This is somewhat like saying "How to boil water in 325 easy steps." because once you figure out what works either your pregnancy changes or your toddler does.
Sooooo in the beginning I was very tired but was able to function more or less normally. I suggest putting an overnight diaper on your toddler when you go out for more than a normal errand. For example, I love my OB and willingly make a nearly two hour round trip to get to her office. It was a pain when I was pregnant with Peter. Now that I am pregnant and WITH Peter, it is still a pain. It jacks up his nap. I have to pee by the time we get there. He is either bored and restless from sitting in the car or WIDE AWAKE from his hour long nap. Either way, I have to find a way to deal with his energy. Peter has been to every appointment I have had INCLUDING the two big ultrasounds. Most memorably, at the ultrasound I had to see if the bleeding was normal or DEAD BABY bleeding, Peter was tickling my feet.
Anyhow, I bring toys that are small, that are ok to lose. Say...third string toys. And books. And snacks. And drinks. I either get there EXACTLY on time so we don't have to wait or early enough to give him time to play. There is a big atrium at my OB's and he likes to run around it. I bring an umbrella stroller and bribes- chocolate milk and a treat like cookies for the wait. I bring PATIENCE. He is little. Appointments are both BORING( sit in the stroller) and EXCITING( TOUCH ALL THE BUTTONS! SMACK THE STIRRUPS! MOMMY HAS NO PANTS ON! THROW MY TOYS!) it is very fortunate that both the obs in my practice are Moms of boys. I know some girls are very active also( shout out to my homie Louise) but Peter is quite...peppy.
I also allow Peter to run around the atrium after the appointment, and then I allow him to run around outside for at least 15 minutes before the car drive home. I plan the rest of our day out since I know his nap is most likely doomed. We have an easy dinner like hotdogs that night and an easy lunch like yogurt.
Up until a few weeks ago Peter and I were able to walk for at least an hour every day. It was a little weird because toward the end of our walks I would get contractions, especially if Peter wanted to be picked up to see something. My ob assured me this is normal in a second pregnancy. This is actually my third pregnancy, but I knew what she meant.
I had to drop my standards. Because if I don't rest then I am exhausted by six p.m. It meant that we had to creep back to tv. Which I am not happy about, but after getting some scary contractions at the grocery store I knew I needed to scale back. So we eat hotdogs( they are nitrate free turkey dogs), spaghetti, deli turkey and noodles with instant gravy, macaroni and cheese, pizza and a few other things. Nothing big. Nothing crazy. If something is from scratch like macaroni, then something else is from a can, like corn. If we could afford it, we would get take out WAY more. But we can't. And that is why God made grilled cheese and tomato soup.
I give the environment the finger and use the dishwasher almost every day.
I make things count. Like, if Peter is sitting in the tub, I sit next to him like always but have a tub of chlorox wipes and wipe around what I can reach.
I drink coffee. It's that or fall asleep while Peter shaves the cat and makes long distance phone calls. I drink one cup in the morning and a splash later in what I call a Mommy Mocha. A little coffee, a little sugar and then ovaltine to fill the cup. Peter and I are alone from 8 15 a.m. till 6 30 p.m. every day, and my husband is also back in school so figure Mr. gets about two hours a day with us and the rest he is at work or doing class work. AWESOME!!!
As I get bigger I have had to change some things. We used to go up to my Mom's more but since she is not able to chase Peter and the house is not baby proofed it is exhausting to go there now. I made my official last trip there yesterday.
Use your broom. Seriously. It's great for getting all the toys out from under the couch when you are too round to reach. Peter also enjoys crayons, finger paint, and play doh.
Peter is very good about making many many trips to the bathroom with me, and I have things in there for him to play with.
I don't have much help. And for all that my husband means it when he says "rest and I will take care of it", what he really means is rest and I will do what I always do and then wonder where dinner is and also why I have no clean underwear. Soooo while I can count on him to make dinner. I can ALSO count on him to not clean up. Or not clean up right. By which I mean there will be grease all over the stove and a dirty pan in the oven and the garbage will be MASHED into the can and not taken out.
