A whole lotta not much.

I am hoping we can conquer Senor Cockblock tonight. I have to work at the crack of dawn- 7 am. Ick. But then I am off Wednesday. So I will have to make something good on Wednesday. Dinner was terrible tonight. I put half of mine in the garbage. I did not have a lot of time so I picked up turkey meatballs. EPIC FAIL.

I am making it up with a Klondike slim-a-bear. Those suckers are delicious. You would NEVER know they were a hundred calories. The chocolate coating has a slight caramel flavor to it. Very nice.

OH SHIT. I forgot, I have to drive to my Dad's tomorrow. Whoops. Dangit. We are having dinner together. I hope I remember to drive there from work. Crap. What am I gonna wear? Crap.

Well damn I was gonna lay like a slug on the couch tomorrow.

Our dining room is painted!

I cannot tell you how excited I am. The gray looks blue, because the painters tape is still up. And I desperately have to clean the chandelier . Yesterday did not go as planned. We ( ok me) took too long and the DMV closed. However, instead I went and got my hair cut, colored, and high lighted. And got my eyebrows waxed.

YAY! It is red. I wanted blond but since I had previously dyed in haste I had to go red to cover the distinct ummmm pink that was in my hair. **When you are in a hurry, and throw dye in your cart figuring what the hell.... well sometimes part of your hair is ever so slightly pink. ***

I am extremely curious to know where my new blog visitors are coming from and how they found me.

Tomorrow I work a weird shift, 11- 6. I am still debating dinner. Maybe chicken and black bean burritos, I have not made them in a while. Bleck, chicken. Bleck, meat. I'll be honest- I just don't think I can face raw chicken. Maybe I'll make ziti.

Bow chica wow snore

**** A very special warning to my two readers who know me in real life: you might want to skip this post.*****


As much as we both love our new mattress, we have had to name it cockblock. Because once you get in it you are asleep. Last night we were laughing hysterically because we had planned some grown up time and were all ready and as soon as we laid down felt intense sleep waves emanating from Sir Cockblock. I think the bed is a prude.

We were just giggling and weighing sleep versus NOT sleep. And yawning. Sir Cockblock is powerful and sucks you in. We prevailed, but not without struggle. I am debating if this is too tasteless to post. Umm. So powerful is the mattress that whichever one of us had direct contact with the mattress would slack off and start to yawn. So my warning to you is if you do buy a new mattress, don't buy one that is extremely comfortable.

Today is a scary day. We think we finally have enough proof and mail and junk to get our licences and registrations switched. We have not had success trying to come up with fun vanity plates. Mr. has just informed me that changing our registration is going to be the eqivalent of an anal probe. YAY! And I thought my biggest problem would be getting an ugly picture taken.

Then I am making a batch of bread pudding for Mom and THEN I am driving up to visit her. How can I be so behind already and it is only ten am?

In shallower news, I am very excited to see what present I get from the Coach outlet. I think my sister said she was going to pick me up a Coach pillbox.

The Scoop

Sooooo.

First I had to get dressed in my special RE clothes. I dress like a soccer mom for appointments. I cannot help but feel that if I wear khaki pants and a striped shirt the doctor will be more willing to get me knocked up. Which I suppose makes as much sense as wearing a wedding dress on a first date but I can't help myself. Then I listen to my rally music. Yes. I have a cd I play every time I go to the RE. I play my Enchanted cd. And I sing along and do jazz hands.

Ok so the RE said I have done fantastic and no one could have asked more. ( I would like to thank the makers of Pop Tarts with Fiber and Whole Wheat Fig Newtons- I lost 3 pounds in five days)

My cholesterol is within the normal range, and so are my triglycerides and so is my insulin. YAY!

He has looked at my hsg and wants me to get a...um... must Google. A hysteroscopy to remove what looks like a polyp in my uterus. I asked if he thinks my eggs may be getting fertilized but are unable to implant and he said yes.

So I am doing that in April. Yum. Also he is going to check my ovarian reserves after AF comes this month, Unless I get pregnant on my own. Haha that was a good one. Pregnant on my own. And then I'll develop cold fusion and bring peace to the Middle East. And then I'll find Jimmy Hoffa's grave.

Anyhow, he said to be perfect for the next few weeks, and to keep working hard. Well, I will keep working semi hard. Of course he STILL CALLED ME OBESE TWICE. Nice. Apparently, if I loose ten more pounds I will no longer be considered morbidly obese but merely obese. Let the good times roll!

Sigh.

I asked if I could stop the medication and he said not yet. He said I have to continue with my diet and pills for a while longer.

Dear Tanqueray 10,

I miss you. I miss you more than full fat ice cream, french fries, cheese fries, waffle fries,or Hershey bars with almonds. Someday I will drink you again. I don't fucking know when, but someday dammit.

You are still my BFF.

Celia

Sooooo, he said in May after AF comes, they will make me ovulate and do an IUI with Mr. Mostly's mostly crappy sperm.

