Here it is, good old 5 a.m. and I am up staring blearily at my coffee while Peter finally sleeps. Two nights ago he slept really well and we were cautiously thrilled or tentatively happy. But last night he was back to Screamfest 2010. Mister thinks it was because Peter and I fell asleep twice while nursing and he did not get Mylicon.
It is just insane. And I could not get a nap because he hardly slept during the day yesterday and when he did it was an hour at a time. It takes me an hour just to fall asleep, so no nap. I am telling you, as happy and thrilled and delighted and in love with my baby as I am there is still no getting around the fact that I am O-L-D and averaging four hours of sleep in a twenty four hour period for three weeks is brutal.
At the pediatricians yesterday, Peter was weighed and is at eight pounds 12 ounces so at least we know breastfeeding is a success. The doctor said she was very happy about that. She said he either has colic or reflux or both. We are elevating him this week and if that does not work than we will try some prilosec or whatever for two weeks. If that does not work she said the default is colic since he appears healthy in every way.
She said crying would not kill him, and there is nothing wrong with walking away from him for five minutes when we need a break. I can't. I just can't leave him to cry alone. It's not like he is two and throwing a tantrum. She did also say that if I am eating a fairly normal diet then it's nothing I'm eating that is bothering him.
We told her than he has been wailing like this since he was two days old and that we had read colic did not start till three weeks. She said that is true but that he is exhibiting textbook colic. I don't know. When we took him for a walk today ( his first walk outside!) we hoped it would put him to sleep. Nope. He screamed and screamed and Mister pointed out that if he did have reflux the angle Peter was laying at was just right to back everything up his throat.
The vibrating bouncy seat is helping for about twenty minutes at a clip. We did ask the doctor if a swing would help and she said not to bother. I am back and forth on the damn swing ( haha back and forth on the swing). I also REALLY don't want another enormous piece of baby stuff in the house.
This is really making me wonder if we could even handle another baby. God help us, what if we had twins? There is no WAY we could have handled twins with colic. The very idea gives me a cold chill. I know it is bizarre to think about another baby so soon but as we all know , if we want one Mister and I will have to decide soon so I can get on a plan at the RE's and they can start getting me in shape for another pregnancy.
I believe Elizabeth ( my favorite nurse and the one that knocked me up) told me that the ob would release me to the RE. And my six week check up is in just over two weeks. So even though we could not have an IUI for another year there would still be dieting and stuff to get ready and I could be back at the RE's as early as June. I wish I was not 35. Then it wouldn't be an issue. But I am 35, and it is an issue.
So we have to think about it. The way I see it there are a couple hurdles. Oddly enough, I don't think money will be one since we already know what is wrong with us and have had our assload of testing already. And unless something crazy happens, by next year we will be really comfortable so we would have quite a bit of money to throw at my uterus. I suppose they might do another semen analysis on Mister and I will have Wand of Doom time and blood work, but a lot of the stuff should not have to be repeated and if so would not be for months and months. And even if what worked last time did not work this time, at the extreme we still have two IVF's we could use. But what would another pregnancy do to me? And what if we DID have multiples next? How would we handle a toddler if I am on bed rest? What if we had a toddler and ANOTHER COLICKY BABY? Is there enough ginchocolatepotatochipscoffee in the world?
I don't think I am jumping the gun considering this stuff now. It's not like I am getting older and more fertile. We will have to start getting ready almost immediately if we decide to go forward with another baby. I would love for Peter to have a sibling, as crazy as my sister can make me I would not trade her for anything. I have put my dream of three children to bed. While I could maybe handle a second go round we have both agreed I will be too old for a third for us to be comfortable with it. I know it is the hormones but when I think about it, I see the specter of the third child that will never be. I always wanted that element of insanity that you get when you add a third child to the mix.
On the plus side, I am now 14 pounds BELOW my pre-pregnancy weight. And that is with us making really terrible menu choices because we are both too tired to cook or go shopping. Hello, we had brownies and Easter candy for breakfast yesterday. Mister did get to the store last night, so we have some better choices in the house.
Well, my tiny dictator is awake. And .03 seconds from screaming.
7 comments:
Thank you so much for posting this! This is such a true example of motherhood that people often don't get to see! I hope Peter starts feeling better soon and sleeping more and crying less. And I know that it sounds daunting to handle two babies now, but at least you'd only have to go through "baby-stage" once really and then they might be close in age. My brother and I are 15 months apart and we are super close because of it. Good luck!
When M was 3 weeks old, I would have called anyone that had more than 1 child on purpose crazy. My God, that first month was rough. M never had colic, but he ate ALL the time and I was having all of those BFing problems and he never slept... I know was 4 hours a day feels like and it ain't good. Worst, I was so angry at my husband for all the sleep he was getting. Yeah, a month ago I couldn't contemplate another kid, but now, things are better and he's so much more fun that I get it. Hopefully Peter will settle and you'll get into something more manageable soon.