I try and be realistic about the fact that I am useless after 9 p.m. Sometimes I fall asleep by 8 30 and then feel like I have no break from Peter because I get up when he does.
I have also noticed Hair Trigger Bitch Syndrome. I found that on Rants from Mommyland. Oh yes. I have a MUCH shorter fuse this time around. Either because having a toddler who thinks riding the cat and shaking the lamp and whipping electrical cords around like war hammers and throwing food and ETC and never napping is for every day and not just sometimes, or maybe I am more hormonal this time around. Either way. I had a few weeks where I ate bags of Lindor Balls and chocolate bars and many potato chips just to keep from losing my mind.
The best way to deal with Hair Trigger Bitch syndrome is just to smash it down any way possible. A box of cookies? Better than yelling at your child. A candy bar? Better than punching your husband in the nuts. A new four pack of play-doh every week? Not a DEAL BREAKER when it keeps your child happy for an entire half hour while you sit in a chair and pray for strength.
On Monday night ( I have some crazy second wind tonight and am feeling fine at ten p.m.) we switched Peter over to a big boy bed. Not by choice. He was hurling himself out of his crib-think of those paratroopers jumping out of a plane. So, now I do not even have the illusion that he is safe while I shower, poop, or cook. It has been a pretty horrid couple of days. Peter is tired but does not want to nap and I can't MAKE him nap because he can get out of bed. I am stressed and worried thinking about the fact that this is FOREVER and I will nevereverever again know he is at least safe in his crib while I
A. Clean up the horrible whatever.
B. Am taking the world's fastest shower after throwing dinner together.
C. Move the car because it is street sweeping day and otherwise I will get a ticket but Peter understandably does not enjoy getting put in his car seat for one minute while I drive the car across the street.
D. Lay down for five minutes while he looks at books because I am tired.
I actually broke down crying tonight when Mr. got home because he was going on and on about how I was days away from my third trimester and I was just going to get MORE PREGNANT and I was going to have to deal with it and OF COURSE I am tired and OF COURSE Peter is active and so I started to ugly cry. Then I started to laugh because I remembered how you asked me how I deal with being pregnant while caring for an active toddler. The real answer is sometimes I deal fine and sometimes it is a crap storm of epic proportions. Sometimes I wonder WHAT IN THE FUCK I was thinking when I wanted another baby. Because I love Peter and he is about all I can handle most days. I feel sad when I think that our time alone together is coming to a close. We have so much fun( usually) and he is so wonderful-mostly- but even when he is naughty he is only 20 months old. Sure he is going to be naughty sometimes.
I think infertility adds another layer of awesome Mommy guilt onto being pregnant again. With the first take home baby you feel guilty if you complain. With the second one, you still feel guilty. But you also feel guilt about having to divide your time and attention. Or at least I do. I feel like neither Peter nor the baby I am carrying are getting 100%. Sometimes I am so busy with Peter I realize I ate nothing but crap all day. BAD FOR THE BABY. Sometimes I am so tired from being pregnant that Peter watches Winnie the Pooh twice and eats hotdogs for lunch and dinner. BAD FOR PETER. Sometimes I push myself to get the house semi-clean and make a healthy dinner and run errands and then I have contractions and have to lay down. BAD FOR MOMMY.
Where is the win? It's somewhere in between home cooked meals and a messy house. Somewhere near a movie for Peter while I put my feet up. I just do my best. Or the best that I have in me that day.
Sooooo in the beginning I was very tired but was able to function more or less normally. I suggest putting an overnight diaper on your toddler when you go out for more than a normal errand. For example, I love my OB and willingly make a nearly two hour round trip to get to her office. It was a pain when I was pregnant with Peter. Now that I am pregnant and WITH Peter, it is still a pain. It jacks up his nap. I have to pee by the time we get there. He is either bored and restless from sitting in the car or WIDE AWAKE from his hour long nap. Either way, I have to find a way to deal with his energy. Peter has been to every appointment I have had INCLUDING the two big ultrasounds. Most memorably, at the ultrasound I had to see if the bleeding was normal or DEAD BABY bleeding, Peter was tickling my feet.