Yippee!

Woohoo!

We got our security deposit back from our old shitty apartment! Hooray! Cleaning till 4 am was worth it! Yay 1500.00! I am gonna hop in the car and deposit it. Which means I have to tear myself away from the Lifetime Movie Channel. Man, it's a good one too.

Oh man I am feeling weird about this appointment.

Remember the last meeting when I went in wanting DRUGS AND ACTION and was told I needed to exercise and diet for a few more months. Followed closely by me crying. Then by me deciding to exercise like they want me to. Then by the Martian Death Flu and moving?

Well maybe I did not mention it, but the nutritionist sneaked me a peek at my results and she said my cholesterol was lower and so since I am thinner and have lower cholesterol- maybe they will be happy- and make with the drugs.

I am here to tell you that I do hate, have always hated, and will always hate exercise. I don't care. The "joy" of exercise is not anywhere near as appealing as curling up on the bed in something stretchy while reading. You know I have given serious consideration to how much a baby would cut in to my reading time. I am comforting myself with the knowledge that I could fit in a solid two hours a day when I was a nanny as long as I hustled around in the morning.

What I want to know

I have been thinking about my appointment tomorrow and what I want to know is, how does my ovarian reserve look? Do I have 34 year old reserves or magical Dorian Gray 23 year old reserves? Did my eggs refuse to use Oil of Olay and look more 42-ish?

Because that is the real question right? Aside from me not wanting to be The Oldest Mother Ever. I wish Mr was 34 and I was 29 instead of the other way around.

"Eggs! HEY EGGS! I need two volunteers for a lifetime commitment. I can promise cookies, organic milk, a stay at home Mother, excellent health benefits and an extremely indulgent Auntie. We also offer a full college tuition to the university of your choice and a company car. Other perks would be grandparents that love to travel and camp, a Mother with a degree in culinary arts(mmm home made ice cream!) a Father that firmly believes video games are a right and a vacation home in Florida. All interested parties may apply PROMPTLY ON CD 15. WE HAVE THREE POSITIONS OPEN."

Furthermore

My boss sent me over to help this woman in the infertility section. Initially I was thrilled to help someone in the infertility section. However, this woman was not infertile. She was just sick and tired of having healthy baby boys and wanted a girl. Up yours.

So I heaved an internal sigh and explained to her that all she needed to do was figure out when she was ovulating and time sex so that the sperm was waiting for the egg since the sperm that makes boys is more delicate and would die off after a while- leaving the hardier girl sperm. Or whatever the correct term is for girl and boy sperm. XX? XY? Whatever. Then I showed her TCOYF and told her that was the book she needed and not some fringe book about like eating a garlic pickle at 2 pm on the night of the full moon.

Which is what I wished I had told her. If you wear a tinfoil hat, you have a girl. If you wear a tinfoil VISOR you have a boy.

NOT BEING ABLE TO CHOOSE THE SEX OF YOUR CHILD IS NOT A BAD PROBLEM TO HAVE BITCH. Let me get a tissue for the hearty sobs you must cry over your healthy children with the nerve to be born with a penis. How do you live with the pain?

RE in two days.

I see the RE on Friday. I am not filled with hope. Or anger. Or impatience.

As a side note, I am full of poop. I hate this damn prenatal. Maybe I can get the RE to switch it. Today I had four whole wheat fig newtons, and two cups of coffee and TWO high fiber pop tarts. Take that colon! Ugh.

I have been MIA because we were trying and trying to figure out how to get the internet to work. It turns out Verizon was not sending the signal to our house. However, Verizon was easy to work with. They credited our account for the month of no net. I am now happily rechained to my laptop.

Yay! Internet! I am addicted. Mr. is addicted. Likely the cats are addicted. I don't care people. I may not care about cable but you will get my internet when you pry it out of my cold, dead hands.


So in babyland- everyone say congratulations and good wishes to AYM. Who is headed into week 13! You are my favorite fertile.

I have no damn idea what the RE is going to say to me on Friday. I am ready for a change. I am not willing to spend a FOURTH year tilting at windmills. But I do know that for once I am not afraid to walk away. How long am I supposed to ignore the life around me while trying fruitlessly to create it?

I want an answer. And a timeline. Because I am here to tell you that I am DAMNED if I am going to be in the same place next year.

I want to be done this bullshit in six months. Either we are pregnant or we are not. And if we are not then we are taking a year off to enjoy ourselves. Then we will go on to adoption. Because I have had enough.

Ambivalence

Or however you spell it. For a month now I have been feeling "meh" about having a baby. Maybe I am tired of all the bullshit- blood draws and pills and mandated sex on a schedule and NEVER HAVING GIN EVER. THREE YEARS NO GIN. Come on now. Tanqueray 10 is a blessing from God and all I ever had was a measly one a week.

