we really think we could win the lottery again and get pregnant on our own?  Obviously it is possible but is it likely?    I have about a 5% chance of getting pregnant each month. 

Soooo for now we are not preventing.  Which I would not call trying, because having two children and Mr in school is really prevention enough.  I keep thinking about them though, those third children and how so many people I know would not be here if their parents had not taken a chance.