Anyhow, I bring toys that are small, that are ok to lose. Say...third string toys. And books. And snacks. And drinks. I either get there EXACTLY on time so we don't have to wait or early enough to give him time to play. There is a big atrium at my OB's and he likes to run around it. I bring an umbrella stroller and bribes- chocolate milk and a treat like cookies for the wait. I bring PATIENCE. He is little. Appointments are both BORING( sit in the stroller) and EXCITING( TOUCH ALL THE BUTTONS! SMACK THE STIRRUPS! MOMMY HAS NO PANTS ON! THROW MY TOYS!) it is very fortunate that both the obs in my practice are Moms of boys. I know some girls are very active also( shout out to my homie Louise) but Peter is quite...peppy.
I also allow Peter to run around the atrium after the appointment, and then I allow him to run around outside for at least 15 minutes before the car drive home. I plan the rest of our day out since I know his nap is most likely doomed. We have an easy dinner like hotdogs that night and an easy lunch like yogurt.
Up until a few weeks ago Peter and I were able to walk for at least an hour every day. It was a little weird because toward the end of our walks I would get contractions, especially if Peter wanted to be picked up to see something. My ob assured me this is normal in a second pregnancy. This is actually my third pregnancy, but I knew what she meant.
I had to drop my standards. Because if I don't rest then I am exhausted by six p.m. It meant that we had to creep back to tv. Which I am not happy about, but after getting some scary contractions at the grocery store I knew I needed to scale back. So we eat hotdogs( they are nitrate free turkey dogs), spaghetti, deli turkey and noodles with instant gravy, macaroni and cheese, pizza and a few other things. Nothing big. Nothing crazy. If something is from scratch like macaroni, then something else is from a can, like corn. If we could afford it, we would get take out WAY more. But we can't. And that is why God made grilled cheese and tomato soup.
I give the environment the finger and use the dishwasher almost every day.
I make things count. Like, if Peter is sitting in the tub, I sit next to him like always but have a tub of chlorox wipes and wipe around what I can reach.
I drink coffee. It's that or fall asleep while Peter shaves the cat and makes long distance phone calls. I drink one cup in the morning and a splash later in what I call a Mommy Mocha. A little coffee, a little sugar and then ovaltine to fill the cup. Peter and I are alone from 8 15 a.m. till 6 30 p.m. every day, and my husband is also back in school so figure Mr. gets about two hours a day with us and the rest he is at work or doing class work. AWESOME!!!
As I get bigger I have had to change some things. We used to go up to my Mom's more but since she is not able to chase Peter and the house is not baby proofed it is exhausting to go there now. I made my official last trip there yesterday.
Use your broom. Seriously. It's great for getting all the toys out from under the couch when you are too round to reach. Peter also enjoys crayons, finger paint, and play doh.
Peter is very good about making many many trips to the bathroom with me, and I have things in there for him to play with.
I don't have much help. And for all that my husband means it when he says "rest and I will take care of it", what he really means is rest and I will do what I always do and then wonder where dinner is and also why I have no clean underwear. Soooo while I can count on him to make dinner. I can ALSO count on him to not clean up. Or not clean up right. By which I mean there will be grease all over the stove and a dirty pan in the oven and the garbage will be MASHED into the can and not taken out.
I try and be realistic about the fact that I am useless after 9 p.m. Sometimes I fall asleep by 8 30 and then feel like I have no break from Peter because I get up when he does.
I have also noticed Hair Trigger Bitch Syndrome. I found that on Rants from Mommyland. Oh yes. I have a MUCH shorter fuse this time around. Either because having a toddler who thinks riding the cat and shaking the lamp and whipping electrical cords around like war hammers and throwing food and ETC and never napping is for every day and not just sometimes, or maybe I am more hormonal this time around. Either way. I had a few weeks where I ate bags of Lindor Balls and chocolate bars and many potato chips just to keep from losing my mind.