Maybe three years is my limit of how long I will bang my head against a wall? All I know is for the first time in years I don't care. Today is CD 40 which is the longest my period has taken to get here since I went on metformin back in October. I tested on Saturday and no surprises there.

So I suppose I might test tomorrow or something for the pure masochistic joy of it. Or the pointless waste of money. Whatever.

This was the last post I typed before we were sucked back into 1947.

I feel posty.

I am eating my oatmeal and raisins and darn it if I just don't feel like sharing.

The Best Customer Service Experiences of My Life

1. AYM is not going to believe this one. It was with Joyce- my supervisor at a Semi Famous Amusement Park in New Jersey. She was an excellent sales person and literally could sell anything to anyone. She showed me how much fun it can be to sell things and how to connect with any customer. She also had a gravity defying beehive. For good or bad- I love retail and Joyce is why. She loved retail and was so incredibly good at it. I still remember watching her work the room. It was incredible. Everyone was happy after spending time with her.

2. Hershey Park- without exception everyone was kind- it was immaculate- the food was delicious( chocolate bread...come to Mama droool) and we loved it. Loved it so much we actually tried to figure out a way to move there.

3. Our darling realtor. Who is a gem. Anyone buying in the area- let me know and I will give you her name. She is kind, detail oriented, and refused to put us in a home that was not perfect for us. Or as perfect as our budget allowed. When you get Grace- you get a Mom in the very best sense of the word.

4. The Mouse. How do they do it? Magic? Prozac? I don't know.

5. Hospice. If you are ever looking for a worthy cause- Hospice is it. We loved them. I know they will be there for us when we need them again. They truly take care of the whole family. I think I would have gone crazy for real if we had not had the pastoral councelor and the social worker and the nurses. They made the unbearable, bearable.

6. Trader Joes. I love shopping there. It is clean. They are helpful. They have great produce and low prices. They remember me- which is nice. I got two excellent recipes from them- one for frittata and one for chili casserole.

LOL

I am dying. I am pretty sure the Comcast people are still taking my poll. Which admittedly, I set up to bait them. Imagine having a job where when people find out what you do they just want to tell you horror stories. I guess it would be like being a mortician or working for the DMV.

Two days ago my blog had a light traffic day- 33 visits. Yesterday 271. Usually it is around 70 visits a day.

Sooo, I am working today- I don't think I am going to wear green. I wore green yesterday. I made meatloaf in little muffin cups so we now have 7 in the freezer for an emergency.

I was thinking I might bake a cherry pie today. I should also unpack something. Anything. Yesterday Mr. took down all the rest of the fliers we had hung on telephone polls. I think I have to drive into town- there is still one by the tool store.

So I was thinking about customer service yesterday and service recovery. For those of you who have never worked in retail, service recovery is where they fix whatever someone else working for the company did for you/to you.

The most imortant thing for good customer service is allowing your employees to use their judgement to try and make the customer happy and then allowing each manager as much leeway as possible.

Which is where I think Comcast goes horribly, terribly wrong.

The four worst customer service experiences of my life:

1. Wedding Belles in Linwood NJ. This sniffy woman told me I had PLENTY of time to find a foundation garment to hold myself in and that they would have to use EXTRA material for my dress. Why do so many people in the wedding industry think only size 6 women find love? I would have been madder but she had a giant( four feet high) picture of her daughter on her wedding day and the girl had so much self tanner on she looked part Oompa Loompa.

2. Cooper Medical Center in Camden. Don't be old and get sick. You will be screwed. When my Mother was there two years ago they did not give her meds. They knew she was on them, I called to remind them. They spoke with her doctor when she was admitted. And yet when I called to say hi to Mom- she could not remember if she ate dinner and thought it was 1973. Cooper flat out told me they thought Mom was uninsured so they did not give her meds- after they agreed with me that they don't like you to bring pills from home because they want to dispense them through the hospital. Mom has great insurance. There was more fighting but I did not pursue it because frankly- dealing with my dying Mother is stressful enough without throwing a damn hospital on top of it.

3. South Jersey Fertility in Marlton. When Mr. needed a semen analysis it took me forver to find one. For some reason it is really hard. I called place after place. Finally I called them. YOU KNOW HOW IT IS TRYING TO GET YOUR HUSBAND TO GO TO HIS FIRST S/A. So he went- I told him he was a champ and we started waiting for the results. After whatever many days they told me it woud take I called my ob/gyn and they said the results were not there yet. I called the next day- nothing.

The next day was my day off. My ob/gyn told me that South Jersey Fertility told them Mr. had never shown up to his appointment and had never rescheduled.

Well. You can imagine. Here I am telling my doctor we are trying to get pregnant and my doctor is telling me my husband is not on board and is lying to me. REALLY? I DON'T THINK SO. Marriage is based on trust, jerks. So I refused to believe what I was being told. I called the insurance agency to see if there had been a charge. Not yet.