However, I have decided that if we have to go back for treatments, I will not put myself at risk of twins. It will be a no go on IUIs if there is more than 1 good looking follicle and IVF is probably off the table for us for good now. I cannot imagine how hard twins would be. DH's aunt had twins when her first was about a year old... she says she can't remember the first year of their lives.
And I know it's hard, but there were two times with M that I did have to let him cry. After 7 or 8 hours of nursing straight, I would just have to put him down. The first time I was watching the monitor in my room and fell asleep and when I woke up (after not very long) I saw he was sleeping. The second time I he did stop after a few minutes and slept too. Do I feel bad for doing it? Yes. Was it the right thing to do? Yes, given the circumstances, absolutely. IF you really need to do it, you'll know when to and you won't be a bad mom. You have to take care of yourself every once in a while too.
Now, we don't have the GI problems, but we never used our swing too much. We probably didn't use it at all for the first week and then only used it once a day... it did seem like he slept longer using the cradle motion, and we probably haven't used it in a month now. It just wasn't all that for us.
wow, i can't beleive your pediatrician would even suggest a swing wouldn't help, i know a lot of moms who would disagree with that, in fact, i don't think i know a single person who would say their swings were of no help to them. i would not have slept for the first six weeks if we didn't have a swing. i know your worried about the cats but louise's feet do not hang out the edge of her swing, also, you don't have to put peter in the swing every time he sleeps, just once in a while so YOU can get some rest, he won't get dependent on it. if you get one you will kick yourself for not getting one sooner, i swear. and you can get one of the travel sized ones, they're cheaper and they take up a lot less space, here's an example of one...
http://www.target.com/Bright-Starts-InGenuity-Portable-Sustained/dp/B0032B500O/ref=br_1_2?ie=UTF8&frombrowse=1&searchView=grid5&searchNodeID=1041926&node=1041926&sr=1-2&searchRank=reviewrank&searchPage=1&searchSize=90&id=Bright%20Starts%20InGenuity%20Portable%20Sustained&qid=
wow, that is a long link!! i recommend this brand because they have some sort of magnet system in them that make the batteries last about five times as long, before we got the bright start swing we had a graco swing and we had to change the batteries in it once a week, it sucked. either that or get one that has the option of plugging it in to the wall.
i would also recommend just trying the zantac now, louise cried all the time until we started giving it to her and like i said before, our doctor said the same thing about her maybe having a combination of colic and reflux. it started to work right away but it did take a few days for us to see the maximum benefit, meaning she started crying less right away but it took a few days for her to be 100% back to normal. don't torture yourself with no sleep and a crying baby anymore, get the zantac!!!
Ok, we will check them out this weekend.
I just found your blog through a comment you made at MoneySavingMom, but if I may be a bold stranger....
My second daughter, who is now 18months had horrible "colick". I refused to accept that it was simply her need to cry. There is usually something that triggers that need to cry. I encourage you to explore the causes, especially reflux, and seek alternative therapies if necessary.
No one wants to (or for that matter can numb themselves to ) their child's inconsolable screams.
This will get better, but take charge and don't let doctor's dismiss it.
p.s. the thought of having another baby makes me want to curl up in a ball and rock back and fourth, but we had to start thinking about it right away too. if'ers just don't get a break! my husband would like three or four kids but i think itv will be more like two or three... probably two. i'll be 34 next month and it took me almost two years to get pregnant wit louise, so if we want anymore i don't think we've got the luxury of waiting until i feel "ready." it's so unfair isn' it??
I realize that some babies don't like the swing, but boy, I don't think we would have survived without it. I think it's definitely worth a shot since you are having sleep issues. I know it's a pain having yet another large baby item in the house, but it really was a sanity saver for us.
We actually bought a SECOND cradle swing to keep upstairs. Yes, we spent almost $300 on swings, but hell, when you are at that point of not getting any sleep (and it sounds like you are), you become willing to pay whatever it takes to get a little rest. Yes, you don't end up using it for that long, but if it helps, it will be so worth the money. We got the fisher price lambie swing, which is so soft and cozy, but takes batteries. Then we bought the fp starlight swing, which is a plug in swing, so no going through costly batteries there. It took me a while to be comfortable letting her sleep all night in the swing, but I did. I slept in the nursery and we made sure to strap her in.
Dr. Karp (Happiest Baby on the Block guy) says that it's ok to let babies sleep in the swing if they are really fussy, and that they will grow out of needing it so much around 4 months. At 3.5 months now, Birdie doesn't need the swing to sleep at night anymore. She still takes naps during the day in it. Today she napped for a glorious 3 hours straight. I think it helps so much because she has reflux and it lets her get so much more comfortable.
Birdie is now on zantac and I think it has helped a lot. She has less spitting up, less arching her back and screaming, and is sleeping better.
We have tried a crib wedge but she just ends up squirming off it and rolling down to the bottom and usually mashing her head against the crib rails.
I know what you mean about a second. I really want Birdie to have a sibling. S does not even want to have a second baby at this point, because this has been so hard. I worry that this will be a huge fight. It's not like we will get pregnant on our own, and I'm 35 too so I'm feeling the clock ticking louder and louder.
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