The best way to deal with Hair Trigger Bitch syndrome is just to smash it down any way possible. A box of cookies? Better than yelling at your child. A candy bar? Better than punching your husband in the nuts. A new four pack of play-doh every week? Not a DEAL BREAKER when it keeps your child happy for an entire half hour while you sit in a chair and pray for strength.
On Monday night ( I have some crazy second wind tonight and am feeling fine at ten p.m.) we switched Peter over to a big boy bed. Not by choice. He was hurling himself out of his crib-think of those paratroopers jumping out of a plane. So, now I do not even have the illusion that he is safe while I shower, poop, or cook. It has been a pretty horrid couple of days. Peter is tired but does not want to nap and I can't MAKE him nap because he can get out of bed. I am stressed and worried thinking about the fact that this is FOREVER and I will nevereverever again know he is at least safe in his crib while I
A. Clean up the horrible whatever.
B. Am taking the world's fastest shower after throwing dinner together.
C. Move the car because it is street sweeping day and otherwise I will get a ticket but Peter understandably does not enjoy getting put in his car seat for one minute while I drive the car across the street.
D. Lay down for five minutes while he looks at books because I am tired.
I actually broke down crying tonight when Mr. got home because he was going on and on about how I was days away from my third trimester and I was just going to get MORE PREGNANT and I was going to have to deal with it and OF COURSE I am tired and OF COURSE Peter is active and so I started to ugly cry. Then I started to laugh because I remembered how you asked me how I deal with being pregnant while caring for an active toddler. The real answer is sometimes I deal fine and sometimes it is a crap storm of epic proportions. Sometimes I wonder WHAT IN THE FUCK I was thinking when I wanted another baby. Because I love Peter and he is about all I can handle most days. I feel sad when I think that our time alone together is coming to a close. We have so much fun( usually) and he is so wonderful-mostly- but even when he is naughty he is only 20 months old. Sure he is going to be naughty sometimes.
I think infertility adds another layer of awesome Mommy guilt onto being pregnant again. With the first take home baby you feel guilty if you complain. With the second one, you still feel guilty. But you also feel guilt about having to divide your time and attention. Or at least I do. I feel like neither Peter nor the baby I am carrying are getting 100%. Sometimes I am so busy with Peter I realize I ate nothing but crap all day. BAD FOR THE BABY. Sometimes I am so tired from being pregnant that Peter watches Winnie the Pooh twice and eats hotdogs for lunch and dinner. BAD FOR PETER. Sometimes I push myself to get the house semi-clean and make a healthy dinner and run errands and then I have contractions and have to lay down. BAD FOR MOMMY.
Where is the win? It's somewhere in between home cooked meals and a messy house. Somewhere near a movie for Peter while I put my feet up. I just do my best. Or the best that I have in me that day.
6 comments:
I've always heard that dishwashers are better at conserving water than most people are at handwashing. We actually started using ours more and our water bill dropped by a couple thousand gallons the other month.
I was out with my SIL and her new baby and the boys the other day. She fully admitted that her son watches quite a bit of TV these day since she has to take care of the baby too.
We went out to eat and she totally forgot that eating out with a baby is not so easy until we got to the restaurant. I ate quickly so that I could take the baby from her and feed it. That situation reminded me of one of the pros of breastfeeding... when you breastfeed you still have a free hand (to feed yourself, or hold onto your toddler).
I don't think the pregnancy would scare me so much as when the baby is actually there. Please, please tell me that you are getting help lined up for after the baby comes.
I don't know what your home is like, but if you think it could help any, I'd strongly recommend decluttering and toy reduction. This helped Michael a lot and I was watching a video on msnbc today talking about how research has shown that decluttering and giving kids the space to create really helps with behavior (not that Peter has behavior problems, but if it helped you any, even just making it easier to clean, then that would be good). And besides, you'll have baby toys taking up space again soon too.