In all that Mr. called to ask how my day was. I told him what was going on and that I did not believe it. He was furious that I would even consider he might have lied to me. After all he had given me a description of their"special room and the secial drawer" He said to ask them to look at the patient log, since he had signed in.

So I called back and described the "wank room" and then the assistant Mr. had handed his sample to, and asked them to check the log. So of course he was there and they had thrown his sample out and then lied about it. Why? Because they only do semen analysis if you are going there for fertility treatment which we were not- but when I called no one told me that. How do you have someone schedule an appointment that does not even understand her office's policy? Who does that??? So we had a giant fight because time is the most important thing in getting pregnant and they had wasted a whole month with this. Plus I had to deal with getting Mr. to give another donation.

I filed a complaint with the New Jersey medical board who told me my complaint was too emotional- I swear. The practice manager called and kissed my butt after I went crazy and offered us a free analysis. Like I would let them anywhere NEAR us after that?

4. RHYMES WITH SCHMOMCAST.



Mmmmm. This was good. Maybe tomorrow I will do four best customer service experiences.

Detente

Mmmm. Mike from Comcast called me back to apologize. I thanked him. Then he offered to waive our bill for this and next months service. Which amounts to 116.27. Which is not 500 dollars or even what we spent at the vet but does give me time to schedule Direct TV at my leisure. Hmmm. I would call myself 40% satisfied out of a possible 80%. 100% percent being impossible since that woud have necessitated a return call the first day. But not livid anymore since I am pretty sure my roughly 15 phone calls generated at least that many emails. I am pretty sure no one is gonna be leaving a door open again. Also, at least ten Comcast employees saw Thunder's picture and saw that there was a living creature behind my raving. I am not saying that I love Thunder more than anything in the whole world- but yeah I do.

I also spoke with the head of human resources( I think) at the company that was contracted to do the installation and she had they are going to discipline the employee.

I would call this semisuccess. If this never happens to anyone else I would call it total success. Because the important thing is that Thunder is home. We had the money to pay for finding him and his vetrinary care. He does not seem to have any lasting damage. He is here, with us where he belongs. My lambchop. Look at his picture- isn't he the cutest? I might leave it up because it reminds me that even if I never do get pregnant I still have my baby.


I am off to the store- since I am thankfully and for the first time in over a week not waiting for the phone to ring.

Checking in to report.... Customer Service!

Yes indeed ladies- a very nice and apologetic man named George Lunski just called me. He is going to check out our account and get back to me. He apologized- very, very nicely. I am hoping soon I can close the book on this Craptastic time of our lives and return to blogging about meaningful things- like Fritos.


So my anger level is down from LEVEL 9(insulting people's Mothers) to a level 2(reasonable and calm).

You know the day we got Thunder back I was so happy someone freaking rear ended me on the way to work and I did not care? I just waved em off and looked at my bumper later. The same day I took back product we have never sold ever- twice. So if you are doing a questionable return- the best time is clearly when the manager on duty is both sleep deprived and elated.
if you keep asking and are not a total loon we will work with you.
Back to George. Who thanked me for being calm-possibly he did not read the part where I called Comcast pox ridden sons of whores?- Don't take that personally George- I meant EVERYONE ELSE at Comcast. But I do try and use what I know works best at my store. That being-

Anyhow I do feel like I finally made an impression on the Giant Mastodon. I cannot imagine what people do who don't have weekdays off. Possibly they just stew in bitter, bitter angst?

So I am fairly hopeful that I can wrap this up later. Then I can move on to booking Direct TV and crushing my baseball loving husbands heart. Because Comcast has the Phillies games. Well, tough noogies sweetheart. You have to vote with your feet. I think if we pay Direct TV more we can get his games. Yes- I am willing to pay.

In jolly news- Thunder's cold is improving and his appetite and his eyes have their old sparkle. In fact- he did his first naughty thing today. He hopped up on the kitchen counter. Which is Not Allowed. He knows it too. Cats and food prep are not a happy mix. Cats and laps. Yes. Cats and sofas. Yes. Cats and their very own pillow and blankie. Well, at our house yes.

Welllll we'll see.

I hunted around some and found a man called Frank Eliason. Whose job is to monitor blog posts that are negative(gasp!) about Comcast. I spoke with quite a few people today. I left Frank a nice message telling him my poll results and I left another message with Brian Jetter- in charge of community relations telling him that by next month I should have let about 2,000 people know Comcast is the devil's whore.

So I am feeling pretty productive. I am giving them till noon to call me and then I am driving to the office. Then I am complaining to the BBB. Which I have not had to do since South Jersey Fertility THREW OUT my husbands sperm sample and said he had never shown up for his appointment. Why yeeeees, I do hold grudges forever.

HELLO. For all you schmucks out there SAYING SORRY IS FREE. PERHAPS IF YOU HAD CALLED TO APOLOGISE OR NOT SAID MY HUSBAND WAS A LIAR OR IN FACT DEMONSTRATED EVEN THE SLIGHTEST AWARENESS THAT MY FAMILY WAS IN TURMOIL I WOULD NOT BE CHASING AFTER YOU.

As we all know, trying to get pregnant for years and years takes stamina and it is coming in damn handy now.

I hope I can metaphorically violate them all with the dildo cam.

CD 38 Today I do battle with the dark overlord

An open letter to Comcast:

Dear Pox Ridden Sons of Whores,

I know I can type whatever I want with impunity since clearly customer service means nothing to you. Thanks for telling my husband yesterday that we are liars and you don't believe us and there is nothing you can do for us. Wellllll Comcast, it is MY day off TODAY. And you have ME to deal with. I cannot wait to drive down there to your office. Sure, it's an hour and a half round trip that I will never get back but at least I can call you flaming assholes to your face.

Here is what I want. I want you to say you are sorry for giving me the worst five days of my life. Sorry for telling my husband he is a liar. Sorry for the worst customer "service" I have ever had inflicted upon me. Sorry for making me call you three times when ONE CALL should have been enough. Sorry for sending me a form email. Sorry Sorry Sorry. It is FREE to say sorry you shitheels. And then I want you to give me five hundred dollars to cover the costs we incurred.

If you don't I will just dedicate part of my blog FOREVER to telling people what you did. Since it doesn't seem to bother you at all I cannot imagine WHY you would mind me telling as many people as I can.

Then I am canceling our "service" and getting Direct TV.

And I invite you to suck my ass.

So now we have happier chores.

We have to de-Thunderize the neighborhood. I have been pulling down fliers when I see them. Mr. hung about 70 so I think we are spending part of Saturday hunting for them. We split up the phone calls between us, and I think we are almost done. I still have to call the councilwoman. Who insisted the Chief of Police look at the picture of our cat. LOL. I picture a Commishoner Gordon type- with his head filled with burgleries and code violations and CRIME with this picture of my baby added to all his work. Which is adorable. Then we have to take a family picture with Thunder and me and Mr. so we can include it in the thank you notes. I called St. Marks and thanked them over the phone. We are thinking about the best way to try and thank the community-( I swear we have lucked out and moved to Mayberry- we are NEVER LEAVING) and I was thinking a letter to the editor with a picture and a copy to the mayor? And one to St. Marks from Thunder. Who is curled up on his blanket with some roast beef.

We bathed him last night, and then used my ionic hairdryer. So his coat is nice and shiny again. His eyes don't have the same sparkle yet though. But his nature is the same. I was so afraid he would meet some sick f#%k that would hurt him. So he had his second bath since he was a baby. The downstairs bathroom needs to be condemmed now. I am going to be cleaning cat hair out of it for days.

We are going to make our house list so we can try and get back on target with the house. Which currently looks like a marauding band of four year olds held an all night rave in it.

I am going to call Comcast back today or tomorrow. So far we have spent five hundred on Thunder. He is worth every penny- but I do think they should at least split the cost with us. Also Thunder is sneezing. So maybe he is getting a cold. Or maybe he is just congested or something from all the dust he must have breathed in where ever he was.

Whatever else is going on- we are so happy to have these problems and not the origional one.

AF is still not here- it is CD 34, but I am guessing that it is stress and I am NOT testing. I have my next glucose tolerance test on Saturday morning so no eating after 6 30 pm on Friday. They are checking my cholesterol again too. I have no idea what to expect, but you know I just don't care right now. I still have to get to the hemotologist to get Lumpy checked out. I will likely pick up the prescription on Tuesday.

THUNDER IS HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Our baby is home and safe. And very smelly. Our neighbor knocked on our door at 3:30 a.m. Thank God. She saw him in her backyard and he jumped 8 feet in the air over our fence. We looked and looked up and down the alley and around the car lot and under cars and front and back and checked the streets.

Then Mr. said "We can't keep looking all night." Then we went back in and went to the back yard and poked around some more. Mr. was meowing and I was calling. Then Mr. told me to shut up. We decided we heard nothing. Mr. meowed a little more and we heard a teeny tiny meow. Then it was a little pandemonium while we tried to figure out where it was coming from.

Thunder had vaulted the fence and landed near a small gap in the lattice work under the deck.

I can only describe how I feel like when I car almost hits you and you swerve at the last minute.

Well I am a little delirious. I have to take Thunder the vet as soon as it opens so they can check him for stuff. He seems fine but I want to deworm him just in case. And he needs a bath- big time.

Thank you all so much for keeping me company during the shittiest thing that ever happened to me.

I forgot- the one funny thing in all this.

Well you know how we have all peed on a million sticks? Mr read that the clothes we have put out to attract Thunder only held the scent for 12 hours. That what we really needed to use was......urine. Yep. I gave the fence a golden shower. We bought a squirt bottle(thank GOD this is a mostly anonymous blog because my neighbors would KILL me for this but I don't care) and I filled it with fresh pee- courtesy of diet Canada Dry. Then while I was at work Mr. spritzed my "scent" along the fence.