Congrats on the transition to the toddler bed. To be honest, I was kinda surprised that you were still using his crib to put him in while you did stuff. Michael's totally free range in that respect. I just go to the bathroom with the door open (and I never attempt a shower unless DH is home or Michael is napping).
During cooking, cleaning, all that, I try to involve Michael a little if DH isn't home to help out (although sometimes this is just frustrating). Michael can follow simple directions and help pick up, or wipe up spills he makes. I let him stand on a chair while I cooking/preparing to cook. I let him try to butter bread or stir and he can watch things cook on the stove (but not touch, of course). He likes to snack on things when I'm cooking too. Like if I have to grate cheese, I do that during a normal snack time so that I can grate him off pieces to eat. And he'll eat vegetables when he sees me chopping them up that he won't eat if I put them on his plate. And you might try this one, I have been giving him pomegranate seeds for snack every-once-in-a-while lately. I will get on the floor (although you might try doing it on the table if that's too hard for you now) with Michael and a big bowl of water and pick out the seeds, tossing the rind up into the sink as I go and Michael loves to eat the seeds as I pick (and play in the water a little too). Then I give him some seeds in a little bowl and let him practice with his spoon. He like poms enough that he will use the spoon perfectly and not drop a seed. Now if I can just get that to work for applesauce. It gets snack done and entertains the kid.
Michael is pretty go about letting me get things done these days as long as I give him enough attention throughout the day he will normally reward me with a fair amount of independent play. Life is so much better than it used to be.
This must be the longest comment I've ever written because blogger is telling me it's too long.
part 2...
Another activity I have done with Michael to take a brake myself is to take an empty tub/plastic storage bin and put a little water in it and a small sponge and let him play with it. He loves playing with water and there isn't so much that he can make a huge mess. You can teach him to wipe up the messes he makes if water gets out. You can add a little bowl in there to sponge the water into. When things get to wild, time to put things up.
Oh, and I'm back on the caffeine myself these days. I'll get a peppermint mocha from McDonalds and take Michael to the PAT drop in and play or make myself some mix cappacino and hit back while Michael pushes a tractor around. I forgot how lovely caffeine was.
I've totally written a novel here. Sorry about that. But keep chugging a long. Someday things will be less crazy. It does get better. And new babies are so warm and cuddly and wonderful to hold.
i TRY to remember to put a nighttime diaper on louise when we go out to run errands, but i almost always forget and she almost always pees through her diaper and soaks her pants, i am such a bad mama!! sorry you had such a hard day, you'll get through it, thinks will be ok, it might be hard but i know you can do it.
Thank you so much for writing this! I appreciate your honesty and tips on handling things. So far i have been able to avoid taking Birdie to appointments, but I feel better about the inevitable times I will have to take her.
I am so sorry about the no napping lately. I live for naptime! If she stops napping I think I will lose my sanity. Good luck with the toddler bed. I am scared for that transition too. This sounds kind of mean, but what about a baby gate to his room to keep him somewhat contained? If i dont get up before she wakes up, i dont get a shower. I hope that she becomes more able to play independently.
I love Amandas ideas. I feel bad like I am not doing enough with Birdie! I hardly even try to cook much when alone with her. I will have to come up with some easy simple dinners to rotate. And lower my already low standards.
Maybe I will start drinking coffee! I have been hitting our stash of leftover hallween candy.
If I put Peter on a chair he would either fall off or use it to climb onto the stove. He has zero fear. We already thinned out his toys to get ready for christmas, but we wil give them a second pass today. Our house is a row home, there is no way to cook with Peter in the kitchen and have it be safe.
It's not like Michael hasn't tried to climb on to the counter, or grab something that he shouldn't, he's just gotten in trouble enough that he doesn't try anymore. These things take time. I'm not exactly sure what a row home kitchen looks like, but I know what it's like to have a small kitchen. The floor space in my kitchen is 6'10" x 9'. I'll try to take a pic for you. It's small, but it works.
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