A neighbor saw and asked what it was and Mr. told him it was a special cat attracting enzyme.

I am touched. No really.

I am so thankful that we moved to Bristol. Everyone has been so kind to us. EVERYONE. And I have talked to hundreds of people over the last few days. A councilwoman actually brought Thunder's picture to the town council meeting and showed everyone including the chief of police. I walked through the center of town for three hours today and seven of the people I met already knew about Thunder.

And we had four potential leads today. One Mr. went to right away but sadly it was not Thunder. Another did not pan out. But one sounds promising and and one I can not afford not to check out. I am trying to meet all the cat feeders.

The nicest thing is that the first lead we got was because a child actually brought home a flier of Thunder from school. Mr. said the family was so nice. It is so wonderful to think that the entire town is looking for him. I think I feel hope for the first time in days.


Yesterday Mr. and I sat down for an hour. I got home from my 12 hours of searching and looked at my filthy house, and my lonely cats. On the one hand-I feel like how can I eat when Thunder has not been fed and how can I rest when he is wandering?

But I cannot neglect our other cats, not to mention we are still living like squatters. Nothing has been done to the house since Saturday morning. Mr. told me I have to stop constantly searching so that I can do focused searching and I have to eat and rest so I am at my best so I can try my hardest. He is right. It is hard but I forced myself to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner today. He is concerned because I lost five pounds since Saturday. He said if I spend an hour a day unpacking and sorting that still leaves me many hours a day to search.

He said he wants to drop everything and just search too but we have to focus on work so Thunder has a home to come back to and we cannot neglect our cats and our health.

It is CD 32 so AF should be here sometime this week. Tomorrow I go to a secret cat meeting place where they are fed- and I am returning two calls Mr. said it was too late to return tonight. Then I think I am going to go to more vets. I think I may have told enough people in town. I think? I am too pooped to plan effectively.

Oh- I talked to a man in charge of community relations at Comcast. I said it was outrageous that no one had even called us to apologize. So I gave him the information and he said he was going to research it and get back to me.

What do you guys think of this?

If that worked it is a link to find toto.com they auto-call your neighbors and their success rate seems good. I wish we had known about it Saturday. I am going to try and get Comcast to pay. We have already spent 200 dollars and this will be another 175. We are willing to spend it- but what if Thunder needs a vet when we find him and we are tapped out? We just bought a damn house for craps sake- we are not enjoying excess money right now. Plus we would not be in this position if it was not for them.

I am so hopeless.

When I was at the shelter I saw an entire WALL of pictures of lost cats. And I visited the found cats that are waiting there. They were so pitiful and all I could think was that my baby was lost or cold or hungry. The world is so large. My baby is so small. I am so small. How can I think I will find him in this big world? I am very close to hopeless.

Sometimes when I think about what the animal officer said about cats usually staying within a block and a half of their home- I feel like we can find him. But then I think about the vet that said "not necessarily" or I think about the highway or I think about the square mile the internet said he might wander. How can I reach all those people? I hate it. My poor baby. It is chilly tonight. Thunder likes to sleep under my blanket, next to me with his head on my pillow. Mr. says there is nothing we can do but bait the trap till it is light again.

As tired as I am I feel like as long as I am breathing I should keep looking. The neighbors must be so sick of hearing me call "Thunder come to Mommy." Oh Thunder, come to Mommy.

Mr. told me that he wanted to say it would all be alright but that he just did not believe it.

No Thunder.

I have been to many local businesses, several schools, a bunch of churches, the SPCA, an independent shelter, several vets, spoke with the animal control officer and we have posted Thunder's profile on Petfinder.com and Lost and Pound.

Tonight we are buying a humane trap and baiting it.

I did good- I did not cry in front of anyone today. In the car yes- on the street - yes. Our other cats are freaked out and keep looking around the house. I think I am actually making them paranoid because now when I peer out the door they peer too. Then they know I go from the front door to the back. It rained on my baby last night.

I think I might actually go crazy from grief

I never understood before how people could wail from pure grief. My grief was always a neater thing. In the past I would go to any length to maintain control. I have no control now. I wailed all the way home from work. Mr. called me at work to give me an update and sobbed on the phone. I told him I thought I might actually lose my mind and he agreed.

I don't want to eat because maybe he is hungry. I don't want to be warm because maybe he is cold. My baby. My sweet baby.

Tomorrow I am getting up and visiting a lumber yard that apparently attracts a lot of cats. We maybe had someone who said they saw him and that was so far away from the house. I am going to another "cat ladies" house to leave his picture. I am going to hit all the shops on mainstreet, the churches( is anyone even AT a church on Mondays?), the shelters, the vets, I have to contact the animal control officer.

I did not know I could feel like this. It is worse than my miscarriage- because I knew the baby was gone. But Thunder could be hungry or hurt and calling for me and for the first time in his life-I cannot answer.

I have begged God, surely God is not this cruel. I have begged him on my knees. To please just keep my baby safe.

Despair

I am just in a black hole without my cat. We are looking for a pet detective this morning. All night I kept getting up and wandering around outside looking for him. He has been gone almost a day. There are cars and trucks and dogs and disease and mean people and antifreeze puddles out there in the big world. I am so afraid that he is scared and lonely and hungry- looking for me and I am not there. We cannot stop crying. My baby is out there-somewhere.

We are hysterical. Thunder is lost.

The Comcast man left our back door open and Thunder got out. Please pray for his safe return. Please give us any suggestions you have.

Brought to you by PJ

Still no internets of our own. It will likely be WEEKS of this bullshit. I NEED WIRELESS, HIGHSPEED INTERNETS. So I am currently abusing one of my new neighbors and hopefully they will never figure it out. But I feel guilty. Not guilty enough to stop- just too guilty to waste hours online as I like to do.

It's CD 28 so I am on AF watch. I suppose I could be pregnant. Riiiiiiiiight. Anyway, I am on AF watch. I have to go and check but I have been running about a 36 day cycle. So no testing unless nothing happens till CD 38. And maybe I will buy some lottery tickets too. Equal odds.

My hugely pregnant bosses bosses boss was in today. If she rubbed her ginormous belly in front of me one more time I was going to fart on her.

Ummmmm

Hey,

Apparently this is "Mister". But you can all call me "Mister". The wifey wanted me to impress upon you the aggravation and evilness of the electric that is in our new home.

So, let's start off by saying that the electric is at least 60 yrs old...probably 68 years old, since that's the age of the house. It is all 2-prong, with no ground wire. So, anything that has a ground wire prong on it has been rendered useless. The entire upstairs is on 1 circuit-breaker (at some point in the last 20 years, someone installed a breaker box!), and the cellar is on one as well. When they installed the circuit-breaker box, I guess someone who heard of NEC decided that they needed to install some wiring with a ground wire. So, they ran brand new wiring into 3 of the existing sockets on the ground floor, and turned them into 3-prong circuits. That's great, because it means that 3 of the existing 15 sockets in the house are grounded. Furthermore, someone must have caught on and realized that the kitchen and bath had electric (who'd a thunk it), and installed GFCI's...but they aren't necessarily grounded. The only ones I know for sure have grounds are the ones in the basement...whoopidee-do! That helps me run my computer!! >_<

The bottom line is that all of the wiring will need to be re-run, and re-wired into the circuit-breaker box to ground it. I did try to install a GFCI upstairs, since "technically" you can wire it up without a ground and still be within NEC code, but the housing box for the receptacle is too small. ARGH!! It confounds me!!! And, furthermore, to run all the new wiring will require the demolition of a lot of walls...although, if it can be "piggy-backed" along with the ductwork, I could run it upstairs into all the rooms without needing to destroy anything more than the baseboard...that would be AWESOME!!! ^_^

Either way, it is a lot of work, and will require serious planning for this house to join the 21st century!

The End...

J/K...I'm apparently supposed to tell you about the phone, too.

The phone works...really well, in fact...the DSL doesn't, though.

Here's the story...

I called Verizon on Wednesday to inquire as to why my DSL service had not yet been activated on the scheduled date of 3/2. Mr Verizon told me that it was not scheduled to activate until Thursday, 3/5, but that the work order had been completed early, and I should have service right now. I looked at the blinking light on the DSL modem, the light that signalled "I no worky!", and told Mr Verizon that it wasn't working. Mr Verizon then told me to restart the modem (I had done that 12 times already), and that it would work. I told him it wouldn't work, but he said to do it anyway. I did, and, whaddya know, it didn't work. At this point, he told me to switch to a new phone jack and make sure the telephone was on a filter. I had already done these steps, and told him so. He then asked me to switch the ends of the cat3 wiring...put the end that went to the modem into the wall jack, and vis-versa. I told him that the wire is the same either way, and that it wouldn't make a difference....cause it's the same either way. Mr Verizon explained to me that wiring can be tricky, and that turning it around could help. I felt at this point like telling him that I went to school for electrical engineering, and that I was fully aware of what telephone cat3 wiring was and how it worked, but I didn't. I was too busy making my roast beef sandwich for my lunch for work...I then told Mr Verizon that I had to go, thanks for trying to help, but work was beckoning, and if I talked any longer, I'd be late. Mr Verizon told me that he understood, but that it was extremely important for me to stay on the phone while he "chatted" with a help specialist (I thought that's what he was supposed to be...?!) to get me a resolution. I told him I had to go, and that if he needed to, I could stay on the phone with him in my car while I drove to work, but that I had to leave my house. He said he only needed 2 more minutes of my time. I said, "OK, but that's it...2 minutes." I then spent two minutes listening to him type and mumble to himself. I tried to excuse myself again, but Mr Verizon told me to stay with him, and to not get in my car and drive, as he needed me to stay near the modem. I said I had to go, and that getting to my job on time was more important than having internet. Mr Verizon explained to me that if we didn't bring this open work session to a resolution, that we would have to start all over again and that he didn't want to do that (I'm guessing for his numbers...). I said, "I don't care, I have to go." He then told me that he had upgraded my case to the next highest level, and that a technician would be out the next day to look at the wiring, etc. I said, "That's fine, but it needs to be between 8am and 1pm. After that, no one will be home." Mr Verizon said he would note that, and thanked me for my patience (did I mention that I was already 5 minutes into my commute to work?). I said "Bye".

Well, Thursday came, and between 8am and 1pm, no Verizon person showed up. At 3:05pm, I got a phone call from Ms Verizon stating that she would be round to fix the internet...and that if I was not available, I would have to reschedule. I called Ms Verizon at 5:45pm and told her that I had specified between 8am and 1pm...a note that she never got. So, here I am, writing this LOOOONGGGG-winded adventure about not getting internet...whilst stealing wireless from some guy named PJ who does not know how important it is to secure your wireless network. Oh well...gotta feed the monkey somehow!

The Internets Man is still not here.

I have to leave for work in 24 minutes. I NEED TO WATCH THE BBC. There, I have admitted it. I am a BBC junkie. I was so bored today I paired socks. Come on. That is desperation. I am so bored I actually want to go to work. Because I can't really settle into anything since I am waiting/listening for the Internets Man.

If Internets Man shows up at 12:59 I am gonna be pissed. Freaking Mattress Giant got here on time. But Verizon Man is somewhere in a car jerking off. I have been all ready since 8 am. FIVE HOURS. I could have gone window shopping( literally we need a new window), grocery shopping, taken a bubble bath, or even...............taken a nap. But no. Here I sit like it's freaking prom night and Verizon is standing me up. Fuckers.

CD 27 running in place

figuratively. You know I would never ACTUALLY run. So I had to get up at the ass crack of dawn( which is 7:45 a.m.) after not getting home from work till around 11. Because The Internets Man is coming to fix our internets! I will be released from the criminal lifestyle I have adopted- no longer tempted to steal unsecured networks.

Our new row home approved boxsprings are supposed to come today as well. So instead of slobbing around in my bathrobe with my favorite mug(A Krispy Kreme mug) I was showered and dressed and waiting for our festival of deliveries to start.

Mr. Mostly is in charge of dinner tonight. Will it be.... grilled cheese and tomato soup? Pasta? Burgers? Frosted Flakes? Time will tell.

We are going to see The Watchmen tomorrow night. Then Saturday will be another day devoted to house slavery. I am hopeful this place won't look like such a crack den by the end of the weekend.

DUDE it's CD 26

Holy Crap etc. I am setting a limit this time, no testing till March 15. Which I am sure will be something like CD 4 or whatever of a new cycle. You know I was dreading March for months as the three year anniversary of TTC. But now that I am in March and busy, it is fine. I don't even care. Well, I have to get back to slave labor, but I just was so surprised how the days had flown by. So fellow tw0 week waiters, clearly the way to stop obsessing over pregnancy is to begin obsessing over home improvements.

At least I know 9 months from now I will have something to show for all my hard work and money.

Trapped in 1930

We STILL don't have internets or teevee. Just the phone. I am ahem "borrowing" someones unsecured wireless network. Internets withdrawal is more powerful than my scruples apparently.

What can I say? It has been crazy. I am lost in a jungle of boxes and paint buckets and wallpaper shreds.

I have met some of my neighbors, four nice ones and a breeder. The nice ones made general friendly chitchat and Ms. Breeder said to me "oh we were hoping someone with kids would move in." Thanks- I had hoped that too, bitch. So now in the long list of people let down by our infertility I can add my neighbors.

The house is chugging along. We have had some large problems, like we need to re-wire the upstairs. But our bedroom is beautiful and tranquil and Mr.'s office is nice and starting to get set up with all his anime/manga/Star Wars/Doctor Who shrines. My reading room is adorable- though I have not had any time to read in it yet.

The bathroom upstairs is close to finished. It just needs the sink and a new medicine cabinet AND A DAMN DOOR. Oops, did I shout?

I missed one of my doctors appointments, so that is rescheduled for later this month.

I am totally exhausted. Yesterday evening I revolted and got in bed and reread Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. I just faced the wall so I could not see the mountain of chores behind me.

I have stuff to do today before work, because the oil guy is coming over tonight. I have not had time to do anything about Lumpy, but I am not dead so I guess it will have to wait. Ugh. I just wanted to check in. It has been just wild over here. We fall into bed and are asleep in five minutes each night.